The Further Adventures of Zombie Lady…
Posted by thedarwinexception on December 28, 2007
I get a knock on my door at 9:00 on Thursday night. I answer it wondering out loud “Now who the fuck is knocking at 9:00 at fucking night???”
I open the door to find none other than Zombie Lady standing there with a huge box of Lady Godiva chocolates and a bag of biscotti. She says “Here, this is for you Christmas present.” And she turns to leave like she hasn’t been fucking MISSING for THREE FUCKING WEEKS.
I think she was startled when I yelled to her “HEY!!! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN??” And I know she was startled when I grabbed her arm and dragged her ass into my house, yelling at her “I was fucking worried sick over your stupid ass – the fucking POLICE have been here! I’ve been calling them every day!”
When she heard that the cops had been here she seemed to pay more attention to what I was saying and I explained to her that her son had called and asked the police to do a well being check and that the police had reported to him that she was not here, that they had gone to the bus depot to find out that she had gotten off the bus in Albany, and that she was apparently “missing”, although I did explain that her son had been reluctant to actually officially have her declared such.
She then proceeds to relate this story:
She got off the bus in Albany and since Greyhound doesn’t take credit cards, she had to go to the ATM machine to get cash and she bought a ticket that way – paid with cash to go to New York City. When she got to New York City, she went straight to the emergency room. She was not feeling well. The ER found that she had high blood pressure and admitted her. She was in the hospital for two weeks. They found she had a thyroid problem and that she was anemic. But she isn’t diabetic anymore. She also “had her head examined” (her words), and they found she was not schizophrenic.
OK – how many questions do you have after reading *this* story, and how many Mack Trucks can you drive through the holes?
Here are the questions *I* have – someone else can do the research please and answer them for me.
NUMBER ONE: Greyhound doesn’t take credit cards? Really?
NUMBER TWO: How did she just “go to the ATM and get cash” when the story was when she left here that she couldn’t get a single fucking dollar out of the ATM?? What changed on the bus ride that she gets OFF the bus and suddenly has the ability to use ATM’S?
NUMBER THREE: What fucking hospital in the free world admits you for 2 weeks for “high blood pressure?” I had a fucking emergency c-section and they were kicking my ass out of the hospital 2 days later – and I had INSURANCE. Which leads me to…
NUMBER THREE A: What fucking hospital in the free world admits you for two weeks for high blood pressure when you don’t have insurance? You can have a fucking bullet wound to the gut and if you don’t have insurance all most hospitals will do is “Stabilize” you until they can get some other hospital to take you.
NUMBER FOUR: What hospital admits you for high blood pressure and then does a test to see if you have schizophrenia? I’ve had many a hospital admission since my diagnosis, and I don’t think ANY of those included a “having your head examined” test. (Probably luckily).
Now, and this is just *my* theory (well, and maybe Lesmond’s theory, too), but *I’M* thinking that she may have been in a hospital, all right, but it wasn’t voluntarily and it wasn’t for high blood pressure. Does anyone want to bet she was in some psych hospital? I think it’s a lot more likely that she was at a psych hospital for evaluation and they found high blood pressure than that she was at a medical hospital and they did a psych evaluation. Especially given the length of time she was incommunicado. Which was damn spot on to 28 days – and what is the length of most psych eval programs?
And I’ll tell you one thing. She is a FUCK of a lot cleaner – her hair is clean, her fingernails are clean, her clothes are clean and she looks nowhere near as tired and drawn. And she said “The hospital gave me my medications – this helps me to sleep and to speak better. I have better thinking on my meds now.” OK – what are these medications, the ones that help you have “better thinking” – high blood pressure pills? Yeah, I don’t think so. But she *does* seem more lucid – she’s like almost fucking normal.
So, she says that she was in the hospital, and that after she was released (after signing up for some sort of outpatient program that is going to allow her to get Social Security – again, in what world does “high blood pressure” qualify you for social security?) she called her family in Moscow. This is where she got a little upset, because she didn’t understand why her son would not know that she was in the hospital, since he speaks to her family in Moscow and they knew she was in the hospital.
I explained to her that the police did not come until she had already been gone like a week and a half – and she said “Oh, this is why, I did not speak to my family until I had been released”. But she was upset that her son had contacted the authorities on her *again*. She said that he had written her a letter (yeah, we knew that, didn’t we?) and she showed me the letter. For someone who sent something *Priority Mail* it sure didn’t fucking say a lot – it was basically a two sentence letter saying “Mom – I don’t know why you continue to play these games – please come back home. We do not think that you should be on your own – you continuously prove that you are not capable of taking care of yourself. Come back home.” Oh – and get this – the letter was written in RUSSIAN!! Now how glad are we that I didn’t give in to the bad Kim and go over there and take that letter? I would have been fucking FURIOUS to risk that and then find out the fucking letter was in RUSSIAN!!
