Paul Cooks and Makes a Phone Call
Posted by thedarwinexception on February 3, 2008
So I didn’t tell you my Paul story about when I was in the hospital.
I had told him when I got admitted – “Ok, call my mother and call my friend Lesmond – let them both know that I’m in the hospital, and I’ll call them in a few days.” I knew that those were probably the only two people who would call me and get freaked out if they didn’t get anyone answering the phone all day – they both know I’m a hermit, and if I don’t answer after an hour or so of trying, something’s wrong. And Lesmond posts in AFCA, so if anyone there was trying to contact me, or noticed my absence, she would be able to let them know where I was at.
So he calls my mother and lets her know, and then he calls Lesmond. Since she was at Boy Scouts, she was just walking in the door as he was leaving the message – and he said “Lesmond, it’s Paul – It’s an EMERGENCY – Call me.”
Which was fucking stupid – I mean, it wasn’t an EMERGENCY and the message saying it was only served to freak Lesmond the fuck out.
When I got home from the hospital I told him “You know, Paul, you really shouldn’t leave messages saying something is an EMERGENCY when it isn’t – you could have handled that better. It wasn’t an emergency.” Of course, he took issue with that – since to *him*, it was an emergency, so therefore he thinks that it should be an emergency to *everyone*. Which it wasn’t – and a simple “Hey, Lesmond, Kim is in the hospital, give me a call” would have served the purpose.
So don’t ever give your phone number to Paul – unless you want him calling you every time I feel bad telling you to “Call Me Back Right Away – It’s An EMERGENCY!”
And of course now he’s plotting to call Lesmond every day with a new “emergency” – “Lesmond – It’s Paul – Call Me Back – it’s an emergency – I’m
out of Pop Tarts.”
Then we had Paul’s cooking adventure while I was in the hospital. He turned on the wrong burner on the stove and didn’t realize it until my burner cover
caught on fire. When he saw the burner cover on fire he grabbed the pot holder off the wall hook and started fanning the flames with it until the potholder caught on fire. He finally picked up the potholder and the burner cover (which were both on fire) with the decorative towel that hangs on the stove handle and threw the whole pile into the sink – where he melted the rubber sink strainer that sits on the bottom of the sink.
Of course, he broke this news to me by calling me at the hospital asking “Do you have anything that will take melted plastic off of stainless steel? Oh – and by the way – where did you get those burner covers at that are on the stove?”
So, Paul is still Paul.