The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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The Walls of Jericho – Malone Style

Posted by thedarwinexception on August 11, 2008

So let me tell you about my day – no, really, you’ll love this.

So did I tell you about the house that Paul is demolishing? Well, there’s this house up at the end of our street that the owner is demolishing. Paul wanted the wood (the less to buy to burn this winter), so he offered to tear the house down for the guy. But, since Paul is such a packrat, he hasn’t thrown *anything* away from the house, and now our backyard is overrun with wood, cupboards, cabinets, doors, windows, etc. etc. etc. But that’s a rant for another day.

Paul is at the point in the demolition that the only thing left standing as of this morning was the front porch, and the front and back wall of the house. The rest is gone. So this morning he wanted to tear down the porch roof and take the front porch down.

So, luckily, Malone Leslie also came by this morning. As she was leaving our house, she gets to the top of our street and she calls me from her cell phone. “Ummm….Kim, I think Paul got hurt – there’s cop cars and an ambulance at the house.”

Yup – seems the porch demolition didn’t go as planned – and it collapsed on top of Paul, and he was buried under the rubble for 5 or 10 minutes – no one knows exactly how long – he was screaming for help and his buddy Junior (the one that wanted to hook up with Leslie and fanned the flames of love when he tried to fix her car), well, Junior heard Paul screaming from two streets over and ran up there and tried to get all the wood and lumber and porch wood off of Paul. Junior screamed at a passerby to call 911 and the cops came and had to dig him out the rest of the way.

When Leslie called me and I went up there, they were putting Paul in a neck brace and trying to drag him through the rubble to get him on a backboard and into the ambulance. I couldn’t stay there – I was getting so sick to my stomach – that nauseated feeling you get when someone you love is screaming in pain – and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I went back to Leslie, who was still in the car at the top of the hill on my street, and asked if she would just drive me to the ER.

I had to walk back to the house to get some shoes – when Leslie called I was so focused on just getting to Pail and seeing what had happened, I didn’t even put shoes on, I just ran up the hill. And you know, it’s funny the things you think of and worry about when you are panicked – the only thing I could think when I got to the house was “I better get Paul some Gatorade – he’s going to be so thirsty!” So I grabbed Gatorade and put some shoes on and Leslie took me to the hospital to wait for the ambulance to bring Paul.

They finally brought him in, and initially they were pretty sure he had a crushed pelvis, and at the least that he had a broken leg. They took X-rays, and found nothing broken, but he possibly has a cracked bone that won’t show on x-rays. He definitely has what they are calling Axonotmesis, which is severe nerve damage. This can take anywhere from 1 week to a year to recover from. He has tingling and numbness in his hip and leg, and he’s got a splint on his leg and crutches to gimp around on, although he’s not supposed to be on his leg at all. And something he calls “fucking awesome painkillers”. He has a follow up appointment in three days. Although he’s quite sure he’ll be back at the job tomorrow (yeah, right).

Junior came to the hospital and told Leslie and I about digging Paul out of the rubble. He said the entire porch was on top of him, and that there were four grown men there and they couldn’t lift the entire weight of the roof off of Paul, that they had to dig layer by layer to free him. He said there had to be (literally) a ton of rubble on Paul, and he was shocked that Paul is even alive, let alone home with nothing broken – a thought shared by the EMT who I talked to on the way out of the hospital – he had stopped back by just to see how Paul was doing, because he thought the whole episode was just so fucking spectacular. He said “Nothing’s broken? Holy shit – I swear to God, I thought sure that guy was going to die before we could unbury him – I thought he was a fucking goner.”

Then another guy came down here – he lives next door to the house Paul is demolishing – he introduced himself as “Hi! I’m the guy who helped dig your husband out this morning – how’s he doing?” He said that he, too, was shocked that Paul is home.

Paul is convinced now that he’s Superman. He thinks it’s awesome that he can add to his business card “Don’t fuck with me – I’ve successfully lived through a fucking house collapsing on me.” Although he did say his claustrophobia kicked in for a minute there, and he was sure he was going to die just from sheer panic. But don’t tell *him* I told you that, he’s still trying to convince everyone he’s Superman.

