The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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No More Carrot Cake….

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 9, 2008

So my old lady across the street died. Sad, sad thing. I really loved that old lady – and that’s two old ladies I’ve lost since I’ve lived here. This one was special – she’s the one who always made little casseroles and pies and cakes for Paul and always made me a carrot cake on my birthday. My birthday this year won’t be the same without her carrot cake. She was also the one I always brought my finished projects over to have her see them as I completed them – and she was so good at “oohhhing” and “ahhhing” over them – telling me how wonderful they were, and how I had *better* put that one into the fair. I miss her already.

I’m glad she died at home, though, and not in a hospital – that’s the way she wanted it – but let me tell ya, when I’m dying – PLEASE please please – don’t have 15 people staying with me 24/7 the way she did. I was glad her family was there, but her house is small and that many people jammed into it at once must have been overwhelming – especially for her, since she was such a quiet, private person. If I had that many people in my house at one time when I felt sick and bad, I’d think I had already died and went to hell. Please, people, call me, say “Hey – too bad about you going to die soon, and all…” and leave it at that.

But the day the old lady died, we saw why they were so eager to stay there 24/7. And it wasn’t for the old lady’s benefit.

Now, when she died, I thought that the rescue would come and get her – take her away on a stretcher, maybe pronounce her dead along the way, and then whatever happens to dead bodies would happen. But no, when she died, the hearse came (Oh, and turned around in MY DRIVEWAY – which was disconcerting), and the hearse took her away on a stretcher in a body bag. Now, in the meantime, there were still 15 people in the house who had been there for the last three days without leaving. And before the hearse even *got there* – what did they do? Well, they didn’t waste any time, that’s for sure. They started clearing her house out of all the things thy wanted to take home with them. While she was still dead in the house!

Out comes her TV, out comes her dresser, out comes her toaster oven and microwave, out comes her pots and pans – to get stowed in the cars and in the back of their trucks. Are you believing this shit?????

It took like an hour for the hearse to get there – and all the while her family and friends were loading up their vehicles and digging up her rose bushes. Most disrespectful thing I’ve seen since my own family had a will read. And it’s not like the old lady had priceless antiques or valuable shit in there. And it’s not like they had to clear the house out or pay another month’s rent – she owned the house. Paul said “God Damn! We should have hired those fucking vultures when Aunt Sandy died! They would have had that place cleaned out in 2 days!” Which is true – it took us three months to clear Aunt Sandy’s house out. These people had the shed cleared out across the street by the time the hearse came.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough – it got even better when they started fighting – because you *know* that was bound to happen – with a bunch of people so eager to “get theirs”, you had to know that conflict was going to arise eventually. And it did. One of the girls (who had a smaller vehicle and wasn’t able to stuff as much in) finally realized that those with trucks had distinct advantages and started pitching a fit about her lack of ability to cart away furniture, and had a temper tantrum meltdown right in the driveway, screaming and yelling and kicking over boxes and furniture.


But it did make me glad it was nice enough weather out to have the windows open – and that I had washed the windows recently.

So, here’s to my little old lady. I hope that her spirit had already flown far, far away, and that she didn’t realize her family was pulling the sheets out from under her dead body and moving her around so they could move out the bed she had died in.

She was better than that, and deserved more respect.

People slay me, I swear to God.


30 Responses to “No More Carrot Cake….”

  1. joanne said


    I’m sorry for the loss of your neighbor.

    When I lost my mother the vultures (aka my siblings) were ruthless. So sad.


  2. Val Dalton said

    That is horrible but it doesn’t surprise me at all. We had a similar thing happen when one of my relatives died. One of the kids locked the house all up took what they wanted and then let the other kids in to have the “leftovers” . Gotta love greed.

    I had a sonogram yesterday. They think it’s a lil girl!!

