The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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More Stuff in the Mail

Posted by thedarwinexception on June 28, 2008


Yesterday I got a bunch of packages in the mail! I love packages in the mail! Especially when they are for me! One of my dear, dear friends who reads here sent me a Medic Alert bracelet!! Wasn’t that awesome?? Now if I pass out at Price Chopper I won’t have to worry about being accidentally killed if they take me to the clown hospital.

I have to tell you, these things have come a long way, haven’t they?? The bracelets I remember were a big red flat piece of metal with a chain bracelet. Not this one! Unless, of course, this is some high class bracelet. But it’s actually very pretty and at first glance you wouldn’t even know it was a medic alert bracelet. It’s really nice. And just in case, the bracelet also came with a dog tag style necklace that *is* a flat piece of red metal. So I am doubly protected.

So, I’m happy and I love the medic alert bracelet, and I have more peace of mind that I won’t be killed accidentally – because, you know, it’s somehow more comforting to know that if someone kills you, well, they actually *meant* to kill you. It sucks to be killed “by accident”. Seems a waste.

Of course when he saw mine, Paul had to say “Hey! I want a medic alert bracelet, too!” I asked him what the fuck he needed one for and he said “I want one that says ‘Allergic to sobriety – administer alcohol’.” He’s such a fucking comedian.

The other thing I got in the mail was a pair of LASER scissors. Now really, how cool is that?? Paul’s mom sent them to me and I think they are slick as shit. They have this laser beam that comes out the bottom of the scissors so when you are cutting, you can cut in a straight line. Of course, the laser line is only as straight as you keep the scissors, but I don’t care – they are AWESOME. Oh – and it helps that they are SHARP. Because even though I have 1400 pairs of scissors in this house there’s not a single pair that would actually like fucking CUT anything – the same thing with my knives. I don’t know what it is, but I think I live in some kind of black hole that makes any pair of scissors or any knife that comes in contact with me dull as shit. And I don’t even have the kind of can opener that has the knife sharpening thing on the back. What’s up with that? Don’t can openers come with that thing anymore? My mother’s can openers always had that thing on the back. We never actually used it, but it was there. I don’t have anything to sharpen scissors or knives with – and every knife and pair of scissors I own won’t actually cut anything. Except now, of course, for the kick ass laser scissors – which will probably be dull in a week.

One of these days I’m going to bump into Lorena Bobbitt and I’m going to ask her one question – not “So, why did you cut your husband’s dick off, Lorena?” or “Were you surprised the jury nullified your actions and let you skate, Lorena?” or even “Would you do it again, Lorena?” No, I’m going to ask her “What the fuck kind of knives do you buy, Lorena, and where do I get me some?” Because there isn’t a knife in this house that would cut an apple in half, let alone cut off a body part.

On another note, I opened an Etsy Shop. If you want to buy a needle roll, go there. I’m going to put them all there until I give them away. The ones I have finished and on hand will be there and you can buy them. As I find friends and readers here who want them, I’ll take them down from the Etsy shop. So, if you see one there that you’d like email me or tell me in comments.

Now I’m working on a round one for circulars. I’m kind of adapting the pattern from a round CD case. So far it’s coming along – but I’ve been feeling so lousy I haven’t really worked on it a lot. Maybe tomorrow.

Well, off to knit – the fair is fast approaching, you know.


19 Responses to “More Stuff in the Mail”

  1. Val Dalton said

    Hey Kim dont know if you are going to get this message before tomorrow morning but im going to stop by with some of Janice’s birthday cake tomorrow around 11. My dads bday is tomorrow so we are going to go out and have lunch with them so we’re going to swing by before we go.

    I love the braclet. It looks like the one i have. Can you add links to it? Let me know I bet i could find some pretty ones for you! The one i have u can add different charms to it. And Scott bought me the lil tool to change them so i dont have to use a knife anymore lol

  2. Randee said

    I’m so glad you put those items up on Etsy! I’ve already bought one now for my knitting friend’s birthday….

  3. I’ve already bought one now for my knitting friend’s birthday….

    That was YOU!!!!

    Thanks!!! I was SO excited this morning when I saw I actually sold something!! WOO HOO!!!

    It will go out in the mail tomorrow!



  4. Oh, and Randee? You picked the prettiest one. It was my favorite, and I had half a mind to keep this one for myself. I LOVE the colors – it matches my bedroom.

    Paul likes the flame one best, of course, but I preferred this one.


