The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 04/13/07 – 04/19/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on April 20, 2007

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

You’re not allowed to wear pantyhose anymore, it’s Against The Law.

“Oriented strand board, or OSB, is an engineered wood product formed by layering strands (flakes) of wood in specific orientations. In appearance it has a rough and variegated surface with the individual strips (around 2.5 by 15 cm each) lying unevenly across each other in the direction of their grain.”

Russia plans to build the world’s longest tunnel, a transport and pipeline link under the Bering Strait to Alaska, as part of a $65 billion project to supply the U.S. with oil, natural gas and electricity from Siberia.

When Pluto was recently demoted from planet to “dwarf planet,” it was a blow to the memory of Clyde Tombaugh, who discovered Pluto while working at an observatory in Las Cruces, N.M. The Las Cruces Sun-News says New Mexico is striking back. The state’s House of Representatives voted to declare Pluto a planet whenever it passes over New Mexico.

A bees “waggle dance” is a series of waggles along a straight line, a half circle back to the staring point, another series of waggles along the same line as before and a half circle in the opposite direction from the first.  The entire sequence is then repeated multiple times.
The angle of the straight line with respect to vertical is the same as the angle between the sun and the destination.  How long it takes the bee to complete the sequence indicates the distance to the destination.

Dauphin was a title usually given to the heir apparent to the French throne. It means dolphin in French and the Dauphin had a dolphin on his coat of arms.

A woman arrested following two car crashes last week registered a .47 blood-alcohol content on a breath test – nearly six times the legal intoxication threshold and possibly a state record.

The Tulsa Race Riot, also known as the 1921 Race Riot, the Tulsa Race War, or the Greenwood Riot, was a large-scale civil disorder affecting the racially segregated Greenwood neighborhood of Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA in 1921. During the 16 hours of rioting, over 800 people were admitted to local hospitals with injuries, an estimated 10,000 were left homeless, 35 city blocks composed of 1,256 residences were destroyed by fire, and $1.8 million (nearly $17 million after adjustment for inflation) in property damage.  39 people were officially reported killed, although most experts agree that the actual number of black citizens killed during the riot to be around 300.

“Tree squirrels may carry rabies, toxoplasmosis, sylvatic (bubonic) plague, western encephalitis, encephalomyocarditis, murine typhus, tularemia, endemic relapsing fever, and ringworm, all of which are transmissible to humans. Although these animals can carry the plague, since they live more solitary lives than their ground living relatives, they are not generally controlled for plague suppression. In some regions of California, tree squirrels have tested positive for West Nile virus.”

Carling and Rothman Breweries merged in 1969 and resulted in a new brewer called Carling O’Keefe in 1973. Carling O’Keefe was bought by Elders IXL of Australia in 1987 and later merged with Molson to form Molson Breweries Canada in 1989. Carling brands are currently owned by the Molson Coors Brewing Company.

Oxford university traditionally gives an honorary degree to any Oxford graduate who becomes Prime Minister. The famous exception is Margaret Thatcher, who was turned down by the Oxford dons – voting was 738 to 319 – in part because of the cuts she had imposed on the British state education system and on government-funded scientific research.

Thomas B. Welch, M.D., the founder of Welch Grape Juice Company, was born in England in 1825.  A devout Christian and staunch prohibitionist, Dr. Thomas B. Welch did not like wine being used in his church’s communion service.  In 1869 he decided to try developing a non-alcoholic substitution.   Dr. Welch had an ample supply of grapes on hand, because he lived in the town of Vineland, New Jersey (named for its many vineyards), and it was common for him to receive bushels of the fruit as payment for dental services.  Experimenting at night, Welch tried to create a grape beverage that would not ferment and become alcoholic

“Particle board (sometimes called chipboard in the UK) is an engineered wood product manufactured from wood particles, such as wood chips, sawmill shavings, or even saw dust, and a synthetic resin or other suitable binder, which is pressed and extruded.
Particle board is a type of fiberboard, a composite material, but it is made up of larger pieces of wood than medium-density fibreboard and hardboard.”

The only way to bake real San Francisco sourdough bread is to use a yeast culture from San Francisco. Lactobacillus sanfranciscensis (formerly L. sanfrancisco) is a species of lactic acid bacteria that helps give sourdough bread its characteristic taste. For commercial use, specific strains of the L. sanfranciscensis are grown on defined
media, freeze-dried, and shipped to bakeries worldwide. There are starters in SF which are purported to be 150+ years old; there is also a legend that L. sanfranciscensis is available “wild” in the air of the City (where it is nourished by the fog), which has led bakers to bring their starters/sponges/lumps of dough into the open, for instance, on hotel/restaurant rooftops in the middle of the night.

“Hardboard, also called high-density fiberboard, is a type of fiberboard, which is an engineered wood product. It is similar to particle board and medium-density fiberboard, but is much harder and denser because it is made out of exploded wood fibers that have
been highly compressed. It is referred to as masonite in the USA because that was the first brand to be marketed there in the 1920s (25 years after it was invented in England).”

Researchers and aquarists have reported octopuses escaping captivity despite elaborate precautions (Anderson, 1997; Wood, 1994).  One of the first papers was by Lee (1875), who reported that Brighton aquarists were puzzled by disappearing lumpfish, until one morning when the octopus was discovered in the lumpfish tank.  More recently, Boyle (1991) wrote, “Octopuses are particularly prone to escape from aquarium tanks.  Loose lids are of little value because the octopuses will easily lift them and push their way out of the tank”

Now, the Associated Press is reporting that over the last decade, “mostly poor or minority” foster children with HIV were subjected to medical trials, treated with drugs “that were known to have serious side effects in adults and for which the safety for children was unknown.” According to the AP, most of the research occurred in the 1990s, covering seven states, and tapping infants to teenagers. Even though the treatment was said to be top-notch, the children were largely at the mercy of clinicians. Reportedly, some of them did not have advocates — someone to look out for them during the term of the trial, which is, by definition, risky.

