The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Nobody Detailed the Bike – Really

Posted by thedarwinexception on October 10, 2007

I have been busy. Busy doing nothing, mostly. But busy.

I have been rearranging (sigh) the sewing room, trying to make room for all this new fucking yarn. I really must stop with the eBay buying binge. I have no place for more yarn. I really need to go back to the dollar store and get like 10 more of those storage bin things. I still have yarn everywhere – and more is expected in the mail.

And the daughter of the old lady across the street sold the house – to some manager of some pharmacy in town. So she has to get rid of the rest of the furniture that’s in the house, so I made an offer on the dining room set that I have been wanting very much, but not wanting enough to pay the price she was asking for it. She accepted the offer I made, so I will get that on Sunday – which necessitated clearing out my dining room.

And now I must make curtains for the whole house, I’ve been putting it off long enough, I have got to do it. I have curtains in the kitchen, and zipper curtains in the sewing room, and CD curtains in the computer room, and those are the only curtains in the house. It’s really time to make curtains.

Oh – Rocky was here today. Her boyfriend was to go with Paul to pick up Paul’s paycheck and stop at the bank, because Reggie couldn’t go, and Rocky’s boyfriend was going in Reggie’s place to pick up Reggie’s check. 

When he called earlier this morning, he said that she was “just getting coffee” and they would be right over. Paul told him “Oh, Don’t have her come – Kim’s not in the mood…” but the boyfriend hung up.

So she came over, too. It wasn’t long before I found out why. She immediately screamed out to me the whole tale – “You know, he didn’t want me to come. He said that Paul told him Kim wasn’t in a good mood, but I told him “Oh, Kim and I are good friends, I’ll get her out of a bad mood.”” I said to her – “No, I told Paul to tell you not to come – I’m always in a bad mood, and I highly fucking doubt company is going to ever alleviate that.”

Then she cryptically said “Well, I know why he didn’t want me to come – it’s because when he gets that money, he wants to go and fuck off with it and not give me any of it, and he knows he owes me money – he WILL pay me back that fucking income check money he stolt” (That’s the way she pronounced it – stolt.)

Now, what money she was referring to, I did not know – as far as I knew he was going to pick up Reggie’s check – that wasn’t his money, was it? Or was that going to get stolt, too?

So I say to her “What money is he getting?”

And she says – “Oh, the money he made working for Paul.”

Ummm…what? So I look at her kind of incredulously, because I know Paul way better than that. Number one, what the hell is he going to hire her decrepit old man to do for him, and number two, why the hell didn’t he pay him when he did whatever he did? Paul would NEVER “hire” someone to do anything and not pay them right away. So I say to her “My Paul? Working for *My* Paul? Doing what? How much does he think Paul owes him?”

And she explains in some half assed way that Paul owes her boyfriend $50 for “detailing his bike”. And now I know that somebody’s lying, because the bike hasn’t been detailed, Paul would never have her boyfriend do it *anyway*, and Paul has had the bike sitting in the driveway for the past three weeks. There’s no way he would pay someone $50 to detail the bike and then leave it outside, and there’s no way he would have it detailed at the *end* of the riding season – he pays someone to do that at the *beginning* of the season – and that guy only charges $25.00.

So I look at her and say “Really”.

I think she got from my tone that I wasn’t buying this shit, because she started talking about how, well, you never can believe anything that comes out of her boyfriend’s mouth anyway, and how he was probably just fucking lying to her again, and how he better not be lying to her and he better have $50 for her…..

And finally Paul and her boyfriend get back, just in time, too, although I’m not sure which is worse, having her hit on me or just listening to her fucking mouth run. They’re both pretty fucking intolerable.

She immediately screams down the stairs to her boyfriend – loud enough that I get up and go downstairs to bitch at Paul for leaving me here alone with the fucking loud bitch, and the only thing I hear her say to her boyfriend when he gets upstairs is “Did you get your money?”

So I go to Paul and say “Well, it’s your fault she’s here – she only came to make sure she got that $50 you owe to her boyfriend before he went out and fucked off with it.”

Paul says “What $50? I don’t owe her old man $50.”

Which I kind of, sort of figured.

So I went back upstairs in time to hear her boyfriend telling her “Don’t start” – so I guess he told her that Paul didn’t pay him – which kind of irritates me, you know? I mean, if you are going to lie to your girlfriend, hey, that’s ok with me, but don’t drag me or Paul into your fucking fantasy. I don’t want this fat bitch thinking Paul owes her money, you know?

After they left, Paul said that the minute Paul got out of the bank, the guy said to him “Hey, do you have $20 I can borrow?” And Paul told him,. “Gee, Dude, sorry, I just deposited my whole check, I have enough cash to make it through the weekend, but nothing extra. I really don’t keep a lot of cash.” And that was a lie, but he said he didn’t want to lend the guy any money because, well, let’s be realistic, the guy’s a non working thief, who knows how or when he’s going to pay you back?

But I imagine the reason he wanted to borrow the $20 was to tell Rocky “Yeah, here’s $20, it’s all he had.”

But the more I think about this whole thing, the more I think I am going to call her tomorrow and tell her “Look, stupid ass, the guy lied to you again – Paul doesn’t owe him any money.” Just because it REALLY bugs me to think that SHE thinks Paul owes it to her. And I may even talk to her boyfriend and tell HIM – “Look, dude, you need to keep us right the fuck out of your lies.”

