The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Very Special Victims

Posted by thedarwinexception on June 4, 2008


Another day, another project finished, and one day less to finish sewing the things for the baby shower this weekend, which I probably won’t go to, anyway.

And you know, I FORGOT to tell you all the BEST thing about this teenager and her pregnancy and the wild ass tale that engendered.


But first, let’s look at the finished project – and I swear to God, if you don’t “oooohhh” and “ahhhhh” over this, well, you just don’t have a “that’s cute” gene. Because this little thing is CUTE!!! I don’t care WHAT anyone says – it’s damned adorable.

I bought this as a kit from Annie’s Attic, and it was on sale for a ridiculously low price – I mean, I paid less for it than the yarn that was included in the kit was worth. And why I didn’t buy two or three at the time is beyond me. I should have. And now they are all gone. Of course, I have the instructions, so I can make more, but just buying the yarn will be more than what I paid for the kit. But I just love this – easy easy to knit, the yarn is great, and it’s just so CUTE.

But this is the last of the sweaters for the baby shower this weekend, that I probably won’t go to, anyway.

Oh – and the weird ass by-product story of the pregnancy? Well, this is typical “Malone Girl in Trouble” story – too far fetched to be believed, too bizarre to be a lie.

So remember I was making the prom dress for the sister of the knocked up girl? Well, one day when Prom Girl was here I said to her “So, how is your sister and her boyfriend getting along?” Because you have to remember, at the last New Year’s Eve party, knocked up girl was with an entirely different guy – a black guy who I actually liked. He seemed nice and smart enough to realize that his best course of action was to get his girlfriend right the hell out of Malone – so they lived in Plattsburgh. This new guy that knocked up girl is with is a fairly recent boyfriend – and sometimes it takes a while to figure out if you are going to get along with someone – getting pregnant early in a relationship is sometimes not a good idea (ask Paul’s brother – which is another story for another day).

So Prom girl says “Oh, they’re getting along OK – for now, at least until the baby is born – he has said that if the baby isn’t his, he’s going to leave her right there in the delivery room.”

Huh? So I say to prom girl “Well how is he going to know in the delivery room if the kid is his or not?”

Prom Girl says “Well, because when they lived in Plattsburgh, she was being raped every day by a black guy – not her old boyfriend, though, another guy.”

OK – now how many things are wrong with that sentence? First off, since her boyfriend immediately prior to this one was black – wouldn’t it seem to make more sense that she was getting a little “something something” on the side from him as, you know, post relationship goodbye sex? And who in their right mind gets “raped every day”. I mean, at some point, you either stop letting the rapist in the house, you lock the fucking doors, or maybe, just maybe, YOU CALL THE POLICE. Who gets raped every day?? Oh, and prom girl said this went on for like 3 months. For three months knocked up girl was being raped EVERY DAY. And she never TOLD anyone because “She was afraid”. Afraid of WHAT? That he wouldn’t come back?

Sweet baby Zombie Jesus.

But prom girl seemed to think the story was totally credible, that her sister was really raped every day for three months by some unknown assailant. And that when knocked up girl ended up knocked up, she “finally” broke down and told everyone, you know, just in case her rapist was the one who impregnated her and this was evident after the kid was born. And boyfriend of knocked up girl is, I guess, willing to accept the whole situation, as long as the kid ends up being his.

But, I guess when you live in Malone, you have to expect half baked lies, because really, some Malone residents just don’t have the fucking brain power to come up with anything more  creative or believable than a story such as this one. The thing that *really* gets me, though, is not how unbelievable the story seems TO ME. It’s how many people are willing to accept it as the truth, even though the whole stupid tale falls apart under even the most cursory of examination.

You have to laugh, really, you do. You have to laugh or else you have to hit somebody in the face and scream “HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?”





14 Responses to “Very Special Victims”

  1. Val Dalton said

    OMG Kim that was so funny! Janice and I were laughing so hard tears were running down my face.

    Raped every day eh? What a likely story…geez that girl is too much. Some of us aren’t lucky enough to be “raped” every day, no wonder she didn’t tell anyone.

    I hope for her sake the baby isn’t black though. It’s hard to raise a kid around her when your a white parent with a black baby. People are very closed minded as you know.

    I love the sweater by the way it is way to cute!!. I need one in a 3-6 month with pink and white lol.

  2. Sandy said

    Yup, you are right. That is the cutest sweater and there better be some “wow” going on at that party.

    Am with you all the way, have hated showers forever for whatever. Started back in the days of tupperware.

    Sadly I would like to say that Malone is alone with the pregnancy lies. Or maybe they were actually started there. But this is becoming a national epidemic which we are all paying for. The children most of all. And again, it eludes me how many actually believe we will go for the story. I’ve quit thinking there could actually be a lucid conversation regarding any of them. But love hearing your take.

    How are you doing gal? Hoping all is well. Never can tell since you never can stop doing. You are such a good example for me when I want to whine.

  3. She’s a damned moron. Moron.

    I worry so much for the baby – I don’t care if it’s black, white, green, orange or pink with purple polka dots. I still worry for him. Can you imagine having a mother like that???

    I can see the kid now coming up with bruises all over him and the mother saying “Yeah, he fell out of the high chair – every day for three months.” And everyone BELIEVING her. Because, you know, shit like that happens. There’s just nothing you can do about it. Kind of like getting raped every single day for three months. You’d think that after about a week that when he knocked on the door and she said “Who’s there?” And the guy says “It’s the rapist!” That she’d STOP letting him in!

