The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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OctoMom Diagnosed By Her (Former) Publicist

Posted by thedarwinexception on March 9, 2009


So Nadya Suleman (and don’t you love the moniker “Octo-Mom”?) has lost yet another publicist. And this one didn’t blame “death threats” or “frightening emails”, no this one came right out and pronounced Octo-Mom “Nuts”. I know! I was just as surprised as you that anyone would call her “Nuts”. I haven’t talked a lot about “Octo-Mom”, preferring to reserve judgment on the woman, but, since it is now “official”, and her own publicist has pronounced her a little short of psychiatric normality, let’s go ahead and talk about her. And let’s also hope that Rihanna’s publicist is taking notes, because that woman is on the road to being fucking nuts herself. 

No, I decided I wasn’t going to pass judgment when she gave birth to eight kids, because, you know, to each his own, right? And yeah, a lot of people were screaming and yelling because “She’s going to be a burden on taxpayers!!!” But, you know, I just figured *that* would never happen, not as long as there was an opening in TLC’s line-up for another “Look how stupid these fucking people are!” program. I mean, even the Duggar’s haven’t figured out how to spit them out eight at a time yet. 

Then a lot of people got pissed off when Octo-Mom started giving interviews and it became apparent that the woman didn’t know *what* the fuck she was doing. She planned on bringing her kids home to a 2 bedroom house with her parents and her other 6 kids, under the assumption that “God will provide”. Which, OK, that kind of turned my head a little because, you know, I didn’t realize God was handing out stimulus checks. And since God hasn’t provided for *me* lately, I wondered “Fuck, am I just not praying hard enough?” Octo-Mom is going to be sorely disappointed if she thinks “God will provide”. Because even God is shaking his fucking head at her saying “Dude, if I wanted you to have eight kids at a time, I’d have given you 9 boobs.” 

Octo-Mom must have realized that if God was going to provide, he wasn’t going to do it right away, because then there were rumors that she was going to do a Porno. And a lot of people got pissed off over that. Of course, the name “Octopussy” is already taken, unfortunately, but that didn’t stop the rumors. But really, how successful would this be? I mean, who really wants to see some Angelina Jolie look alike having sex with eight men, especially when you *know* that extra flap of skin that used to be her belly has to be an image that will stay with you a long, long, time. And not in a good way. Believe me, it’s not sexy to have extra skin that can be stretched out like a circus tent. 

And no, I won’t be buying the birth tape she’s shopping around either. Mostly because I’ve *seen* Alien. Partly because I don’t want to see *anyone’s* birth tape. Thanks, really, I don’t.. I get kind of squicked out when people shove sonogram pictures in my face. 

So, if there was anyone left who wasn’t already pissed off about Octo Mom, then we get to hear a 911 call where she was wailing and moaning because she came up slightly short on one of the head counts and had a kid that was missing. And a lot of people are now questioning her ability to keep track of 14 kids, you know because that’s 8 more than the 6 she apparently had trouble keeping track of. I kind of gave her a pass on the “I lost my kid” call, because who hasn’t lost a kid for a minute? And the threats of “I’m going to kill myself!” were, I’m sure, nothing but hyperbole. I really don’t think she had a gun at her head. And yeah, the other kids probably heard her say that, but, let’s be real, the bitch had 6 kids under the age of what? Two? I’m sure they heard her say “I’m going to kill myself” more than once. If it was me, at that point my kids would have seen me stick my head in the fucking oven at least once a day. And those pills on my nightstand would have been known as “Mommy’s little escape hatch”. 

But, I guess all this,, coupled with Octo-Mom’s obvious disregard for the truth and reality, what with her contradictions in basic facts (“I’m not on Welfare – I’m on a needs based program”, and “The church is coming to help me”, when the church isn’t even aware of her, and she’s not a member there), have made her latest publicist decide to quit with the pronouncement  that “She’s nuts”.

And there are millions of people shaking their heads saying “Ya think???”


25 Responses to “OctoMom Diagnosed By Her (Former) Publicist”

  1. emagineer said

    Is this two PR people leaving? I cannot take watching her, she really believes everything coming out of her mouth is brilliant. Go back to school, get a job, everyone will help? She’s been trying for years to get pregnant? How old is she?

    Am really concerned for the children and do not believe for one second that they are her first priority. What happens with all of this is going to be very interesting.

    Couldn’t believe the support from Angels was turned down. But having this group in her home would have shown the truth about her caring skills, lack of requirements for all the children. It would be truly sad if the 8 babies were separated into other homes. At this point though it is possible and a situation which should never have happened.

    I suspect the hospital is requiring a great deal of equipment and supplies, along with conditions within the home be met. An expensive situation, not to mention normal baby supplies. She has never admitted to being on welfare, medicaid, etc. The hefty disability payment probably eliminated this, along with using the money from college grants. But not food stamps, so I don’t get it. I don’t understand how she can even get a house without money or the state support. And obviously few are celebrating with donations.

