The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Try Another Address

Posted by thedarwinexception on December 23, 2007

So do any of you work at the post office? Because I have a fucking stumper for you.

My mother lives in Temple Terrace Florida. She has lived in the same house for like 30 years. And she has had the same address all that time. Same zip code, same name, same street number.

I have been mailing packages to her for at least the last 25 years, since I have never actually lived in Tampa myself. I’ve always lived far enough away so that mailing packages was more sensible than bringing things to her.

So on Wednesday I mailed a package to her. Mailed it Priority mail, so that it would arrive by Monday, and insured the package for $200.00. Cost me almost $16.00 to mail this package. I had a tracking label, and kept going to the less than stellar “track and confirm” page on the Post Office web site to see where the package was at. Now, this isn’t UPS tracking – they don’t show you the progress of your package across the country, they basically just tell you “we got the package”, then a few days later the message changes to “it was delivered”.

But my package had a different message Friday night – it said “Processed at the Tampa facility at 6:25 pm”.

OK – good – should be delivered Saturday. Called my mother Saturday and said “Was the package delivered?” She says “no”. Huh?? Go to the post office tracking page and it says:

“Your item was undeliverable as addressed at 12:01 PM on December 22, 2007 in TAMPA, FL 33637. It is being returned if appropriate information is available.”

Ummmmmm…..what????

“Undeliverable as addressed”??? What the fuck does that mean?? How the fuck did I address it??

Now, luckily, I printed this label through the post office’s own “Click and ship” thing. So I go back to “click and ship” and see how it was addressed. Ok – that’s my mother’s name, that’s my mother’s address, that’s my mother’s zip code. I even took the damned address right out of my little “address book” on the click and ship website, because I MAIL PACKAGES TO HER ALL THE TIME, and they’ve always arrived before with no problems.

Now I am livid. Just livid. I mailed this thing fucking PRIORITY so it would get there by Christmas, and they are telling me it’s Un fucking deliverable???

I did call the 1-800-ASK-USPS number this morning, since they have “extended holiday hours” and pretty much all that happened with that was the lady asked me for the label number and all she said was  “Gee, it says undeliverable”. Like “Oh, ok, lady, that’s brand new fucking information.” And then she gave me the phone number to my mother’s post office and said “call them tomorrow – they open at 8.”

Yes, yes, I will. And I am going to go postal all over THEM. If they think they have problems with their employees going fuck nuts on them, well, they haven’t seen anything yet. If these people think I am going to spend ANOTHER $16 fucking dollars to mail the package again to the same person at the same address, well, they just better be thinking the fuck again. Because SOMEBODY is going to fucking credit me with the money I spent the first time. I will guaran fucking tee you that.

And you wonder why I am so fucking stressed out. It’s shit like this, just fucking pisses me right off.

So what the fuck does “Undeliverable as addressed” mean when that’s the RIGHT FUCKING ADDRESS? Why did this happen? Will they try to fucking charge me again to mail the package to the same person at the same address? Because I’d like to see them try to justify that. I paid with my credit card – I’ll dispute the charge I swear to God I will.

I’m just so pissed right now.

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21 Responses to “Try Another Address”

  1. Greg Smith said

    Sorry I can’t answer your questions. My own experience with Christmas mail involves trying to send a 5.25″x5.25″ rigid Christmas card — it was one of those special ones that open up to become a 3-d tree etc.

    At http://www.usps.com I learn that under rate code 101.1.2, letters that are not rectangular, or not flexible, or not evenly thick can not be machine cancelled. In addition to the normal postage for their weight and destination, they require a surcharge of 17 cents.

    No problem. Put 41 cents and 17 cents on this local mailing and take it into the post office to make sure (only because I also had a package to mail). Here I should add, in defense of the harried postal clerks, that the line was out the building but I still only waited nine minutes to get to the counter.

