The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 08/17/07 – 08/23/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on October 29, 2007

Still catching up in AFCA – unread post count is now 28,104


YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

the word “porpoise” is a contraction of the French “porc-poisson” (pig-fish),

The BRITA Water Filter System does not remove fluoride from tap water.  Fluoride is a negatively charged ion and does not react with the components of the BRITA Filter Cartridge.

“In Great Britain, the standard single measure of spirits in a pub was 1/6 gill (23.7 ml) in England, and 1/5 gill (28.4 ml) in Scotland; though this has now been replaced by either 25 ml or 35 ml measures (Landlords can choose which one to serve). There is a pub in Edinburgh called the The Quarter Gill, which famously insists on serving whisky by the 1/4 gill (35.5 ml). In southern England it is also called a noggin, but in northern England the large noggin is used, which is two
gills.

A woman said she and her toddler son were kicked off a plane after she refused a flight attendant’s request to medicate her son to get him to quiet down and stop saying “Bye bye, plane.”

Major General Daniel Sickles was also invalided by a cannon ball at the Battle of Gettysburg. His leg was amputated and he donated the leg to the Army Medical Museum in Washington, D.C., where it was put on display. Sickles visited the legs for several years thereafter. The leg is currently on display at National Museum of Health and Medicine.

Chondromalacia of the patella – or softening of the knee cartilage – produces a dull, aching pain under or around the kneecap. It is felt when the kneecap repeatedly
grinds against the thigh bone (femur), the bone behind the kneecap. This causes the cushioning behind the knee cap to break down. The break down of this cushioning is progressive. First, it softens. Then, it might fray, crack, crater, or tear. The pain is most noticeable going down stairs or hills.

“Lion cuts are sometimes performed for practical reasons, particularly when a cat’s fur has become too matted to brush or comb out and has to be cut right down to the hair line to remove the knots and tangles. Additionally, some cat owners favor periodic lion cuts for their pets because they believe domestic felines (especially long-haired varieties such as Persians) benefit from growing out whole new coats of fur every once in a while; others simply like the look of the lion cut for aesthetic
reasons.

Historically man-traps were mechanical devices for catching poachers and trespassers. The devices have taken many forms, the most usual being like a large bear trap, the steel springs being armed with teeth which met in the victim’s leg. Since 1827, they have been illegal in England, except in houses between sunset and sunrise as a defence against burglars.

When the second toe is longer than the big toe, it’s Morton’s Foot, after the same guy that Morton’s Neuroma is named for, and it’s a sign that the entire foot is likely to have problems.

On Thursday, 16th August 2007, the Skype peer-to-peer network became unstable and suffered a critical disruption. The disruption was triggered by a massive
restart of our users’ computers across the globe within a very short timeframe as they re-booted after receiving a routine set of patches through Windows Update.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

“You’d be surprised how many things that kills.”

Yeah, but admit it. That happened a lot the three years you were in kindergarten.

Maybe he’s a Welsh Wise Guy. They brought the baby Jesus cheese.

No man is an eyelet.

Organ grinder’s monkey.

They’d almost have to be from a gun  for them to go that fast.

I want a car horn that yells “Hang up and drive” in John Wayne’s voice.

Is that when Grandma causes convulsions?

I think God likes me better. He gave me a puppy.

I’m not going all the way to Malone to buy cinder blocks.

GUESS THE AFCA’N

Personally, I would probably do without, but the wife has a different opinion on the subject and she generally wins this sort of thing.

I found two unopened cans of Coors in the tomato patch this morning.

I haven’t had a lullabye in quite a while.

Shit, fuck, Jesus Goddamn Christ, my toe’s coming apart!

I have some long skirts from my raving fanatic days in the closet.

I have a mind like a steel trap…rusty and illegal in 37 states.

Well, clearly I don’t know nearly as much about ovens as I thought I did.

I studied quantum physics at Parallel University.

MOTTO’s

Bob and Ray said it, and I believe it, and that settles it.

This is AFCA. You’re allowed to post shit here.

It’s like masturbation. I don’t care one bit if you do it privately, but it is impolite (and downright un-civil) to do it in public.

When you haven’t been laid in more than four years, it’s maybe funny not so much.

The America you believe in does not exist.
 

I have not yet begun to argue.

That which does not kill be me makes me lose 5 inches of my intestine, vomit 2 liters of blood, suffer Grand mal seizures, feel like someone attached a vice to my testicles, rips my muscles from my tendons, makes my body temperature 103 (F) and ruptures my spleen.

It is a man of poor imagination who can think of only one way to spell a word.

There’s a clue there, it seems, but not enough of one for me.
 

This is AFCA.  Picky is what we do.

REJECTED HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS

Vold Wall Wart

AFCAN ADVICE

If the Zeeba invites you to go skydiving, don’t let him fly the plane.

