The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I’m Back – Bitching and everything….

Posted by thedarwinexception on April 18, 2009


So?? Did you miss me?? Oh no you didn’t, stop lying. 

Yeah, my health hasn’t been the greatest, had a few “issues’ that needed to be taken care of and lots of other boring ass “I’m Siiiiiiiiiick” whining that I could do, but prefer not to indulge in. I’m slightly better, still weak and feeling “poorly”, but that’s enough about that. 

So – You know that Spector was convicted. Good enough on him, it came a little late, but as long as Rachelle cried, that’s the most important thing. I sure hope Spector made provisions for whatever dollars he has left, because you know she ain’t going to be sending money to his commissary account, right? And you know the market really isn’t the best for selling off castles, so I’ll bet you could pick that one up cheap. I don’t know, I’m over Spector at this point, really. (Aren’t we all?) I’m much more interested in Casey Anthony at the moment. I LOVED the depositions of her parents for the civil case by Zanny the Nanny. I *SOOOOO* want to be healthy enough to go to Florida and watch this trial. I may even bring my mother with me to Orlando and have her chat up Cindy Anthony about Bingo or something and maybe get to talk to her. I am *not* above pimping out my mother for a shot at talking to that lunatic. How awesome would THAT be?? “So, Cindy, just how delusional *are* you, hun?” 

In other news, lack of health makes for a terrific knitting environment. I completed another square (woohoo), I have the ABC Blanket nearly complete – and I made a hat. 

Here is the ABC Blanket – nearly complete. I hate crocheting, by the way. It makes me hands hurt – but of course that could be because I am using some ancient crochet hooks from the 1920’s or something I’m betting those click new bamboo numbers with the fat handles are *much* more conducive to comfort, but I don’t crochet often enough to invest in anything so fancy.

And, as March’s project, I made a hat. Just a basic earflap hat with pompom’s, nothing fancy. 


But now we have, the scarf for January, the Ripple Afghan for February, the hat for March and the ABC Blanket for April all as fair projects, with the cable afghan being the “big thing”. And, like I said, I *did* complete another square for that – it will get it’s own page probably tomorrow. 

OH – and I found the “3 piece layette” set I am going to make to defend the title for the third year in a row. It’s BEAUTIFUL. Here is a picture of the pattern – and TELL me this isn’t gorgeous!

Ok – so is that the most wonderful thing you’ve ever seen, or what??? The pattern is from a site called “BabyDoll Handknit Designs” – Click the link and go see all her patterns, and if you knit, buy them all. If you don’t knit, buy them all and have them sent to ME!!!! I could knit her patterns exclusively for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. Incredibly gorgeous – and don’t tell her this, but she sells them WAY too cheap. I plan on buying one a week until I have them all. Her work is fabulous. 

Oh – and more importantly – do you think this will win me the third straight “Most Beautiful Baby Layette” prize at the fair? 

So, anyway, in OTHER news, I had a bizarre (no, REALLY bizarre) experience with Verizon. 

So, a couple weeks ago,  I’m be-bopping along on the internet, when suddenly I can’t connect. Coincidentally, Paul’s bitch had called me just the day before asking if I had a hard time connecting, because HE couldn’t connect. So, thinking “Well, I guess it caught up with me….” I decided to call Verizon and find out if there was some technical issue.

Oh – but I can’t do that, since switching 3 months ago to Skype phone. Which, of course, requires internet access.

Damn! First drawback of internet phone, right? Although since Skype is only costing me $8.95 for three months of service, you know, whatever….

So, I go next door and call Verizon. “Hey! What’s up? Technical issues?” “Nope, not in your area – here, let me help you….unplug the router…”
“Dude, I’m next door – no can do. But thanks, as long as I know it’s something on my end, I’ll figure it out…”

Two hours of fucking around with shit later, still can’t connect.

Go back next door and call the tech department – after writing down my modem model number and MAC ID. Because you know they are going to want that.

Talk to the tech support guy – who’s as thick as a fucking brick and speaks English with a heavy accent to boot.

He finally gives up, and gets a dispatcher on the line to schedule when a technician can come out.

So, as I’m talking to HER, she tries to get into my records and finds out that HEY!! You don’t exist!! They have absolutely no record of me EVER
having internet service through Verizon. NONE.

