The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Archive for June, 2009

An Open Letter

Posted by thedarwinexception on June 18, 2009

Dear People Across the Street:

  1. Just how loud do you need the music in the car when you are driving around? HINT: If I can hear you coming when you turn the corner to come down the street, it’s too loud. And yes, I know I sound like my mother, and I know that she used to tell me “Turn that crap down!!” and I hated it, but guess what? She was right – disco music sucked. And you know what? So does that rap crap you listen to.
  2. When you get drunk on Friday and Saturday nights and call a cab to take you to the bar once you are liquored up enough, please keep in mind this simple fact: When you call a cab – they generally actually come to your house. There’s absolutely no reason for the cab to have to sit outside your front door honking the horn for 20 damned minutes at 11 o’cock at night. It shouldn’t be like this huge god damned surprise to you that they are there. You called them – keep an eye out for them.
  3. I realize you don’t have a driveway. But your lack of one should have been clear to you when you rented the place. That does not mean that MY driveway is available for you to use as “overflow” when you are having company. No, they can’t park in my driveway. And yes, I AM going to ask you to move your car. This should not elicit eye rolling and impatient remarks of “Geez, just a minute – damn – what a bitch” when I pound on your door and ask you to move. I may be a bitch, but I’m a bitch with a driveway. And a telephone – and don’t think I won’t call the tow truck.
  4. When you bring strange men home from the bar on the weekends – please ask them not to piss in the front yard. Because that’s just nasty. And nobody wants to see that.

Thank You. BTW – I realize you are on a short term lease. Don’t think I’m not counting the days until October 1st. I think the entire street will have a party when you leave. And HAHAHA! I WILL liet them park in my driveway. Even the ones that piss in the front yard.

Your Across the Street Neighbors


Posted in Malone, Neighbors, rants | 12 Comments »