The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Construction Experience Required

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 26, 2008

So yesterday was interesting.

Do you remember the useless twins? The ones that stayed with us for a while? Well, did I tell you that one of them died? Yeah, one of them died. So now there is just a useless twin. He’s staying with some other family – terrorizing them, I suppose. Since he left our house he’s stayed with about 10 other people, moving every couple of months when they see how loud he is, what a drunk he is, how nasty he is. Paul sees him every once in a while, and happened to see him last week, and the Useless twin told Paul that he was being evicted from the place he’s at now. No big surprise there, really. I told Paul “Well, that doesn’t mean he’s moving back in here, does it?” And Paul said “Oh hell no.” Which means nothing, really,

Well, he hasn’t moved in (yet). But he was here yesterday. Along with about 15 other drunk people that are in various states of homelessness and degeneracy. I was in the house and they were all out back. Where they had beer, a bonfire and construction tools. Who could have guessed that this wouldn’t end well?

At some point during the day it was suggested that they start building the deck on the back of the Harley Barn. I think that this was in some kind of response to the suggestion that someone or other move into the Harley Barn “Because it’s almost done!” But that’s just speculation and suspicion on my part. But, in any event, they did try to start building the deck on the back of the Harley barn. Drunk.

I went outside to see what was up when I suddenly heard a lot of commotion in the back yard – with shouts of “Damn! Are you OK?” And “Get him a cloth!” When drunk people show alarm at the condition of one of their fellow drunks – well, there has to be *something* seriously wrong, because generally when you are drunk and see a bone sticking out of someone or someone leaping to their death the normal drunk response is laughter, right? So I thought I had better go outside.

I guess what happened was Paul and 5 or so of the BFF’s were holding a 6 X 6 panel of decking up over their heads against the barn, you know, the big floor piece of decking, and Paul let go of the panel to reach down and get a hammer. The drunk BFF’s, with their collective intelligence of -17, thought that this meant they should *all* let go of the piece of flooring, and the piece of flooring came down on Paul’s head, damn near knocking him out, and cutting a really huge gash in his forehead, which promptly started gushing blood all over the place (you know how head wounds bleed).

When I finally got out back, Paul was sitting down, dazed and confused, gushing blood from his head, and the drunks had scattered. There were only 4 or so of them left. I looked at Paul and said “What the fuck happened?” All he would say was “Well, the stupid fuckers have no construction experience.” HUH?? How much “construction experience” do you really need to have to hold a fucking piece of wood up in the air? Is there like a class for that at construction school? Do you take that class before or after the “Hand me that Hammer” class? Stupid fucks.

I just looked at the drunks and said “OK – go the fuck home. All of you. Party’s over.”

I must have said it with some authority – because they didn’t argue – they just left.

I looked at Paul’s wound and thought for a fleeting second that he may need to go and get it stitched up, but decided against it because if he actually had stitches, well, he’d milk that for all it was worth and he’d never get up off the couch this week. Fuck him. So, I just told him “Go in the house, fool, and put out that bonfire before you do. And when you get in the house don’t you dare fucking bleed on the couch.”

Fucking idiot. “They didn’t have construction experience.” Yeah, *THAT* was the problem.

I’m going to get a picture of the fool’s head, too, and post it. He has to sleep *sometime*.




16 Responses to “Construction Experience Required”

  1. Sprocket said

    Oh boy.

  2. Rick B. said

    I think I can picture what this looked like:

  3. Caroline said

    Glad to see Memorial Day is being celebrated in such an All-American way in Malone. Drunk homeless people brandishing tools, wounding the poor host and scattering to the wind when their help may be needed.

    Paul sounds just like my ex-husband. He was always showing up with some pathetic alcoholic drug-addicted loser who just needed to “get back on his feet”. After we were robbed, had a car “borrowed”, had the cops show up with guns drawn on some “pal’s” outstanding warrant, he finally agreed to put a stop to it. My ex had served two tours of duty in Viet Nam and was ALWAYS a sucker for a Vet’s hard-luck story. I bet to this day he is still an “optimist”, ready to roll out the red carpet for bums, far and wide.