She was very put out by this letter and said “See! My son – he wants I should just forget this house and go back to City. He is trying to prove I am not capable”.
And this is where I saw my “in”.
“Yes!! Yes!! And don’t you understand?? The more he sends the authorities over here and the more they see that you are living without heat and electricity in the middle of the fucking Adirondacks in the dead of winter – the more they are going to see that what he is saying is the truth!! He is going to prove that you are not capable by your own actions! You can’t be staying over there with no utilities. You need to prove to him that you *are* capable – and the first step in that is getting your lights back on and getting heat in your house. Otherwise, you are letting your son win.”
Then she counters with “No, if I do what he say and turn power back on, then I am letting him win – he is controlling me.”
So I have one other backdoor, right? “Look, why don’t you let ME turn the lights back on and then he doesn’t win.”
She says “Yes, this might work.”
WELL THANK FUCKING GOD.
Then she says “Well, this no matter anyway, I am going back to New York City – I only come here for 2 days to check water and to deliver Christmas present to you, then I go back for seeing doctor again. I see doctor on Monday, then I get the social security paper then I come back.”
I told her that in the meantime I would get the lights turned back on, and she didn’t seem to protest this. Paul said though, after she left, that I should not have the lights turned on until I had Val’s company come out and do a safety check, and to make sure that the basement isn’t full of water – which is probably a good idea. So I’m thinking that Val, Janice and I will be making another foray into the house – this time into the scary ass basement.
Then I told zombie lady that she had some Christmas presents here – which she did. One of the blog readers recognized the raw talent in zombie lady and sent her a beautiful acrylic paint set and some canvas’s to paint on. I didn’t tell zombie lady that they were from one of her many admirers on the internet – I took credit for the gift myself – with the sender’s permission. But Zombie lady LOVED the gift – and provided me with a WONDERFUL excuse to tape her – so you get to see zombie lady in all her glory. I will upload the tape as soon as I figure out how to do it – but I thought everyone would want the details of her returning right away.
So, zombie lady opened her presents, loved them, asked if she could have some hot water for tea, and left. I asked her when she left “Are you going to be OK over there? It’s very cold.” And she said she would be fine because she had “lots of clothes”.
I was still up last night at like 2 o’clock in the morning when Paul got up to go get his middle of the night gulp of Gatorade. When he was downstairs in the kitchen he suddenly yells to me “Kim!! Someone is here!” Then the dogs start barking. Paul opens the door and I can hear a distinctive Russian voice saying “I so sorry – I so cold – I so cold.” As I get into the living room, Paul is bringing her into the dining room and he has the woodstove door open, throwing .wood into the stove and telling her to warm up. Paul told her “Look – you fucked up – your body was used to the cold over there – you left and stayed someplace warm, now you aren’t used to it and your body is used to heat. You’ll never be able to stay over there again. It was colder the night before you left when you stayed over there with no propane than it is tonight – now your body just isn’t used to it, though.”
So, zombie lady spent the night on our couch. See?? I told you we needed a guest bedroom – but NOOooooooo – I had to fill it up with fucking yarn and fabric! But, we stayed up until 3 am talking about her son, his promises to her of “delivering a stove”, his promise to “pay the electric” and his promise to come and help her get the house ready for winter, and how he broke all of those promises and then sent the “authorities” over to spy on her and deem her “incompetent”.
Which only added more layers of “mystery” to the whole story. Why would her son have to “deliver a stove?” Is he the one who “delivered” the port a potty and the sink that are sitting in her house unopened? Why was her son responsible for “paying the electric?” Doesn’t she pay her own bills? Is she on some kind of allowance from her son? Did her allowance run out and that’s why she couldn’t get money from the ATM? Is he already a conservator of her money? And if he’s responsible – why doesn’t she have electricity? Is it just for him to prove to the “authorities” that she’s incompetent? How can *she* be incompetent if it’s HIS legal responsibility to pay and he doesn’t? Makes no sense to me at all. AT ALL.
But, she finally went and laid on the couch to sleep some. She said she couldn’t sleep on the bus at all – which I surely believe. I couldn’t sleep on Con Bus, either. And it’s now 10 o’clock in the morning and she’s still sleeping, although she did get up earlier when Paul left for work – I heard her ask him if she could pay us to stay here again tonight. Paul told her she could stay but that he wasn’t going to take any money from her – that that’s what neighbors are for, and that it doesn’t cost him anything to have her sleeping on the couch, so he didn’t want her money. (Paul being Paul and all..)
Sometime today I will figure out how to upload this video so you all can see Zombie lady open her presents and hear her appreciation and thanks first hand. But I knew you wouldn’t want to wait to hear “the rest of the story” while I figured out the new camcorder. So – discuss amongst yourselves while I RTFM.