The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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No Lights, But elec”Tricity” is in Town

Posted by thedarwinexception on January 6, 2008

 The dimwitted boyfriend and the Pregnant Thief, are in town, along with their passel of kids, including the newest spawn – “Tricity”. They are in town for a month “on vacation” which made me throw my head back and laugh, because I wasn’t even aware that Welfare gave vacation benefits. How in the fuck can you be “on vacation” when you’ve never had a job? Isn’t unemployment like an extended vacation, anyway? Although I must admit, if Welfare did hand out vacation benefits, Malone seems like the likeliest choice of a destination they would send you to.

Dimwitted boyfriend hasn’t been over to see us yet – I’m not even sure if he intends to stop by at all. I don’t think I’m his favorite person – and, you know, he *is* “on vacation”.

Paul says they aren’t really “on vacation”, that this is most likely just a money saving idea they had. You know, get their welfare check on the first, pay the bills, then shut the heat and the lights off and leave for a month – come back to smaller bills next month. Sounds like a good idea to me, I’m just surprised they thought of something so intricate.

And speaking of kids with stupid names – another one was just born this weekend. John P’s sister spit out a boy – and dubbed it “Traylor” – yup, just like the park. She explained it to Paul and I as “That’s Taylor with an R.” I told her I thought the name was Drumb.

I just don’t get it. What’s wrong with the good, old fashioned, tried and true names that never go out of fashion. You know, like Biblical names. Those never sound stupid. Somehow I just don’t see someone writing a new Bible 500 years from now and including :”The Gospel According to Traylor”. God I hate stupid made up dumb ass names.

Friday was interesting around here – we were without lights for most of the day. A transformer blew downtown, and apparently the whole village runs off the one transformer, because almost everyone was without lights including the whole of downtown and a couple of the schools. I hate being without electricity. I don’t know how the zombie lady manages it. It was the most boring ass day ever. I couldn’t sew, and I couldn’t watch TV or be on the computer. By the time Paul came home from work I was ready to kill something. Luckily it was nice out and I didn’t have to worry about freezing to death. That’s one good thing about the woodstove – even with no electricity it’s still warm in here.

So, do any of you play “The Sims”? I had bought “Bon Voyage”, the latest expansion pack, when it came out and never got around to installing it – never had time or inclination. I installed it this weekend and played with it a bit. I kind of like it, although I haven’t actually gotten around to taking any of my families on vacation. I’m still playing around with the “Pets”, since after I installed that one I hadn’t really bought any pets, and with “Seasons” since I never really took advantage of all the things you could do with that, either. Once I started playing it again this weekend, though, I realized how much I missed playing “Sims”. It’s addictive. Now I’m thinking I should dig out my Zoo Tycoon games.

But only after I finish the Furred out Hobbes Hoodie. I finished the left front and one of the sleeves, and you know, now that you guys mention it, I do kind of see the face of Jesus in it, if you look at it really close!!

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36 Responses to “No Lights, But elec”Tricity” is in Town”

  1. bahamamama said

    That’s not Jesus…..That’s Paul on a really bad hair day.

  2. A.D.A. said

    You’re so funny!

  3. Shiobhan said

    Kim –

    Its nice to see you back, and sounding as if you are feeling better.

    I have to laugh at the odd names people give their kids. But as I sit laughing Im reminded that my name indeed is one of those VERY odd names. Thankfully I can say, its gaelic, and not just some made up name.

    Being without electricity is the worse thing in the world. The few times that has happened here, for an hour or so, I have thought I was going mad. There was nothing to do. Nevermind, I have bookshelves filled with books, but no, I wouldnt be that smart to actually pick on up and start reading it.

    I’m looking forward to more stories about the pregnant thief and family. They make me so appreciate my life.

    Thanks again.

  4. Kim Rock said

    Like your funny Paul story the other day, this too made me laugh out loud. You kill me, Kim!

    Thanks for the chuckles,
    Squiggy

  5. HT said

    Yep, it’s definitely Paul.

    HT

  6. Hank said

    Of course, there are many Biblical names that aren’t so great: Judas, Nimrod, Aminadab, Achim, Jezibel, Er, Ragau, Semei, Zurishaddai, Naphtali, Vophsi, and Rahab just to name a very few.

  7. noorbe said

    Traylor……………what can I say……..I laughed…..poor kid.

    3 years ago, Christmas eve and the next 4 nights we where without electricity because of a bad ice storm.
    We also have a wood stove, thank goodness..
    We slept on sleeping bags in front of the wood stove.
    We also cook on gas. We bought gallons and gallons of water for cooking and drinking water.
    Because the sunk pump was not working in the basement, there was enough water to scoop it up and flush all the toilets you want.