STRIPPER NAME

Lucie grinder

INNOCENT QUERIES

Would you like a substitute earworm?  We have “It’s a Small World,” “Pina Colada Song” and “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” available.

You are saying that the discussion of things which are illogical is itself illogical. In saying that, you are discussing illogical things. So you are saying that what you are saying is bullshit. So why should I pay any attention to what you are saying, when you don’t believe it yourself?

What would a Brazilian wax museum be like?

What is wrong with me that I can’t even find a decent psycho?

They’re putting people on trial for stealing Barbies now?

Someone’s dicking around with your google group ratings? That’s about as threatening as being stalked by a garden snail.

COMPLIMENTS

I’m in awe of you not peeing in your pants while you were held at gun-point.

SIMPLE TRUTHS

Gene Shalit has a nose hair moustache.

It’s hard to be born clothed.
 

If you expect tender loving from a taser you’re in for a shock.

BAND NAMES

Cheeses of Nazareth.

the shave biopsy

The 1951 Furtwangler
 

Dryer Lint Taco
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I LIKE IT

“CONSUMER WARNING: MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF METAPHOR. MOUNTAINS MAY NOT ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE SKY AND STAND THERE”

BELIEVE IT OR DON’T
 

Karl Bohm’s final recording of the 9th is 79 minutes long (but still fits on a single CD). This partly has to do with the recording engineers not noticing Bohm’s death during the 4th movement.

Actually, it is a well known fact that giraffes lose heat through the small horns on the top of their head.  Zoos in cold climates often place a hat on the heads of their giraffes

Louisiana, of course, requires all doorways to be 5’7″ or lower, per the Napoleonic Code.
 

MEANINGLESS PROVERBS

You can’t catch any snails unless the beer is open.

It’s an ill wind that blows my skirt over my head.

Here today and out the other.

Of all the times we’ve been together, this has been one of them.

Many hands make big horse.

One rode a horse and one rhododendron

You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil has to be lead.  

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

A rolling stone spoils the soup.

You’ve buttered your bread; now lie on it.

You can catch more flies with honey when the barn door is open.

A bird in the hand is messy when you have to blow your nose.

Thing have never been more like they are than today.

Carpe Dime (Seize the Pay)

Crappy Diem (Have a shitty day!)

Carpe Carp (sieze the fish)

In a race between a rock and a pig, never varnish your clams.

People who live in glass house should use Windex.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t.

A fool and his money can buy a nice shirt.

A fish in the moat may gaze at the castle, but cannot counsel the Queen.

People who live in stone houses shouldn’t throw glass.

Never fuck a gift horse in the ass.
A rolling stone gathers no wool.

You can lead a gift horse to water, but don’t look it in the mouth in midstream.

Every once in a while even a blind squirrel finds a worm.

A stitch in time, sailor’s delight.

Glass bars do not a prism make

You can’t make hay from a sow’s ear.

“When night-time falls upon the farm, it be dark for many an hour.”

“Red sky at night, refinery’s alight.”
Don’t count your chickens until they’re hash.

You can’t make an omelet without breaking some legs.

The road to Hell is paved with bad inventions.

There’s no “I”  in “synergy”. And only one in “Cyclops”.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, prepare to die.

All roads lead to the other side.

“Sometimes you’ve gotta draw your sword in the sand.”

 

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3 Responses to “I Learned it in AFCA 08/17/07 – 08/23/07”

  1. njgill said

    According to a Playbill published by the Regent University, Virginia Beach, VA, theater dept. last season, when they put on “The Music Man” (remember “Gone, gone, Gone with the hogshead, cask, and demijohn, gone with the sugar barrel, pickel barrel, milk pan, gone with the tub and
    the pail and the tierce” from the song the salesmen sing in the train?), a noggin is only about 4 ounces. This may be a U.S. noggin as opposed to a UK noggin, or it may be propaganda put about by Regent, as they are a “Chrstian” university who may be wanting to discourage the wide-spread consumption of noggins by the populace at large.

    Hogshead – A very large barrel or cask. In the U.S. a hogshead was 63 gallons .
    Demijohn – A demijohn is a very large bottle, sometimes up to ten gallons in capacity. It was used to hold wine, molasses and other liquids.
    Noggin – A noggin is a small cup or mug about a quarter of a pint.
    Piggin – A small wooden pail.
    Firkin – A small wooden cask used to hold liquids, fish, butter and other commodities.
    Tierce – A cask holding the liquid measure of 42 U.S. gallons

  2. groo said

    Actually, it is a well known fact that giraffes lose heat through the small horns on the top of their head. Zoos in cold climates often place a hat on the heads of their giraffes

    Clearly, this is true.
    http://truemors.com/?p=15929

  3. […] I Learned it in AFCA 08/17/07 – 08/23/07 « The Darwin ExceptionThis entry was posted on October 29, 2007 at 10:26 am and is filed under AFCA, Random Questions, jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. […]

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