  3. Jay said

    My mother died last year after a four-year battle with cancer. She died at home. The local hospice (in Wayne County, NY) provided a hospital bed and oxygen generator for her comfort. My father, my brother and I were there for her final days; my brother paid for my plane ticket from Florida and he drove up from North Carolina. When she died, just before sunrise, I was with her while my dad and brother slept.

    I am glad to say that there was none of the BS you describe in our case, nor will there be when my father eventually passes away. We are fortunate to be what you might call an “enlightened” family.

    When my paternal grandfather passed away 28 years ago, one of my father’s brothers made off with a lot of his things before the rest of the family could have a civilized discussion about who would get what. The remaining three brothers (including my dad) were reasonable about dividing what was left, but my father has never forgiven the first brother.

  4. Mort Snerd said

    Just the sight of human maggots makes me vomit. What a tragic end.


  5. HT said

    Holy Toledo, how savage. I think that’s what happened in the movie, Zorba the Greek. It was eerie and unsettling but to watch it in real life….where in the hell was your camera, you boob. You know we love Madness in Malone. But sorry for your loss. She sounded like a sweet neighbor. So when’s your birthday? Isn’t it this summer? I remember I sent you a stupid card. The Pharm is closing so I could get another for 65% off. Let me know.

    Congrats to Val on Baby Girl. Kim will have her outfitted gloriously in no time, all femmie little knits….then she’ll grow up to love sports.


  6. Greg Smith said

    When my parents died (6 months apart) my sisters were going through their photos. My older sister wanted to take a nice portrait of our grandmother. She had lived near the grandmother and remembered her fondly — my younger sister and I had never met the grandmother. But my younger sister insisted my mother had promised the photo to her and took it. Now, 25 years later I’m at my younger sister’s house looking through a box of old family photos and here’s g’ma and sister is asking me who it is.

  7. Sandy said

    A person’s character is definitely exposed when there is a death. Horrible story, but seen/experienced before. Yes she deserved more. I am sad you have lost someone special to you.

    Congrats on the baby girl Val. Life and joy for you.

  8. Caroline said

    My condolences on the loss of your friend, I am certain you will always remember her with fond and loving memories. Val, I am thrilled for you and your family!

    Isn’t it something how death brings out the worst in a family? Same thing happened when my Grandmother died. She didn’t have much but what she did have was grabbed by my two aunts, who incidently both died horrible and lingering cancer deaths themselves while the (family heirlooms) belongings they had plundered were snatched up by the least deserving members of their families.

    Make out a will people, even if you don’t think you have anything worthwhile, it will keep all of those parasites away from you and let you die in peace. If you don’t know what to do with your old pots and pans, leave to the local battered womens shelter, and let all of the relatives know that you have a will that takes care of everything.

  9. Gail theotherone said

    Kim, I am sorry to hear you lost a dear friend and neighbor. May she rest in Peace now!

    I’ve never seen the likes of what you described—sounds very cold and greedy. How sad….

    If I lived closer, I would love to bake you a carrot cake. 🙂

    Val, congrats nothing sweeter than little baby girls! I have two all grown up and they are both the very best!

  10. HT said

    What’s with the quilt patterns? Is this Pennsylvania Dutch Month or something?


  11. luvgabe said

    I’m sorry, Kim, for your loss of a dear neighbor-friend who was kind and loving.

    It never ceases to amaze me how low human beings can sink. Shame on those supposed family members. I hope the soul of the “little old lady” has found peace and joy, with God.

  12. Greg Goss said

    My mother died in October of 2000. The four kids agreed to put post-it notes on anything that a particular sibling wanted, and to add our name to anything from the jewelry cabinet and SD box list that was prepared during November. When the family gathered for Christmas, we allocated the valuables, allocated a value to a few of the larger ones to net out of the cash part of the estate, and so on. I got voted down on selling the house immediately and it waited till spring. Much of the furniture was left in the house to give it the “show home” feel. Once it sold at the end of March, then we all rushed in to claim furniture etc.

