I Have a Heart! It Just Doesn’t Work…

Well, lots to write about today!!

I just got home from the hospital. Been there all week. This time it was for my heart. Apparently I don’t have a very good one. Or maybe it’s just my blood pressure *affecting* my heart – no one really seems to know.

But I was having some really odd and annoying chest pains – and I was really short of breath. And my arm was numb. So Id decided that maybe I should go to the clinic here in town – the one that’s attached to the hospital. But first, of course, I went to lunch with Leslie the Chamber of Commerce lady. Because, really, when you have an offer of Chinese food or sitting around at the clinic, well, which one are *you* going to do?? We went to lunch. And we had a really great time – she’s *SO* cute and so nice. I really like her. And I’m glad she quit that god awful job at the Chamber of Commerce – she’s too nice and too cute to be there.

So, Leslie the Chamber of Commerce lady dropped me off at home after lunch and since the pain in my chest wasn’t subsiding – even *with* all the yummy Chinese food – I decided to go to the clinic. And they kicked me out. Wouldn’t see me. Something about “Oh, No, you need to go to the ER – we don’t have the monitoring equipment for that here – blah, blah blah…..”

So, Paul and I went over to the ER. Oh – and yeah, I finally talked Paul into going to the hospital with me. He wasn’t going to go. He actually said to me “I don’t know, I should stay here with the dogs…” Stupid ass. I know what that was all about – it wasn’t the dogs, it was the fact that I had just went grocery shopping and he figured he could stand in from of the cupboard and eat a couple boxes of Little Debbie cakes with no interference from me.

But he went with me to the ER down the hall, and they took me in right away with no waiting and took my vitals. It wasn’t too long after they measured my blood pressure as 193/119 that they admitted me.

The ER doctor started talking about how the pain in my chest was probably a side effect of the high blood pressure – that when your blood pressure is so high, it makes your heart work harder, and beat faster, and that they had to measure my blood enzymes because I could easily have had a stroke and not even realized it.

But, they admitted me and spent the next few days trying to regulate my blood pressure – to no avail, really. I’m now on this stuff called Vasotech, and I have to go back next week for a stress test. There was no way they could do one in the hospital, since my blood pressure was so high. I have about 18 holes in my arms from IV”s, blood draws and blown vessels where they tried to put IV’s and couldn’t, and I have a nasty rash looking thing on my arm from the BP cuff.

And I think I shall go to Burlington to my regular doctor for a checkup – I wasn’t impressed with the doctor here – although she was very nice and seemed to care, she just didn’t seem that on the ball – I mean, she didn’t even send a team to my house to look at my cleaning products and environment to see what could be causing my fucked up blood pressure. I mean, you KNOW Dr. Gregory House would have been sending HIS team over to check that shit out.

And in the end, after *TWO* CAT scans, one MRI, an echocardiogram, an Ultrasound and enough blood tests to kill a small child, she basically threw her hands up in resignation and said “Don’t know WHAT could be causing your blood pressure to spike – here, take these pills and see another doctor.”

So, I’m home now – with orders not to run up and down the stairs (I made sure she wrote that in the discharge papers), and I am supposed to be resting and not bending lifting or running around the house. (Hopefully that includes standing for long periods of time – like to make supper or do dishes), and I’m just happy to be home – even though I still have this nagging pain in my heart and I’m still a little short of breath and my blood pressure is still spiking.

Oh well.

But – I have GOT to tell you about the little nurse trainees that came in when I first got admitted and was being settled into my room. They were so fucking funny I had to laugh. And why I get these people no matter WHERE I go in Malone is just fucking beyond me.

But, anyway, there were these three little girls – and they really were young – I figured they were high school students like on a “career day” thing – or some kind of  “take your daughter to work” day thing – but later I talked to the Patient/Hospital liaison woman who came in and I asked about them and she said they were the “trainees” from the college – but how these girls got into college is beyond my fucking comprehension.

So the little trainees are taking my medical history – and the one little girl says to me “Have you had an ammonia shot?” I looked at her with kind of raised eyebrows and I said “Ammonia shot? Well, I hope to fuck I haven’t had an ammonia shot. That could be kind of fucking dangerous, don’t you think?” And she says “Well, the hospital recommends that all incoming patients have an ammonia shot.” And I laughed and said “Honey, no. Not an AMMONIA shot – ammonia is a cleaning product. I think you mean a PNEUMONIA shot.” And she says “Oh, yeah” giggle, giggle, giggle, “I always confuse those.” All righty then.

So then – the other little girl says to me – “Have you had any surgeries?” And I say “Well, yeah, I had my gall bladder removed in the early 90’s and I had 3 c sections.” She says “Ok – do you remember when the c -sections were? You don’t have to know the dates or anything – just maybe like early 90’s or late 90’s or whatever…”

I told her – “Well, you know, I remember the exact date and everything.” And she says “Wow – Really?” And I said “Yeah, because they correspond nicely with my kid’s birthdates.”

And ammonia girl says “Wow – that’s a coincidence – your surgeries were all on your kid’s birthdays?”

For the love of God.