The Darwin Exception

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Rant # 2,681,456 – Giving Babies Names that are Adjectives

Posted by thedarwinexception on August 12, 2009

Ok – so what’s the thing about naming kids after stupid descriptive adjectives? Did we run out of stupid place names as baby names? Are there too many Brooklyn’s and Dakota’s and Ireland’s so now we have to start imposing “adjective traits” on our children – hoping that they will aspire to be “Heavenly” or “Delicious” or “Desirous?” 

OK – so I talked to my brother this morning. He has a wife that’s due to give birth in September. I haven’t talked to him in a while – at least since the last ultrasound. I asked him “So??? Is it a boy or  girl??” It’s a girl (of course – I have all nieces yet could only give birth to boys
myself. that’s another rant…)

So, my next question was “What are you going to name her?”

Now, let’s remember here that I already have ONE sibling who was ignorant enough to name her kid “Precious”. And everyone in my family KNOWS how stupid I think that name is. Babies shouldn’t be named after stupid descriptive adjectives. Really. It’s dumb. Yes, your baby might be “Splendid” or “Angelic” or “Endearing” or “Adorable” but for God’s sake, don’t NAME her that. When you give your baby daughter some goofy adjective name you might as well install a stripper pole in the playpen and get her started early.

So – what did my brother say he was naming his new baby??

Scenic.

Yes, Scenic.

Scenic Lynn, in fact.

So, after my head exploded I said to him “Scenic? Well, I guess that’s a name you couldn’t OVERLOOK.”

Or maybe she just had a womb with a view.

Good God.

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27 Responses to “Rant # 2,681,456 – Giving Babies Names that are Adjectives”

  1. Val said

    OMG wow he could have at least named her kim lol Or suggest Valerie… its still not to late!!

  2. Niner said

    hmmmm… not what I would name my child…

    Soooooo – did you win at the Fair????????

  3. Tess said

    scenic, hmmmm Certainly a different name. I worked in Public Health, my all time favorite name for a girl was chateaubrian. I swear its true.

  4. PatAZ said

    Since you suggest it … Scenic Overlook is what it should have been. I agree about crazy names.

  5. Starbright said

    Hilarious!! Could only be true.

  6. Katprint said

    And yet, not as stupid as naming your child “Prince Michael Jackson II” or “Blanket.” “Scenic Lynn” may not be great, but surely it is not as bad as that.

    • Shannon said

      Prince isn’t a bad name at all, (and I know a man named King-I think it’s great). They sound regal and noble. It’s Blanket that is a stupid name.

  7. Monica said

    When I was teaching I had a child named Malaria.

  8. Lorraine said

    Teacher friend, taking attendance the first day of High School came across a name she was hesitant to pronounce. Kept skipping over the name until she just couldn’t do it anymore–trying to think of a tactful way to ask. Finally she said can anyone help me with this one and wrote it on the board: S H I T H E A D. A male African American kid says–“Ooooh, that’s Sha Tay Ed”. I swear to you that this is a true story from my teacher friend, Cynthia in South Bend Indiana.

  9. Caroline said

    Man, Lorraine that one takes the prize as the WORST name ever! “Sha Tay Ed’ is going straight to prison, where else is there to go after your parents name you after an obscenity? See Kim, Scenic Lynn isn’t so bad.

  10. Tess said

    I believe that story…incredible names out there. There was also a mom that was from Haiti, when her daughter was born she thought the hospital named the baby because it had a tag “female” on the bassinet. She made that the little girls name pronouncing like tamale. Lots incredible stories.
    I still like the tricity one though…that was funny.

  11. Kim in So. Cal. said

    Poor baby.

  12. IndyGena said

    Hopefully, your brother will take notice of your classic comeback and reconsider… He left himself wide open for that one! I just don’t understand what people are thinking??? Courtney Cox’s is the best yet… Coco!?!?! WTF! Thank God she gave the kid her fathers last name. Can you imagine the teacher calling that name off in class… Coco Cox! I would have KILLED my parents had they done something like that to me.

