The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Hag Tags and Dead Dogs

Posted by thedarwinexception on February 7, 2008

 I finished the hag tags! Finally! They are all done and printed out and they look really cute! It wasn’t even as hard as I thought it was going to be. The site that I bought the paper from has a template you can download for Word and once I did that, it was just a matter of saving the tags I had created in Photoshop as a picture file and then copying the picture into the template in Word. A few adjustments for spacing, and Voila! Hag Tags!

I changed the logo a little – I added “Made in Malone” to the top. I really liked “Made in Malone” and I also thought we would just use the “Zombie Lady Couture” as a subtitle – more people friendly, I think. But I kept the graphic. It was too cute to ditch.

So, here are the finished tags.

And I got to use one of them, too! Leslie the Chamber of Commerce Lady has a little daughter who is the cutest thing – and I gave her the ruffled variegated sweater I made a while ago. It was just about the right size for her, so it worked out well. When I gave her the sweater, I put one of the little hag tags on it – and it looked really cute! And I have one on the “Hobbes Hoodie – Now With Fur!” that I’m donating to Val for the March of Dimes Raffle. So I love the hag tags. Well worth the dollar for the paper.

So – in other news, I have a very weird little anecdote for you today. Remember Rocky, the lesbian chick who is a friend of one of Paul’s buddies? Well, our garbage man came over this morning and was talking to Paul about a bunch of mutual friends they have (one of them just got arrested for being a sexual offender and not registering – and living within 500 feet of a school – lovely). Well, the garbage man was telling Paul about how one of Rocky’s dogs died. She has like 10 dogs and a hundred cats living with her in this upstairs VERY small apartment – imagine THAT house.

But I guess now she only has 9 dogs – because one of them died. Yes, so sad, too bad, the dog died.

The “unusual” part of the story is where she buried the dog – in front of her house in the little green grass area next to the road – past the sidewalk in front of her house. Don’t they have a special name for that area? I think they do – but it’s not “Pet Cemetery”. Yup – that’s where she buried the dog – next to the telephone pole – and she put a big cross there and everything! The garbage man noticed it because he’s also her garbage man and the garbage was sitting on top of the dog’s grave.

Nice.

I didn’t even think you could do such a thing in the village. I mean, what if they have to tear that area up for water lines or something? ewwwww…..

People are strange, I’m telling ya.

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16 Responses to “Hag Tags and Dead Dogs”

  1. Hatpin said

    It’s always amazed me that those roadside grassy strips don’t seem to have a specific term in US English. Here in the UK, they’re called ‘verges’, and everyone knows what that means – it’s a commonly-used word.

    And no, we don’t bury our pets in them here, either. Because it’s a fucking stupid place to bury a pet.

  2. Veronique said

    Aside from being a stupid place to bury a pet, it is probably also illegal, beyond the usual wink and a nod illegalities of burying bodies in undesignated areas anyway. Those verges were not actually part of the property but were the property owner’s responsibility (IIRC, and I might be wrong, it’s happened.) I imagine utility workers or water main workers or street repairs or widening workers are going to have a li’l talk with the building owner…and I’m assuming this friend is an animal horder, if you’re estimate of 100 cats is anywhere near correct. Maybe she has fifty litterboxes and does nothing else in her life but scoop them…but I can’t see how it could be healthy for the animals (never mind the person) to have so many bodies in such a small space.

    V.

  3. luvgabe said

    The hag-tags are so darn cute! I’d order something from you just to get one of them.

    Speaking of “Zombie Lady Couture,” have you heard from ZL? And how is her house? Are the pipes still frozen and the basement flooded?

  4. …and I’m assuming this friend is an animal horder, if you’re estimate of 100 cats is anywhere near correct.