    We have candles.
    We went to friends and family to take a shower.
    Kinda romantic when I think back on that time.

    Kim, I’m so glad you’re feeling better, and are writing again.
    We miss you, and worry when we don’t hear from you!

  8. luvgabe said

    Hey, maybe Achim is what ZL had meant all along when she insisted on calling our Kim “AKeem”!

  9. Kym said

    Made up names…it was cute or a while when the “trend” first started and the names still sounded somewhat normal. But now it is so out of hand that if you have a “normal” or at least a phonetically normal name it gets all mispronounced and screwed up because people want it to be made up. My son has the perfectly normal name (I think it is normal anyway)of Kennon. It is biblical or Irish depending on who you ask (although the King James version spells it Kenan or something). It is also a common enough last name. It is pronounced just as it is spelled KEN-non, yet at school all of his teachers (even English!) insist on calling him KEE-non or even worse Kee-NON. I am convinced that if I had named him John he would now be known as Ja-HON.

    I have to admit that Tricity kind of grows on you after a while (well it would be a good stripper-name anyway)but CPS should be involved when anyone gets named Traylor…poor thing.
    I am starting think that the countries that have pre-approved lists of names that may be given to children have the right idea.

  10. Kathy said

    You brightened my dark day. Thank you.

  11. Mindy said

    Well if the dimwitted boyfriend and the Pregnant Thief, happen to stop by because you know they do not have any common sense and perhaps forgot you do not like them, please get them on video, that would be a good one to post.

  12. Gail said

    Kim,
    You are SO funny! Thanks for the laughs.

    I’m glad you are feeling better and are writing again. I enjoy all of your tales from Malone. March can’t come soon enough for me; I miss Natasha!

    Take care!

  13. Kim (Canaada) said

    Thanks for the hilarious “Tricity in town” posting…

    First I’ve laughed or smiled in a few days…Times are tough, but obviously NOT as tough as they are are in some parts of your world…I’m with you on the whole “Traylor” thing! To name your child after somewhere famous stemming from the Jerry Springer Show – WTF! Not only is that “drumb”, it’s completely fuckin’ “strupid”!!

    As for the Hobbes Hoodie…I knew it was *Paul* that I could see in the ‘vision’ within…
    Freakin’ freaky!!!

    Such a good feeling to check “Darwin” and see that you’ve posted something new, and/or responded to a whole bunch of us “faithful” comment-ers….That incredible sense of humour you carry, sure helps make many a day…
    Hoping that means you’re feeling somewhat better, and that your chest “boo-boo” is clearing up!

    Take it easy eh! And keep takin’ care…

    Fonzie :`)

  14. Mizfitz said

    I live in VA and we often are victims of power outages for days on end. Hurrican Isabel left us 11 days without power, 9 days for ice storms, etc. It’s a bitch for sure, but we have a generator that the “whooosband” has backfed to the house so we can run the fridge, and alternate the hot water heater and well pump so we can flush the toilets and take showers. Can still run lights and TV too so it ain’t so bad. Before the generator we lost power from an ice storm that just about did me in. It was 2 weeks with a house full of bored kids. We cooked on our woodstove and I focused on not killing them. That was pure hell – they don’t make enough drugs to handle that shit. I kept thinking of Little House and what would Caroline do? LOL – She’d go harvest some weed and volunteer to load the wood box, and sure as shit, the kids (5 boys all with normal names LOL) lived to see another day. What don’t kill ya makes ya stronger.

    A friend of mine lives in Malone on the outskirts (Rt 26, I think) and we were advised that when ya’ll got hit with the snow his porch roof collapsed. Unfortunately, all his shit was stored on the porch because he was renovating. Poor thing, it’ll be spring before he can salvage anything. He’s up in age too. Gonna have to send a couple of those kids up there to fix it for him come April.

    Your hoodie looks great – wish I had the patience for that stuff. Still have a half done crochet project that’s been in the closet for a few years now – probably dryrotted LOL. Oh well. I am a hellacious gardener tho – haven’t tried ZL’s approach with the silks…..maybe next year LMFAO

  15. Mike said

    It’s even drumber. Traylor is Taylor with two ‘r’s.

  16. njgill said

    get a battery for the laptop, if you don’t have one already. at least you can play with the computer itself, though not connected to the Wide Wierd Web.

  17. ROTFLMAO!! Thanks for the laugh today–I really needed it!

    With friendship,
    Lisa

  18. Sprocket said

    Okay. Sacrilege recommendation here Kim, since I own a MC myself and am a hard core long time rider. Tell Paul he has to sell one of his bikes and get you a big forkin’ kick ass generator, with connections directly to the house so when it goes out, it comes on all by itself.

