The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 04/27/07 – 05/03/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 12, 2007

I’m still way behind in AFCA. I’m still blaming it on Phil Spector – and Raggedy Ann.  

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

“It is an offence for a carcass to remain unburied in a field or other place to which dogs can gain access under the Dogs Act 1906.”

Scrub baseball is a way of playing baseball with no teams. The number of players is variable, and score is not kept, as the idea is “each against all”. Batting, pitching, and fielding are the same as in standard baseball; scrub is often used as practice for baseball, or a substitute when there aren’t enough players available.

Baby horses are foals. Colts are male foals (and male young horses who haven’t been gelded yet) and fillies are female young horses. All foals are either a colt or a filly, but a colt or filly may be a weanling (over four months old and weaned from suckling the mare), a yearling (between one and two years old) or a horse under age three or four (depending on breed registry and inclination of person making the distinction). Horses racing in the Kentucky Derby are primarily male colts of three years old. Occasionally a filly is entered (yay, Genuine Risk! Yay, Winning Colors!), and occasionally a gelding (of three years old) is entered.

The rules of the first baseball like game in the U.S. called “base or goal ball” were published in Boston (Robin Carver’s “The Book of Sports” in 1834), and were simply a copy of Clarke’s rules for rounders. However, the following year an edited rule set appeared in “The Boy’s Book of Sports” by the same publisher with the most significant change being that the direction of running bases had changed to counter-clockwise.

“The outplacement firm Challenger, Gray and Christmas estimates that 10-30 percent of resumes include distortions if not outright lies.”

Bobby “Boris” Pickett, singer of “Monster Mash”–and not much else–has died at the age of 69. Another one-hit wonder passes.

In the Old Spice commercial, the sailor with the duffel bag on his back was Matthew Perry’s father.

“Since names of associations, boards, companies, corporations are collective nouns, they should be singular if the name denotes the group acting as an individual, plural if the name denotes the members of the group.”

“Paying your dues to society takes on a whole new meaning in California. For $171 (£85) a day, prisoners can get cell upgrades that offer access to iPods, laptops, mobiles, better food and, the biggest selling point of all, isolation from violent inmates. One police department makes this fear of sexual predators its main sales pitch: “Bad things happen to good people.” ”

“Using a (signed) 64-bit value introduces a new wraparound date in about 290 billion years, on Sunday, December 4, 292,277,026,596. However, this is not widely regarded as a pressing issue.”

Edinburgh housewives used to bubble coal gas through a powdered milk solution in order to get a high.  Not a lot of people know that.

Randall Tobias, head of the Bush administration’s foreign aid programs, abruptly resigned Friday after his name surfaced in an investigation into a high-priced call-girl ring, said two people in a position to know the circumstances of his departure.

According to the Daily Mail, lots of things happen.  Some of them actually do happen, but by no means all.

The pilot for “Law & Order,” titled “Everybody’s Favorite Bagman,” was actually the sixth episode aired. So after five weeks on the air, suddenly the offices were different, the police station was different, the DA was different (played by William H. Macy), and one of the cops “meets” the ADA for the first time after having worked with him prior

The Starry Night is the title given to one of the best known and most reproduced paintings by Dutch post-impressionist artist Vincent Van Gogh. Since 1941 it has been in the permanent collection of the Museum of Modern Art in New York City.

A trademark includes any word, name, symbol, or device, or any combination, used, or intended to be used, in commerce to identify and distinguish the goods of one manufacturer or seller from goods manufactured or sold by others, and to indicate the source of the goods. In short, a trademark is a brand name. A service mark is any word, name, symbol, device, or any combination, used, or intended to be used, in commerce, to identify and distinguish the services of one provider from services provided by others, and to indicate the source of the services.

“Another aspect of railroad operation, that of Sunday trains, while perhaps rarely the concern of state agencies, was a headed issue in many localities. In Vermont in the fifties the legislature decided that conductors were to read a passage of Scripture to passengers traveling on Sunday trains.”

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Mother has requested that I render you unconscious.

I’m sure He has a penis, because when there’s a disaster and people get completely fucked, it’s called an Act of God.

I bet this is funnier when you say it in real life.

Kind of like social butterflies, only grubbier and with more cocaine.

Looks like she took kids 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8 (and possibly more).

Kill her.

It must be one of those DVDs that has all the extra features on it.

Lawyer: So, when Andres was born, did he have a sibling born at the same time?
Mother: Not that I recall
Lawyer: Your witness

the Shriners burn hospitals

I think you forgot the third option, which should probably involve both ‘winged monkeys’ and ‘your ass’.

GUESS THE AFCA’N

Despite their comforting stance, I’ll still try to avoid being bitten by a ginger kid.

It’s spring and I’ve been single for far too long.  EVERYTHING makes me think of breasts.

I love the smell of fried moth in the morning.

Coffee makes me pee.

