The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Stupid Products in the News

Posted by thedarwinexception on February 13, 2008

 Today is my Mother’s birthday. (Happy Birthday!). She’s a psychopath. No, seriously, she is. I’m thinking she’s what? 68 today. Too funny, since I just saw Tina Turner on the Grammy’s singing and dancing with Beyonce and they said Tina Turner was 68. My mom looks nothing like Tina Turner. But I’m betting Tina Turner can’t bake and cook like my Mom – so, there you go.

I finally got around to making the appointment for the stress test – I made the appointment yesterday and they scheduled me for Friday. Which I think is the *real* stress test – they schedule it 3 or 4 days down the road and then see if you die of stress worrying about having the stress test. It’s fucking working, too. I’m more worried about this thing than I ever was about giving birth when they scheduled my c-sections in advance. And someone in AFCA said that I’ll get another IV. So now I’m stressing out about that, too, because my arms are already all fucking black and blue from the last three IV”s they stuck in me.

I’m thinking I should take my camcorder with me and tape the whole thing. You know, in case I do have a heart attack and keel over there will be a record of what the bastards did to me. Just my luck I’ll get those nurses in training running the fucking test and you never know what they might do.

Then next Thursday I get to go to a real doctor in Burlington. I called my own doctor and he set me up with a cardiologist that he knows and recommends. So that will be fun. Probably have to do every test they did here all over again. You know how that goes.

So – in honor of my Mom’s birthday – here’s some stupid products in the news. Pick one or more of these up for your next Birthday or for your sweetie for Valentine’s day.

.

First off, take your mom out to dinner – and remember, nothing says “delicious Dining” like a hot dog and chips.

 

I don’t know – if they want to market it as “a great holiday gift” – they should have named it something else.

 

If you need to make sure that your toilet seat is fire retardant – maybe you need to change your diet – maybe too much “delicious dining” on hot dogs!

 

For that redneck handyman in your life….

 

Mom has been single a while – but how creepy would it be to give her this?? I don’t care how good it feels as a “gift idea”.

 

Life is full of hard choices

 

Yeah, because nothing says “I love You” like a box of chocolates and colon hydrotherapy.

 

Wasn’t that an 80’s hair band?

 

Check your labels – you never know where stuff comes from – and sometimes, neither does anyone else.

 

You know, I’m just not thinking that’s going to be a good look on anybody.

 

Well, it *is* unique – how many of your towels and t shirts are mammogramed?

 

Yeah, how fucking stupid is this?

 

When Albertson’s gets a 10 inch love pole – hey, I’m there.

 

 

…and my favorite, because really, well, this is just fun for the whole family.

 

 

 

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16 Responses to “Stupid Products in the News”

  1. HT said

    Atta girl. Glad you made the appts. So it’s your Mom’s BD today, almost a Valentine. Hmmm. Well, the good part is she made you, so there. Have you been following the Bobby Cutts trial in Canton, Ohio? Well, I was hoping you did especially when he *testilied* and got going on a cryng jag. Of course, there were no real tears, just a lot of fake crying. It would have been great fodder for you to describe. That’s the kind of shit I like for you to write about. You have such good adjectives and cusswords.

    HT

  2. Valerie said

    If you think those are good here are some of my favorites lol

    http://www.hawaiichair.com/hawaii/

    http://www.horseballs.com/user/video-horseplay-qt.html

  3. Tazzie said

    Glad the stress test is scheduled. Sure hope it turns out to be a breeze for you.

    Think I will pass on the Hawaii Chair but I enjoyed watching the horses play with the balls. I had heard they like to do that. Amazing how many anaimals like to play ball.

    And, I don’t knit or haven’t for many years, but I really enjoyed looking at the patterns. Some really beautiful things there. Makes me wish I could remember how.

    One more thing – lol. I am now hooked on Project Runway and Super Model. Kim, you are too strong of an influence! When am I gonna fit in Law and Order? I am not even gonna take a peek at Lost!

  4. kizzzy said

    Hi Kim,

    I am in Canada and stress tests here are done with a physician present.
    I don’t know about the US but I bet there is one there.
    Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.

  5. Sandy said

    Tis’ great to hear you have all the appts. in hand. And please don’t worry about the testing. The writer’s strike is over, House is not in the house. He’s working and can’t be with you to cause any trouble.

  6. Kim…really, no need to stress about the stress test.

    Love the fun posts!

    Happy VD!

    With friendship,
    Lisa

  7. Cristi said

    I’m glad you scheduled your test. My 71 year old grandma had her stress test today and I was thinking of you when I picked her up from the doctor’s office.

    BTW, the Happy VD! from thedomesticdiva made me laugh.

  8. luvgabe said

    Glad you scheduled the stress-test AND the appointment with your regular doc. Our thoughts, good vibes, and crossed-fingers will be with you!

  9. A.D.A. said

    Ha! If I was your mom, I’d be really proud!!

  10. Zippy said

    Hi Kim, Really enjoy all your blogging. Just a bit of info on your favvorite show “Lost.” Go to http://www.chron.com and under blogs—-under entertainment till heading Tubular, there is always a discussion about Thurs. Learned more there, including secret numbers, names etc. Hope you enjoy.

  11. HT said

    Hey,

    It’s Friday evening and I assume you did have the stress test and SURVIVED. Looking forward to hearing how you are and all the other details of the medical profession that administered the test.

    HT

  12. westcoast said

    Kim, Hope you are feeling better. Agree w/ HT that you would come up with a great narrative of the Jensen case complete with adjectives and “cusswords”. Which I would call swears.

    Any good ideas for websites for court case info since court tv has changed? I would like a broad overview with choices of stories like before. More than cnn?

    Keep knitting, sewing and watching Lost!
    Best wishes

  13. Missy said

    Hope all went well with your stress test. If you get a chance, please pop in for a sec (maybe even just an “I’m here…I’m okay!” post in the comments section) to let us all know that you’re alright. Big hugs for a very special girl!

  14. mbmb said

    Kim,

    We are all so worried about you. Just a note in the comment section would be perfect! Or could you at least get Paul to post something? HA! HA! But, he might do it, if you asked him really nice?? Tell him your Blog Bud’s are waiting. Paul is a good guy, does he know how to use the computer? I bet he does.

    Post Soon,
    MB

  15. Cathy said

    Hoping the stress test went well and you are pissed off at the waste of time! I need to do a stress echocardiogram in April. The doctor is right there in case I keel over, but it won’t be my heart, it will be my knees or back that break first!

    Kim, when you get a chance, I want to know if the Daytona 500 is a big deal in Malone. Especially with all of the NASCAR costumes that were out and about at New Year’s.

    Take care!

    C

  16. luvgabe said

    Hi, Kim:

    I’ve tried 4 times to submit to your “Flunking Test” blog, but to no avail. So, I’m trying this one instead.

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