    That way, you never lose power, you can sew to you hearts content ~ you won’t have to worry about Water & Power getting their act together ~ and you’ll never be bored because you’ll be able to blog and play your new Sims game. You may have to lock your doors to keep your neighbors out though!

    LOL!

  19. Caroline said

    It’s so good to have you up and on the blog again, I have become so dependant upon your humorous and insightful comments on the rogues of Malone! Tomatoes are full of vitamin C and antioxidents so they obviously contributed to your recovery!

    Interesting to hear the pregnant thief and her spermantor are back on the scene, when did they move out of Malone and how did they finance it? It always amazes me when people on the public dole have the audacity to allude to “vacations” and other things that hardworking folks have to sacrifice to attain. I guess I am showing my age. When I was growing up folks would have been far too humiliated to reveal they were on welfare AND it was never meant to be a “lifestyle” as it obviously is in this case.

    I’m with you on the made-up name craze, nothing says white trash like “Tricity” or “Traylor” or “Phyleasity” or Nikeashon”. You know that kid’s destiny is already cast.. there IS a double wide in his future.

    I am with Sprocket, get Paul to purchase you a big ol’ generator, especially with your health issues. When I used to live in the country we had to have “tricity” to power our (well) pump, and livestock need water, one time it took 6 days to restore the power, chickens and pigs can’t wait that long for a drink!

  20. OriGuy said

    Hi, Kim. Finally got over here from AFCA. Regarding kids’ names, a friend of mine, The Stripper from Arkansas and her boyfriend, Psychothug, just had a girl. They named her Cadence. Not Candance, Cadence. I guess it’s because she got caught when she was on the rhythm method. Her son, by her ex-husband, has a biblical name, though; Cain.
    TSFA is really not dumb, though; she just has bad taste in men and grew up in Arkansas.
    I haven’t gotten a chance to ask her why the name; Psychothug doesn’t want me to call her.

  21. Val Dalton said

    Is Traylor’s middle name Parker? haha

  22. Bob E. said

    No, it should be Trish.

  23. Perplexio said

    Is Traylor’s last name “Parks” by any chance? If so, his parents truly ought to be taken out and shot. Who knows maybe someday Traylor and Tricity may get together and start a family of their own!

    I’m currently reading a book about a fictitious town in Ohio. The book is titled Knockemstiff that’s the name of the town in the book as well, incidentally. As I’m reading, I’m really not enjoying the book. I mean it’s VERY well written, but I keep thinking to myself– “This is just too much like Malone.” The people in the book are eerily like people I’d expect to bump into at “K-Mark” or Wal-Mart (although certainly not at the Wead “Libury”).

    Knowing that this is a sign that there are other cities/villages out there that are similar to Malone makes me shudder in fear for the future of our country. It’s bad enough having one Malone on the planet…. So I guess that’s why I don’t like the book. It hits too close to home.

    And who “vacations” in Malone? I thought the object was to get OUT of Malone, not make a conscious choice to go TO Malone…

  24. Lisa said

    Naming a kid “Traylor” is cruel and stupid!

    The pic is too funny.

  25. Leslie said

    And who “vacations” in Malone? I thought the object was to get OUT of Malone, not make a conscious choice to go TO Malone…

    Actually, “normal” people do come to the Malone area for vacations. We’re so close to Adirondack Park and Montreal, plus the leaf peepers come every year from miles away in the fall. We also have a spectacular golf course which draws a LOT of people in the summer.
    I chose to move back here in 2006 from OH because the Malone business owners and some other friends and associates felt like family to me. It may sound funny, but my three daughters and I felt safer here.
    I think practically every town has it’s losers to poke fun at and be exasperated with, which Kim does so eloquently. Just think, if these losers weren’t here, what would Kim write about to entertain us all? :>)

  26. luvgabe said

    There are plenty of Malonians all across the United States. Seen the Jerry Springer show on TV? How about those judge shows, such as Judge Judy?

    I really don’t mean to give “Perplexio” a hard time, but like “Leslie” I’d probably feel safer in Malone, instead of in the San Francisco Bay Area, where I wake up EVERY morning, no exaggeration, to news of yet another homicide (or 2 or 3). We just had a 10-year-old boy shot by a robber’s stray bullet. The boy was taking a piano lesson INSIDE A BUILDING. He is now paralyzed.

