The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Believe it or Don’t

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 26, 2007

Some things I just can’t write about. Not because they are too personal, or too mundane. Mostly because they are just too un fucking believable. Even for Malone – even for me.

But let’s talk about one “too incredible to be true” little tidbit. It concerns Rainman.

First off, let’s have a general update concerning Rainman. He’s still on the porch – where both he and I are much happier. Me because I don’t have to smell him, and him because it gives him a little more independence. He has his own entrance now, and it’s a door knob he can manipulate.

Also, it’s almost the first of the month, so his “girlfriend”/Woman who spends his money, has “taken him back” – they are no longer fighting (surprise, surprise) – everybody loves Rainman on the first of the month. This week, especially, since he gets paid on Friday, and then by the time that money is gone, it will be the first of the month and his wallet will be fat again for a couple of days – until his blind girlfriend is done with him, anyway. Then, of course, he’ll be back to being broke and she won’t answer his calls again, and I’ll have the following three weeks to listen to him boo fucking hoo’ing and speed dialing his cell phone only to have her not answer his calls, which will be followed by more boo hoo’ing.

Paul has tried to talk to him. Paul has tried to tell him “Look, dude, this is *not* your girlfriend – she’s using you for your money and when you’re broke, she’ll be back to ignoring you. You need to leave her the fuck alone and get your shit together and then go find someone else.” But Rainman doesn’t listen.

And I yelled at him. I finally had just about enough, and I screamed at him. I was trying very hard not to even talk to him, but it finally happened, I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore, and I let loose on him. It had been building all week. Because his cell phone finally got shut off – he ran out of minutes, and I guess when you have 0 minutes left, they turn it off until you either buy more or pay the monthly fee. Well, he couldn’t do either, so it got turned off, which meant he had to use *our* phone, and Paul told him “No way, dude.” Not that he doesn’t let people use the phone, because that wasn’t the problem. The problem is Rainman’s obsession with the phone, and with the girlfriend, and Paul knew that once he allowed him to use the phone, he’d be sitting there with our phone glued to his ear repeatedly dialing her number.

So Rainman’s alternative to that was waiting until Paul left in the morning, coming upstairs and taking the phone into the bathroom, closing the door and then obsessively dialing the blind girlfriend. Which would wake me up, because he leaves messages on her voicemail when she doesn’t answer the phone. And these are nasty, manipulative, threatening messages. So I found out, when he woke me up screaming into the phone. He was screaming into the phone “You *will* call me back! You *will* call me back or I will do *this* and I will do *this* and I will do *that* – and I will make your life a living hell! So call me back!”

She didn’t call him back – well, not until she was certain he was getting more money, anyway.

And I was pissed off that he was using my phone to threaten and manipulate her – that’s just not cool. So I told Paul “He can’t be using our phone to do that to people. You need to tell him no more early morning phone calls after you leave.”

So Paul did – he sat him down and said “Dude, this isn’t cool. I told you not to use our phone for that shit – I didn’t say wait until I’m gone and then go behind my back and use it.” He also told Rainman “You know, before you moved in you told me that you were all there in the head – dude, you ain’t.” He told Rainman not to be doing that shit anymore. And the next day, I was awakened at 6:30 in the morning by the same shit. Rainman was in the bathroom leaving threatening and nasty messages on the blind girlfriend’s voicemail. I was pissed.

But I just laid in bed, pretending to be asleep, I didn’t want to get up and start bitching because I knew no good could come of that. I knew once I started in on this guy, that was going to be it.

That night, Paul came home late, and Rainman wasn’t here. Rainman came in after Paul was in bed. He came upstairs looking for Paul and I told him Paul was asleep. Paul had sent Rainman to the hardware store, and now Paul owed Rainman $4.00. Rainman asked me if Paul had left the $4.00 with me, and I said “No. It’s late – you can get it in the morning, it’s no big deal.” Well, it was a big deal to him, I guess. He came up 5 times asking if I had the $4.00, and finally I lost it. I started yelling at him “Look – does the fucking Sandman charge you or something? It’s LATE. Why do you need the money now? Are you going somewhere?” He said “No, I’m not going anywhere.” So I continued to try to explain to him that Paul was asleep, that I had no cash, and that there was no reason he needed it tonight.

But in his own OCD way – he had to have that $4.00. Finally I told him “Look, go wake Paul up then, if you have to, but you’re going to piss him off.” So Rainman went in and woke Paul up. And it pissed Paul off. Paul reached for his wallet, threw Rainman a $5.00 bill and said “Keep the fucking change.”

So then I had to put up with Rainman coming upstairs 5 times to tell me he owed Paul a dollar, and I had to listen to the whole story of how he was going to go to the store in the morning and get change and come back here and *then* go to work. 5 times I had to hear it.

And Paul hid the phone the next morning before he went to work. So I was woken up by Rainman’s loud sobbing and crying when he couldn’t find the phone. Yeah, he’s all there in the head. Sure he is.

But that’s not even the little “too incredible to be true” tidbit I promised you. The “too incredible to be true” tidbit is this: Did you know that up until a year or so ago Rainman was a transvestite? That his everyday dress was mini skirts and halter tops?

The guy just gets weirder and weirder.


4 Responses to “Believe it or Don’t”

  1. icedmocha said

    I do not know how you can take this. I would have flipped by now.

  2. Hank said

    The nice thing is, in a few days you’ll be able to find out if he has the rent money.

  3. The nice thing is, in a few days you’ll be able to find out if he has the rent money.

    I don’t know why that made me laugh so hard – you smart ass, you.


  4. Veronique said

    The transvestite thing, well, I had a transvestite mailman, so that’s just a lifestyle choice. But someone using my phone and threatening someone else…that’s more than not cool. Even if he wasn’t using your phone, someone in my house threatening someone else…not cool. I mean, it sounds like Rainman has such a diversity of problems, any one could be used as an excuse to toss him out of your house. But threatening people starts edging from the “highly annoying” to the “potentially illegal” side of things. He’s not okay in so many ways, and why should you have to put up with his level of shit on a daily basis?


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