  4. letthetruthbefree said

    Oh my Kim, what an exciting Memorial Day you had.

    I always takes me a couple of reads on your posts because I start laughing and have to back up and reread it again.

    Just a shame you couldn’t get a picture of the whole group of BFF’s together.

  5. mclayton said

    Reminds me of many “family” reunions in Arkansas. With 7 older brothers, and all their beer-loving pals, the reunions always included a disaster or two!!

  6. Val Dalton said

    Poor Paul, sounds like he needs some better friends. Never a dull moment around your place!

  7. Veronique said

    Completely unrelated to that loon you live with, I just finished reading Elissa Walls “Stolen Innocence.” And I tell you, about a quarter of the way through, every time “Warren Jeffs” is mentioned, somehow the adjective “creepy” inserts itself in front of his name in my mind. What an absolutely grotesque creature he is, and I am so glad he was found guilty.


  8. every time “Warren Jeffs” is mentioned, somehow the adjective “creepy” inserts itself in front of his name in my mind.

    Ahhhhh yes, Warren Jeffs. One of my favorite debate topics. I debate it in my own head all the time.

    He is creepy, that’s for sure. Did you see him at his trial? He definitely has that “I can make you drink the Kool Aid” look.

    And he certainly has delusions of grandeur.

    And I’m really, really glad he’s in jail – because he should be – for something. I am just not sure that he’s in jail for the right thing. I don’t think he should have been convicted of rape. Or being an accomplice to rape. That wasn’t an appropriate charge, and even it was, it wasn’t a just verdict.

    I mean, it sets a really bad precedent. If a local priest counsels a woman who comes in to him and says “Father, my husband beats me.” And the priest tells her to put her faith in God and try to work it out with her husband, would you want to charge that priest with conspiracy to commit murder if she follows his advice and her husband ends up beating her to death?

    Why I don’t like the Jeffs verdict is that at the time of Walls marraige (to her cousin – ewwwww), Jeffs wasn’t even the priested head of the church – his father was. And it was her priested head of the family – the guy her mother was married to, who arranged her marriage.

    It was a stretch to involve Jeffs in this – but they had to go with the witness they had. It’s not like there was a line of girls waiting to testify.

    I just really think it was the wrong charge and was the *one* way the state saw they had to convict him. “The ends justify the means” sort of thing. And while I *am* glad the guy is in prison, I still question the way they got him there.


  9. Sandy said


    I would love to have you blog on “LOST”. Am into it big time and really want your take on the ending. They either got rid of a lot of people and changing a bunch of characters for next season or are going to use the time sequence for keeping all around. I can’t get my head around the plane being a “dummy” and that no one really crashed. Or am I still lost?

    Biggest surprise was the coffin. Six people got back? Not by my calculations. Well, Dr. Shepard showing up on the island was a surprise too.

  10. Sprocket said

    Kim, do you think Jeffs has sufficient grounds for appeal and possibly a new trial?

  11. I would love to have you blog on “LOST”. Am into it big time and really want your take on the ending.

    OK – I love Lost. Adore it. Think it’s the best show on TV. By a long shot.

    This year’s finale?? Well, I was kind of let down. Maybe it was just that I knew I was going to be waiting a while for the next season to begin, and I wanted something I could speculate about during the wait, and the finale didn’t really give me anything to speculate about, but I was let down.

    First off, I was all ready to accept that there was an “OFFICIAL COVER UP STORY”. That made sense and I could see it happening. But to know that the “BIG LIE” was all Jack’s doing was kind of stoopid. I mean, “We have to lie or THEY’LL ALL BE IN DANGER”?? Who the fuck are they protecting?? Who’s left on the island to protect? Locke? Juliet? A bunch of redshirts that nobody even knows? For all the O6 know, Sawyer is dead, Jin is dead, Claire is dead. Who is there to protect? The scientists that the guy who wanted them dead sent?

    And if you are *SO* worried about protecting those people – isn’t the BEST story the truth? “Look, we were on an island and this fucker named Whidmore sent a bunch of people to kidnap Ben and kill us! Somebody needs to arrest this asshole!”