    Fucking retarded I swear to God. There’s just no excuse for ignorance like that. No excuse. That’s not the school system, or Malone, or anything but downright lack of intelligence.

    I love the sweater by the way it is way to cute!!. I need one in a 3-6 month with pink and white lol.

    Are we sure it’s a girl? Or are we still speculating?

    And you *SO* already know you’re getting one of these sweaters. All of these other pregnant people are just guniea pigs for things I want to make for your baby. I make them for other people first so I know if they come out OK before I make them for the IMPORTANT baby.


  4. Val Dalton said

    haha we’re still not 100% but im pretty sure its a girl. I’ve been way more emotional for this one than i was with Luke. Scott blames it on the extra estrogen in my blood stream lol. Even the stupidest commercials make me cry, good thing I dont have a lot of time to watch TV.

    Speaking of TV did you ever catch the show Dexter when they were airing in on CBS?

  5. Caroline said

    How old is this knocked-up “village” idiot? No doubt she has lots ands lots of years of reproductivity ahead of her! YIKES!

    I don’t blame you for not attending the shower, I hate those things and it would be even worse with all of her friends and relatives there helping out the “poor rape victim”.

    Your adorable bear sweater is soooo cute! It will set off her/him’s cafe au lait complexion perfectly! Another precious heirloom for this poor little soul who is starting off with all strikes against it. You are an angel for making all of these lovely and useful things for these sweet little babies and their undeserving mothers. I bet as soon as these girls get knocked up the word gets out to let Kim know about the pregnancy so they can be the recipitient of your beautiful works of art. God bless you!

  6. HT said

    Hey Kim, I just found out I’m pregnant even though I had a hysterectomy when I was 35 and that was 25 years ago but I do so want a Teddy Bear Sweater. I mean, if that’s what it takes to get one. LOL

    Yes, it is Adorable. You outdid yourself. By any chance does this person know about your blog? I hope not. I wouldn’t want any of those crazy fools to hurt you or burn down the Harley Barn for the Homeless.


  7. Kim (Canada) said

    Recently moved, and haven’t had a chance to get re-connected on-line yet…
    Had a moment today to have a quick peek, and I’m astounded at all I’ve missed!
    Holy WOW!
    Like WTF!
    Cool, cool outfits…across the board! I swear I want them all in a size that fits ME! Seriously, they would all look so cute and adorable on me….Especially the outfits with “ears” – LOL!
    And so I have to ask – Is the Prom teen really pregnant or not? I know there was question while the dress fittings were going on, but have you established that to finally be true or false?
    As far as her sister – There’s something wrong with this chick! Like seriously!
    Anyways, after checking in, I have definately been inspired to get my ass in gear and get me an internet connection…
    Will definately be back – as soon as I can anyways!
    You’s Malone folk sure know how to amuse me…
    Thanks for the chuckles!!
    Fonzie :`)

  8. luvgabe said

    Omigod, Kim, that teddy bear sweater is just incredibly cute. Like Fonzie (Canada Kim) I want an adult-size one for moi, LOL!

    Seriously, if I thought I could actually get away with wearing one, I would. On the other hand, I do live in Berkeley, California, and we all know that anything goes here. Ha, ha.

    Lastly, your fans want an update from you, Kim, on your health & blood pressure.

  9. Kay said

    The bear sweater is awesomely unique! Great job on it….even down to the bear shaped buttons. The recipient is going to feel greatly favored.

    It is difficult to know where to begin to make a comment about the young woman who claims she was raped every day……if her nose grows when she tells a lie like Pinnochio’s did, she might be dead from the weight!

  10. artdonkey said

    Maybe the little Bear sweater when it becomes white and pink could mutate into a little Bunny sweater.

    It is very cute.

  11. your bro said

    maybe what she meant was, that because the sex wasn’t really that good everytime they had it she felt as though she was raped. you know, like buyers remorse.

  12. anygirl said

    OOOOOHHHHH…AAAAAAhhhhh..the words recited by all who usually are dragged to a shower for baby or bride…oh well, I love that sweater, you are one fabulous knitter and how cute is that gonna look on that little one?

    Next, seriously, is there a Planned Parenthood office around your area? I know you can lead a teeager to the water, but can you make her use the damn pills or whatever she chooses to keep her from popping out younguns? That is so very sad. With all there is to do in this world a girl would decide to get pregnant(via rape..right) or not instead of going out into the world to explore what she can do with her life…sad, sorry and pathetic. be good to yourself Kim and get some rest…

  13. darkon said

    Maybe people don’t fully believe the rape story. Maybe it’s a palatable lie they can claim to accept so they don’t have to think about what’s really going on. Just a thought.

    I’ve been corrupted by the web. The sweater is cute, but the first thing I thought when I saw it was, “That looks like pedobear.”

  14. Brenda said

    My daughter is 14. We had taken in a boy, due to his drug abusing mother. The boy raped her every day for 3 months. She didn’t say anything because she was afraid of what he would do, what we would do to him, and what would happen to everyone. She is now pregnant with twins. It’s sad that people assume that many lie about rape. There are many reactions that girls have when they are raped. I know. Because I was raped 10 years ago. Many get so low-selfesteem that they go around and sleep with alot of people. Not what you would typically think that their reactions would be. But they craved power and love so much that they react by trying to find love and power in sex. I hope no one here will ever have to experience rape. If she is lying, then that is sad as well. So over all she needs support and prayers. Not judgement. But the sweater is adorable.

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