The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 05/04/07 – 5/10/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 18, 2007

Did I *SAY* I was still behind in AFCA? Well, I am. Those people are *chatty*. But I still learn a lot there, and I still get at least one good laugh every hour….

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

The best-known goat in Sudan has died months after being “married” to a man in the South Sudan capital, Juba, the BBC has learned.

The dictionary defines ptomaine poisoning as “food poisoning caused by bacteria or bacterial products.” Ptomaine poisoning is not a special kind of food poisoning and it is not a deadlier type of food poisoning. Ptomaine is an old-fashioned general term for any type of food poisoning caused by bacteria. The term “ptomaine food poisoning” is not used medically anymore.

“California…will not extend any more car-pool-lane passes to hybrid owners. Since 2005, the state as offered 85,000 permits to hybrid owners to drive solo in the fast lane. A sticker on the rear bumper lets cops know if the hybrid has authorization to use the lane…. The program drew flack when the fast-moving lanes began to be clogged with hybrids and, worse, /slow-moving/ hybrids. The permits expire in 2010 and probably will not be renewable.”

Policyholders who have been insured with State Farm nine consecutive years without a chargeable accident or conviction are currently forgiven their first otherwise chargeable accident of conviction and are not charged for it. Because this forgiveness provision has been deemed to conflict with California law, it is being eliminated effective with accidents and convictions that occur on or after March 5, 2007

Everybody’s talking about bagism…

“Each year around Memorial Day, Veterans of Foreign Wars members and American Legion Auxiliary volunteers distribute millions of bright red poppies in exchange for contributions to assist disabled and hospitalized veterans….  The poppy movement was inspired by the poem “In Flanders Fields” written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae of the Canadian forces in 1915 before the United States entered World War I. Selling replicas of the original Flanders’ poppy originated in some of the allied countries immediately after the Armistice….”

About 540,000 bicyclists visit emergency rooms with injuries every year. Of those, about 67,000 have head injuries, and 27,000 have injuries serious enough to be hospitalized.”

Princess Michael of Kent is six feet tall and her mother was Maria Anna Carolina Franziska Walpurga Bernadette Szapáry von Muraszombath, Széchysziget und Szapár, Countess Szapár.

Beginning January 1, 2003, California’s helmet law will be undergoing a change. It will require that persons under 18 years of age wear a helmet while operating a non motorized scooter or skateboard, while wearing in-line or roller skates, or while riding upon a non motorized scooter or skateboard as a passenger. This is an expansion of the current law which requires a person under 18 years of age to wear a properly fitted and fastened bicycle helmet while operating a bicycle or riding on a bicycle as a passenger upon the streets or any other public bicycle path.

The Cell chip is the main processor in the Sony Playstation3. It was designed by a consortium of Sony, Toshiba and IBM (STI). The CPU within the Cell which coordinates processing among the 8 subunits is a PowerPC processor, designed soley by IBM. The subunits were designed by STI (based on a concept from Sony) but used all of IBM’s proprietary tools and flows.

the dim sum of 5 + 5 is 5.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

I saw a web page recently that had pictures of how to make your own vagina (without that annoying life-support system) with some foam rubber, a condom, and a Pringle’s can.

Quoth the raven, “evnermroe.”

I’m thinking you WILL URL, URL when you see it.

That explains everything!

I understand every word in the sentence except for the two that really matter.

No, but we call you our loony asshole.  Is that the same thing?

Tell them to cut the power cord and count the rings.

But if she tried and failed, the worst they could charge her with would be a misdeweiner.

The police log entry said it all: “Deceased fawn was dressed up like an infant and abandoned at the Pantages Theater.”

Kindergarteners in an elementary school in Calabasas, CA (In LA County, near the San Ferenando Valley) came home complaining of the scary guitar man who was frightening them. It was Bob Dylan in school to see his grandchild, singing in class.