    I don’t get it.

    And is Claire like getting immensely fat – or is it just me? Is she pregnant?

    And how Kate convinced *anyone* that she was 6 months pregnant when she was arrested is beyond me. You’d think that before a Government official allowed a woman in her last trimester to fly he’d at least have gotten doctor’s permission.

    That makes no sense, either.

    And that newspaper clipping from last season said that the person in the coffin left behind a teenage son. Where the fuck did Locke get a teenage son? And how come we haven’t heard about him?

    The only thing they left us to speculate about was “What happens to the people on the raft with Daniel? – And will Daniel pick up a soggy Jin out of the ocean? And where do they go now that the island has moved?”

    Oh – and maybe “How long will it take for Sawyer to start boffing the drunk and sad Juliet?”


  12. Kim, do you think Jeffs has sufficient grounds for appeal and possibly a new trial?

    Without knowing what kinds of objections and pre trial motions were made, I don’t know what kind of grounds any appellate lawyers would have for appeals applications, but *if* someone questioned the applicability of the “accomplice to rape” charge before the trial and was denied the motion, I would think that they *could* argue “applicability” in the appeals process, but the argument gets rather strained once you are convicted of the charge you are arguing you shouldn’t have been charged with.

    But the thing is, this is a “bad dood”. And everyone KNOWS he’s a “bad dood”, the DA knows this, the judges know this, the appellate court knows this – and it’s sometimes easy to trample someone’s civil rights in the name of “the greater good”. I mean, do you think if Al Capone *wasn’t* Al Capone that he would have been jailed for 12 years for tax evasion? Most people are fined and *maybe* spend a couple months in jail for that. “The Greater Good” in action.


  13. Sprocket said

    If you don’t already know about it, has the best blog commentary on the show.

  14. groo said

    <q cite=”The only thing they left us to speculate about was ‘What happens to the people on the raft with Daniel? – And will Daniel pick up a soggy Jin out of the ocean? And where do they go now that the island has moved?’

    Oh – and maybe ‘How long will it take for Sawyer to start boffing the drunk and sad Juliet?’ ”

    Aren’t the people on the raft all redshirts?
    Yeah, I think Jin does live, and somehow ends up on the island again.
    And if Sawyer has any sense, the answer is “as long as it takes to convince her”. She’s way hotter than Kate, and the perfect match for Sawyer, since she also lies like a rug any time it suits her. They do seem to have rehabilitated her in the last several episodes, but I think anyone who trusts her has serious brain issues. But she’s extremely boinkable.

  15. Sandy said

    Thanks Sprocket for the link. I hang around about 5 of them, hadn’t seen that one.

    And thanks Kim for your take. I was surprised that Locke was in the coffin. But with all the characters they keep bringing back from the dead and showing up in different places, there must be more of our known losties still hanging around. Moving the island didn’t surprise me as Ben has a habit of moving all over the place. The time warp confuses me a bit and can’t keep up with it.

    Lying doesn’t seem to be a problem with most of the lead characters. Nor a problem for perfectly smart people to fall for them, or follow, or go along with plans.

    Groo, they left out a lot of the losties we had come to known in getting people on rafts. Also we didn’t really see how many of them actually got to the freighter or who jumped overboard (if any). So we are left with not knowing about a great deal regarding characters. I’m beginning to think even Michael may still be around. Way back they said anyone who tried to get off the island would be lost, around the time Michael set sail….and then he shows up in NY.

    Sawyer…I love this guy. I can’t quite see the two together other than hot stuff to get info which will probably be more lies. But I’ll take his smooth talking to get there.

    Yup, a bit of a wait through the months to find out. But bet I just get more lost.

  16. Sandy said

    Had to add to the WF discussion. He makes me sick too. Does anyone know when the 19 yr old husband goes to trial? If Utah can get this done, I’d think Texas would too. Friday the judge held off on returning the children as they have more information. Will be interesting to know what this is. I really do feel sorry for the children, not only the environment they were in but how they are doing in a strange world. Tis a double hit for them.

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