The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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BTW – Todd Has the Rent Money

Posted by thedarwinexception on May 2, 2007

Paul is home today – “sick” I don’t think it’s “sick” as much as “lazy”. And we did get our new roommate. This is going to end in disaster, mark my words, folks. He is already grating on my nerves. Yesterday when he first got here, I opened the door for him and the very first thing he said to me was “I have the rent money”. Now, this was after calling me three times during the day yesterday to update me on his progress in going to the bank to cash his check and get the rent money. I told him every time he called “OK, Todd, don’t worry about it…it’s not a big deal….whatever, Todd…”

So, I open the door when he gets here, and, again, I have to hear about the rent money. He asked if I wanted it and I said “No, that’s OK, it’s no big deal, just give it to Paul when he gets home. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.”

I think he worried about it.

It took two trips to get his stuff here, and after they unloaded the first load, he came upstairs, once again, to ask me “I have the rent money – do you want it?” Now, I *should* have just said “Yes, Todd, give me the fucking money so I don’t have to keep hearing about it.” But, no, I said “Don’t worry about it, Todd, it’s really NOT A BIG DEAL, just give it to Paul when he gets home.”

And then that bastard Paul was late getting home. So, while Todd was on his way back to his old place to get the second truck full of his shit, I had to get another phone call telling me he had the rent money, and then on the way back, another phone call telling me he had the rent money, then while he was here unloading, he came upstairs twice to tell me he *still* had the rent money.

Why didn’t I just take the fucking rent money?

So, then he decides to go to the casino with his girlfriend for a little bit. It’s now about 6:00 pm, and Paul still isn’t home. Todd called me twice from the car on his way to the casino to say – wait for it – “Is Paul home? I still have the rent money.” I kept telling him, no, Paul wasn’t home yet. Although as much as this seemed to be weighing on Todd’s mind, I really wonder if he would have turned around and come back to give Paul the rent money if Paul *had* been home.

Paul finally gets here about 8:00. In the meantime, I got two calls from inside the casino asking if Paul was home yet, and telling me, yes, he still had the rent money. Thankfully, the second call was full of static and I was able to feign not being able to understand him, and after that, it was really easy to just not answer the phone when he called (about 5 more times throughout the night.)

About midnight, Todd gets back here. Paul and I were both asleep at that point, me on the couch in the TV room and Paul in the bedroom. Todd woke me up when he came stumbling up the stairs, since the back of the couch is against the staircase. I knew before I even opened my eyes exactly what he was going to say, and as he came into the TV room, to save him the trouble, before he could even think about saying it again, I said to him “Yes, Todd, I know you have the fucking rent money – Paul is asleep.” All he said was “In the bedroom”? And I said – “Yup – if you feel you *have* to wake him up, go ahead.”

So, he did it. He went in the bedroom, turned the light on and said “Paul, I have the rent money.” Paul woke up and said “Dude, I’m fucking sleeping here – just put the fucking money on the dresser or something.”

As I was falling back to sleep, I thought, “Well, thank fucking God. I guess that’s the last time I’ll have to hear that he has the fucking rent money. And *next* month, if Paul isn’t home when Todd cashes his fucking check, you bet your ass, I’m taking that fucking money the *first* time he says he has it. I’ve learned *my* lesson.”

This morning, Todd woke me up out of a sound sleep. He had to tell me he “paid Paul the rent money.” In fact, he came upstairs three times before he left for work to tell me he “paid Paul the rent money.” He’s called twice from work. I haven’t answered the phone.

If I don’t snap this guy like a fucking twig before the end of the month, it will be a miracle.

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13 Responses to “BTW – Todd Has the Rent Money”

  1. Hank said

    Sounds like Todd has Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

  2. Amy said

    Five minutes to Wopner.

  3. Joey said

    At least he was saying he HAS the money, and not you chasing him asking him FOR the money. . .

    Todd sounds like my husband’s cousin Darryl.

    I should really blog about him. . . you’d feel much better knowing that other people have their own Todd’s to deal with. . . .

    🙂

  4. Lisa Ann said

    Well, Kim, I don’t know…are you sure he had the rent money? What if it had vanished from his pocket between downstairs and up? What if Milo had mugged him, ran off with the rent money, and buried it in the back yard? What if he’d gambled it away at the casino? (Todd, not Milo.) If he didn’t tell you every 3.5 seconds that he had the rent money, how would you know that he had the fucking rent money? Don’t you watch those commercials, “Life comes at you fast.”? ANYTHING could happen to that rent money!

    You’ve got your very own AnnieB living with you now. Tell him about yellow lights and intersections in North Carolina for me, will you? Or better yet, I’ll give you AnnieB’s work number, you can give it to Todd and next month when he has the rent money, he can tell her all about it. (Well, she does work in Accounts Payable so it would sort of be job related.)

    Good luck!

    Lisa Ann

  5. Neal said

    Ok Kim, we need PICTURES!

    Neal

  6. Veronique said

    Next time, take the rent money first time but don’t tell Paul. Hilarity ensues when Paul asks Todd, “Do you have the rent money?”

  7. Kitt said

    If he starts it up again next time you should tell him the rent goes up by $5 every time he tells you he has it, or confirms that he gave it to you. (He gets one freebee.) Based on his record this first go-around, you should be able to pay off your mortgage in about 6 months.

  8. If he starts it up again next time you should tell him the rent goes up by $5 every time he tells you he has it, or confirms that he gave it to you. (He gets one freebee.)

    OH MY GOD. Best answer EVER!!! I am SO doing that – I swear to God I am.

    Based on his record this first go-around, you should be able to pay off your mortgage in about 6 months.

    Well, we don’t have a mortgage, but I’m sure I can find SOMETHING to do with the extra $100K.

    Kim

  9. icedmocha said

    He went to a casino and yet came back with the rent money. A good sign, regardless of the broken-record syndrome. LOL.

  10. Kitt said

    You have no mortgage! Now I am envious. Yes, envious of a Malone resident.

    Definitely report back on the success (or lack thereof) of the $5 rule!

  11. You have no mortgage! Now I am envious. Yes, envious of a Malone resident.

    Don’t be *that* envious – we have no mortgage on this house because we only paid $9K for it. Yes, $9K. And that’s for a 4 bedroom house, with 2 porches, a huge Harley barn and 2 acres of land in the back – with a creek. It would have been silly to have a mortgage when we could just pay cash. Besides the fact that I don’t think you’d find too many banks eager to loan someone $9K on a mortgage.

    But that’s a fairly typical price for a house in Malone. The barn and the extra land are unusual for a “village” home, but the price is about right.

    I’m telling ya – move to Malone. And open a bookstore when you get here.

    Kim

  12. Dana said

    Um, Kim? Why on earth are you taking in a boarder? And an annoying boarder, at that? Paul’s got that thyroid thing, you’ve got freakin’ terminal cancer, do you really need a roommate? What’s the point?

  13. Kitt said

    “I’m telling ya – move to Malone. And open a bookstore when you get here.”

    Check, and check.

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