The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Catching Up

Posted by thedarwinexception on October 5, 2008


OK – the one good thing about the OJ trial being over is that now I have time for other stuff!! So let’s catch up on other things. 

First off, Val had her baby!! A beautiful little girl named Anna, who looks much like her big brother, and that has to be a good thing because I’ve gotta tell ya, he’s the most gorgeous little boy God ever made. 

Here’s my sweetie pie Luke. 

And here’s baby Anna. 


In other news, my birthday is a week from tomorrow!! I hope you’ve shopped already! HA! (Just kidding.) I don’t know if I want anything. I’m fairly sure Paul will get me a Joanne’s Gift Card – which is always a good thing, especially since The Great “Day After Thanksgiving” sale is coming up – and I always spend way too much money there – but the fabric I get on that day lasts me the whole year, so it’s all worth it. Oh – and I want “The Great American Aran Afghan” book – because that’s the afghan I think I’ll make for the fair next year. 

But mostly I just want to go to the Chinese Buffet. I MAY be able to arrange that, too. And I won’t even MENTION to Val that I’d love some of her damned homemade brownies, now that she has TWO kids to take care of. I think my brownie days are done. 

Of course, Paul is pissed at me so he may just tell me to go fuck myself on my birthday. And do you know why he’s pissed at me? Because I know his code. I’m sorry I know his code, but after all these years of being together, what the hell does he expect? He’s pissed off because I know what he’s saying when he’s trying to be “oh so subtle” and not say what he means. And he tries so hard to make me think that “Oh, baby, I’m putting YOUR needs first.” when he’s really not. I see though his charm and he’s pissed. 

Here’s Paul speak: 


“Babe, you only have one Diet Coke left, you may need to get to the store today.” 


Now, Paul wants me to think “Oh, what a nice guy – he’s right on top of what I need and he’s concerned about me enough to keep a running inventory of when I need Coke so I don’t run down to the fridge to discover I’m out. What a fucking sweetheart.” 

But DON’T BE FOOLED. That’s not what Paul means AT ALL. You know what Paul REALLY means?? Paul REALLY means “Kim, I need Gatorade, can you go to the store today?” That’s what Paul REALLY means. 

Paul will come to me and say “Do you need Diet Coke?” When I have 6 Diet Cokes in the fridge. And it means the same thing – “I need Gatorade.” It has NOTHING to do with Diet Coke, or me, or what I need. It’s all about what PAUL needs. 


“Babe, are you getting hungry?” 


Now, is there anyone who thinks that Paul gives a rat’s ass if I’m hungry or not? He doesn’t give a shit if I’m hungry. If I said to Paul “Yes, I’m FAMISHED why don’t you go make me something?” He’d have that same look as Sarah Palin during the Katie Couric interview. Like I just said something to him in fucking Greek. Paul does NOT want to know if I’m hungry.

What Paul REALLY means is “Kim, I’m hungry – go make me something.”

So why can’t he just come upstairs and say that to begin with?? Why can’t he just come upstairs and say “I need Gatorade?” Why does he have to couch everything in the “I’m such a nice fucking guy I think of you first.” terms?

It’s aggravating. And patronizing and it drives me fucking insane.

But, that’s Paul. 

In other news, I need a haircut again. Last winter I got it cut to my shoulders and now it’s back down to my waist. I hate my hair. Absolutely hate it. I can’t run a brush through it because it’s too damned thick, so I get this thing going in the back of my head where my hair starts turning into dreadlocks because I can’t brush the shit. And it’s heavy and nasty. I need a nice, neat, manageable haircut that doesn’t need me to fuck with it with blow dryers and curling irons or whatever else people use these days to fuck with their hair. Because that’s not going to happen. So if you know what kind of cute hairstyle I can get, let me know. I REALLY need a haircut. Shaving my head is looking like a reasonable alternative at this point. It grows so fast it would be back down to my waist in a few months, anyway. 

So is anyone watching Project Runway?? Can you believe the final four?? I swear to God, if this is the caliber of the contestants I *AM* auditioning next year. Whether I can put two colors together or not. With these 4 as the finalists, I don’t think it matters if you can put two colors together. Korto can’t. Last season was SOOOOOO much better.

Did anyone watch “America’s Got Talent”? Were you pissed Eli didn’t win? I was. But I knew the fat opera singer was going to win from day one, anyway. Because “Britain’s Got Talent” had Paul Potts last year, and America needed a fat opera singer, too. What the producer failed to notice was that Paul Potts was actually good.

So, tomorrow is a new week – one without the OJ trial to sit in front of all day! YEAH!!! I’m so happy about that. Back to sewing and knitting. I’m almost done the Devan sweater. Woo Hoo. Gotta find buttons for it – I SUCK at button finding.




