The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Now If VAL were my sister, this wouldn’t happen…..

Posted by thedarwinexception on December 24, 2007

So I called the post office this morning. After obsessing about the package that was going to my mother’s house all weekend. They opened at 8:00 and at 8:02 I was on the phone.

I explained the whole situation to the guy who answered, and asked him what the hell could be the problem. He put me on hold, then came back not 4 minutes later and said “OK – I have the package in front of me – I don’t know why it was marked undeliverable.” I said to him “Well, can you bring it to my mother’s house please?” And he promised me on Rudolph’s life that it would be delivered today.

So there you go. Let’s see if it gets there.

And now I have decided to obsess over my niece. This is my youngest niece. Her name is Christian.

This Christmas she will be alone, with no family and being shuttled between her day care workers, who are rotating taking her home each night from the day care. Her mother, my sister, has landed herself in hot water again, and is spending Christmas in jail. Christian’s father is doing the same – at a different jail. And Christian is alone without family.

I really wanted to go and get her a month ago when all this started and my sister got picked up, but between being sick, and having limited resources to deal with a child and given that areas of my house are still pretty much a “construction zone”, I just didn’t think I could take her. Although it killed me that she has basically lost her parents, her home and all the things that mean anything to her. But with the wise counsel of dear friends, I got over the GUILT I was feeling at not going to get the kid, and just let it go as something else that was absolutely horrible, but not something that I am in a position to do much about. If it was 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago, maybe I could step in and take responsibility, but at this point, I just can’t. Despite the guilt I feel over it.

And I haven’t had any contact with my sister. My brother Gary has been trying to keep up with what is going on, and keep up with my sister’s court appearances and her apartment and everything in it – which she is going to lose any minute – and keep up with Christian and where she’s at, and trying to avoid the kid being put in state’s custody, but it’s not easy when you have limited information and no one will actually “release” any information. And by the way, KUDOS to Gary, who is FINALLY getting HIS life back on track and is doing really well. I’m proud of him. He checks in here and leaves comments every once in a while, so next time he does, give him a pat on the back.

So my sister’s next court date is January 26th. By then the landlord will have surely put her shit out on the curb, so she will no longer have any stuff or an apartment, and the kid will probably be in state’s custody, and my sister will get out of jail and have to start all over – the stress of which will surely throw her back into her depressive, manic state and she’ll have more reasons to use drugs – which got her into all this shit to begin with.

I’m not worried about my sister – I’m actually thinking jail is a reasonable alternative to rehab – which she was always on her way to “next week”, and I’m not even worried about her apartment or her stuff – which was mostly “rent to own” overpriced under quality junk, anyway, what she hadn’t already sold for drug money, anyway, and I’m sure Gary will intervene to get any family pictures and personal crap, what I am worried about is the kid – who had no role in any of this and doesn’t deserve to take the brunt of the fallout from it all. But she probably will. Which is a fucking shame. And no, I won’t go into my rant about why in the hell people have kids they don’t want to fucking take care of or be responsible for, and no, I won’t go into my rant about personal responsibility and learning to be UNSELFISH when you have kids and be willing to PUT THEIR NEEDS FIRST. And I won’t even go into my rant about young women who have kids as a means of support. Only because it’s Christmas, and it’s a time for joy and happiness and making sure that your 3 year old is rotated around to the BEST day care worker, since it’s CHRISTMAS FUCKING EVE and all, and really, shouldn’t THAT be the overwhelming priority?

Oh don’t get me fucking going.





15 Responses to “Now If VAL were my sister, this wouldn’t happen…..”

  1. Kim (Canada) said

    It never ends does it?
    Wow! That poor kid! How on earth does someone do that to their own child? I don’t get it, and I don’t think I ever will…
    Myself, I don’t have children. My brother has two, and they ARE the kids I will never have – I straightened out my life when my nephew was born six years ago – I swore I was going to be the best role model possible for him, and that he’d always be able to come to me with anything!
    Then my niece was born, and I became a “saint”. LOL!
    Seriously, if I did that for them, and they’re not technically my kids, how does one NOT make changes, and better themselves for their very OWN babies?

    I don’t understand people – You want to party, stay out all night, flash your panties to the world, etc. then get it out of your system before you go and bring children into it – They need and require way, way more than that…
    You want to ‘f’ your brains out with every Tom, Dick and Harry – Then protect yourself. Not only from pregnancy but from every and all STDs out there…And really, your kids don’t need to see all that either…Nor do they need 5 or 6 siblings from different fathers….

    And so, I shake my head, and now add your niece to my “thoughts” list –
    I’m so sorry to hear about this dilemna, but agree that this one remains out of your hands… You need to take care of you, Kim.
    Different circumstances, other scenario, I know you’d be bringing that kid home to you and Paul…

  2. skweekie said

    Damn it Kim, you make more sense than all the presidential candidates put together.


    Merry Christmas.

  3. HT said

    She’s three. I’m hoping she won’t remember this particular Christmas. I don’t remember any Christmases until I was 4 and I heard Rudolph up on the roof. Swear to God.

    I hate druggers, people who push them, make them, transport them. It used to be alcohol ruined Christmas and lives year around. Now I guess it’s meth or rock or whatever the shit is called.

    I’m glad you got it out of your system about Christian. And at least you pulled off one miracle today getting PO to promise on Rudolph’s life the package would get to your Mother. I’d say that’s a job well done.

