The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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NEW RULE

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 8, 2007

OK – there is a “NEW RULE” in my house. Added to the list of “YOU MUST BE QUIET”, “YOU MUST USE THE BATHROOM AND NOT URINATE FROM THE PORCH”, and “DON’T PISS KIM OFF“, there is now a new rule. And, surprisingly, I didn’t think it was a rule that really needed to be like fucking spelled out, but, then again, you wouldn’t think that “Don’t Urinate Off the Porch” would really need to be included in a rental agreement, either, but, there it is.

So, for all of you even contemplating coming to stay with me, keep in mind that there is now a NEW RULE:

‘WHEN YOU ARE ARGUING WITH YOUR BLIND GIRLFRIEND ON YOUR CELL PHONE YOU MUST HANG UP SOMETIME BEFORE 2:30 IN THE MORNING, AND NOT CALL HER BACK OVER AND OVER AND FUCKING OVER ESPECIALLY IF YOU BLUBBER LIKE A FUCKING TWO YEAR OLD THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE 10 HOUR CONVERSATION, GET EVER LOUDER AND MORE ANIMATED THE MORE ANGRY YOU GET AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU CAN’T EVEN HARDLY FUCKING TALK INTELLIGIBLY TO BEGIN WITH.”

There, I’ve said it.

Penalty for violating this rule is yet to be determined, but is fast approaching me going downstairs to take the cell phone and shove it down someone’s fucking throat.

I was up until 2:30 in the fucking morning this morning listening to fucking Rainman argue with the blind bitch. This argument started at about 3:00 in the afternoon, and consisted of a series of calls in which she would eventually hang up on him, only to have him leave, go to her house, argue there for awhile, then come back here to call her again – lather, rinse, repeat. This did not end until I finally fell asleep at 2:30 with the TV blaring to drown out the sound of mushmouth down there blubbering and crying and shouting unintelligible sentences, and a pillow over my head. I wasn’t sure if the pillow was to help drown out the conversation taking place downstairs or some half hearted attempt to kill myself and end the fucking misery.

When Paul gets home tonight I plan on telling him that this is *NOT* to happen again, because the next time I can’t sleep because of this fucking bullshit I swear to God I am going to go downstairs and choke the fucking life out of this guy. I think a fair rule is to take the fucking cell phone away at 10:00. There is no need to call anyone after that time, and if he needs a fucking ambulance or something he can use our phone. I hate to treat the guy like a 2 year old, but if he’s going to get on the phone at 2 fucking 30 in the morning and cry like a 2 year old, hey, he’s inviting me to treat him like one.

If this “she’s mad at me so I have to keep calling her because I’m fucking obsessive compulsive” shit happens 3 weeks out of the fucking month when he’s broke, only to have her come back around to drain his fucking wallet for one week out of the month, I swear to God I’m going to punch her in the mouth, too. Blind or not, I’ll take her ass on.

This is fucking bullshit. And I’ve had it – had it, I tell you. Had it.

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2 Responses to “NEW RULE”

  1. groo said

    I think it is time to tell Rainman that his show is not being picked up by the Kim Network and that he doesn’t need to worry about having the rent check next month, ’cause he’s going to be living somewhere else. You don’t need this shit.

  2. Hank said

    Actually, wouldn’t the new rule be covered under “You must be quiet.”?

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