The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 06/29/07 – 07/05/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on August 11, 2007

Think I’m behind in AFCA??? HA! I blame Phil Spector. And my back is hurting today. I also blame that on Phil Spector. The Bastard.

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

your colon is a healthy organ filled with beneficial bacteria that aid in digestion and help your body process stool properly. Colonics clear out not only old stool and food remnants but also colonies of these beneficial bacteria. Alternative health practitioners will claim that colonics rid your body of toxins. In reality, they rid your colon of much-needed vitamins and electrolytes (salts such as potassium, sodium, and magnesium) as well as good bacteria.

During and after the Civil War most coins were hoarded, and the government printed small-denomination paper money to take up the slack. In 1864 a run of five-cent notes intended to bear the image of William Clark of Lewis & Clark was authorized. When the notes came out the portrait on them was not William Clark, but Spencer Clark–the bureaucrat in charge of the printing.[1] Congress was not amused and made it illegal to depict living persons on US currency.

“Details of a planned £50m plant to turn cooking oil from burger giants such as McDonalds and Burger King into energy and bio-diesel, have been revealed. Agri-Energy said the plant in Pembrokeshire would also process agricultural crops and animal by-products to create renewable power.

Federal law does not require lunch or coffee breaks. However, when employers do offer short breaks (usually lasting about 5 to 20 minutes), federal law considers the breaks work-time that must be paid. Unauthorized extensions of authorized work breaks need not be counted as hours worked when the employer has expressly and unambiguously communicated to the employee that the authorized break may only last for a specific length of time, that any extension of the break is contrary to the employer’s rules, and any extension of the break will be punished.

Kingsford Charcoal was invented when Henry Ford figured out a way of ‘cooking’ wood scraps left over from automotive production at his Ford Motor Company to produce an aromatic fuel for us Yanks to grill our Fourth-of-July dogs, birds and burgers over.

“The greatest risk factor for bladder cancer is smoking. Smokers are more than twice as likely to get bladder cancer as nonsmokers. Smoking causes nearly half of the deaths from bladder cancer among men (48%) and less than a third of bladder cancer deaths in women (28%). Some of the carcinogens (cancer-causing chemicals) in tobacco smoke are absorbed from the lungs and get into the blood. From the blood, they are filtered by the kidneys and concentrated in the urine. These chemicals in the urine damage the urothelial cells that line the inside of the bladder. This damage increases the chance of cancer developing.”

The positions of Steward and Deputy Steward of the Chiltern Hundreds are now used as a procedural device to effect resignation from the House of Commons, as British MPs are not permitted simply to resign their seat, a legal anomaly dating back to past centuries when Members of Parliament (MPs) were often elected to serve against their will.

Self-employment tax (SE tax) is a social security and Medicare tax primarily for individuals who work for themselves. It is similar to the social security and Medicare taxes withheld from the pay of most wage earners. The self-employment tax rate is 15.3%. The rate consists of two parts: 12.4% for social security (old-age, survivors, and disability insurance) and 2.9% for Medicare You can deduct half of your SE tax in figuring your adjusted gross income.

A cheese carver has accomplished a task that’s a real “Muenster” — or make that a “monster” — in size. Troy Landwehr used his carving tools to turn a 700-pound block of Land O’ Lakes cheddar into a replica of Mount Rushmore.

you get the poop from the pony, not the pony from the poop.

“If you’re really old enough, you can remember that Tommy Bolt, the hot-headed golfer who played in the 1950’s and 1960’s, once got fined $250 for farting in front of spectators during a tournament in the early 1960’s. He was actually fined for ‘conduct unbecoming a professional’ since there was nothing in the PGA Tour guidelines that said anything about farting.”

A new study suggests that the level of passenger discomfort onboard airplanes increases with increasing altitude, and it may be tied to a drop in oxygen levels in the blood.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

The first Lava Lamp I ever saw was in a doctor’s waiting room – I thought it was some sort of tissue sample coming to life.

First they came for the alcoholics, and I said nothing because I didn’t drink.  Next they came for the smokers, and I didn’t smoke. Then they came for the outdoor-cat people, and I didn’t have a cat.Then they came for the people who don’t put down mulch every year, and I was royally screwed.

Ok…so that is one reason why I think you’re a low-life turd. Let’s go onward….

Of course they cancelled cricket – since the Olympics only come around every four years, they have to be sure the final results are in from the previous event.

GUESS THE AFCA’N

I don’t even own a little apron.

I have had Fanny Pudding. Both chocolate and vanilla.

I, for one, take all my leaks seriously.

I have nothing but goat mozzarella in the fridge.

I spelled “honey” as “hunny” until I was twelve, no doubt due to the influence of a certain bear.