  27. Kim (Canaada) said

    I hear you Luvgabe…

    I live just outside of the city of Toronto, and the “Gun-craze” shootings are becoming increasingly that of a daily occurence – They’re now occurring in our schools, and just about every other street corner…

    I’ll add here, they seem to be hitting more “innocent” bystanders than intended targets…

    In addition to the gun-killings, there suddenly seems to be a rapid increase in stabbings –
    We recently lost a 14 year old girl on New Year’s Day(both parents, and both step-parents working for Toronto Police Services)after she was stabbed mere steps from her home. Stabbed by a 17 year old fellow at the urging of his 15 year old girlfriend because he had dated, if you can call it that, the 14 yr old previously and this new girlfriend was incredibly jealous of her…

    Not sure what’s happening with the rest of our world, but Malone sounds like a pretty easy-going, safe, little place…

  28. That’s not Jesus…..That’s Paul on a really bad hair day.

    Or Paul on a relly good hair day. Paul has no hair – that’s why he wears his hat ALL THE TIME. He has long hair in the back, butt he’s getting that David Crosby look.

    Kim

  29. Of course, there are many Biblical names that aren’t so great: Judas, Nimrod, Aminadab, Achim, Jezibel, Er, Ragau, Semei, Zurishaddai, Naphtali, Vophsi, and Rahab just to name a very few.

    Jezebel is kind of cute – you could call her Jezzy.

    Kim

  30. Well if the dimwitted boyfriend and the Pregnant Thief, happen to stop by because you know they do not have any common sense and perhaps forgot you do not like them, please get them on video, that would be a good one to post.

    Oh God yes – if only to ge tthe pregnant thief to explain the origin of her kids name

    “So we often drove by this sign that said 3 miles to the Tri City area…and I looked at dimwit and said You know, I kind of like the name Tricity…”

    Kim

  31. get a battery for the laptop, if you don’t have one already. at least you can play with the computer itself, though not connected to the Wide Wierd Web.

    Yup. That’s definitely on my “list of things to get before winter REALLY hits.” I thoguht of that when I had no power “You know, if I had a battery for that laptop, I could be playing Rollercoaster Tycoon right now….”

    Kim

  32. Tell Paul he has to sell one of his bikes and get you a big forkin’ kick ass generator, with connections directly to the house so when it goes out, it comes on all by itself.

    Yeah, right. Paul wouldn’t sell his bikes to save my life. And we HAVE a generator – not a big ass one that would power the whole house, but we bought one in Florida after one of the “non hurricanes” that knocked our power out for days and days. The generator is in the Harley barn – it’s what he uses for power out there.

    He said when he came home from work after the day without electricity “If I was home, I would have dragged the generator over and you could have at least plugged one of the small tv’s into it.”

    Lot of good that did me, though.

    Kim

  33. when did they move out of Malone and how did they finance it?

    I think they moved along about last February or so – so they’ve been gone about a year. They financed it by just not paying their rent here for a couple of months and getting their regular check on the first. I don’t know who actually brought their stuff over there. Neither of them has a license so I don’t think they could rent a U Haul.

    But they had moved in with her grandmother. Poor woman. Can you imagine having three of your GREAT grnadkids running around your house??

    Kim

  34. Is Traylor’s middle name Parker? haha

    OK – that was funny.

    Kim

  35. And who “vacations” in Malone? I thought the object was to get OUT of Malone, not make a conscious choice to go TO Malone…

    Well, I have a friend who comes most every summer to see me. I do pity her, though, having to tell people “Yeah, we were on vacation….in Malone…”.

    But the thing is, when she comes, we have to go to OTHER places to do anything. It’s not like we can go to a restaurant or the movies or the mall or go play miniature golf or anything in Malone. I mean, what can we do here? After you’ve hit the rent to own places and the dollar sotres, well, you’re pretty much done.

    Kim

  36. Actually, “normal” people do come to the Malone area for vacations. We’re so close to Adirondack Park and Montreal, plus the leaf peepers come every year from miles away in the fall.

    Yeah, the ones on their way to Vermont….

    Malone isn’t really set up for tourism. There are no restaurants, there’s no shopping district and the downtown area is a horrible mess.

    Malone should promote tourism – I mean, that’s the number one industry in Vermont because they MADE it that way and promoted it and prepared for it. But what’s the difference, really, between say, Stowe and Malone?? There’s not a lot of difference physically, they have mountains, we have mountains, they have a small town atmosphere, we have a small town atmosphere. They have maple trees that the leaves change colors on, we have maple trees that the leaves change color on…

    But Stowe is set up and prepared for tourists – they have shopping, they have hotels and motels, they have a beautiful downtown area, they have souvenier stands and information booths on every corner, and they have a million dollar ski area that is home to lots of national events. We have none of that. We have squandered our potential to be a “Stowe”. And there’s no reason for that.

    And the end result? You can buy a big honking house here for $10K any day of the week. In Stowe you can’t buy a porch for less than $500K.

    It’s a shame, actually.

    Kim

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