But how much do I love Malone Leslie? She was at the right place at the right time, and even though she took today off from work to go and run a bunch of important errands she had, she took time out to calm me down, talk to me, take me to the hospital and then stay there with me while Paul was screaming in pain in the ER and I was so nervous and scared I thought I was going to puke or pass out. What a good friend. And Junior, too, who probably saved Paul’s life getting there right away, making sure someone called 911, and digging Paul out.

So that was my day.


22 Responses to “The Walls of Jericho – Malone Style”

  1. luvgabe said

    Good grief, Kim. For a resident of the sleepy town of Malone, your life most certainly is not dull.

    I’m so relieved Paul is okay. This is a frigging miracle, and Junior is now my hero.

  2. Greg Smith said

    Bless you all. The lengths your Paul goes thru to get your attention!

  3. TourPro said

    I’m glad to hear he’s going to recover. Disaster averted for sure.

  4. Veronique said

    Holy moly. The mind boggles.

    It took my mom about a year to recover fully when a nerve was nicked during her knee replacement surgery. Given such an accident, I wouldn’t be surprised if total recovery took awhile. Thank heavens Paul is Superman! But keep him from leaping tall buildings for a while.


  5. Malone Leslie said

    I was going to give Paul hell, AGAIN, this morning for taking up your entire drive way with his Harley. Little did I know…
    I’m just so glad he’s ok. Seeing something like that really makes you think the worst. I was scared for you both. If you guys need anything, just call me on my cell-

  6. Sandy said

    As if you haven’t had enough going on in your life. A whole darn roof? Good healing to Paul, he is one lucky guy. And don’t forget you still have a few things to get taken care of health wise.

    Great pain pills? Of course he feels like Superman. Let us know how he is doing, usually the second/third day tells all. A lot of adrenaline is going on right now. We definitely don’t want this to be any worse.

    Take good care of yourself kid.

  7. HT said

    So did you ever put on your shoes?

    Did he drink the Gatorade?

    I’m thinking Superman Paul needs a clapper.


  8. Val Dalton said

    OMG Kim if its not one thing its another. Glad he’s ok though. I should get him a Superman Tshirt hahaha.

    If you need anything at all give me a shout!

  9. Lorraine said

    Well I was married to a man like Paul…they lay awake at night thinking up ways to steal your thunder. See this is really all your fault , Kim. If you hadn’t won all those blue ribbons at the fair and he hadn’t had to out-do you for attention, he never would have had to arrange for that house to collapse on him. Now he can be Super-dude on awesome meds and you just won a couple of ribbons. Oh good Lord…Did he make the news? You’ll never hear the end of it.

    Glad he isn’t too damaged Whattaguy!!


  10. Gail said

    Geez what a terrible day! Thank God for Junior and Leslie, and someone was looking over Paul! I’m so relieved to know he survived this horrible accident. That’s right about the bone sometimes taking several days to show a break, as they sometimes cannot see it till it starts to mend.

    SUPERMAN! I love it!

    Sending get well and mend quickly wishes to Paul, I mean Superman!

  11. OMFG. I am glad he is “ok” considering.

    When my brother had his accident (attemped murder) he has nerve damage and is slowly regaining feeling in his legs and hips. It’s been since Feb. so don’t get discouraged after a couple weeks if things aren’t better. My brother tried everyday to move and finally one day – a twinge happened.

    Tell Paul to be easy on those “fucking awesome painkillers” – their addictive. Unfortunately.

  12. A.D.A. said

    You should teach Paul to knit while he’s recuperating. 🙂
    Sorry that you had such a scare, and glad to hear he’s doing (miraculously) OK!

  13. AtwoodLady said

    Kim… sorry Paul got hurt in doing something worthwhile to cut heating costs for your home.

    The book, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People” comes to mind.

    I hope his injury heals well will no future disability.

  14. Beth said

    I agree with Lorraine! How funny!

    Seriously, I am glad Paul is okay, just brings to mind the old adage, “let no good deed go unpunished”. Paul needs some assistance here, where are his buds?

    Congratulations on your fine work, it is all so beautiful.

    You take care of yourself, girl.

  15. luvgabe said

    The DA in the Phil Spector case has filed a motion to admit Spector’s other past criminal acts, which is quite a list.

    Go to Sprocket’s blog:

  16. The DA in the Phil Spector case has filed a motion to admit Spector’s other past criminal acts, which is quite a list.