So now I’m like fucking baffled. How can this be?? I have email through them, I have their fucking MODEM, that they GAVE ME, I PAY for internet service – it’s right on my BILL. Nope, sorry, you don’t have internet service with us “But we can set you up an account…” And now I’m like thisfuckingclose to losing it. Absolutely losing it.

I tell the dispatcher “Look, dude, I don’t NEED to set up an account, as of this MORNING, I HAD an account, I’m PAID until the 22nd of April, I paid last month, and the month before THAT, and the month before THAT….I HAVE YOUR FUCKING MODEM – Here’s the MAC ID number. I don’t NEED to set up an account.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, you don’t have internet service with us.”

“Well, NO, I don’t NOW, it’s down and I can’t connect, but I had an account THIS MORNING YOU FUCKING MORON.”

So, before I have a fucking meltdown right there in the middle of my neighbor’s kitchen, I ask to speak to customer service, you know, just so I
can find out if I can get my fucking money back that I’ve paid them for the last TWO FUCKING YEARS.

So, I get to a guy in customer service, who actually does speak English, and he looks through my records. And VIOLA! He sees that yes, I have been paying for internet service, but, no, he doesn’t have any record that they’ve been providing it.


His solution is that he can send a technician out so that someone can set up that service for me. And now I’m so frustrated and so pissed that I’m just
beside myself. I try to explain to him that NO, I don’t need anyone to come out and set up my house with wiring for high speed internet, and NO, I don’t need anyone to come and bring me a modem and install the software because I ALREADY HAVE THAT. I try to explain that until that very morning, everything was fine!!

But, you know, since his computer says that I’ve never had internet service, he needs to send a technician to set it up.

And now I say to the guy “OK, I’m on some fucking hidden camera show right now, right? Am I being like fucking punk’d or something? Listen, you idiot. All I need is someone to turn on the modem I have – the one that you already installed, the one that has been providing me internet for TWO FUCKING YEARS.”

Nope, no can do. Have to set you up an account.

So, I go through the motions. My name, my address, my operating system, answering stupid fucking questions like “Do you want unlimited service or metered service?” Only losing it again when I can’t get my email address – because, of course, darwinexception at verizon is already taken, so sorry, too bad.

Oh my fucking God.

Oh – and the kicker? They can’t come out until the 17th. A week and a day.

To do what, I have no idea.

So, the guy puts me on hold to try and “expedite” the order.

And while I’m on hold, some other chick picks up the phone – I guess she’s the “expediter”, and she tells me, no, she can’t expedite the service call because I’m not an existing customer, this is a new order. Only “trouble calls for existing customers” can be expedited.

So now I’m like so frustrated and mad I could spit, and I just get off the phone with her as quickly as possible.

I go home and resign myself to the fact that I shall have no internet for a week.

The next day, I remember that I still have the little problem about “Where the hell did my money go for the last two years??” And I decide to call
billing – get them where they live. Demand my money back under threat of a small claims suit or something.

So, I go next door and call billing. I explain to them that I thought I was a customer and was sending them money, but apparently I wasn’t and I’d like my money back. The billing lady pulls up my account, sees that yes, I’ve been paying for internet and that, sure as shit, they have no record of ever providing it, they have no record of my modem ever being installed and that yes, they did some kind of system check and when my modem came back as having no associated account, they shut it off.

So, I say “Well, when do I get my refund check?” She gets a supervisor on the phone, who explains to me that no, since I GOT service, they can’t refund my money, but they CAN turn my modem back on if I give them the MAC ID #. No technician needed.

Now, I’m debating.

Should I say “Dude, I never had internet, right? I mean, that’s what YOU are saying. So, I’d really just like my money back. I only NOW noticed that you were billing me for something I never actually had.” I mean, THEY are the ones saying they never provided the service. Why don’t I just play along and maybe get a refund??

Then, I decide that no, I’ll be honest and just resolve the problem at hand. Besides, I really want my email address. So, I give them the MAC #. they do some wizardry, and she says my account is now activated again. Since I’m not home right then, I can’t verify that, but also, I ask about my email
addresses, and she puts a “senior support member” on the phone and after about an HOUR he’s able to “move” my account (the one I never had), to a “new” account, and I’m able to keep my email addresses the same.

Un Fucking Real.

