The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Ribbons, Pepe, Dump and Dash

Posted by thedarwinexception on August 21, 2009

So, I went and picked up all my stuff from the fair. Ended up with 18 ribbons – most of them blue – and a nice little tidy sum in prize money. The one thing that surprised me the most was that the crocheted ABC afghan won first place for “Crocheted Afghans”. Now, granted, the afghan is cute and it’s a fun pattern – but really, I haven’t crocheted in YEARS. No, really, YEARS, so it was really, really surprising to me that this thing won anything, let alone first place in the Afghan category. 

Val was kind enough to take a picture of it for me, since I refused to pay their extortion admission fee to get into the fair. 

Very cool, right? especially considering I don’t even know how to crochet very well. 

The mittens won first place, as did the daisy hat and the alligator scarf and the green lace scarf. The girl’s sweater won second, and most everything else won, as well. The sewed outfits, the orange set, the adult hat….everything got first or second. 

And now I’m up to my armpits in ribbons. Which is nice, but I would like Paul to make me some kind of frame or something so I can hang them in the sewing room – that would be nice, right? 

I gave the alligator scarf and the daisy hat and the ABC afghan to Val. Just because I love her kids. 

And I made a real quick set for a friend who had a new baby boy. This entire set takes one night to make (big needles, big yarn – gotta love that). 


And now to decide what to make for next year and the fair – always the hardest part. I may even try crocheting another afghan – although I don’t expect lightning to strike twice on THAT matter.

Oh – and Paul and I did go to the fair the night before it officially closed (free admission, again, but, again, the Domestic Arts building wasn’t open.) But when we were walking into the gate I saw Nathaniel Marshall – he of “American Idol” fame. His pants were REALLY tight. And he has blonde hair now. Looks good. But his pants were REALLY, REALLY tight. 

In Other News: Val had a shit and run at her house. Funny, huh? Someone went into her driveway, squatted and took a shit in between her cars. They even took off their dirty underwear and threw them in her neighbors yard. Classy.

And I guess they didn’t bring along any reading material, because they got bored and fiddled with the valve stem on her husband’s SUV for something to occupy their time and let all the air out of the tire.

You know, you have to wonder about people – you just do.

In OTHER other news, there is apparently a new sub-culture blossoming in Malone. They are an offshoot of the “Goths”, only these kids call themselves “Vamps”.  Now, I’m thinking that this is a direct result of the whole “Twilight” thing. But I’m definitely not in the target demographic of Twilight, so I don’t know for sure. But these “Vamps” have a neat initiation trick – they have to drink the blood of animals. So they’ve been killing farm animals in the area. Last week they slaughtered a poor Llama. Which is horrid. Poor llama. You can get WOOL from llama’s. You can’t go around killing wool producing species. That’s just wrong.

CHATEAUGAY, N.Y. — State police are investigating the shooting deaths of several sheep and a llama at a farm near the Canadian border in northern New York.

Kirby Selkirk, owner of Kirbside Gardens in the Franklin County town of Chateaugay, said at least three sheep were shot early Friday morning, with two killed and a third later euthanized. He said a llama — named Pepe — was also shot and killed.

Selkirk’s wife, Jo Ellen Saumer, said she’s still in shock.

“I’m extremely sad. The llama was a gift from my husband. That was a part of the deal, that if my husband could get sheep, I could get a llama because I always wanted a llama. It’s a member of our family to me that’s missing.”

Police are looking for suspects, but have not determined a motive in the shooting.

Neighbors reported hearing about five gunshots at about 3 a.m. Friday.

Selkirk said it’s possible other sheep were shot, but he won’t know until he finishes checking and counting the roughly 300 animals. The sheep and llama were shot inside a pen where they’re kept at night to protect them from coyotes.

“Many other livestock owners are absolutely horrified this happened and they’ve volunteered to contribute towards a reward,” said Saumier.

Besides the financial loss of losing the animals, Saumier said her llama was a special part of the farm. She hopes a reward will help catch those responsible and help bring justice for Pepe.

“We lost a family member,” she said.


Now, there are only rumors that the animal attacks are related to these “Vamp” kids, but there have been other farm animal attacks in the area and they were being treated as “isolated incidents” until someone got the bright idea that, you know, these killings might all be related.

So, have you ever heard of “Vamps”? Do they have “Vamps” in your area? Do they kill llamas and farm animals?

You know you are getting old when entire segments of the population spring up around you and you have no idea. I was just starting to get used to “Goths” and they come up with a new one.

And have you ever had a shit and run at your house? Because that’s a new one on me, too.

