Bye Kimmer – Love Ya!!
Posted by thedarwinexception on October 5, 2007
So you know, today was……a day.
And I don’t want to hear any more shit from anyone about my aversion to people coming over to my house, my reluctance to have “friends” and the people here in this backwards fucking town.
Rocky was here today. Remember Rocky? She’s the rather large woman – the loud one who calls me “Kimmer”, which I hate, but really fucking hate even more now. The one who always says “Love ya!” when she finally fucking leaves. Yeah, I got your “love ya” right here.
So she was here today. Since March the woman has been on my ass about getting in touch with the IRS for her. Seems her refund check (for a whole $350) never came. So I’ve been calling them, and filling out forms and registering online and doing all this shit trying to track down her refund check. Since March. The last form we filled out said “You should hear from us by October 1st – if you don’t come back here.” So, right on schedule she came over today with her loud self “OH WE HAVE TO GO BACK ON THAT WEBSITE BECAUSE THEY SAID I SHOULD HEAR SOMETHING BY OCTOBER 1ST AND I HAVEN’T………..KIMMER.”
Oh fuck me.
So I went back on the site, I filled in all the shit – again. Only to get a telephone number – “call us and give us this number when you call”. So I called – and sat on hold for 20 minutes with her loud ass going on and on over my shoulder. And they said “It was cashed – we sent you a copy of the check.”
So she calls her “roommate/live in boyfriend/Husband” (I don’t quite know what they actually are – it changes according to how mad she is at him at the moment) and she says to him “THEY SAID IT WAS CASHED – YOU BETTER COME CLEAN BECAUSE THEY ARE SENDING ME A COPY OF THE CHECK DID YOU CASH MY CHECK TELL ME THE TRUTH BECAUSE I AM GOING TO PURSUE THIS WITH THEM.”
He says “Yeah, I cashed the check.”
Which really pissed me off. Because the LAST time she was here and I went through this shit of filling out forms and having to put up with her loud ass he swore up and fucking down he didn’t touch it. I believed him, he sounded so sincere. And I am not quite sure which I am more pissed off about, that the fucker lied right to my face, that he did it so convincingly, or that I believed him.
Or maybe it’s just that I had to listen to her loud ass bitch for the next half hour about how she was going to do this and going to do that, and I finally told her “well, I’d be hauling my fat ass down to the fucking police station post fucking haste and fucking filing charges. That’s the only way the IRS is going to reimburse you the money – if you file charges.”
Then we get into the interesting part – the part where fucking bizarro world takes over.
She tells me “No, I can’t file charges against him because, you know, he’s the only bread winner right now, since I got fired from my job, and until and unless I get another job, I have to keep him around.” BUT – “But” she adds – “BUT – we don’t have sex, anyway, I don’t like sex, I have no interest in it – especially with him. I haven’t had sex in 6 years, I’ve been totally celebret” (that’s the way she pronounced it – celebret – and I don’t know if you can really BE celibate, if you can’t even SAY celibate). “How about you – do you like sex, do you and Paul have sex?”
So I do some kind of bad movie double take look at her and I say the only thing that comes into my head right at that particular moment – so I look at her and say “HUH?”
She says “Do you and Paul get along – you guys get along I bet, don’t you? I’ve never seen you guys fight – not like me and that asshole roommate of mine” (now he’s a roommate).
Glad to be on a different sort of topic, I say “Yeah, we get along – we don’t ever really argue – and even if we did, I wouldn’t argue in front of other people.”
And she says “So you do like sex?”
And there we were again. And I really didn’t know what to say – well, besides “You know, I’m just not thinking that’s something I really want to discuss with you seeing’s how I don’t even like your fat fucking ass.” So to keep it a little lighter than what she seemed to be heading towards, I said “Well, I guess it depends on who it’s with.”
Wrong choice. Wrongity wrong wrong.
Because THEN she takes that as some sort of open invitation, and she says “OH – well, me too! I mean, I wouldn’t have problem having sex with a woman that I liked – right? You would like that too, right?”
OK – now we’ve just gone off the fucking deep end here and well, somebody needs to be getting up off the goddamned couch and walking out the damned door, and since it’s kind of my house – I’m thinking it better be her.
So I say “Look – I know you are having some problems, but I’m just not the person you need to be talking to right now. I really think you just need to go home and fuck your roommate – if it’s been 6 years, you need to be fucked, and I don’t think I’m up to that.” And as I’m saying it, I’m getting up off the couch (not easy, the woman weighs 500 pounds and when she sits on the opposite end of the couch I’m up in the air like 4 feet.) and she’s getting up too, saying “Oh, I’ve made you feel uncomfortable, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and I said “Well, yeah, you did, I just think you should go, Rocky, really. Just go.”
So she drags her fat ass down the stairs and out the door. Saying “Love Ya, Kimmer”, on the way out. Only now it was even WEIRDER than before, and I’m thinking I never want her in the house again if Paul isn’t here. I mean, this woman really fucking creeps me out now. Even more than before.
And I can’t wait to tell Paul. I’m thinking I’m really lucky she’s not slim and cute, because this is the stuff his dreams are made of.