    She’s beyond being an animal hoarder – she has some sort of mental loopiness when it comes to animals. I mean, I’m sure her heart is in the right place, and I love animals, too, but this woman is Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs in how far she goes…

    Did I ever tell you about when she was here and offered to take me to the store? Paul and her husband were drinking so Paul wouldn’t take me (he won’t drive even after ONE beer). When she came to our house after she got off work Paul said “Oh, can you run Kim up to the store?” She says “Yes, but let me go out first and get the kittens out of the front seat.” I said “You have kittens in your car?” And she says “Well, they’re dead. They were on the side of the road on Main street – they must have gotten hit by a car – but I couldn’t just leave them there.”

    So, instead of leaving them there – she got out of her car, picked them up and put them in her front seat – where she drove around with them all day.

    Now, I’m sorry. I would have felt bad to see two little dead kittens on the side of the road – I really would. I might even have commented on how stupid and ignorant it was for the owners of the kittens to allow them to wander on a busy street. But, you know, I’m NOT going to stop, pick them up and play fucking hearse for them all day. Just not going to happen.

    I don’t even know what she planned on doing with the kittens. If the recent dog burial is any clue, maybe she buried them in her front yard, too. I don’t know.

    And I passed on riding in the fucking death car. I mean, God forbid we saw a fucking horse or a cow dead on the side of the road on the way to the store.

    Fuck that.

    Kim

  5. HT said

    Every damn time I think you’re not going to come up with another outlandish unbelievable story, you do. Rocky buried her dog in the curb space….. Yep, it’s against health code and probably a few others. I can’t believe she marked it with a cross to boot. You know, I’m rethinking about that reunion in Malone this summer. It seemed like a good idea but maybe not. By any chance does Tony Perkins have a summer home there? Well, you got your own version of Rocky Horror Show. I think you could start your own circus too. Jesus, dead kittens in the front seat. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. See, that’s just it. Your stories are like from another zone; they always have some twist that makes them weird and funny at the same time.

    I think I’d start drinking bottled water if I were you.

    HT

  6. luvgabe said

    Malone does seem to be in a separate space-time continuum, a la the Twilight Zone or X-Files.

    It is the “Malone Zone”–of zombie ladies, brain-dead hospital trainees, dead kittens, and roadside pet cemeteries….

  7. skweekie said

    Zombie Dog Couture

  8. kizzzy said

    A cow or a horse? Lordy I read that and i had diet coke squirting out my nose.

    Your so funny.

    Those tags are so cute. I envy your creativity with your crafts & your talent with the computer.

  9. Greg said

    In Australia that area is commonly known as the “nature strip”, and no, it certainly wouldn’t be legal to bury an animal there.

  10. Rick B. said

    Planting strip, tree lawn and parkway are a few other terms for the grass by the curb. As you might expect that topic has been whacked around like a tetherball a couple times in AFCA…

  11. Sandy said

    Dear Kimmy,

    Have you made your doctor’s appointment?

    Love,
    Old Nagging Mom from Colorado Springs

  12. Chrissycat said

    In my neck of the woods they call that spot the ‘The Devil’s Strip’.

    The Devil’s Strip should never have things buried in it, as it is a veritable breeding ground for zombies and other undead.

    Damn, I thought EVERYONE knew that!

  13. Caroline said

    Out here in “Ory-gun” we call it a “mowing strip”, inferring government pressure to maintain government property.

    Of course if you DID use it to bury your dead animals that would be considered “green” and you would probobly win an award for your innovative use of recyclable materials. We are big on “green” out here.

    Good for you for making that appointment, everything will turn out fine, since he is a certified Cartiologist they won’t be administering amonia shots.

  14. Sandy said

    Hey Kim, I woke up this morning from a dream….or something close to it. It was about T-Shirts and coffee cups with your Hag Tag. So, I want both with a big Hag Tag printed on them.

  15. So, I want both with a big Hag Tag printed on them.

    http://www.cafepress.com/darwinexc.129015329

    http://www.cafepress.com/darwinexc.228054263

    Kim

  16. Sandy said

    How did I miss this? Must have been asleep and you were doing this while I was.

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