The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 06/01/07 – 06/07/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on June 15, 2007

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE 

Kachel is Dutch for stove or range.

Flesch calculates reading ease based on the length of words and the length of sentences.  If you use multi-syllabled words and/or very long sentences, the writing becomes less easy to read (It has nothing to do with the intelligence of the reader or the writer).  And your stuff is a just a tad dense.

The eastern states have riparian water rights which deal with rights to use a body of water that land is adjacent to. The owners of the land have use of the water, and these rights cannot be sold other than with the land.

The 17th Amendment (1913) states in part: “When vacancies happen in the representation of any state in the Senate, the executive authority of such state shall issue writs of election to fill such vacancies: Provided, that the legislature of any state may empower the executive thereof to make temporary appointments until the people fill the vacancies by election as the legislature may direct.

in 1931 the American Tobacco Company began to advertise on CBS radio in part because they were willing to air commercials saying that Cremo cigars were made without spit.

Left-handedness, in comparison to the general population, also appears to occur more frequently in identical twins, and several groups of neurologically disordered individuals (such as people suffering from epilepsy, Down’s Syndrome, autism, mental retardation and dyslexia).

Showing the fig was an indecent gesture much like “flipping the bird” or presenting one’s middle finger is today. Showing the fig entailed making a fist and placing the tip of ones thumb in between the first two fingers, then holding your arm out toward the recipient keeping the back of your hand horizontal. The gesture of giving the fig entailed placing one’s thumb in between the teeth, as in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

An amazing statistic has emerged from the US supreme court. There, just as in appeal courts here, judges test the legal arguments being put forward by asking the lawyers penetrating questions and making comments. Some judges intervene more than others, but Justice Clarence Thomas has established an astonishing record for taciturnity. In the latest legal term, he sat through 68 hours of oral argument in the supreme court without saying a single word. In fact, the last time he asked a question in court was in February 2006.

Comic Sonny King, who worked with Durante during his career, stated in an interview that the mysterious “Mrs. Calabash” was indeed Jimmy’s late wife Jeanne Olson, but “Calabash” was a reference to Calabasas, California, where she was hospitalized in her later years. She had difficulty in pronouncing the city name, often calling it “Calabash”, and it became an inside joke for the Durantes.”

“The current record (until recently, at least) for the largest assembly of guitarists playing one particular song (Taking Care of Business) is 1322 in Vancouver, Canada, in 1994.”

“Fungi are now thought to be more closely related to animals than to plants, and are placed with animals in the monophyletic group of opisthokonts.”

On the box for Quaker Oats Squares it used to say “made from recycled cardboard”. After about a year they changed the wording to “box made from recycled cardboard”.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Not if you are going to go and suck all the fun out of it.

I was going to guess a dog. You know Melon Collie

They say on the commercials “If you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, call your doctor”, and I think that sounds like good advice. I’ll probably have gone through all the women I know by that point, and my doctor ain’t all that bad lookin’…

If I had known that it would get me published in the NY Times, I’d have written a letter.

Marlan shared a story from a warden about at least one inmate in the Upper Peninsula expressing concerns about Kevorkian being transferred to their prison, prompting another inmate to offer this advice: “If you are bunked with Jack and he asks you in the morning how you are doing, you say GREAT.”

If you want to watch a pig’s orgasm, or even prompt it, or participate in some way, feel free.  But I’m so not there.

Wow, talk about a bad date.

No self respecting king would call himself “Artie”.  Even if he is only king because some watery tart threw a sword at him.

I don’t recall any head injuries that would cause selective amnesia (but I guess I wouldn’t,
would I?)

I suspect paramedics do not have a special code for that yet.

GUESS THE AFCA’N

I’m no expert in galls

I used to get some telling me that I’d won second prize in some lottery. Even in scams I can’t come in first.

It’s already been established that I’m actually a fairly bright guy.

I’m not insane, nor am I a power-hungry, money-grubbing megalomaniac. A life in public office wouldn’t suit me.

There was a time when I would spot a little patchouli oil behind my ears before heading to a social gathering.

I no longer have access to all the brains in jars that used to decorate my desk

I’ve always suspected my cat has a more interesting life than I do.

I see a can of crabmeat in my future.

I *HATE* musk. It makes me angry.

I dunno about you, but I’m not eating peanut butter that somebody has thrown up. I don’t care WHAT it tastes like.

An anecdote once bit my sister.

i just want to sit in the sun and watch babies play

If that’s what omnipotence brings about, I’d rather be weak and stupid and surrounded by supermodels.

We just don’t make that much news.  I mean, until a toddler knives a federal employee.

I wait for stuff to appear on AFCA. That’s as trendy as I can manage.

I have a friend who knows someone who once told an anecdote.

my resume says “detail oriented”, but it really should say “sometimes a nitpicky asshole who needs a slap upside the head”

I have seen a lot of sweet ass over the years.

We’re obviously extremely special and privileged.  I’d attribute it to clean living, except I’m involved.

MOTTO’s

Arguing on USENET is like fucking a blowup doll

A green lawn is a suspicious lawn.

This is USENET, where hyperbole is king.

Saying “never” is summoning smartasses and pedants.

I’ve been wasting bribe sheep!

It was posted to USENET.  That’s just begging for my opinion.

It comes to something when you can’t even trust The Internet.

BIBLICAL MOTTOS

I don’t know why Jesus would want to come back considering what happened to him the last time he was here.

AFCAN ADVICE

if you’re marketing your niche, don’t be surprised if someone wants to scratch it.

Clearly, you need to throw more monkeys at the problem.

don’t let facts get in the way of your funny writing.

INNOCENT QUERIES

Do you have rising bollards in your bathroom?

Is that it? Hundreds of ranting posts per month and I get blacklisted for a blowjob and a fuck?

What if he was a C-section, rather than a dropout?

What’s with the fucking feathers?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

I tried to start Fuck-You-February, but either it didn’t catch on or it’s too hard to tell from normal afca behaviour.

Anyone who has ever siphoned gasoline knows what gasoline tastes like.

Firefox will cause your cat to develop warts.

if Celine Dion started singing at Nascar races it would be an excellent thing.  It would keep
her and the Nascar races in the same place and it would be much easier for the rest of us to avoid both of them

And this is why it’s illegal in most places to teach cows to use plows.

I think it’s pitiful that it’s a crime to lie to the government but okay for the government to lie to me.

BAND NAMES

laudable pus

ALBUM NAMES

Taste the Ugly

MOVIE REVIEW OF THE WEEK

It’s the most charming movie about cadaver-fucking I’ve ever seen.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I LIKE IT

You can’t handle the truth!

Son, we post in an environment that has walls and those walls need to be guarded by sharks with killfiles. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, John Hatpin? Blinky has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Veronique and curse the Shark; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what Blinky knows: that Veronique’s plonking, while tragic, probably saved Usenet and that Blinky’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves Usenet. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about in sub-threads you want Blinky on that wall, you need Blinky on that wall.

Blinky uses words like freedom, compliance, netiquette. He uses them as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. He has neither the time nor the inclination to explain himself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom he provides and then questions the manner in which he provides it. He would rather you just said “thank you,” and went on your way. Otherwise, he suggests that you activate your killfile and plonk some posters. Either way, he doesn’t give a poop what you think you are entitled to.

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One Response to “I Learned it in AFCA 06/01/07 – 06/07/07”

  1. PJB(UK) said

    Ha! About time too!

    Only one more “I learned it…” and (a)you’ll be back up to date and (b) I can stop scratching.

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