What do you think? Would you call her and let her know, or just let it be, because, really, who gives a flying fuck what she thinks?


16 Responses to “Nobody Detailed the Bike – Really”

  1. Holy Toledo said

    This is hard. My first thought was *get rid of both of them, the sooner the better*…..

    But then I got to thinking….they’re such great fodder for your blog. I hate to see your subjects limited.

    Nah, they’re scumbags. I’d rather hear about zombie lady and big bird or perl one, two….however that goes. Cut em loose, birthday girl.


  2. PatAZ said

    Tell her. Otherwise, you will never hear the end of it.

    Love how you say what you mean and mean what you say.

  3. LOL Kim…yeah, tell her and get rid of both her and her boyfriend…what winners! That way you’ll have more time to organize your sewing room…

    I want to hear more about Zombie Lady…she intriques me!

  4. Kathy said

    I would tell her.

    I would also act insulted that they had both treated you guys in this way. Act very indignant, like maybe she was in on the whole thing, and maybe she will think you are mad at her also.

    I have told my sisters and my mom how rude I think it is to go to someone’s house unannounced. At first, they did not get the hint, but when I didn’t answer the door, and they heard the lock clicking into place when they were standing right at the door, I think they finally got it. It sounds mean (especially with family), but sometimes these things have to be done! Life is too short to have to spend time with someone that sucks the life out of you!

    I have put people I know into two categories. Those that give you enery and make you feel good, and those that just seem to suck the life energy right out of you.

  5. Sprocket said

    I wouldn’t tell her until you were forced into her presence again through unforseen circumstances. My goal would be to avoid them completely from now on.

  6. manofstraw said

    I’m torn.

    First instinct is: Tell her!

    Smarter thought? is: You will only be digging yourself deeper into their soap opera.

    I once had a stalker (minor as these things go) and I talked to an attorney who said, “the thing these people crave is reaction. If they can’t get love, they will settle for hate, annoyance, whatever. Give them nothing and they will go away.”

    Might work?

  7. Gail said

    “Look, dude, you need to keep us right the fuck out of your lies.”——and LIFE!

    LOL I think I would tell Paul he can’t play with Rocky’s boyfriend anymore LOL Get rid of two birds with one stone! 😉

  8. skweekie said

    It’s only a small step from asking for money and then stealing it, or other valuables from your house.

    here are some options I have found work well with unwanted friends/relatives.

    1) Post a large “Danger! Cholera!” sign on your front door.

    2) Buy an anaconda. Keep it in your bathtub.

    3) Change your phone number or at least get caller ID.

    4) Tell Paul that if he doesn’t stop inviting them over, you will take matters into your own hands. You have an excellent legal mind, a shovel and a large plot of land. People disappear every day….

  9. damsel44 said

    I would tell her and follow it with “Sorry, Paul says I really can’t play with you anymore, you are a bad influence.” rofl Then dump both of them post haste. No one needs that sort of melodrama in their life. And you never know how far they will go to involve you and Paul. It could turn out bad if the “boyfriend” gets caught doing something illegal and draws the two of you in with the police. Scary thought.

  10. joolz said

    Hey Kim,
    If it were me…
    I would tell her to keep her life-sucking, anti-energy force fat ass the fuck away from me and mine.
    Suggest that she and her fuck buddy jump into the black fucking hole that is her brain, and die a slow, cold death.
    But, that’s just me.

  11. brdsnbs said

    I would tell her. I can’t believe Paul left you alone with her again!

    Happy Birthday Kimmers!!!

    Love Ya!

  12. Arm's Length said

    I would not let either one of them near me again. If you accidentally open the door or see them grubbing for P&Js in the kitchen, plead headache and tell them to GO. You are FAR TOO BUSY doing NOTHING for this horseshit.

    OH. YEAH. Happy Birthday. And WHOA what a fine fine gift Paul manifested for you, which only means ONE THING TO ME: Your little town has a far cooler main street than my little town.

    Many many happy returns.

    ((I love Skweekie’s advice as well. I mean, hell, we can all be your friends to testify under oath as to Paul’s poor judgement, excepting the occasional well-selected gift, and risky behavior if need be. From now on this sort of torture is repetitive and intentional.))

  13. luvgabe said

    Happy Birthday, Kim! May the year ahead brings all manner of good things: much-deserved sewing and writing awards, and better neighbors of the non-Zombie variety!

  14. NEsleuth said

    Hi Kim,
    The first time I left a comment, it self destructed, so I’ll try again. I’d tell them you don’t owe them money. I’d also tell them that if they ever come to your house again, you’ll have them arrested for trespassing. I agree with the above posts pointing out the likely direction this whole thing could and probably would go. I’d also tell Paul never to bring them home again, here’s the line, want the consequences? I don’t see anything good coming out of contact with these idiots. Why risk it? The zombie lady is more fun. But that’s just me. I have an aversion to leeches.

    Happy Birthday!!

  15. sewsforbikers said

    lucky you, you have a sewing room. i have 3 machines- one is industrial high-post roller-foot for leather , i guess it was originally for shoes. i have all this stuff and noo place to put it except bins,boxes and tins, lars , etcc i keep saying my ass just ain’t big enough to shove it all in to put it away.. and it never will be big enough!!! lol
    you got a bunch of good advice here. glad to see folks care.
    good luck to you .

  16. redfear said

    Late comment but…. do we live in the same house and not know it?! Only it’s my nearly ex old man that’s the fuckin’ liar oops

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