    Which is the same motion they filed in Spector 1 and the same acts they were prohibited from bringing into testimony at the last trial. I wish they would be more successful this time, but I doubt it. The defense can argue the same things they argued and won with the last time, right?

    Basically, last time this was an issue the defense (successfully) argued that these acts were a.)too remote in time to the night in question to be relevant and b.)too substantially different as a modus operandi to the shooting of Clarkson. The Clarkson shooting involved alcohol and a woman he was romantically interested in, which is why the 5 women *were* allowed, they were substantially similar in MO.

    Maybe Fidler will have a change of heart, but I don’t see it. Maybe if we all cross our fingers.


  17. AtwoodLady said

    Wouldn’t it make sense that after PS #1 and the prior acts with those women who FINALLY were subpoened, that any additional women would add testiment value in PS #2 if they didn’t file a police report in the ’60-70’s?

    Seems all PS’s BAD behaviour was established in PS #1……hopefully PS #2 will be totally forensics.

  18. Kim (Canaada) said

    Should I say OUCH!
    I send my sympathies and good thoughts for a full and ‘as painless as possible’ recovery!
    I suffered a serious workplace injury 5 years ago that left me with nerve impingement in the sacrum, lumbar and left SI Joint areas. Of course there was serious soft tissue damage as well, and troubles with discs soon developed thereafter. Originally the docs thought I’d broke my pelvis, but after every single possible scan and x-ray, not a broken bone was anywhere to be found. It was agony, and wouldn’t get better. Eventually after a Gadolinium Enhanced MRI they discovered all the nerve damage and impingements.
    To this day, I experience pain and discomfort and have been told that I’ve reached “maximum recovery”. I assure you that it feels far from anywhere even near “recovered”! I’ve learned the hard way in this, that it does take longer, and gets that much harder to heal the older we start to get, and that’s if it totally heals up and returns to normal at all.
    Back injuries can be a tricky, and absolute pain in the ass to the deal with –
    I send Paul (and you too, seeing as he’s home and laid up now) my good wishes!
    Tell him to go easy on the pain meds (they can increase chances of further injury if he starts “thinking/feeling” like he’s fine when he’s really not, and starts dancing around)
    And well, tell him to have a nice day at work tomorrow – LOL!

    As far as Spector is concerned – Here’s CNN’s latest:

    Nice night to all,
    Fonzie :`)

  19. your bro said

    holy shit. thank god he’s ok. i always thought paul was superman. big enough to be anyways. to bad it wasn’t caught on tape. you could sync in john cougars “the walls come tumbleing down”. lol. anyways, tell him i’m glad he’s alright and to take it easy for a bit. looks like you got company during the day for awhile.

  20. anygirl said

    Oh Kim,

    I have read this a few times now, and I still don’t have the right words to soothe you…somehow words really are not going to do the trick. Paul has his happy pills and you have ..him…trying to heal in the house and even though he might not mean to …he is in the way…you need a happy pill..hell a whole lot of happy pills…

    wish I could help, live so far away…send wishes and good thoughts…but you would rather have a husband that is healed and doing all he has done to agrivate you for these many years past…LOL

    the very best to both of you..

  21. Cathy said

    Leslie and Junior = unselfish heroes

    I sure didn’t see that collapse coming as I read this entry, Kim. I was feeling bad for you with Packrat Paul’s new “collection” in your backyard.

    Please please please make sure Paul behaves himself. And don’t let him eat too many of those “awesome pain pills.” I’ve had 3 back surgeries; back injuries can be & are life-altering. If Paul’s gotta go to physical therapy, please kick him in the butt and make him do so! And if his pain persists, keep demanding new x-rays, MRI, etc. I once had a patient who was running around for over a year with horrific back pain from an undiagnosed compression fracture of two lumbar vertebrae (diagnosis missed because of a poor-quality CAT scan!)when he fell on his butt working on a well drilling rig.

    Most importantly, don’t let this crisis harm your health, please take care of yourself! You mean too much to us!

  22. Malone Leslie said

    Okay- He really is Superman…or the pills are really good…or he’s going to be ok. Either way, the attention is back on you. He can stand and walk, therefore he does not need to be waited on anymore. Sorry- I had visions of me trying to carry him to my vehicle to take him to another hospital. I’m pretty tough, but…he is pretty big. He’ll be on his Harley within the next 24 hours, wanna bet?

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