  5. Randee said

    It was totally my friend’s taste, too; she’s a super-cool knitter in Baltimore and it just said “HELLO!” to me. Put more stuff up, I bet it’ll all go soon ’nuff!

  6. Gail said

    Hi there Kim, the needle holders are lovely! Wish I knew knitter, really would make a nice gift.

    How about some sweaters for little boys, that would be real cool as I have needed a gift, which is long overdue, but hey winter is coming.

    Kim, hope you are feeling better.

    What is etsy anyway? I feel out of it here, my computer was in the shop for a g e s!

    Hey HAPPY 4TH! Rent John Adams for the holiday! First read the book tho! Hurry not much time!

  7. How about some sweaters for little boys, that would be real cool as I have needed a gift, which is long overdue, but hey winter is coming.

    Well, you may be in luck with that. What size do you need?

    I’m making these sweaters called the Devan

    – I wanted to make *one*, and it’s made out of self patterning sock yarn, so I traded on Ravelry for some self patterning sock yarn, then some more, because it was a neat colorway, then some more, because it was a good deal, then some more because I had forgotten how much I ALREADY HAD.

    Now I have enough self patterning sock yarn to make every kid in Malone a Devan.

    So I am quite sure I could make you one of those. Just let me know what size you need.

    What is etsy anyway?

    Well, it’s kind of an ebay for handmade stuff. And hand dyed yarn and hand spun yarn – I go there to DROOL. Oh my God, the yarn there is so beautiful. (And so expensive). One of these days I shall be rich and famous and go on a yarn shopping spree through etsy.

    Rent John Adams for the holiday!

    I think I saw a couple of episodes of this on HBO. Is that the one? With that Paul Giamatti guy?


  8. Cathy said

    The Devan sweater is just too precious!

    How goes the search for a proper doctor, Kim? I worry about you there in the sticks with subpar medical choices … at least if you had a firm diagnosis maybe someone in Malone’s hospital can look it up in a medical book and follow a treatment plan!

    We need you at 100 percent for Spector II! You have a couple of months to pull yourself together, girl! 😉

  9. Sandy said

    Yes to what Cathy wrote. The good thing is you are able to do the stuff loved. But when I read that you are having a tough time doing so, it pains me. All nagging is with love.

  10. How goes the search for a proper doctor, Kim? I worry about you there in the sticks with subpar medical choices

    Well, actually I had a quite interesting phone call today.

    The nurse called me from the “heartburn” doctor’s office. She said “You were supposed to follow up with Dr. Heartburn and you didn’t call – so he needs you to come in – one of your tests came back abnormal.”

    Wow. Abnormal? Wonder what *that* could be??

    So I say “Well, to tell you the truth, I wasn’t really in much of a hurry to follow up with Dr. Heartburn, beause I have no confidence in his doctoring. I mean, He gave me a prescription for some heartburn shit – and I really don’t think I have heartburn, but Thanks!”

    She then says “Well, the test result was abnormal…”

    I say “What test result? What was abnormal?”

    She says “Well, The doctor has to talk to you about that.”

    “OK – put him on the phone.”

    Which she actually does – after about 5 minutes.

    So he gets on the phone and after I explain that I really don’t want to “follow up” with him – he says “Well, I have some fairly alarming news – you have lupus.”

    “Ummmm….OH MY GOD. DO I??? You mean the SAME lupus I was diagnosed with umpteen fucking years ago??? The same Lupus that’s in my fucking medical charts and that we talked about at the fucking hospital??”

    You fucking idiot. Do You SEE why I am skipping the follow up appointment?

    I swear to God.

    Oh – and I have an appointment in Plattsburgh on the 29th. With a real fucking doctor.

    I hope.


  11. Cathy said

    I wish I wasn’t clear across the country, Kim. I am an RN. Not that you are an uninformed health care consumer, but damn doctors and nurses will just shine your ass until cornered by another of their type … another doctor or nurse.

    I imagine you already do this, but write down your questions. Can Val go with you as an advocate to ask questions? Your mind may not be as nimble as it needs to be as you are sitting on the exam table half-dressed. Bless Paul but I don’t think he’s much of an advocate …

  12. Cheryl said

    I’m generally a lurker but I just had to respond to these last few comments. If your insurance kicks out the bill for the test for the lupus they will more than likely try to charge you. You should go ahead and call the hospital now and ask for a detailed bill as soon as you get your very first bill and make the doctor’s office eat the cost of that test.