13 Responses to “Catching Up”

  1. Chris said

    Kim, thanks for your updates on the Simpson case. Although I vowed not to let that monster infringe on one more moment of my life, I found myself watching it (dammit!) and reading your blog, too. I for one am anxiously awaiting his sentencing. For once, I want to see OJ NOT get away with something.
    Now for my real purpose in writing: when you mentioned the “Great American Aran Afghan” I found a couple websites about the book and the afghan. What a work of art! I even found one site (rainey sisters. or something similar) that had a picture of each individual block. What a masterpiece! As a very mediocre knitter I don’t think I’ll try it, but I really really and I mean REALLY hope you do, so we can follow your progress and see pictures of the blocks as you complete them. I will continue my never-ending quest to make a dog sweater for every dog on the planet….but I am so in awe of your work and your writing. Paul better get you any damn thing you want for your birthday!
    Canton, GA….a long way from Malone

  2. HT said

    Congratulations, Val. Cute kids.

    Happy Birthday, Kim. How old are you? Do you think you’ll say “fuck” when you’re old?

    Paul is what I would call a “smooth operator” or more directly “he comes through the back door”.

    Haven’t you just been totally enjoying Tina Fey? I’ve been in tears, swear to God.


  3. IndyGena said

    Hey Kim,

    My b-day is on the 7th… both Libra’s – COOL!

    GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY – FUCK YEAH! About damn time. That was the highlight of my morning. I’ve been smiling ever since!!!


  4. Anonymous said

    Great, you have been watching PR. And I’m with you. Never did I think the plain jane that creates checked dresses would still be on. I don’t get it either why they let the ones go which did have some talent. And I also don’t get the colors/textures all seem to use. A huge storeroom of fabrics and they come out with totally ugly groupings.

    Yup, you should apply. At least you could get to MOOD.

  5. susanp said

    Off of OJ for a bit. Do you know of anyway that we can watch Spector? It’s hard to believe TRUTV isn’t covering it.

  6. your bro said

    happy b-day sis. autumns is coming up to. i can’t believe i missed americas got talent. it got so confusing as to when it was back on with the olympics and everything. so the fat opera guy won? he deserves it. wait, wasn’t there two fat opera guys? one that tried out last year and got voted off. oh well. talk soon. love ya!

  7. Chrissycat said

    That kid is really something!
    No wonder you make him things all the time.
    (Cute lil sister, too…)

    Enjoy your B-Day!

  8. Caroline said

    Yeah for the OJ verdict! Of course he will be crowned “King of the Cellblock”..He’ll be slicing garlic with a razor blade for the big goom-bah feast like in “Goodfellas….

    I just got my haircut last week. It was way too long, past the middle of my back and I also have a lot of it. It would get in big knots and I would dread washing it and combing it out. Now I have a cute chin-length bob with blonde highlights instead of grey streaks. I highly recommend it I feel like a new much younger woman. Best of all, no more knots!

    Little Anna is just beautiful! Hr brother is no slouch either. What a lucky mom to have two healthy, gorgeous children with a couture-level “Auntie” to create adorable custom made duds! I agree about the talent level on PR this season, where did they get this group? Wasn’t that guy with the fake tanning obsession the worst? He couldn’t even sew! Someone with your skill level and talent would clean up.

  9. Cathy said

    LOL to Paulspeak. Tell him Gatorade isn’t really a very good everyday beverage. Entirely too much sodium.
    See, you are saving him by not rushing to the store to buy more “diet coke!”

    My daughter has a cute wedge-shaped cut, not as short as a pixie cut but very nice. Kind of like something Posh Spice would have. If my kid blow-dries it, fine. If not, that’s fine too. And if she chooses to use a flat iron, that’s fine too. Of course she’s 25 and all of that …

  10. Gail said

    Congratulations Val! Anna is precious and she reminds me of my oldest daughter when she was born, making a little ‘O’ with her darling little mouth! My Mom bought a necklace and wore it forever, saying it was Amy’s little ‘O’! Luke is so handsome, you guys make beautiful children. They are so lucky to have Aunty Kim too! ENJOY they grow up too fast.

    Kim, it must be nice to get your life back! That OJ coverage must have infringed upon Paul’s stuff eh?

    Kim if you have nice thick hair, a wedged shaped bob would be easy to take csre of, just blow dry and shake! 😉 They require cuts tho kinda often. Can Paul cut hair? lol

    Ohhh the Devon sweater woooo hoooo 🙂 You work is greatly appreciated!

  11. pam said

    Your sweetie pie Luke is adorable, so is Anna. I love kids.

    Did you like the shoulder cut you got last year? If you put some shine serum on your hair, it will be easy to brush. Its just silicone oil, so go easy. It smooths frizzies and keeps my fine hair from tangling when I use it.

  12. gloria19 said

    Hey, Kim. Glad to see you are alive
    and well. Miss you on KYS but I’ll
    bet you’re getting more done. We
    were thinking about you today on

    You have Paul pegged. That’s for sure

    Cute kids.

  13. AtwoodLady said

    Your long hair delimna is similar to mine and when I made my weekly trip to Walmart this morning and passed their hair salon with no one waiting, I went in and got 5″ of hair cut off shoulder length with all sides one length and walked out less then 10 minutes later and feel great!!

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