The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

  • Recent Posts

  • Stuff I Blog About

  • Visitors

    • 973,480 People Stopped By
  • Awards & Honors

    Yesh, Right! I don't HAVE any "Awards & Honors" - so nominate me for something - I want one of those badge things to put here. I don't care what it is - make up your own award and give it to me. I'm not picky.
  • Advertisements

Here Kitty Kitty

Posted by thedarwinexception on October 12, 2007

 So it’s been COLD here. In the 40’s. Cold enough that we’ve turned the new furnace on once or twice and we’ve had a couple loads of wood in the woodstove to ‘take the chill off”. Which makes me kind of worried about the zombie lady – because it’s got to be cold over there, too. And she doesn’t have any conventional heat source – since the furnace won’t run without electricity, and well, she sure as hell isn’t using a space heater.

She’s been coming over most mornings and I fill up a thermos of coffee for her. Of course, I don’t know how to make coffee, so all I do is take a pot of water and run it through the grounds that Paul has used that morning. (ewwwwww…) I keep meaning to ask him how much coffee he puts in there, so I can some day make her a fresh pot, but she doesn’t seem to be complaining, so…whatever…..

She came over Friday and asked Paul for the pot of coffee, since he was home and answered the door. I told him “yeah, she comes over every morning and asks…,.” Unlike my usual practice of letting her stand in the living room while I run the water through the used grounds, he actually did make her a fresh pot and told her “here, give me the thermos, and I’ll bring the coffee over when it’s done.”

When the coffee was done and he brought it over to her, he yelled to me from downstairs before he even got in the door “KIM, KIM, COME HERE, You won’t Fucking believe this shit!”

So I went downstairs, and he was all excited and he says “God DAMN! Don’t light a fucking match over there!” I didn’t know what the hell he was yelling about, so he explained.

Apparently her source of heat is a gas grill that she has set up in her living room, and with no ventilation, the fumes are pretty bad in there. Paul told her “Look, you need to open a fucking window or something in here before these fucking fumes explode.” So she opened her back door and sat out in the backyard for a while – with her Thermos. And see that tree? That’s PART of the one that Paul had to cut down – the one she was attempting to cut down with the hacksaw (after reading the instructions for the saw so it wouldn’t fall on my house.)

But the BIGGER news that Paul was all excited about was what she was eating. Remember how she said “I eat the cans”? Yeah, well…. there’s more to that story.

When Paul knocked on her back door, she tried to hide the little can she was eating from, but Paul saw it. It was a can of cat food. And the can was open and she had a fork in her hand. Paul said he almost puked.

I said “Well, are you sure she was eating it?” And he said “Kim, Does she *HAVE* a cat?”

Well, no…..

I’m thinking it’s time for a n intervention. Seriously. I’m really thinking of calling that Social Services place and having them do a welfare check on her. You know, to check on her welfare. Maybe they can convince her that she needs to pay National Grid their money and get her lights turned back on. Because she can’t survive there all winter on the heat form a gas grill. I don’t know how she managed last year, but she isn’t in Russia anymore – this is America, and we don’t eat cat food and not have a phone or a TV. That’s not American.  If she wants to live like that, well, she needs to go back to Russia.


18 Responses to “Here Kitty Kitty”

  1. Karen said

    I feel like crying. I can’t believe poor zombie lady is eating cat food. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I will be happy to buy a gift card from a local supermarket for her.

  2. Holy Toledo said

    Are you shittin’ me? I’m speechless……

    I keep thinking you make this stuff up but then you include a picture which is worth quite a few words and in this case more than that.

    While I have the chance I just want to say I’ve really enjoyed your blog. I found you around the time of Spector trial. It’s really been fun, so much so I’ve been reading your archives. But all good things come to an end and that’s what I see in store for you IF YOU DON’T FUCKING CALL ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES!!!!!! She is going to die but my real concern is she’s destined to take out more than herself you see.
    And when I say more I’m referring to you, Milo, the other dog, Paul and the Harley Barn, on, on, on, on.

    Please for the love of humanity make that call.


  3. IndyGena said

    Awwwww! That’s tragically sad… 😦

  4. I keep thinking you make this stuff up but then you include a picture which is worth quite a few words and in this case more than that.

    Nope – ask Val – she’s my witness. She’s seen a bunch of this crap with her own eyes.

    Please for the love of humanity make that call.

    I’m thinking I might have to – if for nothing else than a new voice and a new person to try and explain to her that it’s NOT A VAST CONSPIRACY, that National Grid is NOT SINGLING HER OUT BECASUE OF HER INVENTION.