    Juliette on Lost didn’t even consider more than one baby at a time on the Island. I really want to know where this island is now…times are changing the events of what once were.

  2. Sedonia Sunset said

    Can you imagine having EIGHT toddlers hit the Terrible Twos at the SAME TIME? OMG!!! Shortly thereafter, her oldest will probably start hitting puberty. By the time the youngest of her pre-existing 6 children hits puberty, she’ll have SIX teenagers and EIGHT more will only be a year or two behind. And right about the time the octuplets hit puberty, Nadya will start to hit menopause. That place will be HORMONE HELL!

    By that time, the poor grandparents, assuming they haven’t already run away to live in a cave just to avoid having to deal with all these kids AND their nutty daughter, will probably drop dead from the stress of it all.

    This woman was and is out of her fucking MIND!

  3. Gail said

    The kook is moving into a million dollar home. Didn’t hear how she managed it. Anyone know?

    Sedonia, great thought,Ha Ha HA 8 in the Terrible Two’s! Add to that the Terrible Three’ too! She’ll be going to Hell in a Hand Basket! LOL

    Poor babies! sad

    Wondering if Kim in Canada received her baby clothes. ; )

  4. Kim in So. Cal. said

    Bravo, Kim!

    This lunatic and her story have had my attention from the get-go and every time I hear something new, it seems I have more questions than answers.

    A friend of mine’s sister had the same problem getting pregnant and underwent a successful in vitro and had a baby boy. But it cost them close to $20,000 to do it and it wasn’t covered by insurance. How in the hell did she pay for all of her procedures?

    A couple of weeks ago, I saw her Dad on Oprah and he claimed to have $100 to his name yet yesterday, it was reported that he bought her a 4 bedroom, 2500 square foot house and paid in excess of $500,000 for it. WTF?!? Could you imagine being her neighbor? I’d die…seriously, I really would.

    She’s been on disability for years yet she keeps getting pregnant. Talk about a strain on your back! Why the fuck is she eligible for disability when she’s capable of walking around with 8 babies in her belly??!!??

    I’ve already raised my kids but it seems I’m gonna have to pay for 14 more, living in California, as I do. My only hope is that someone steps up and does the right thing. Every one of those children needs to be taken away from that crazy, liar, bitch and adopted out.

    Okay, my blood pressure’s climbing to a dangerous level by now so I guess my rant is over. Thanks for addressing this, Kim! Take care.

  5. Donna said

    I have to assume that her stints on “Entertainment Tonight” are providing her with some quick cash. Go figure, “Entertainment”??

  6. Caroline said

    If the insurance company who settled her “bad back” claim has not yet started a suit against her for fraud, I am betting they will shortly. You can get away with commiting welfare fraud. You may even be able to get away with bringing 8 helpless little children into this world too damn early. You can probably even get away with cursing them forever with hideous birth defects because they were crammed into a uterus like illegal aliens in a van fleeing Tijuna. BUT, you can not mess with an insurance company! Remember “Double Indemnity”?

    Because she suffers from diareah of the mouth, and readily produced that obscene photo of her huge belly, they don’t even have to give her the dignity of a hearing. She has already cooked her own goose.

  7. Kim (Canada) said

    First off, I can’t watch that “Kook” either! She disturbs almost as much as Casey Anthony!
    And don’t get me going on there with that one –

    She does seem to think she’s smarter and more advanced than others,
    but gold ol’ Dr. Phil is helping her with everything now –

    So now she’s got a half million dollar brand new home – Four or five bedroooms and major floor space. Place looks quite huge from what I’ve seen.
    And She HAS accepted the Angel’s help. Finally!

    Sure will be interesting to see what happens over the next couple years. She only gets the Angels for one year, and then she’s on her own. Angels will only fulfill this deal under the agreement that there will be NO tv/media/TLC family shows, etc. Minute that starts, they outta there! So there – Kinda puts her in her place on that one!

    As far as my baby clothes, I have not received anything yet.
    Kim and I are trying to figure out what’s happened, because she assures me that the follow up packages were sent, after the original “banana box” fiasco. Yes, she had tried to send me the stuff in one big box, however it having bananas/advertising on it, your American postal service would not deliver the box to Canada. I looked into things here, and had they sent it, the possibility is that Canada might not have accepted the banana box either.
    So Kim broke them down into smaller packages and sent them again!

    No I did not receive those either – She has insurance on one of the boxes, but I’ve not heard back as to the status of that. As well, another package was supposed to be mailed out via one of the other (Malone) readers workplace’s to see if that would get it to me…

    NO – As of yet, I’ve not recieved anything but “junk” mail this week.