Oh – and they did give me three months free internet service and three months free of something called “Starz Play” for my aggravation.

The least they could do, right?

Then, on Wednesday of this week, I got a delivery in the mail from Verizon. It was my “High Speed Internet Installation Kit’.

Included was a modem, a bunch of cables, and some software, which carried a sticker with the following warning:

“Your Service Ready Date is the date when Verizon will activate your High Speed Internet service. This date has now been scheduled for 4/17/09. Please remember to wait for your Service Ready Date before installing the Verizon Online High Speed Internet Service.”

The technician guy came by yesterday – all ready to wire up my house so that I, too, could receive high powered high speed internet service. It’s really kind of too bad that it was like 65 degrees here yesterday for the first time since probably last July. I opened some of the windows in the house, and Milo was running from window to window, smelling the fresh breeze coming in and whining to go to the park. I guess dogs can smell things like “It’s fucking nice out!” But I couldn’t take Milo to the park until the internet guy came, because you know how that shit works. If I wasn’t here when he came, he might flick some fucking switch and I’d have no internet again. I mean, if they can’t tell that I have a modem, no telling what kind of havoc they could wreak if I wasn’t home when they came, right?

But, the guy finally came at 1:00, and it was actually worth the price of admission, if the price wasn’t a line item on the bill described as “INSTALLATION CHARGE”. He was just as fucking clueless as the people in the customer service center. I met him at the door with the box containing the modem and installation materials they had mailed me, I gave him the box and said “OK, Glad you came, here’s the new modem, please just write down that you came, installed everything, and everything is working fine. I HAVE service, I don’t know why they sent you, I couldn’t explain to them NOT to send you, but I’m all good.”

So the guy stands there looking at me, gets out his clipboard, peruses that for a moment and says “Well, this is a move order. I need to install service.” I say “Dude, I didn’t move. They had to move the account because my old account didn’t include internet, but I didn’t physically move and I already have service – the same service I’ve had for a couple of years.”

He looks at the clipboard some more and says “This says you don’t have internet service.”

Oh for the love of God.

So, I take the guy to the side of the house to where there’s a little phone box. I say “Dude, look, see this wire? This is the wire they added a couple of years ago. This wire goes from this telephone box, up the side of the house here, and see where it goes into the house? That’s my computer room – where I have a computer that AS WE SPEAK is receiving high speed internet service provided by Verizon.” I then tell the guy – “Here, follow me…” And we go upstairs to the computer room. There I show him that yes, I am receiving High Speed internet service.

He says to me – “Well, you may think that’s DSL, but Verizon does provide dial up service until your internet service is installed – maybe that’s what
you are getting and you don’t know it.”

And I say “No, I KNOW I am not receiving dial up service, because I don’t have dial up. I would have to be using a phone line for that, right? And I don’t have a landline phone – I have VOIP service, and look – my phone is working. I don’t think VOIP phone would work with a dial up account, would it?”

So, the guy agrees with me there, goes on the computer to one of his super sekkkreit diagnostic home pages and measures my connection speed – realizes I am receiving high speed internet service provided by Verizon, pings my modem, realizes it is receiving a signal, and calls the office – who still think that I haven’t been receiving service.

He tells them the serial number and MAC number of my modem, tells them that it is now “In service”, tells me he doesn’t understand how I can be getting service when his clipboard and the office both say I wasn’t, that someone in the office must have “messed up”, and says that they should have it “all figured out now, since I said I installed it”.

Then he wants me to sign the work order – which says that he installed the service and that I would be charged appropriately for said installation. And I told him ‘fuck no, dude.” I explained that I did NOT want to be charged for an installation, since I was already installed and charged for the installation two years ago. He says that in order to begin service, they have to install the modem. I say to him “I’m sorry, are we getting confused again? Remember how we went upstairs and you saw that I was ALREADY RECEIVING SERVICE? Wouldn’t that require a paid for installation at some point in the past?”

He says that since I recently moved here, that maybe the former residents were receiving service and I was using that.

I try to explain to him again, that I didn’t “recently move here…” that I have had service here FOR TWO YEARS. That the “Move Order” was an ACCOUNT move, not a residential move.

He finally said that I could refuse to sign the work order, but that it would not go to the office as a completed order, that the dispatch office would call to re-schedule the installation and that I took the chance of NOT having service for the two weeks or so it would take to get someone back out here to install service.