    I haven’t been able to tell her this, Paul hasn’t been able to tell her this, the old lady across the street has not been able to tell her this, no one has. She truly believes that the fact that they shut off her power has abolutely nothing to do with the fact that she hasn’t paid them. She doesn’t see it.

    Personally, I just want to fucking strangle her. She is just way too old and too smart about SOME things to NOT get it.


  5. I feel like crying. I can’t believe poor zombie lady is eating cat food. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I will be happy to buy a gift card from a local supermarket for her.

    It’s not that, Karen. The woman HAS money. Lots of money. Probably more money than you and I together. It’s not a question of money. It’s a question of her “beliefs”, her culture, her values and her priorities. She HAS the money to pay her light bill – but she told Paul when he was over there “Oh, they are afraid of me and my ideas. Now this is a matter of principle – I no pay them until they recognize other fuel sources and give me respect I am due.”

    Paul tried to tell her “Look, they don’t give a flying fuck about your principles. Do you think they have some executive whose only job is to lose sleep over people who have no electricity because they can’t pay them? They don’t care, lady. Just pay the bill and be done with it.”

    She said she never would.

    But at the same time, she’s hauling in electric space heaters that SHE CAN’T USE because she has no electricity. Paul asked her “Why do you have all these space heaters? I can probably run a cord over to you from the Harley barn – do you want me to do that – it won’t be a lot of heat, but it will be some.” She says “No, these are for when I finish with my invention and they will work without National Grid – and I no want no power cord from you – your electricity is from National Grid – if I use, then they will turn off your power – they know these things.”

    Paul tried telling her, no, we pay our bill, no worry there, but she thinks that if SHE’S using our power, then the vast conspiracy will demand that National Grid shut off ours, too.

    But she does have like 50 space heaters over there – all electric, all brand new, in the box. Paul tried to tell her if she had taken that money and paid her bill, she’d be all set. She just said “Oh, pay bill, makes no difference….they no give me power…”

    So it’s not money, it’s what she believes. And try as I mmight, I can’t convince her otherwise.

    I was hoping maybe Social Services could.


  6. Veronique said

    I am kind of indifferent to whether people eat cat food, but she could die by carbon monoxide fumes with the gas grill, even if someone doesn’t happen to light a match. Kim, I’d call someone unless because it doesn’t seem as if she has very much sense about taking care of herself.


  7. Kim (Canada) said

    Any idea what this “invention” might be all about – This woman “genius” material? Or she just dreaming in a make believe world that she’s genius” material?
    I’m thinking something’s gonna have to be done…I live in the “great white north” and the temps have been dropping rapidly already….Can’t imagine what the “real” winter has in store for us this year, but I can’t imagine a gas grill keeping her all that warm – Might work with warming up the “cat food” but I’m thinking that’s the extent of that….
    As far as Paul offering to run an extension cord from the barn….How sweet is that? Sweet! But no doubt will set some precedent and then you’ll have Rocky and her “A-hole” boyfriend wanting you to borrow some “hydro” too – I hope she eventually accepts that offer or gets her ass in gear with her invention. Time is ticking and real winter is setting in in about two months and well, I’ve seen Canada and the northern States have some major-ass, wicked cold, wind and snow storms before real winter even hits….
    I ain’t religious, but I have a deep need suddenly to pray for this “zombie”….
    How the B-day go?
    I Send wishes for a good day to all….

  8. Holy Toledo said

    I told you the birthday card was stupid.


  9. that is soooo sad. Obviously we need an intervention from a pyschiatric agency.

    Although the “system” is so screwed up, they may be able to help. You definitely need to call. If something happens (she blows up the house), you’ll never forgive yourself for not picking up the phone.

  10. Shiobhan said

    Hi Kim –

    First of all, I have been lurking on your site since the Spector Trial, and love it. Your writing style is fantastic.

    As for the Zombie Lady, Im scared for you her, and you. The women has issues that need to be dealt with.

    I know Malone isnt your favorite place, but do they have a social services department within the city? I think a well being check is in order, and hopefully someone can get this women the help she needs.

    Im anything but a bleeding heart liberal, but this story is getting me for some reason, must be menopause.

    Keep us posted, please.

  11. tuppence said

    Hi Kim,
    While (probably like you) I seriously believe in one minding one’s own business, this seems to go beyond that. Zombie Lady has mental problems if she she can afford to live comfortably and safely and does not. Put me in the group that thinks what she is doing is DANGEROUS. How would you feel if you did nothing and there was a blizzard? (And I’m assuming social services do not move at lightning speed if push comes to shove.)
    Also, think about this: you can certainly care about her well-being, but would you want her in YOUR home if the temperature drops and there is no where for her to go?
    Any Mad Russian (written with affection) readers out there who can offer some help and insight into this lady’s mindset, which is obviously eluding most of us?