God, I’m getting old.


15 Responses to “Ribbons, Pepe, Dump and Dash”

  1. PatAZ said

    My neighborhood is very boring compared to yours. Thank goodness.

    Congratulations on all the ribbons. All your items were very deserving.

  2. Monica said

    Could you tell me where to get the directions for the ABC afghan?
    Wonderful work!

  3. Niner said

    Kim – Congrats on ALL those ribbons!!! You probably deserve them ALL!!!
    Whatever happened to your “Raffle” for the scraf?? Did that happen and I missed it???
    Nope – never heard of “Vamps” – at least not around here in No. California area – they could be in Sacramento and just haven’t made it up here to the Sierras!!! LOL!! And the shit in the driveway is a new one for me too – my god – what are people thinking??!!!
    Any word on the lady next door?? Can’t remember ‘what’ you named her… oh – Zombie Lady??

  4. Liz said

    Re: Vampires and goths…there’s a South Park episode all about it.

  5. Gail said

    18 Ribbons!!!! WOW Kim, congratulations! I thought it would work out rather well for you!

    Our fair was advertised in the paper this past week, $7 admission fee. Your “nice tidy little sum of money”, probably comes from admission fees don’t ya think? Just sayin lol

  6. Tess said

    Of course you won!!!! I knew it all along. Congratulations. If you finish the knitted afghan that would be a winner for sure. I loved the alligator scarf. You absolutely need a place to display the ribbons. If Paul can have pipes in the bedroom, surely ribbons in the sewing room is a doable.

  7. sue said

    Congratulations on the winnings! Your work is spectacular!

    Kids today are just wierd…too many video games and spare time.
    Be safe out there.

  8. Caroline said

    Congtratulations Kim! Your beautiful work deserved all of the blue ribbons, You deserve to have a great trophy case to display them in because it such an accomplishment!

    “Vamps”! What will those darn kids do next? We haven’t had any animal bloodletting yet, of course the Peta people and ELF people would have to get involved and it would get really ugly…strange things happen here in Oregon. Maybe you saw the skinny vegan women on the news that says it’s her right to run around naked, like getting the mail and shopping and stuff.

    I know I am going to sound like an old fart when I say that the most outrageous thing my generation did was a lot of drugs, but that was back when they actually DRAFTED young men into the Army to go to Viet Nam to die.

    Life seemed a lot more serious when I was young. We actually had to go to work to support ourselves! See what happens when your parents lived thru the depression, dust bowl, world war II, you didn’t get a new car or computer or designer clothes or tattos financed by Daddy, you got shown the door when you were 18, and if you were male, you either got married, went to college, got acceptable grades, or went to Canada. OR ELSE you took the Pan Am special to Saigon.

    Ah.. the good old days.

  9. emagineer said

    As we all said before….no way could you be overlooked. Congrats lady.

    Never heard of Vamps. But I’m old and the kids with black makeup all look alike. I do know there seems to be a couple of popular TV shows about Vampires. And Twilight books, which are as much of a hit as Harry Potter. They have a lot of creative others helping this look out.

    I don’t know what to say about the other topic.

    Good to hear from you.

  10. anygirl said

    Whoo…hoo! 18 ribbons…good work Kim! As for the do in the driveway and the killing of the farm animals, all I keep thinking is “What happened to self respect?” Law breaking aside, care for and to human beings are not high up on the list of priorities around there lately. I enjoy my quiet peaceful area of the country, but never tire of hearing what is the newest bit of crazy out your way. Stay safe Kim and keep on working your magic with those talented fingers of yours. 🙂

  11. Starbright said

    Congratulations on your wins!! We all knew you would. This other stuff goin’ on is kind of troubling. I hope they find the perps soon (the animal killers). Vamps I’ve never heard of. The Dump and Dash is just ewwwwwwwwww.

    Glad to hear your good news.

  12. ellen said

    Congrats on your ribbons! You are well on your way to being “that lady who always wins all the prizes”!

    No fun of that kind in my neighborhood. I guess that’s the up side of “Bougie”. You wonder what these kids are thinking…at least I HOPE the shit and run was a kid.

  13. your bro said

    you know how sometimes sometimes you could be just sitting around, say watching t.v. or something and all of a sudden you remember something funny someone said or remember a joke and you just start laughing out of no wheres? well when i read your little piece about the shit and run it didn’t really hit me til i was walking home from the library and i got the image of somebody actually doing that and i couldn’t stop laughing. I’m sure all the people who saw me or passed by probably think i’m some crazy lunatic now. thanks for the laughs though sis.

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