I Lost My Cookies
Posted by thedarwinexception on December 7, 2007
Today is the high holy day of the year.
“Lost Season 3” comes out on DVD. I already called K Mart this morning (they weren’t open) to see if they have it, and if it’s the same price as Wal Mart. K Mart is closer to me, which means I will get it faster if I go there, rather than Wal Mart. But I will get it today, as a Christmas present to me, and then I will sit here and veg and watch the whole thing.
It sucks that Paul is home today. He is going to have to deal with the Lost marathon, although he hates, hates, hates the show. Paul is one of those people who thinks that every show has to be a documentary. If *anything* happens in a scene that he *doesn’t* think could happen in real life, then he stops watching. Even something stupid like “that car couldn’t have jumped over that drawbridge and kept on running – the suspension would have been all fucked up or the axle would have broke”. Once the car kept on going – he would stop watching the show.
And Lost has *way* too many elements of “fantasy” for him to watch it. He stopped watching the minute he realized they were on a supposed “deserted island”. Paul is firmly of the opinion that there are no such things as deserted islands anymore. We argued about that for at least a couple weeks. At least until Locke got use of his legs back – then Paul *really* stopped watching.
But, I shall make the trip to K Mart or Wal Mart today and *I* shall enjoy “Lost Season 3” all by myself. I wish zombie lady was back – I’d start at season 1 and get her hooked, too. If Val didn’t have to go to one of her 17 jobs tonight, I’d get her to stay with me and watch it. She might come over after one of her 17 jobs today and bring me Christmas cookies she baked herself with all her extra time.
And speaking of cookies – we had a little dust up here the night before last. I came thisclose to killing Paul and throwing his dead ass in the creek. There are just some things that aggravate me to the point of homicide and the way Paul eats is tops on the list.
Saturday I went grocery shipping – late. I didn’t get home until after 6. They had bakery cookies on sale – 16 in a package for $1.75. Woo Hoo. I bought a package.
The when I got home – I made supper. And I made stuffed shells – from one of the recipe sites that someone in here posted. Then Sunday around 9 am I made a big brunch/breakfast with some pork sausage that we had bought from a friend who raises pigs and sells the meat after he butchers them. I bought a ton of pork for $1.00 a pound (so now you can send me your best pork recipes). There was some sausage in the huge box of meat the guy brought over, so I made a huge breakfast/brunch Sunday morning of sausage gravy on homemade biscuits, eggs and hash browns.
About noon I think “Oh, fuck! I have those cookies down there! MMMMmmmmm bakery cookies.”. I go down to the kitchen and there are 2 cookies left. TWO. I bring the package upstairs and I scream at Paul “What the fuck you fucking pig hog bastard???!!!” You ate ALL MY COOKIES!” He says “Well, Kim, you know how those bakery cookies are – there weren’t that many in the package. You know you never get as many cookies in there as you do like Oreos.” I said “Fuck You! There were SIXTEEN COOKIES” – LOOK – it says so right on the label – 16 count Chocolate Chip cookies!” Then he says “Well, Kim, I’ve been eating them for 2 days!” TWO DAYS???? I didn’t even get HOME until after 6 Saturday and it was now NOON on Sunday – how the fuck is that 2 DAYS!!”
Then he says “Well, Kim, you really should put those kinds of things away.” I don’t even fucking know what the hell that meant. I said to him “What?? I have to hide shit from you now in order to have it?” He said “Well, I’m thinking you would.” Which only makes me wonder how many boxes of Little Debbie snacks he has hidden all over the house.
But sometime AFTER 6 pm Saturday and the big meal of stuffed shells and salad and Italian garlic bread, and 9 am Sunday with the big breakfast/brunch, Paul managed to eat 14 cookies. And not the little Chip a Hoy chocolate chip cookies, either, these are the big bakery chocolate chip cookies. He ate FOURTEEN of them.
I swear to God, I could have strangled him.
How can this man even be human? How many people can eat like that?