    No arguments about anything. The car ended up “netting out” at a price different than the one I looked up, but that was a sincere error and I ignored it. My wife disagreed with my sister-in-law’s logic about a particular piece of jewelry, but didn’t speak up until a week later when it was too late to actually argue the logic. Other than that, an estate can be handled sanely.

  13. Sandy said

    Tis’ time. Kim needs votes for Blogger. This was mentioned months ago, but I’m reminding all agaom. Let’s get her an award.

    Go to:

  14. Veronique said

    They dug up the *roses*? Those must have been some heirloom plants. Sheesh.

    V., condolences on the loss of your neighbor. I guess the good thing is, none of her family have decided to move in.

  15. Cary Hart said

    Hello – I clicked on your Ravelry name to see what yarns you may have asked Jamiekate about, and was intrigued by your bio page… so funny. I never ever click and read people’s blogs, but for some reason I did this time, read this post and haven’t stopped smiling yet. Hilarious. I’m so glad you washed your windows.


  16. Hello – I clicked on your Ravelry name to see what yarns you may have asked Jamiekate about, and was intrigued by your bio page… so funny. I never ever click and read people’s blogs, but for some reason I did this time, read this post and haven’t stopped smiling yet. Hilarious. I’m so glad you washed your windows.

    Welcome!! Gald to see ya! What’s your Reavelry name?

    (I asked about the Lorna’s Laces Iris Garden and the SWTC Amerah).


  17. I had a sonogram yesterday. They think it’s a lil girl!!

    They THINK or they KNOW??? DO NOT TOY WITH ME.

    I want you to have a girl soooooooooo bad.

    Besides, 2 of the 4 that are spawning so far are having boys – I NEED a girl.


  18. What’s with the quilt patterns? Is this Pennsylvania Dutch Month or something?

    I have no idea. It’s not me, must be a WordPress thing.


  19. Dana said

    I’m sorry, Kim. She sounds lovely. I wonder how well carrot cake ships? I would gladly mail you one.

    Those people are ghouls, grave robbers. My sibs and I have had to break up both our Dad’s and our Mom’s homes in the past couple of years, Dad’s because he died, and Mom’s because she’s gone into care and ain’t coming back, since she has advanced Alzheimer’s. I’m pleased to report that we fought over *nothing*, not even antique Tiffany and Gorham sterling silver pieces. Two reasons, I think — one, we’re all very clear that the most valuable thing any of us could come out of it with was each other. And the bone-deep knowledge that our parents would be deeply ashamed of us if we squabbled over their things.

    The one thing we all wanted equally is a wonderful oil portrait of our mother, painted in France when she was 22. We’ve decided we should rotate the portrait — get together for Thanksgiving every three years or so, and pass it on to the next possessor.

  20. HT said

    Dana, about that oil portrait of your mother…you can have laser prints made. I would. Sounds too valuable to not have some kind of copy. I’ve had copies made of old photgraphs, etc. and you can’t tell the copy from the original. Oil might be a little different but worth a try.

    Damn, carrot cake sounds good about now.


  21. Bahamamama said

    Dana…first of all….can you adopt me into your family. Secondly, check out “Brushstrokes”. They take photos and put them to canvas and then paint them. Everyone could have their own version of your mother. God bless you all….

  22. Val Dalton said

    Happy Mothers Day! The reason I say they think is because the tech that was doing the sono said the cord was between the legs but she got a butt shot and she said and I quote “I dont see any dangly boy parts so I’m pretty sure you’re having a girl” haha Gotta love Alice Hyde!

  23. Val Dalton said

    PS Did you finish the prom dress? I can’t wait to see it!!!

  24. Katprint said

    When my parents died, my five siblings behaved nicely. My older sister was named executor and I was the alternate if she ever decided not to be executor anymore. When any of my siblings gave her any trouble, she threatened to resign and hand the executorship over to me. All my siblings are a little afraid of me (I am a scary litigation attorney) so they shaped up and my sister was able to do her job and distribute the estate fairly and evenly – not just the money but the priceless keepsakes which were far more important than money could ever be.