  13. Gail said

    Ohhhhhhhh Kim, a sweater like the one you linked would be GREAT! I love it! Blue is so nice too! I always dressed my little girls in pink, so blue is for boys! For size, well he is turning one in July. This weekend I have some relatives visiting here and they will know what size I should have you make. Sad to say, I haven’t seen the little darling yet, as they live several states away, but I do so have to send a gift! Like yesterday LOL Still no hurry tho, at your convenience will be fine. I’m so late with the baby gift, at this point it doesn’t matter. Anyway, great things are worth waiting for eh? I could never find or think of anything special enough, but WOW this would be SPECIAL!!!!! There is nothing as super special than a home made sweater. My grandmother use to make some for me and my daughters! She even knitted some sweaters for my babydolls, when I was wittle lol and I still have them 60 years later LOL!

    THANK YOU KIM! I’ll let you know the size soon as I can. 🙂

    Etsy, I will have to check it out.

    John Adams, not sure of the actors, not great at that kind of thing, but yes the one shown on HBO

    I watched all 7 episodes, over and over! Block Buster has it now.

    There was an article in our paper yesterday, announcing there is to be a special ceremony in Philly honoring a monument for George Washington’s 9
    slaves, the ones he had working for him while he resided in our nations first presidential home, which was in Philadelphia. It noted, he owned over 100 slaves. Disgusting!

    I note this only to point out John Adams never owned or wanted or approved of slavery!

    John Adams was a true patriot! It was John Adams who insisted upon the three branches of government. Be sure to read the book, John Adams, by David McCullough.

    -a real winner!


  14. Sandy said

    Am so happy you have an appt. Don’t let the new doctor get away with anything. You wouldn’t with us, take that spunk along.

    Stupid can happen outside of Malone. My first experience with a brain MRI, office gal calls and says I have White Brain Matter Desease. That they will call with the name of a neurologist. I wait for 2 weeks and never hear from them, all the while playing with google and thinking my brain was going into dementia. They never did call back and I found my own neurologist. The MRI was normal for my age, spots were so tiny you couldn’t even see them.

    This week a spine xray and gal calls to tell me I have degernative disc desease. Was smarter and asked her if it was normal aging. Yup normal, so something else going on.

    These doctors have got to stop letting the unkowning call us and cause more angst. Good for you getting him on the phone. It eludes me what is going through their heads or how the “doctor” business is really ran for the good of the patient. It is almost close the their needing a huge sandwich board on our body telling them what is wrong or smacking them in the head so they will listen to us.

    And now I can’t get in to see my doc for a month because yesterday he fell down the stairs and broke his leg with surgery to insert a pin. No wonder he has all these signs around to inform his patients on safety matters in the home.

  15. Lorie said

    I am just wondering if you have heard anything from your neighbor, Zombie Lady? I miss reading about her and I have been wondering.
    Where did your mother in law find laser scissors? I have looked at Hobby Lobby, and had no luck. When I asked, of course they looked at me with a blank stare and told me to check at Lowes.
    I do hope you are feeling better. I love reading your blog and check everyday for updates. Can you believe you have a fan in Southeast Missouri?

  16. luvgabe said


    I doubt if this is news to you, but both your hi blood pressure & bouts of chest pain may be due to your lupus. According to

    “Lupus can be a serious disease causing inflammation and damage to the joints, skin and major organs, such as the heart, lungs and kidneys. If lupus is severe the kidneys can become inflamed, this rarely causes any pain, though you may experience high blood pressure. If left untreated the inflammation can cause kidney failure. If the lining of internal organs, such as the heart and lungs become inflamed you may experience sharp chest pains, shortness of breath and coughing.”

    Are you under *regular* care by a non-Malone physician for your lupus?

  17. Gail said

    Hi Kim, about the sweater, the little guy is on the small side, so I hear. He is going to be one year old, so maybe something along the size of a 2 might be best. Always better to grow into than be too small. I remember from my children, a size 18 months was almost worthless.

    I’m totally serious about buying the sweater, but I don’t want you to feel pressured. Take care of yourself, and when you get around to feeling better and have the time, let me know. You know my e-mail address. Thanks so much, take care and I’ll be around.


  18. njgill said

    you might like this pattern, too:

  19. you might like this pattern, too:

    Yes I do!! And you know, that might be something different to make – I never make pullover sweaters. Don’t know why – I just never do.


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