MOTTO’s

I’m married to an Estonian and I’m not afraid to use her

I scoff at your ‘facts’, chiefly because they aren’t funny at all.

Nothing says “I love you” like outstretched arms and a heartfelt smile followed by projectile vomiting.

At least one of these sentences has a modicum of coherency.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. Although my money was on much, much later.

INNOCENT QUERIES

Let me get this straight: you object to “May I visit you” but don’t have a problem with “You are female aren’t you”?

Why do people insist on having a scent?

is that anything like getting picked up by the fuzz, and doesn’t it hurt?

So, that vacation your great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather took at the Budapest Club Med was just a coincidence?

can’t you pee without a cigarette in your hand?

What is this, the start of Sickeningly Sweet July?

A Jew telling a Buddhist that she’s going to turn the other cheek. Isn’t that like some Zen Armageddon?

So?  Do you watch your old VHS copy of “Top Gun” and chant along with Maverick, “I feel the need, the need for speed”?

When’s Cum Bubble Month?

Where does one buy a 700-pound block of cheese, and apart from sculpting why would one want one?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

most of the deviants in California aren’t really standard.

Beer and fags just go together …

Watching downloaded video isn’t the be-all and end-all of computer use.

“Cheese food is what you feed to cheese.”

Plastic fruit is a terrible joke to play on a child.

AFCA OLYMPIC SPORTS

Non-clay pigeon shooting

The 200-meter kitten strangle

Synchronised drowning

Waterless diving

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8 Responses to “I Learned it in AFCA 06/29/07 – 07/05/07”

  1. Boron Elgar said

    Well, that was fun.

    I don’t know how you find time to do it all – the trial, the knitting, the afca reading…Renaissance woman!

  2. Holy Toledo said

    OK, I admit I’m new to your website but what does AFCA stand for and is it a separate site or something you conjured up? And please don’t post my ignorance. That’s a sure sign you will.(yellowsmileface)

  3. what does AFCA stand for and is it a separate site or something you conjured up?

    AFCA is alt.fan.cecil-adams – it’s a usenet group where I spend way too much time.

    The smartest people in the world hang out there and ponder imponderables, answer questions, share their lives and be mean to each other.

    If your ISP carries newsgroups, you can subscribe for free. Or, you can go to Google Groups, find afca and just jump in whenever you like. Only Blinky won’t see you if you do that.

    Kim

  4. Holy Toledo said

    Thanks, Kim. I think I’m all set and thanks for not disappointment me by posting my ignorance. You’re the best. Now I can join in on Mensa Minds but I’ll always be a fan of DE. (yellowfacewithmouthincircle)

  5. Reference Chiltern Hundreds: The way it works is that the Stewardship is an Office of Profit under the Crown. You can not be an MP and get paid by the Crown and so accepting an appointment to the Stewardship automatically disqualifies you from serving as an MP. The present steward is, guess who? Tony Blair.

    Trivia: I live in a village called Totteridge which is in North West London about twenty miles South East of the Chiltern Hundreds. As the name implies, it is a ridge and higher than the surrounding areas. Nevertheless I have a natural pond in my garden which is fed by artesian water from, guess where? The Chilterns, a hilly area in the centre of which are the Hundreds.

    Tony

  6. njgill said

    1) Aren’t you going to post bigger pix of the prize winners? And sell your pattern? all the knitter/bloggers do!

    2) Which “100 Years of Broadway” album are you listening to (and doesn’t it get distracting with CT on all the time, too?) There are so many albums with similar names.

  7. 1) Aren’t you going to post bigger pix of the prize winners? And sell your pattern? all the knitter/bloggers do!

    Oh yes – I’ll post pictures of the prize winners and the ribbons as soon as I pick them up from the fair tommorow.

    And sell the pattern?? Naw, I’ll give the pattern to anyone who wants it – but I wouldn’t sell it, that’s not like me. I’d just be flattered someone would want to make it.

    2) Which “100 Years of Broadway” album are you listening to (and doesn’t it get distracting with CT on all the time, too?) There are so many albums with similar names.

    Gee…I don’t know “which” one it is – but you’re right, I have like 5 different CD’s called either “Broadway’s Best”, “The Best of Broadway”, “100 Years of Broadway”, “Broadway – the Last 100 Years”….etc.

    But the one I can’t seem to take out of my CD player is this one…

    http://www.stagepass.com/software/browse_item_detail.hperl?instrument=voice&cat=312&invnum=8621016

    But I didn’t pay that for it – I got it through my CD club for like half that with one of those coupon things where you “Buy One Selection – get Another 50% off.”

    Kim

  8. Hank said

    Don’t forget to post local paper’s picture of you the receiving the award.

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