    I wish I still had the sign that hung in my office for years. I’d send it to you. It read: Don’t worry, nothing will be all right.


  4. tery said

    My son is a cokehead and his wife is an alcoholic. Their 4 yr old son is the most adorable little boy, sweet and thoughtful and behaves. He’s learned to play by himself, he’s learned to not ask who the bum is asleep on the living room couch when he gets up in the morning, he knows not to bug mommy when shes hung over. He idolizes my son, who is an attentive father thanks to the coke. They are somewhere in between broke and rich, all the time. You can’t give them anything for a gift they can pawn. It breaks my heart to see my grandson live like this when my two daughters who also have families of their own are raising their kids in a much more wholesome environment.
    So many kids who are homeless, poor, in foster care- so sad especially at this time of year- but the kids who look on the outside like they are in stable 2 parent homes and are really living a lonely existence with the dredges of society sitting in their living room, I feel sorry for those kids too.
    Merry Christmas Kim and everyone, may all your Christmas wishes come true. And Merry Christmas and Gods blessings on Christian, a little girl without a home this Christmas.

  5. Tracey said

    I wish I could take her. She’d be fine here with my own 4!

  6. noorbe said


    Why do you allow your grandson to live with a cokehead and an alcoholic?
    As you write he “learned” to play” by himself, he “learned” not to ask questions, and he behaves himself……….
    Yeah, he’s sweet and adorable………………………..
    Just think why he’s behaving the way he does.
    Imagine his life when you’re not around.
    It breaks your heart to see him living like that?
    It breaks my heart, for you to allow him to live like that. That’s a crime.

  7. Kathy said


    I am thinking about you this Christmas Eve, and hoping happiness comes your way. Take care of one another.


  8. Tazzie said

    Oh, Kim, I am so sorry about your niece. I don’t see how you manage to keep writing the fucking stuff that makes all of us lol all the time. I hope Paul is holding you close and that you have plenty of egg nog and rum and that you will have a Merry Christmas.

  9. Sandy said

    Oh, Kim, please know I understand the guilt and pain you feel for this little gal. If I wrote my side of understanding, this post would be as long as your entire blog. Not being able to do anything is feeling beyond helpless.

    Applauds to your brother. Try to take some of your guilt away knowing his help does make this a bit better for your niece.

  10. luvgabe said

    Just noticed the snowflakes drifting across your blog, Kim! Thanks for the extra touch. A joyous Christmas to you & Paul 🙂

  11. mary c said

    Hi Kim, I am sitting here in Arkansas with no snow on the radar. Thanks for sending the flakes our way!! Hope you and Paul had a happy day, and pray you are feeling better.

  12. Val Dalton said

    Hey Kim,

    Your darn right that wouldn’t happen! How old is the little girl? Can I have her?? Luke would love a big sister to play with!!

  13. Susan said

    Kim, you are a wonder! Thanks for the thoughtful post about MM, an often misunderstood illness. About your niece, she’s a doll and I believe she’ll be OK. There’s strength your genes, something your sister probably passed along. Yes, “holy crap, I CAN deal with this” is genetic. Take care and here’s to you for a more comfortable New Year.

  14. Lorraine said

    I adopted a brother and sister from child abuse/neglect 14 years ago and was foster mom to several other kids. Had a helluva time fighting the system for the sakes of all the kids, burned out and quit foster care. With all that I know, all the totally stupid decisions I’ve seen social workers and judges make, all the hideous parents who fight for kids they demonstrate daily that they don’t really want, my emotional arms open to every kid I see in a suffering situation. I would take them all. My blood pressure soared, my clinical depression deepened and my anger at the injustice that, because these kids and most of their parents don’t vote, their needs are ignored, simmered under the surface constantly. I live with guilt all the time, but we can only do what we can do with what we have to work with.

    All kids want their parents–even kids who have been neglected and abused. My kids’ birth Mother was an actual abuser–still is actually–and gave my son the gift that keeps on giving when he was 22 months old. At least three blows to the head with weapon which caused him traumatic brain injury. With therapies and medications he has overcome a lot but it was a major life altering event for him. His Sister is “normal” if you can explain the night terrors, fear of losing me, low self esteem and sadness that she carries with her all the time at 16. Both are good kids with a chance at a normal life that they probably wouldn’t have had if Mommy Dearest had been their carer.
    They love me but have anger and sadness at losing their parents, even though they don’t remember the actual loss. Recently we have found my Daughter’s Father’s side of the family and good contact has been made. She now has a birth Dad, a paternal Grandma, an Uncle, an Aunt and a thousand cousins. Somehow this has made her whole–or is in the process of making her whole. We are in the process of searching for my Son’s Father now in hopes of a good result.
    As much as possible in a family situation such as yours Kim, the best that you can do is keep in touch. Send her cards and little “I think of you” presents. Give her a sense of family and roots just by keeping in touch. See if you can call her once in a while and maybe tell her some silly family stories of happier times. She may not really understand now but these kids hang on to their possessions and carry them everywhere. They glom onto family and preserve it in their minds–something to hang onto.

    My best to you and yours,


  15. Glenda said

    Let’s hope for a little more peace on earth in everyone’s lives next year. Take care of yourself and know that you are important in a lot of lives. I hurt for that darlin girl and hope that she will find a home where she will be loved and cherished as every child should be.

    A candle for hope. . .

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