Well, thank you for that PSA… the denizens of AFCA will give it all the care, consideration and respect it is due… but for now they’re too busy fucking, so if you leave your name and number after the beep they’ll get back to you when they come up for air…

Well, yeah. That’s more of a third date kind of thing.

So *that’s* what Charo was always talking about!  Her cuchi-cuchi *tunnel*.

I’ll loan her my floor if she needs one.

GUESS THE AFCA’N

I have become soul dead.

And while I am sure I can’t extend the claim to general nutsacks, I’m quite sure I also have more experience with mus nutsacks than other people here.

I take it out at the drive-through

I once knew a guy who circumsized elephants for a living.

I posted some fuck-face.

I hide the nuts when the doorbell rings

I always like reasonable-sized boobs. For some values of “reasonable”.

I knew quite a bit more about whisky than they did.

Even when I’m BSing, I’m full of wisdom.

I’ve read nothing.

WE SAY IT BECAUSE WE CAN

Mine is the only state that says “Northern scum” in its anthem

MOTTO’s

I think that nicey-nice May has not been a major success this year.

Ah, a cogent argument.  Remind me to ignore everything you have to say.

Hey! No plagiarizing my plagiarized pithy rejoinder!

TINSTAAVBMFEC

Oh, mother wit! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

I can’t give you a cite for it or anything, but it must have happened at some point.

a bit like a squirrel but with more doorbell.

AFCAN ADVICE

You should get one of those stoves where the laws of physics are suspended.

If the science doesn’t sway you, listen to the voodoo.
Everyone should grow and eat their own dried plums for digestive health.

Get the sensation of sailing – stand in a ice-cold shower and tear up $100 bills

If a woman says that sex isn’t important to her, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU ARE
GETTING LAID, she’s probably telling you the truth.

Since dogs have been know to  willingly eat dried shit they find in the street,  I dont think you need to be all that picky

INNOCENT QUERIES

…you’re one of those people who saves their bathwater, aren’t you?

Must be the beans, eh?

Why do you hate Catherine the Great and Elvis?

What, you’d rather fuck a Pringle’s can than a melon?

Is death really the only thing worth worrying about?

If my neighbor’s eye offends me, can I pluck out his heart and hide it under the floorboards?

How about chewing the tails off dwarves?

Is there some award for the most flagrantly blown chance to use the term “nutsack”?

Now, lemme ask you something:  how many more countries have an entire season devoted to getting drunk and firing high-powered weapons at each other? I’ll tell you: none. None more countries. This proves that the USA is truly the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. And that’d be true even if it WASN’T legal to shoot lawyers in the face.

What if it’s just encouraging a lot of pre-teen sex among the fish?

You mean some blonde bombshell with large breasts gyrating around a pole isn’t proof of God?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

Here in afca someone will either ignore a typo or make a decent joke from it — or more likely an indecent joke.

Everyone should have a kayak.

When you sit down with the key fob in your pocket it’s not your fat fingers that sets off the alarm.

THE DOCTOR IS IN….5 CENTS

You don’t hang out with squirrels enough.

When you sit down with the key fob in your pocket it’s not your fat fingers that sets off the alarm.

Well, there’s a remote possibility that you’re a sociopath.

BAND NAMES

Accessible Vagina

Pneumatic ptarmigans

Epaulets and assholes

force of truthiness

backyard pig

Edible Carcass

Opus’s Lawnmower

MOVIE SEQUEL OF THE WEEK

the days of giant mutant lemons

ACRONYM  OF THE WEEK

AFCA: Any Facts Create Arguments.

FORGOTTEN VERSES

Writing a haiku
Is simple just stop at the
seventeenth sylab

AFCA, sweet AFCA,
Seventeen syllables of
Bloody deer guts, cool.

DREAM OF THE WEEK

I was in an ice cream store and buying sticks of ice cream – ice cream cones rolled like cigarettes. Next to me was a robot who was buying junior mint thingies. I said to him that I didn’t know that robots could taste, he replied that they can, and enjoy these very much, and offered me a motor oil flavored one, which I declined.

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