    Clerk says this has to go package rate because it is rigid — $1.13, not 58 cents. Hands me a flyer that says, among other things:

    1. Letters that meet one or omore of nonmachinable characteristics in DMM 101.1.2 are subject to the $0.17 nonmachinable surcharge.
    2. Pieces that are rigid, nonrectangular, or not uniformly thick pay package rates.

    Hello . . . . rigid, nonrectangular, or not uniformly thick are all covered by DMMM 101.1.2.

    So, if we’ve got a postal expert here maybe she can if it’s me or the post office.

  2. HT said

    Well, well, well, Little Missy is back to her old self again. How welcome is that? Very and damn, that’s how welcome.

    OK, Undeliverable as addressed means they can’t read. Chill. It’ll all work out. Really, it will. Whatever you do, don’t take your knitting needles to the Post Office Wednesday. Please.

    HT

  3. Amy said

    I wonder if something got onto the label (smudges of some kind) that obscured the address somehow?

  4. Greg Goss said

    Amy has a point. Ink jet printing is much easier to smear than laser. Always use a laser printer if the label has a chance of someone spilling coffee on it. Or getting rained on or whatever.

  5. I wonder if something got onto the label (smudges of some kind) that obscured the address somehow?

    I asked the lady that – if it could be that they couldn’t read the address – she said no, that there was a different code for unreadable addresses, and the package didn’t have that code.

    So who the hell knows.

    I’m just glad I insured the package.

    Kim

  6. Sea said

    Just had something similar happen with a package hubby was expecting. After a few calls, and getting no clear answers the package shows up. Hopefully yours will be a similar experience, Kim.
    Wishing you and all your readers happy (and as much as possible) stress free holiday.

  7. nita said

    I gave up mailing packages that matter through the post office years ago. Instead, I take my packages to the packaging store and send things through FedEx or UPS, whichever costs less. I’ve never had a problem and I have the comfort of following them through the tracking programs on the net.

    As far as cost goes, the packaging store is much in line with the post office.

    One thing I find interesting is that in mailing packages, “bigger is better.” I sent individual boxes to family members last year and spent $15-$20 a box. This year, I sent two HUGE, 30+ pound boxes at about $30 each! Go figure!

  8. skweekie said

    Don’t use the post office. Use UPS.
    I order alot from Amazon.com. I regularly have problems with delivery from the Post office, but never when Amazon uses UPS. I wish they would use UPS all the time.

  9. Sprocket said

    Only if I have to, do I use USPS. Their tracking sucks, and I’ve been very happy with FedEx ground. By having a FedEX account (it’s free) I save on the price charged to walk-in customers by printing my shipping labels myself. FedEx ground is very competitive with USPS. Give it a consideration Kim, next time you ship a package.

  10. Veronique said

    I’ll chime in on the other side; despite the vagaries and eccentricities of the post office, I prefer them to UPS. In my experience, UPS doesn’t actually deliver; they just put it on a truck and haul it around for awhile until they need more room on the truck, then they send the package back. It’s also more expensive and less convenient for me. UPS also conveniently delivered a package addressed to me to a neighbor’s house when I lived in a sketchy neighborhood, despite my large note on the door asking them not to. They admitted misdelivering the package, but it took six months to get them to admit the package was actually gone gone gone and for them to cough up the insurance money.

    At the post office, the clerks are surly but the mail carriers are nice. And they actually deliver.

    V.

  11. Caroline said

    If this post office is anything like my local PO, they have hired a lot of temps for Christmas who speak English as a second language. Now before you fellow bloggers get all in my face about this, I speak English as a second language also. These temps no doubt also READ English as a second language. Need I say more?

    Merry Christmas to everyone!

  12. Scottie Rich said

    I actually received a magazine with tire tracks across it!! Can you believe it??? I complained to the post office. They were very sorry but, they really don’t give a shit. I guess someone actually hated that issue of Bon Appetit and decided to toss it under the truck and drive over it a few times. I suppose I should just be grateful I got it.

  13. I guess someone actually hated that issue of Bon Appetit and decided to toss it under the truck and drive over it a few times.

    Now, see, if it was a Blender magazine, well, I could understand that.

