The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Invisible Mold Spores – and More Knitting

Posted by thedarwinexception on June 17, 2009

So – let me tell you about ANOTHER thing that pisses me off – because surely you don’t hear enough about what pisses me off, right?

Paul. Paul pisses me off. 

Because he has these “things”. These little habits and peccadilloes that are enough to drive me right outside my fucking mind. 

Like the fridge. 

See, I can’t buy milk around here that lasts more than 3 or 4 days. Goes bad after that. I buy the small (quart?) sizes of milk, because I don’t really use a lot of milk, but invariably, when I go to use it 4 days after I bought it, it’s spoiled. Something about the milk round here.

BUT – if PAUL sees the spoiled milk in the fridge before I do, oh fuck. He takes everything in the fridge, EVERYTHING – and throws it out. EVERYTHING. Eggs, jars of mayo, relish, tin cans of maple syrup, salad dressing, plastic bowls of butter – everything – and throws it out.

WHY???? Because now everything in the fridge is contaminated. Contaminated by the spoiled milk spores.

It’s fucking aggravating to have to replace shit like maple syrup and relish every month because the last shit got contaminated by the invisible spoiled milk spores.


I’ve just stopped buying milk – I don’t even bother anymore. Milk is too fucking expensive for me.

Is that enough to drive anyone mad?

And no, I still don’t have a bedroom. Paul actually got the bed set up – but now he’s “thinking about” the headboard. He took the headboard that came with the bed and made that a footboard, and now he’s “thinking about” the headboard he’s going to make. Someday. 

But we do still have water pipes strewn all over the ceiling and walls. And attached to the ceilings and walls. And mounted to the ceilings and walls. 

What the hell ever. 

I promise to get a picture of the water pipes in all their goofy fucking glory. As soon as the masterpiece is complete. 

In the meantime, when I’m not out buying more maple syrup and relish or dodging water pipes in the bedroom, I continue to kit. 

For the last 5 years or so I’ve been a member of e-rewards. They have you fill out surveys and you get “e-bucks”. Which are good for things like subscriptions to magazines and discounts at and shit like that that you’ll never actually use. Then they started offering “Border Bucks” on your “Border Reward card.” Free books? Now this I could use. But we don’t have a Borders around here – so I couldn’t get the Border Rewards membership card you needed to have to have your e-reward Bucks transferred to your Borders Rewards account. So my good, dear friend V sent me the card she went and picked up for me at Borders. Love V!!!

So, once I had the Borders Reward card in my hot little hands, I transferred my e-rewards bucks to my new Border rewards account – and I got $100 worth of free books! Woo Hoo! So, I ordered a bunch of new knitting books.

They finally came last Friday – and my favorite of all of them was “Itty Bitty Hats”. ****SOOOOOO***** cute!!!!

I immediately cast on the “Upside Down Daisy” hat. And how fast was *this* to make???” I got the book on Friday, cast it on Friday night and was done the thing Saturday morning:


I think Val’s little girl is going to have to have one of these this winter. 

And yes, I finished another square for the afghan. That’s 4 done. Ugh. I need to get my ass in gear on this, right? And I also am making a pair of mittens for the fair – that’s’ another category down – along with :”baby hats”, because that Daisy hat is going to have to go in the fair, too. Right? Is it cute enough to go in the fair?


6 Responses to “Invisible Mold Spores – and More Knitting”

  1. Tess said

    Sorry to hear about your bedroom…very frustrating I’m sure. I think the hat is definitely cute enough for the fair. Don’t see them very often..but then again I live in south florida.
    I am really interested to see the latest afghan blocks. I know that is going to be a knock-out when its done.
    Paul has issues with the fridge. Spores do not penetrate the mayo jar, but I’m sure you have had this conversation. Maybe you need some “bogus” mayo and maple syrup jars. Just switch them out when the milk spoils and let him have the pleasure of throwing out the “stand-ins”…keep the real stuff in a cooler.
    I’m guessing Paul didn’t get to the tree yet.
    Anyway, I’m glad you are feeling well enough to post and bitch…good sign.

  2. Mary Beth said


    Have you considered just keeping canned or dry milk? I know I used to when I had little ones around. Now, I buy ultra-pasteurized Half & Half…then just water it down some. It lasts for a month or more. Really, bad spores infecting Mayo & Maple Syrup? Too funny! If it makes you feel any better there could be a huge green monster growing in our frig and my husband would look right past it & go for whatever he’s in there for. Which is probably some kind of pickled meat??? It’s sickening..I tell you. There is just no explanation for what Men do or don’t do.

    Love the hat and both of the previous sweaters you knitted. Good to have you back. I missed you & your “Oh Sweet Wit” 🙂

    Mary Beth

  3. Caroline said

    Hi Kim,

    Good to hear you’re doing much better. I love the sweaters and especially the HAT!! The lucky little elf or elfette who gets it will look so darling.
    I have nothing to say about the car accident….you have said it all..

    I have been doing the e-rewards thing for a couple of years, I have gotten a couple of magazine subscriptions and – best yet- $25 gift cards for Macys, AND you can use them for online purchases, or send them to your niece (like I do) for birthday gifts inside of cards. She lives in California where there are 2 Macy’s stores within 10 miles of her home. She just graduated from high school so there are ALWAYS lots of things she “needs”!

    I personally LOVE summer. I am out in the garden as soon as the birds start up, my doggie loves it also so she is usually there to let me know it’s dawn if the birds are not out. I have already got tomatoes, squash and lots of basil. Yeah! I have some solar fountains and I also have a family of hummingbirds that has adopted my yard as their own, so it is a lively place. Since almost all of my neighbors are retired and also gardeners, they are outside most of the time also so it makes for a fun and interesting day. I don’t know if it is the economy or what, but all over my town folks are tearing up their yards and planting vegetable gardens! Maybe it’s a citizens revolt against the high cost of food? Whatever it is, It’s great. Happy summer to all!

  4. emagineer said

    Wow Kim! You must be feeling better and love two days of coffee wake-up with you.

    There are boxes of milk which can be kept on your cupboard shelf. Walmart sells them. Just enough for a cup, but is as great as milk in the refrigerator. If you want it cold, place one in the fridge.

    No ZL or we would have heard.

    Hang in there with your health. Won’t bug you on this one though.

    Sandy in Colorado

  5. anygirl said

    Oh my gosh, your Paul is really out there in his thinking sometimes. As I have said before, thank the stars you have a wonderful sense of humor. 🙂 I love the two sweaters from the other post and this little hat makes me smile. Yes, it is a good entry for the fair. My milk was always going bad too for a while there and I realized that my 23 year old refrigerator was just not cutting it any longer. A new one seemed to do the trick. Never, never have spoiled milk any longer. Stay well, we love seeing you posting with your very unique flair and fire. LOL

  6. Charlie Pearce said

    After he throws all the contaminated food out, does he clean the fridge thoroughly? Because, you know, those spores are just going to be sitting there in wait…

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