  25. nita said

    Well, Kim, at least these people waited until she had passed on! Someone I know has a greedy sister who, on every infrequent visit to her parents’ house, sneaks into the basement at 4 AM and loads goodies into her car! She’s already claimed everything of value that is left by saying “mom said they are mine.” She’s already lobbying the third sibling to get the title of “executor” from my buddy!

    Is she there giving 24/7 care? … noooo…
    Has she sat with ailing parent in the hospital? …nooo…

    Are her “heirlooms” on E-bay at the moment? YES!

  26. Missy said

    It’s amazing sometimes how you can feel someone else’s pain or happiness, even in cyberspace. I can certainly feel your loss and hurt and am so very sorry that your dear and wonderful friend passed and that her vulturous family acted the way they did.

    Sounds like your neighbor was a very loving, nurturing, encouraging motherly type. She certainly did deserve better than the scumbag relatives gave her. Digging up her roses…how f’d up is that? Grrrrr.

    I wouldn’t have been surprised to read that you’d charged them with your knitting needles — I think I would’ve been sorely tempted!

    I make a carrot cake w/ cream cheese icing that my husband’s entire office begs for anytime there’s an occasion for which I send a food item. I hate carrots but love this cake. It’s just that good. Wish I lived near you. I’d bake you a carrot cake tonite! If you’re game to try it, will be happy to send you the recipe or post it here (it’s online).

    Just remember that your sweet, precious friend was not aware of what was happening. She deserved better — anyone does — but nothing they did could hurt her any longer. I’m pissed they hurt YOU, though!

    Just post their names/addresses and we’ll take care of ’em for ya — you ain’t the only one with knitting needles! :-X

  27. Lisa Ann said

    Kim – I’m sorry to hear about your neighbor. I’m even more sorry to hear that her “heirs” are vultures.

    I dread Mom and Daddy dying – not just because they’ll be dead, but from having to deal with my brother. I think my sisters and I will be okay, but my brother is something else. Mom and Daddy have a will, thank god…although I suspect they’ve named me executor despite me asking that they not do that. (I’d prefer to have their attorney do it or something.)

    Oh, and here’s hoping that Val is having a girl so you can make all the girly stuff for her.

    LIsa Ann

  28. Greg Smith said

    Curious about the quilt blocks, I looked at . Kim’s right that wordpress created them as avatars. Like snowflakes each is unique. Kim has a photo to serve as her avatar … the rest of us are flakes.

  29. luvgabe said

    Mine looks more like a cracked nut, ha ha :-()

  30. Kim (Canada) said

    Sorry to hear about your neighbour, Kim…I know how much you enjoyed her annual B-day carrot cake!
    I send my sincerest condolences, with hopes that she’s at peace. Life, and death, have a way of bringing out the best and the worst in people…Some of the shit is so empowering and encouraging, and yet, some of it is enough to make you sick – I can only shake my head, and take pride in knowing that I could never be so slimy and shallow…
    In the throes of dealing with Pinky’s aunt’s broken hip fiasco, it has itself brought up all sorts of issues with family members and power of attorney, and the will, etc. The woman’s not even dead yet, and the snakes are slithering around already – It makes me sick!
    Pains my heart even more…
    Still checking in regularily for ZL updates! Nothing yet eh? That’s disturbing me too these days…She’s way long overdue in arriving – Spring! March!
    It’s almost mid-May, and summer’s ’round the corner…WTF!

    Glad you got your windows all cleaned up! That mean you’ve been feeling better? How’s the BP been? How’s the prom dress coming along? No sign of settlers in the Harley barn since the confrontation?
    Sounding a little too quiet over in Malone…

    Congrats to Val – I keep fingers crosseed for you: Girl! Boy! HEALTHY!

    Regards to everyone else!
    Now I get to see what WordPress quilt symbol I’m gonna get…

    Peace All – Fonzie :`)

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