Lord Buckingham’s title died with him, but the Dukedom “was created anew for James I’s favourite, George Villiers. He was made … Earl of Buckingham in 1617.” His son, also a Duke George, died sans heirs in 1687, so the title went dormant again. Then in 1703, the “title of Duke of Buckingham and Normanby was created … for John Sheffield, Marquess of Normanby, a notable Tory politician of the late Stuart period.” He’s the one who had “a large townhouse built …in 1703 [that was] acquired by King George III in 1762 as a private residence. It was enlarged over the next 75 years, …[and] finally became the official royal palace of the British monarch on the accession of Queen Victoria in 1837.”

BELIEVE IT OR DON’T

In Los Angeles, after the Rodney King incident, Police Chief Darrel Gates called for the enactment of the Brady Bunch amendment, calling for a fourteen day waiting period before you can purchase a video camera.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

We had a girls’ camp outside my home town named Camp Nap-Hed-Ho.

MY copy says “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and TEN MILLION FUCKIN DOLLARS, BITCHES!”

Well, I’m kinda wishing you’d shut up.

You’re not trying to use it on Earth, are you?!?!

This is all more than I ever wanted to know about doing chickens.

Have you considered the simple joy a bowl of Fruit Loops brings?

Thank you for providing me with a look into your mind. I can’t say I enjoyed it.

Measured in millibaas?

I’m glad that “Bill Bonde suspectin’ sumthin'” isn’t the basis for our gun laws.

Personally, I blame insufficient blowjobs. Afterall, how many people commit mass murder while getting a blowjob? Not very many.

Cat pee is the new Chanel.

GUESS THE AFCA’N

If I get to an afterlife I shall be very surprised indeed, and amazed. Also, extremely annoyed.

I’m too modest to whip anything out.

I’ve had colts nibble on my tripod.

 Nobody missed my Prince Edgar.

My Mexican one is kinda itchy.

I just don’t believe in love at first sight…or at (counting) 3rd fuck.

I’m a middle class thug with odd-shaped balls.

I bear no responsibility for the existence of (most) things on this planet.

I just don’t believe in love at first sight…or at (counting) 3rd fuck.

I’d pay a modest amount to see you crap in the neighbor’s yard.

I would totally be more likely to take public transportation if I could count on more cats involved.

I’m not well up on Louisiana tarp fashion.

I blacked out and nearly fainted at a sheep shearing when I was twelve.

I was on the faculty senate when I was tenure-track.  We spent a lot of time arguing about pointless crap.

MOTTO’s

Scrotums: we charge for that.

I tell anecdotes because I don’t have real data.

It’s never a good sign when your franchise mascot is a giant rat.

This statement is so incomplete as to make no sense.

If you can’t find it on YouTube, it doesn’t exist.

The idiot is correct.

Certain past comments I made may have occurred in the heat of the moment or been taken out of context or something.

Living a life away from the computer is fine, as long as you do it in your own home.

You wouldn’t belief how much chewing an elephant could take.

TOO LONG FOR A MOTTO

I’m pretty sure the theory behind AFCA is that anecdotal evidence trumps methodical research, so if you’re going to keep citing real studies we may as well all pack up and go home.

AFCAN ADVICE

Don’t anthropomorphize the octupii, they hate that.

Think deeper thoughts.

Do _NOT_ try hiring a hitman. They’re all undercover cops or feds.

It’s not anxiety; your underwear is too tight.

If you hve to go through security, ask for Alphonso – he’s got small hands.

your worrying is rather uncessarily over-wraught.

INNOCENT QUERIES

Is Penthouse not accepting letters anymore?

So you just stand there with your shoplifted goods and hope the getaway bus will arrive soon?

Who ya gonna believe, me, or some usenet post?

Do you talk like this in real life or what?…

It’s just a chemical and has no emotions, so why does this stuff go straight for the balls?

You are asking someone named “Grrr” if he’s mad?

How does inflicting death, injury, or cleanliness determine who’s right or wrong?

One hump or two?

If I really understood Cho’s reasons for shooting all those people, would I be at risk of doing something similar?

Who are you? Napoleon Dynamite?

Not even if you coat yourself entirely with stinking dog salmon entrails and jump into the middle of a tiger shark feeding frenzy on a rotting horse’s head you’d left in Tony Sopranos bed the night before?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

Some Sharks will do anything to avoid losing body parts to a Chinese Restaurant.

BAND NAMES

chimney sweep scrotum

cephalopod porn

seekret p0rno code

knee-jerk left

Hurricane Flyod

feedback cheerleaders

Narcoleptic dogs

Deadly Serious Scrotum

Intent Penis

the Biffens

Whiffy Powder Beams

Jimmy Jammies and the Pimsies.

HORROR MOVIE TAGLINE OF THE WEEK

“no one really knows what Shelly does during the off-season.”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT I LIKE IT

You’re just jealous because you don’t have the gumption to maraud.  You haven’t harried or raided in months.  You occasionally annoy, bait, bedevil, beleaguer, beset, harass, pester, plague, tease, torment, and worry, but that’s just because you can do that lying down and drinking.  Hey!  It’s almost June.  What are you going to get your mom
for her birthday?

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