I asked him if he could just put the paperwork in as “Installed but charges disputed” or something, and he said he could, but that doing that would
probably kick the work order to billing. I told him that would be fine. So, I “signed” the paperwork not with my name, but on the line where I should
have signed I wrote “Installed but installation charges not authorized”.

We’ll see where that gets me.

And he finally leaves. Just as confused as when he got here.

And Milo and I went to the park.

But how much do you wanna bet I haven’t heard the last from Verizon about this?

IN OTHER other news – no word yet from Zombie lady – but she’s supposed to be here at the end of the month!!!! Woo Hoo!!!! I’m hoping to get a new camera before then, because the one I have SUCKS and is finally dying, and I really want a GOOD camera before she gets here. Of course, I will also do another little movie with her – she can relate to us all of her adventures in the big city.

I truly CANNOT wait. I miss that nutty old lady.

And since a few people asked…..if you want to go and lurk in AFCA for a while, you can. Just go to Google groups, tyoe in “” and you should find the group. If you have a real newsreader, that would work even better, but in lieu of me telling you how to set THAT up – you can always use google groups.  I post in there off and on, more than I post here, for sure. It’s easier – there all you have to do is type a response – here you have to code HTML and format pictures and crap, so it takes longer and lately, I felt like such warmed over shit, it’s daunting to get into that.

So, what’s up with you guys?


14 Responses to “I’m Back – Bitching and everything….”

  1. Jay DeKing said

    Glad to see you back. I check your site every day (my site links to all of my favorites). We have Verizon too and, while we’ve never had a nightmare experience to equal yours, there have been “interesting experiences”.

  2. Niner said

    Hye Kim – glad to see you back posting!! And feisty as ever!!!! LOL!!

    Boy – it seems you have all kinds of problems, eh??!! Hopefully, Verizon isn’t going to bill you for an installation that DIDN’T happen! can’t wait to see Zombie Lady!! and her stories!

    Take care Kim!

  3. Mindy said

    So glad you were feeling well enought to give us an update. I am very much looking forward to the Casey Anthony trial to, and if it gets moved to my area of town “Fort Lauderdale” I will be there. I would love to see these crazy people in person. You know for living in a small town you sure do have a lot happening. Hope Zombie lady returns then you will have a lot to tell us. Well until next time take care of yourself.

  4. Sprocket said

    If you don’t win third year in a row, something is wrong with those judges. Nice to see you back, Kim.

  5. JayDee said

    Nice to see you back.

    Okay, here’s what I think is happening:

    Back in the day, DSL was an addition to regular phone service, because you need a phone line connected to your house to have DSL. So, every DSL user had a phone number, and the corporate subscriber database was never written to accomodate a DSL subscriber who wasn’t also a phone service subscriber. Probably, at some point when the first individual cancelled phone service but kept DSL, the billing folks came up with a workaround so they could keep billing, but nobody rewrote the subscriber database software to accomodate such a circumstance. So when you cancelled phone service you became a non-person to them. All the other stuff you experienced follows from your ‘non-person’ status.

    What’s amazing to me, though, is that it took them two years to figure out they were providing DSL to someone who (to them) didn’t exist, then, instead of asking themselves whether such a thing was possible, they just shut it off. Nobody apparently asked, “gee, do you think there’s anything hooked up to the other end of this wire we’re sending DSL down?” Well… actually… having had close exposure to the absolute lack of curiosity and complete inability of many corporate people to adjust to any variation in the norm, I guess I’m not THAT amazed.

    In similar phone company experiences, I’ve had my best luck by finding the local operations VP, and writing him/her a certified letter. The people at that level have usually been around long enough to know that the database is not God. I had a similar experience with GTE years ago, and ultimately got a call back from the VP that had both of us laughing for half an hour. And, by golly, they fixed the flaw I’d found, and I’d swear the guy found some way to flag my account, ’cause they were really nice to me after that.

  6. emagineer said

    Wow, Kim….am so glad to hear from you. And you know darn well you were missed. I did wonder how your health was. Always a concern since you don’t like getting into this part of life. Which is okay, but want to know you are okay.