    Good luck!

  12. Val Dalton said

    My sister works for a grocery store and a lot of really poor old ladies buy mostly cat food, and some of them have told her its cheaper than buying other foods so they choke it down and eat it. My mom actually gave money to a lady one day so that she could buy real tuna fish. Does zombie lady have a job? If not where does she get her money? I mean she must have some money to plant those plastic flowers in her “garden”. You should really call social services 483-6770 or Adult Protective Services 481-1833. It’s obvious she is in need of something. I can’t find the number for mental health….

  13. Susan said


    “Crazy Lady” needs a conservatorship. She’s violating a bunch of health codes and putting your home and surrounding area in jeopardy. Not to mention the hepatitis, e-coli, campylobacter, staph, etc., threat she poses. Adult Social services needs to make a STAT call to her home, get her on the grid as well as oversee her finances. She’ll try to fight any type of oversight but right now she’s a danger to herself and the community. Good Luck.

  14. Sprocket said

    This is just so sad. You live next door to it, and there’s no way she will let you help her. (Except maybe to give her some cans of Spam or SpagettiO’s.)

    If you could find another Russian who could communicate with her, you might see some progress.

  15. Djinn Singh said

    There are several issues at work here.

    1. There’s nothing particularly wrong with cat food if you’re accustomed to eating offal, which many cultures do. We don’t much, so to us it’s gross. She might think it’s delicious.

    2. If she were thinking logically, she’d realize she’s compromising her principles by using *your* electricity to obtain hot coffee, so her objection to a line from the Harley Barn is ridiculous.

    3. What she’s doing and how she’s thinking aren’t necessarily signs of mental problems. Could be they’re just cultural differences. It looks as if what she needs most is someone fluent in both her language and in English, to explain to her how she’s going about it all in the wrong way. No one who speaks only English is going to get through to her.

    4. Unless . . . if you or Paul could explain to her that refusing to pay National Grid is playing right into their hands (if she stays cold, hungry and dirty, it will take just that much longer for her to complete her “invention”). What she needs to do is pretend to go along with them by paying them to have her electricity connected, then using as much of it as possible to deplete their reserves until her invention can put them out of business (fight conspiracy with conspiracy). If she uses up their supply (wink, wink), they’ll be desperate to use her invention as soon as she can make it available. She might be intelligent enough to see through all of this, but the “fact” of solar microwaves and the conspiracy tend to suggest otherwise.

    5. Finally, but hardly least, there is the health and safety issue of either carbon monoxide poisoning, or exploding fumes from the grill, either of which could directly affect you and Paul and your furry friends (If she dies of carbon monoxide and no one immediately notices, the vermin this would attract could head in your direction).

    If you do call for an intervention (and you should), ask that they send someone who speaks her language, and that that person speak to you first, so you can explain things.

  16. Kathy said

    I have a sister that has become increasingly psychotic over the last several years, (she was basically normal until about the age of 35 or so). She believes City Utilities is fucking around with all the lights and computers in the house. She is convinced it is a conspiracy directed at her. She lives with my mother, so my mother pays the utility bill. She actually believes they sit in the trees around the house and spy on her. They have also implanted devices in her dogs to keep track of her and make the dogs do weird things like lick themselves. 🙂

    Anyway, your lady sounds a lot like my sister. My sister hasn’t done anything yet, but we are scared she is going to attack someone eventually. My mother won’t let me or my other sisters do anything, but I think you should at least call someone before this gets out of hand. There’s no telling what kind of things she’s doing that you don’t see!! Before long, you may be part of the conspiracy!

    BTW, love your blog….you are now my homepage!

  17. Holy Toledo said

    Glad you shared your stickers. Those are the best.

    My best friend was a social worker for Adult Protective Services and dealt with this sort of thing on a daily basis so I’m used to hearing these stories. Usually the agency is run through county Job and Family Services but that might vary from state to state. She does need immediate intervention. My guess is she’s mentally ill (in our terms) probably brought on by being in a foreign culture and Lord only knows what else. Rosey also worked for a Jewish agency that assisted Russian Jews who came here for whatever reason. Same sort of stories but in Toledo they had interpreters and people from the synagogue that helped to a point. Bottom line, she’s a danger to the community and herself. It will only get worse, sad to say.

    Man, what a nice haul of yarn. That one pattern for the white yarn will be perfect. Why I almost wish I had a baby.

  18. Emily said

    I am another, usually silent, admirer of your great blog. But I fear that your old lady is exhibiting symptoms and behaviours compatible with a diagnosis of Schizophrenia. Medication will help and may even get her to reconnect her utilities. So I agree with your other posters, an assessment and intervention is required

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: