Notes From Malone
Posted by thedarwinexception on October 25, 2007
The dimwitted boyfriend of the pregnant thief came over last night. The pregnant thief had her third daughter a few months back. This new baby and the Cabbage baby are 9 months apart in age. The first thing I asked dimwitted boyfriend was – “So, what fucked up name did you give this one?” And, much to my delight, and the child’s everlasting horror, he didn’t disappoint.Seems there’s an “place” that is marked by a road sign that they travel by quite frequently down in the southern part of New York somewhere – and after saying the name over and over they started to kind of like it!! They aren’t quite sure where the “place” is, they haven’t actually been to the “town of Tricity”, but they like the name Tricity. (Pronounced as in elecTRICITY). So that’s what they named their kid.
So I had to ask – “Does this sign say “Welcome to the Tri City area?”
YES!! That’s it!! “Oh, is that what it is – TRI CITY?”
“Yeah, stupid fuck, it’s not Tricity, it’s TRI CITY. Like in Three Cities, you know? Tri = Three, like in TRI cycle. It’s not pronounced Tricity – as in ELEC TRICITY”.
Then he starts laughing and he says “Ha Ha – Electricity – I never thought of that! It is the same as that, isn’t it?? Oh man, electricity – that’s kind of fucking dumb, isn’t it? Hahaha – Oh well, too late now.”
So, Precious is still number one – and now elec TRICITY is number 2 stupid name of all time. I’m just glad the pregnant thief didn’t move somewhere near the town of Intercourse.
In other news, I finally called about the Zombie lady – only because it got really cold last night and I was worried about her firing up the gas grill. Oh, and also because she pissed me off yesterday. Paul was out back checking out the clearing that the county guys did and I was walking Milo and noticing that with the fence gone and all the brush cleared out I now have a *wonderful* new view straight into Zombie’s backyard. So it will be a great new vantage point for spying. Well, Zombie lady noticed us back there, and she came rushing out of her house to “talk” to us – apparently she thinks that since there is no fence there now that she can just like wander all over our backyard and it’s like, part of her yard now.
So she comes rushing over and she says “Akeem, Akeem, why are you so mad at me, no? What did I do to you, no?” I guess she just doesn’t understand the whole fucking concept of “leave me the fuck alone.” So Paul starts chuckling and he says “Yeah, Akeem, what did she ever do to you?”
So I said to zombie “Look, I’m not mad at you – I’d have to like give a fuck to begin with to be mad at you, wouldn’t I? You just pissed me off with your constant fucking banging at the door. I don’t like company. And I don’t like people knocking on my door to ask me idiotic fucking questions that they know I don’t have the answers to. It seems like a waste of my fucking time. If you are simply lonely or want to like be in a house with electricity, just fucking knock and say ‘Can I hang out here for a while, you know, where there’s a fucking TV’ but don’t knock just to ask me stupid fucking questions so you can like get a glimpse of what overhead fucking lights look like or what fucking heat feels like. Because constantly interrupting me for no reason is going to piss me off. There’s just no reason for that shit.”
She kind of looks at me all bewildered and mutters something unintelligible as she walks away. Probably some kind of life force sucking curse, is what I’m thinking.
Paul is still chuckling and he says to me “Well, that’s not fair, you know. You make up excuses to go over and see the inside of *her* house, don’t you? Didn’t you want to see the window vines and the gas grill? Why should you bitch at her for making up excuses to come over here so she can see real live furniture in a house?”
Which is kind of true, but you know, people pay money to go inside and see the Ripley’s Believe it Or Not House, not to see like normal fucking houses. Unless like someone famous lived there or got killed there. I wanted to go in her house because it was fucking unbelievable. I don’t think that means she can wander through mine just to see what a fucking couch looks like in it’s native environment. Or what a fucking running refrigerator sounds like.
But, anyway, I did call Adult Protective Services about her. They didn’t seem all that interested, to tell you the truth. I told them her first name, but I don’t know her last name, and it was odd that they asked me if I knew her phone number. That kind of put me off a bit. I told the lady “Honey, she doesn’t even have running water or electricity. What makes you think she has a phone?” But I gave them her address, and told them that I was concerned that by the end of the winter she would either be dead from asphyxiation, or she will have blown up half the street. They said they would “look into it”, whatever that means. I’ve been watching to see if anyone does a drive by or comes to like peek in the windows, but I haven’t seen anyone yet.
But I am kind of hoping that zombie lady has her solar lights out on Halloween, because I’m really looking forward to a bunch of little kids knocking on her door. Is there such a thing as Trick or Treating in Russia? Because a bunch of bratty assed little kids in masks knocking on her door and yelling “trick or treat” at her is bound to fucking freak her ass right out. And let’s see how *she* likes being interrupted every 5 minutes by someone knocking at her door.
I’ll give the kids an extra Peanut butter cup if they knock on her door and don’t leave until she answers. Serves her right.