    JayDee is right on. When you turn a land line off, they give you a different phone number. Something as simple as this doesn’t take much their end to confuse the brightest. I can never remember mine and even when I do, still can’t get into their web site. Good for you though, got some freebees.

    Yes you will win again and again and again. I still can’t fathom how you do all of this so quickly. My hands hurt just thinking about the beautiful projects you create.

    ZL is really coming back? Gotta have a great story on this one. My analytical wants to know how she paid taxes, kept all up in order to keep the house. And what a mess she is coming back to, will her mind be up to this?

    TAke care lady, you have a lot of people wanting all to be well.

  7. Mort Snerd said


    Kim is back! Zombie Lady on her way! Warm weather!



  8. Caroline said

    Wonderful to hear from you! So glad you are in recovery mode, and knitting up a storm. The layette set is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! The lucky little girl who receives it will look like a little angel. You are remarkable! If I was ever to produce any one of your projects I would be over the top. You have got the 1st prize locked!

    I hope you will be well enough to attend the Casey Anthony trial and blog about it. To tell the truth I find the entire case so stomach-turning I have not been following it. There must be a special place in hell for the Anthony family.

    I have been gardening up a storm! I planted 30 daylillies and 15 Stargazer lillies and am starting in on veggies next. You know those upside-down tomato plants? I wanted a couple to hang off of my Pergola since it gets sun all day long. I am making my own since the others are so expensive. Here’s the web address for anyone who is interested:

    Happy Spring to all!

  9. Tess said

    Hey, welcome back. I hope that you recover fully and soon.
    You had me laughing with your phone story….life truly is amazing sometimes.
    We are all wanting ZL to return. It will be good to know that she is safe and home again.
    I think the layette is breath-taking. A definite three in a row for you.
    I will try and look at the AFCA site. Thanks for the info.

  10. Welcome back, Kim!

    Regarding Chelle and the little man, I think she left a comment on my blog the week before the verdict (either that or it was Paul Huebl). I didn’t notice it until Monday, whereupon I approved it (my blog is sporadic, consisting mostly satire when I’m “inspired”). This is what “Anonymous” wrote on 4/6/09 in response to a wanted poster I had made of Phil during the FIRST trial depicting him in various disguises. I had basically reposted it to bump it to the top.

    Well aren’t you an idiot!
    Spector will not be convicted of this murder that he did not commit.
    Your wanted poster is as stupid as you are!!


    Speaking of being inspired, I just posted some images of Cindy Anthony from the deposition. One with her sneering, one with the wink that immediately preceded the sneering and one with her chewing gum with her mouth open. Rather than post a long URL here, just google “Sedonia Sunset” and it should show up.

    That’s a BEAUTIFUL layette, Kim! I can’t wait to see photos of yours!

    I cracked up over your Verizon story! I would probably have broken some teeth from gritting them so hard. Imbeciles!

  11. HT said

    Kim, I’m expecting. Iknow,I know. How does someone my age manage that.
    Well, here’s the website to see for yourself: So do you knit things for kitties?

    Glad you’re back and hope ZL returns too. That outfit is a slam dunk for 1st Place.


  12. mclayton said

    Hi Kim, good to hear from you and know you are feeling better. Looking forward to Zombie Lady’s return, friendships are like gold nuggets–worth more with time. Your a shoe in for 3 in a row at the fair. Take care, share with us when you feel like it!!! We love ya!!

  13. Tera said

    I have been making my own upside down planters too from buckets. (Tutorial I followed –

    One tip I learned from some guys experienced in this is – put alot of vermiculite or other moisture holding material at the bottom of the bucket (this will be at the top when the bucket is inverted). This is because the tomato plants ‘drinking’ roots tend to be the deepest, or shallowest when upside down – this helps keep moisture around those roots that need it most –

  14. Thisbe said

    Kim- I am SO glad you are back. Miss your eye for emotional detail and rapier wit. You have missed many callings-you could have been a jury consultant or a dog whisperer or a news analyst.
    Keep observing and keep us howling. We are going to need some honest levity in the next 8-10 weeks. No telling what this defense team is going to try to do.
    Yes, I am over Spector ! and II. He is just where he needs to be and there is some slight balance in the universe because of this. I just feel very sorry for his kids who have gotten ripped off in so many ways.
    Keep posting…keep your eye on the circus in Orlando!


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