    Blender magazine is a very, very sore spot with me and one of my absolute favorite rants.

    See – I don’t like Blender magazine. It may be a perfectly fine publication if you just love current music and are able to differentiate between lil bow wow and lil kim, but I can’t and I don’t like the magazine.

    But I was getting it free as a “bonus” from when I subscribed to Maxim. And I do love Maxim. Even though it’s technically a “man’s magazine”.

    So, I am getting every month – Vanity Fair, Maxim, Wired, and, grudgingly, Blender.

    Then, my brother comes to live here – and he subscribes to Blender. And then he moves out – and the Blender keeps coming – so now, I am getting Vanity Fair, Maxim, Wired, and, just to piss me off, *TWO* Blenders.

    Then I get a phone call – someone has “gited” me a bunch of magazines. And nothing good, either, but the lady is very excitedly listing off the magazines I am going to get every month – and she says “Better Homes and Gardens…OK Magaine…Outdoor Photographer…Stuff…Entrepeneur….Worth….AND BLENDER!!!”

    I tell her right then and there – “Lady, if you send me another fucking Blender magazine – I will hunt you down and kill you. Don’t you DARE send a Blender magazine to this house.”

    So she tells me I can go to their website and pick out a different title. So I did – I picked out “Sew News” – what the hell, might as well get ONE magazine out of this “gift” that I’d actually, like, read. Because honestly, who the fuck reads “Better Homes and Gardens”? I didn’t even know that magazine was still around.

    So now I am getting Vanity Fair, Maxim, Wired, and, just to piss me off, *TWO* Blenders, Better Homes and Gardens, OK Magaine, Outdoor Photographer, Stuff, Entrpeneur, Worth – and when the “gift” magazines start coming – I go to the mailbox, and there, I find *THREE* Blenders. They never stopped the “gift” Blender – they just added it onto the order!!!!

    What the fuck in hell shit is THIS????

    So now, I’m getting THREE Blenders every month.

    Then, a month or so ago, I get a little postcard in the mail. Seems “Stuff” magaine is going out of business. Since my “gift” subscription is already paid for FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS, they are going to substitute another magazine for the duration of the subscription.

    BLENDER.

    Oh my fucking god.

    Kim

  14. Veronique said

    So BLENDER is a music magazine? ‘Coz I tell you, I read your original rant and thought, “huh, I know there are a lot of ‘niche’ magazines, heck I probably subscribe to a bunch of that type myself, but a whole monthly magazine devoted to blenders? I mean, after the first twenty Hamilton-Beach centerfolds and ‘Margarita recipe of the month’ covers, I’d be pissed too!”

    Anyway to further rub salt in the wound, I mailed a big box priority mail from California on Tuesday December 18, and my mom called to say it arrived in Maryland on Wednesday December 19. I did send a friend to stand in line and mail it for me; he must have threatened them or something (he’s kinda a big guy.)

    V.

  15. Anyway to further rub salt in the wound, I mailed a big box priority mail from California on Tuesday December 18, and my mom called to say it arrived in Maryland on Wednesday December 19.

    Oh, believe me, the salt has been rubbed. I bought Paul some biker DVD thing on eBay on Wednesday. The seller wrote me to say it had shipped FROM HAWAII on Thursday, and said “I’m sorry, I don’t think this will reach you by Monday.”

    I wrote back and said “Oh, please, I’m not even worried about that – we don’t “do” Christmas, this was just something Paul had been looking for for a while, no big deal, not anything to fret over…”

    The seller wrote me back this afternoon and said “WOW! I checked your tracking number! You’ll get the item tomorrow! In time for Christmas!”

    FROM HAWAII!! TO NEW YORK!! IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!

    Fuck.

    Kim

  16. Val Dalton said

    Kim,

    Merry Christmas to you and Paul!!

    Dont get me started on the fucking post office. I ordered stuff from Amazon that was suppose to be delivered to me Dec 17th, I ordered it on the 10th!! It’s December 24th and its still not here! I “tracked” it if thats what you even call it and it had went from Illinois and some how got diverted to Massachusettes. They say it should be here by the 26th! Oh yippie the day AFTER christmas. WTF!

