Big Bird is dead, Holly to Follow
Posted by thedarwinexception on August 24, 2007
So I finally got some pictures of the new cabinet unit in the sewing room! I really like the unit a lot – it opens up the sewing room quite a bit, and makes it roomier. And I love that all of the bookshelves are out of there, now. They are all downstairs now, which makes a lot more sense and makes it much better in the sewing room.
I also took all the African stuff out of the sewing room and put it all in the TV room. But now the sewing room walls are bare, bare, bare. I need some stuff to put on the walls! And I can’t think of a thing! If you can think of any little “decor” items I could decorate with, let me know. I was thinking maybe a thimble collection on one of those little shelf things, but I can’t see just stumbling across a whole thimble collection. Those things take like years to collect.
Then I was thinking maybe some old sewing machine ads – those would be cool, huh? But I don’t know – I need some ideas. But here’s the bare walled sewing room with the new cabinet unit.
And I am almost done with the yellow Hobbes hoodie. I am just doing the button bands now, and then I will sew it together and be done!
Next up in knitting is hats and mittens – with some great fun fur yarn I found.
In crazy neighbor lady news, no, she did not celebrate the Ukrainian New Year, as far as I could tell. I mean, she didn’t run around waving a flag or lighting fireworks or anything, and to be fair, I don’t know what celebrating the Ukrainian New Year would consist of. But does Big Bird have anything to do with it? Because all of a sudden, crazy fucking neighbor lady has a Big Bird head on a stick inside her front door. I don’t know if that’s some kind of crazy New Year’s Celebration, or to ward off the neighbors that she is convinced are peeking in her windows. To be truthful, if it’s to ward off neighbor’s from peeking in her window, well, it’s working for me.
And it’s not *just* that she thinks the neighbors are peeking in her windows. She thinks that they are *hovering* over the ground and peeking in her windows. I tried to tell her that I’ve never seen the neighbors “hover”, but you can’t tell this loony bitch nothing. She swears up and down that she saw them peeking in one window, and as she rushed to catch them, she saw them peeking in *another* window, and that their feet never touched the ground as they glided from window to window.
And she is also convinced that they were looking in her *Second story* windows, too, which is why she believes that they “hover”. You know, I’m really, really surprised this bitch lives alone. I think she needs a little more supervision than she has.
And speaking of people who need supervision – guess who got nabbed shoplifting at K-Mart? And no, it’s not the pregnant thief. (This time). No, this time it was Todd!!! Rainman *AND* the blind girlfriend. Which, really, if you are going to go shoplifting, I don’t think it’s really wise to bring along some blind person. I mean, what was she, the lookout? Fucking goofy, both of them. I mean, I can’t even imagine how the hell they *didn’t* get caught, what with him taking something off the shelf and getting all spastic trying to shove it under his shirt or down his pants, and her yelling out “Did you take it yet? Did you take it yet?” Them shoplifting sounds like a fucking scene straight out of a Coen brothers movie. Or maybe the Farrelly brothers. Either way, why I’m the fucking co-star is beyond me.
In other news, Holly the Horse is swiftly wearing out her welcome. She’s a chewer. I understand she’s a puppy and puppies do this sort of thing, but this fucking dog chews on EVERYTHING – like stairs, pillows, mattresses, shoes, books, clothes, cups, Gatorade bottles….if it’s anywhere in her line of sight, she chews on it. Paul went in to the bedroom the other day to find what looked like a chicken massacre in there. Holly had chewed a hole through the down comforter that was on the end of the bed. She’s lucky my new comforter set wasn’t on the bed, because if she had chewed that, well, I would have fucking thrown her ass out the door with her belongings in a bandana. And you can’t really spank her – she doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. I just yelled at her like a madwoman while she sat there cocking her head at me with her tongue hanging out. The neighbors have to think I’ve lost my mind – I was screaming at Holly “You’re a bad girl! Bad! Chewing is BAD! How would you like me to ship your ass to Virginia? HUH? Would you like Michael Vick to be your new Daddy? HUH? Because he’s looking for some new dogs! He LIKES BAD dogs! And you’re a bad Dog!” And it didn’t help that by this time Paul was laughing at me. I didn’t see the fucking humor in it. Stupid chewing ass dog.
So, if you have any thoughts on how I can make this stupid ass dog stop chewing on everything in sight, I’m taking suggestions on that, too. If she doesn’t quit soon I’m sending her ass next door. We’ll see how long it takes for a second stick with *her* head on it to be in the doorway.