Hey ho, on the other hand, is not an issue for me.

I knew two people who hitchhiked across the country with a sofa

Feel free to ignore any useful links I post.

I went to an all boys school, and could hardly talk to a chink (and never even went out on my first date) until well into college years

I last did it around 1950.

I did it a lot in my teens.

MOTTO’s

We’ll look for the truth even if we have to stick a camera up someone’s ass.

I’m going to get you to understand this or die trying.

I read something a while back, and I can’t remember what it was, but it was somehow related.

Everything involves boobies.  If you think something doesn’t involve boobies, look harder.

There is nothing young and fresh about a colonoscopy.

You gotta be careful when you ask questions; you never know when somebody might try to answer them.

I’d need to see her murder some toddlers before I started calling her a sociopath.

Spelling is entirely optional once the ‘raven’ card is in play.

The deep shit we are in keeps getting deeper.

Sometimes unintentional gay porn is the best kind.

AFCAN ADVICE

don’t trust lawyers. Instead, get your legal advice from some guy on Usenet’s girlfriend.

You have mentioned your failing memory more than once; maybe you got the look of suspicion because your fly was open.

if there’s not a cloyingly-sweet smell in the air, you’re still eating regularly, and you’re not laying out lots of cash money several times a day for glassine bags or vials with funny white pebbles in them, you’re probably not smoking crack.

INNOCENT QUERIES

How is yellow cake an “IMMINENT THREAT!”?

You’re as good with ULs as you are with politics, you know that?

You’re as good with reading as you are with politics, you know that?

Am I the only one who thinks mottos are getting very specialized these days?

Do you have anything that says “I want to stick my dick between your tits”?

How about a simple but heartfelt “Fuck off and die”?

While pedaling BS, does one wear a helmet?

What’s so special about being unique? It’s not like he’s the only one.

…think people would give me twenty million dollars if MY wife got cancer? And  if so, is there a quicker and easier way than blowing cigarette smoke in her face for twenty years or so?

Dammit, if a girl of 12 can’t talk about furry animals with enthusiasm, what hope does mankind have?

if you’re paralyzed and can’t move a muscle, how many sins could you really commit?

Have I unleashed a gypsy curse upon myself?

Why does it not surprise me that Bush thinks Churchill was an American President?

If you play a ‘raven’ card with a ‘kim’ modifier do you get to FKCUING UMSRCIBE!

How does he piss off so many while responding to so few?

Could it be that I was born without the love gene?

This is the b mensa warmup newsgroup. The a mensa warmup newsgroup is down the hall. You just take the first the right,  go down the hall until you get to the door whose number when squared and substracted from the door number which is 4 doors from the room which you would have reach had you turned left instead of right and repeated all of
these directions is equal to the answer to this question. Got it?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

Tell a man a joke, and he laughs tonight. Teach him to tell jokes, and he’ll get a sitcom deal.

Diabetics can’t afford to buy cheap socks.

England needs stricter Hugh Grant control laws.

It’s hard enough to forge a relationship with a woman who likes penii, let alone one who’s in doubt.

Men attract women through wealth and offering the role of provider. Women attract men by allowing men to get laid.

Show tunes trump any other genre.

A lot of older cab drivers have Checkered pasts.

For the purpose of running, it seems to me the feet are the most important bits

THE DOCTOR IS IN….5 CENTS

I think it’s just another manifestation of your general fuckeduppedness.

He’s got The Erection that Never Dies or something.

BAND NAMES

Hydrogen Penguin

Dodgy Tenner

Grok The Activity

Bundles of Phoney

Kill-Switch

Cool Little Snapper

BANNED NAME!

groo’s sheep and Kim’s basement

HORROR MOVIE TAGLINE OF THE WEEK

“There are 40 million sheep in New Zealand AND THEY’RE PISSED OFF!”.

FORGOTTEN VERSES

Whistle when you fart!
Tweedle-twee-twee-twee-twee-tweeee!
Just get your thong
To play a song
And whistle when you fart!

Just make a merry poot!
Tootle-oot-oot-oot-oot-oot!
You’re bound to please
When you make cheese
And whistle when you fart!

Button up your overcoat,
When the wind is free,
Take good care of yourself,
So advises she.

Eat an apple every day,
Get to bed by three,
Oh, take good care of yourself,
So advises she.

Be careful crossing streets, ooh-ooh,
Cut out sweets, ooh-ooh,
Lay off meat, ooh-ooh,
You’ll get a pain and ruin your tum-tum!

Beware of frozen ponds, ooh-ooh,
Stocks and bonds, ooh-ooh,
Peroxide blondes, ooh-ooh,
You’ll get a pain and ruin your bankroll!

Keep the spoon out of your cup,
When you’re drinking tea,
Oh, take good care of yourself,
So advises she.

AFCA SELF HELP BOOK

“I’m Slightly Mistaken; You’re Fucking Retarded”.

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