    Any news on zombie lady? No christmas dinner with her this holiday. And no Zombie new year what are we going to do?

    TTYS – Val

  17. luvgabe said

    Good to see you back to form with your “Blender” magazine rant. Made me laugh until silly 🙂

  18. So BLENDER is a music magazine? ‘Coz I tell you, I read your original rant and thought, “huh, I know there are a lot of ‘niche’ magazines, heck I probably subscribe to a bunch of that type myself, but a whole monthly magazine devoted to blenders? I mean, after the first twenty Hamilton-Beach centerfolds and ‘Margarita recipe of the month’ covers, I’d be pissed too!”

    And see? If it WAS a magazine about Blenders – hey, I could get into that! My friend Lesmond bought me a new blender last year (or maybe even the year before) when I first was having trouble keeping food in me. I use that thing EVERY DAY. I make milk shakes and protein shakes and milk shakes with jello mixes (and damn are those things GOOD – just ice cream, milk or heavy cream and a package of flavored jello – mmmm mmmm). But if Blender was a magazine devoted to blender recipes and stuff like that – well, I’d enjoy that – or at least ONE COPY a month I would enjoy.

    But no, Blender is a magazine devoted to hip hop and rap artists and people I didn’t even know existed like Ice-T or Lemonade or whatever the fuck that guys name is and bands named after vegetables like Corn and Succotash and Green Bean and Chili Peppers. And everyone is “little” – Little Kim, Little Bow Wow, Little King. Who the fuck are these people? And why are they all little? Don’t they eat?

    Out of the 2 plus years I’ve been getting this magazine I think I’ve seen ONE cover that had a person on it I recognized. And that was probably some “tribute” cover to somebody who was dead. I’m just not in their target demographic, because they don’t cover Harry Connick Jr or Michael Buble or anyone that I listen to. I don’t know what magazine coveres my kind of music – but it’s definitely not Blender. Maybe “Hand Crank Egg Beater”, but not Blender.

    Kim

  19. HT said

    All I could think of is Elvis singing “Return to Blender, address unknown, return to Blender and whatever the rest of the lyrics were”

    I learn things on this Blog.

    Merry Christmas to all, Kim, Paul, Milo, Chew-Dog, ZL wherever you are, Val, Leslie, Fonzie, Veronique, Swkeekie, all those at Aflac, oops, AFCA, and especially to those I missed.

    HT

  20. Kim (Canada) said

    You kll me –
    In a good way, and a way that makes me laugh hysterically….(I almost wrote hysterectomy….LOL)
    So glad to hear you ranting and raving like your usual self…I love it! Not so much YOU being frustrated, but your descriptive analogies and expressions…So entertaining.
    I do have a great sense of humour, and have been known to be quite the “ham” at times, but you lady, make me laugh like not too many others…and I so enjoy laughing – It’s got a way of making everything feel better…

    Anyways, I thank you for all the comedic writings, the impeccable “trial transcripts”, even the sewing stuff – I actually created my own l’il sewing box with needles and thread and other goodies I’m not quite sure what I’m to do with, but anyways – Don’t ask what I sew please, cause I’m not THERE yet. Other than every nautical/dolphin patch I own that I sewed onto my backpack, and a couple buttons here and there….well that’s it! But it’s a start eh? And all thanks to you!

    Last but definately not least, I thank you for sharing so much with us, and for being so honest about it – It means much, and I’m forever hooked! (Me and my addictive personality – Geez)

    Again, I send best wishes to you and Paul, and I send a Christmas Chuckle to everyone else out there…
    Please take care, and I’ll be back right after Christmas dinner tomorrow to check back in….

    “To ONE more sleep”

    Fonzie

  21. your bro said

    hey, i was just wondering, did i leave any copies of blender magazine there when i left? lol!! hey, save ’em up and i’d gladly take them if i ever get back there.

    love ya! gary

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