    Anyways….My little guy is coming on Thursday March 12th at 3pm. I so can’t wait to see him and hold him. His brother and sister are estatic about the arrival of their new brother…Will be a few days before mom and babe come home seeing as she is being c-sectioned. Hopefully ALL will work out fine and she’ll be home on Sunday.

    Of course, at this point Sue (My girlfriend) and I have gone and bought all kinds of different outfits and jammy’s for him. Sue found him a really cute swaddling bundle bag of sorts with legs built into it, so that will have to do for now – I had to buy all kinds of stuff at Christmas for him since I hadn’t received the stuff from Kim, and so all the other stuff (A Plush Baby Lamb that attaches to the crib and plays nature sounds, including mommy’s heartbeat, Spit towels, and bibs, etc.)was given then.

    Anyways, At this point we’ve spent a bundle on the stuff for him –
    What bothers me about all that?
    That I know that there is NO WAY in the world that it could ever match, or be as near beautiful as Kim’s creative and stunning work!
    So that saddens me – I was looking forward to the little baby sacs, and other creations she’d come up with, but we’ll see what happens…..?

    Kim, when you do have a sec drop me an email k! I wrote you back but haven’t heard how things went from there….

    Well, I send good wishes and best regards to all!

    Kim (Canada)
    aka FONZIE :`)

  8. Tess said

    I check everyday and you haven’t posted in quite awhile. Are you OK? I know that I am not alone in wondering.
    I am following the Spector trial with Sprocket. Closing arguments are underway. Let’s hope there is justice this time around.

  9. Jan said

    Your vacabulary seems rather limited since you only seem to be able to express you outrage with f bombs prehaps you are trying to impress us with you strength and dedication. It just shows however, that you are a little thin in the intellegence deptartment yourself.

    No, I am not defending her or what she has done. Just talking about you lack of skill as a communicator.


  10. Niner said

    Yea, Kim – WHERE are you???!!! Some of us are getting worried here…. just type in a comment that you ARE okay!!

    I too am fooling along at Sprocket’s site… Verdict Watch!!
    Hope to see you post SOON, Kim!!

  11. IndyGena said

    Fonzie… How’s that new baby? Ask Kim to post a picture of him, please!

  12. leftcoast said

    I hope and trust Kim is ok, I think perhaps we should tempt her on line by annoying her or doing something dumb. Thats what really gets her going. Wasnt there a Malonian that annoyed her by calling her Kimmy? Hey Kimmy ! Kimmy ! Can you come out and play?

  13. Greg Smith said


  14. Bob E. said

    Wheee, here we go again! Kim’s been posting regularly to AFCA, her regular weekly set of thoughtful questions appeared on schedule today, along with other posts. Posting to Usenet is easy and quick, setting up HTML is apparently something you need to be “up” for…I know it would be for me.


  15. B J said

    Oh, I sure miss reading your latest, Kim. Please post soon. The Spector jury is still out, I’m anticipating your commentary on the verdict. Please don’t let me down!

  16. Chelsea said

    I’m sure that “extra flap of skin” is history by now. I’m sure she has recieved enough monetary donations, meant for the kids, to have a nip/tuck….

  17. Tess said

    Kim I would like to see what the AFCA chat place is like. I am not too swift here ( and old to boot) so could you tell me how to get there?
    PS is still on verdict watch. Bizarre things in this trial too. Jury has deliberated about 13 hours and change according to Sprocket and they have had this case for quite awhile. Days off and illnesses and breaks….hope there is progress too.

  18. Atwoodlady said

    Tess, thanks for your comment to Kim.

    I, too, would like to know!!!


  19. your bro said

    i think its wrong that she did this. take care of the ones you have first. she does look like angie jolie though. thats true. needs her money though.

  20. vermontcountrygal said

    Where is Kim? I really miss reading her blog. Has she left us? What is this about her posting elsewhere? How do I find her again? KIM, WHERE ARE YOU????

  21. Kim in So. Cal. said

    Hi Kim,

    I felt kinda happy when I woke up this morning and realized that Phil Spector had just spent his first of many nights to come, in jail, right where he belongs. Woo hoo!!!

    Hugs to everyone!

  22. Chris said

    OK, Kim. You’ve been gone long enough! We’re all waiting for your take on the Spector verdict.

    It’s a need to know thing, if you know what I mean.

  23. susanp said

    I’m wondering if you are okay. I look everyday.
    Your thoughts on the Spector verdict are greatly anticipated. I think most of us are overjoyed.

  24. Caroline said

    OK Kim, we’ve waited long enough!! Please break your silence on the guilty verdict for “Spectre”. I imagine you have been busy painting the town red, but your many, many fans are clamoring for your take on this case that you brought to life for us!

  25. Mindy said

    Come on Kim, Chris and Caroline are right we have waited long enough.
    Even Rachelle Short Spector is talking. Please tell us what you think about this?

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