How to Survive A Zombie with a Boppy
Posted by thedarwinexception on August 18, 2007
So I have made my first “Boppy Cover”. Don’t know what a “boppy” is? Neither did I. It’s a “feeding pillow”.
My buddy Val needed to cover one for a friend’s shower gift, so I told her I would do it for her. It was easy peazy. Took all of 10 minutes, even putting in a zipper. The instructions for the cover are here, and I’d recommend them if you ever need a boppy cover. It takes longer to print out the pattern pieces and pin them together than it does to make the boppy cover itself.
And if Val asks you to make something for her – do it. She brings pickles and brownies, and her gorgeous little boy when she drops off and picks up stuff.
Of course, I fear she may have been coming over simply for the tour – you know “Here we see the zombie lady’s garden, notice, if you will, the mug planted in the center of the ring of weeds.”.
“On your left you will see Rainman’s mattresses, left when he moved out.”
“Please sign this disclaimer holding us non responsible if the life force gets sucked out of you, and we shall sneak down to the back of the house where we will find, hanging on the farthest wall, the zombie lady’s mailbox.
But Val was *extremely* excited because when she came to pick up the newly covered Boppy, the Zombie lady herself was sitting on her porch, surrounded by her newly purchased solar garden lights, which she takes in at night for light in the house, so she can listen to her battery powered radio, soon to be powered by the microwaves from the sun. And Val told me that there is no such thing as microwaves from the sun. And I believe her because, you know, she’s fucking sane. I tried to get Val and her friend to go pose with the zombie lady so I could take a picture, but they wouldn’t get that close.
And we made the zombie lady speak – Val and her friend agreed that she sounds Russian. Not proof positive, but I still think she’s Russian.
Oh, and the “Zombie Survival Guide?” Not a joke, Val really did bring me one. It’s like a 300 page long book of how to survive a Zombie attack. With actual cases where people were either successful or not. There are even a couple of known zombie clans in Russia. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
But just in case you are reading because you have your *own* zombie neighbor – here are the “10 Lessons to Surviving A Zombie Attack”. But you really should buy the book – I can’t reproduce all the valuable information here.
Organize Before they Rise!
They Feel No Fear, Why Should You?
Use your head, cut off theirs
Blades Don’t Need Reloading
Ideal Protection – tight clothes, short hair
Get up the staircase, then destroy it
Get out of the car, get onto the bike
Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
No place is safe, only safer
The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.