  13. Lorraine said

    I was thinking about all this last night (says something about my intellectual pursuits, right?) and remembered that there was a guy in our HS named Sterling Wiener. He was called Chrome Cock. Many year later I was manager of a vet clinic and a new client came in and registered her pet. Name and address,etc. She was married to Sterling—Her name was Candy.
    Poor scenic will suffer mightily in school. Her name will be morphed to “SEEN IT!” and you know where its going from there. My two adopted kids are Dustin and Ashley–prenamed. Ash, Crash, Smash ( she is just a tad accident prone), Trashcan etc. Dustin is Dusty, Dustbin, Duster, Dumpster, and Dustley.
    So many names beg the question, how can you look at a tiny infant and think “I’ll name her Neveah—Heaven spelled backwards so she can explain it to all her frenemies for the rest of her life. Yup, Neveah Bliss is PERFECT!”

  14. Anonymous said

    There are two men in Toledo named One and Two. The parents thought they would pick their own name when they got older but they kept them. I swear to God this is a true story. One Stickney and Two Stickney.

    Your brother’s last name isn’t Drive, is it?

  15. Stacey Jackson said

    lol Kim, you are to funny…..

  16. Val said

    My mom says to call Scenic “nicki” as her nick name… at least that is a lil better

  17. Sprocket said

    At least they didn’t name her after somebody famous.

  18. Gail said

    Hopefully they will call her Lynn! Why not Kim Lynn? Or Kimlynn?

    OK Kim, time for the ‘Ribbon’ entry! 🙂 ta da!

  19. leftcoast said

    HOw about for a nickname…..
    Ceci
    how about for a spelling, ya know these modern parents dont like reg. spellings…
    CeeNick

  20. Tazzie said

    OK, Did I miss a blog somewhere? What about the fair? How many ribbons and for what? Awful name for a baby. Tell your brother that you know he can do better than that. Glad the kittens are at your house and not mine. LOL

  21. Parpar said

    As we all know, a child’s name can have a profound and long-lasting psychological effect on her, especially in terms of self-esteem. But Moon Unit Zappa seems to have done okay.Lorraine, I feel bad for your friend Cynthia’s student. (I’ve read of boys named “Lethel” or “Lethal.”) But keep in mind that legally changing one’s name isn’t too difficult—it requires money and a bit of time. People who dislike or resent the names they’ve been stuck with are always doing that.

    Remember when “Caryl,” “Caroll,” “Evelyn,” “Beverly,” and “Tracey” were all acceptable names for boys? What? You don’t? Yipes, I must be getting old!

    • Ree said

      Well Carroll O’Connor was certainly male…can you imagine Archie Bunker in drag? And I went to school with a boy named Tracy. I hadn’t heard of Evelyn or Beverly as boy names but it’s no different than “Laverne” as in my cousins middle name, after Rodney. Hell, what about all the currently non-gender specific ones? Like Kelly, Jamie, Randi/y etc?

      Hmm, you think Daddy might think twice if you point out how “scenic” the boys might find Lynn in a few years?

      Ree

      • Parpar said

        Any good baby-name handbook cautions parents against choosing names that are “ultra- unique” . . . far-out, never-been-used-before, names that wear out their novelty quickly. I cringe to think what Scenic’s classmates will do with that name. Maybe she’ll want to be called Niki.

        Before Florence Nightingale’s parents gave her that name, no one had ever named a daughter “Florence.” There is something to be said for innovation. (Florence’s older sister was named Parthenope—which didn’t prove as popular. Both sisters, incidentally, were named for the cities where they were born.)

        I forgot to mention “Lynn” as another of those formerly masculine names that has become feminine. A lot of popular names are not gender-specific: Dakota, Casey, Jody, anything Scottish (e.g., “McKenzie”). And adults are perpetually changing their given (and last) names, adopting nicknames, or devising their own: “Call me Stardancer, dammit!”

  22. Pam said

    oh no, I hope the boys never say they took the scenic route!

  23. Esther said

    If you lived in RI / MA you would know that lots of adjective-like names were common in the early settler days of this area. Precious, Prudence, Temperance, etc., are all quite common and respectable names. My youngest daughter (in first grade) has a classmate named “Honest”. Honest. If your head explodes when you read this comment, I hope it doesn’t make your keyboard too hard to use or your screen too hard to see.

  24. Crystal said

    My little boy goes to preschool with a Promisse, two s’s yes. I also met a Marina at the bank. I don’t think children make as big of names as adults and their own hangups. Too many Mary’s, Sarah’s, Jennifer’s out there. I went to school with Cash, Lavender. People have the right to name their kids what they want, what can you do? I was told Wesley James sounds like a cowboy or bankrobber. My cousin said he’d watch his wallet around someone with that name.

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