The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Some More Random Stupidity in the News

Posted by thedarwinexception on March 1, 2007

Stupidity never ends – around here or elsewhere in the world.  To prove that we have Exhibit A – a couple that Paul knew. They have a Suzuki or Yamaha or some such piece of shit motorcycle. I’ve only met them maybe three times – mostly when they came over here to borrow stuff from Paul. She was a strange one –  very quiet, very deferential. I doubt she even ever said “Hi.” He was a big goony looking guy, and I suspected she was under his thumb and wouldn’t piss without his permission.

For some unknown reason they had a baby about a month ago. Paul found out last night that while the girl was in the hospital, shortly after giving birth, the guy and her got into such a fight that Social Services was called and they took custody of the kid. Can you imagine?

Here are some other examples of stupidity we will call “Exhibit B”.

Well, now that’s kind of mean. He may have been an ineffectual president, but he’s still a really good guy.


I doubt feet make for very tender mignon’s.


They really should have just said “cigarette”.


I need my whopping couch vaccinated.


This one kills me. I love the “before” and “after”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that “before” picture just a scrunched up face? Amazing the difference when you just take a picture *not* scrunched up.


The inspector gives them a grade of “A” even though there’s toilet in the kitchen? And I don’t care if it *is* clean. I don’t want a toilet in the kitchen at Pizza Hut.


How appropriate is that?


I swear. If I saw this cop with his radar detector I would speed – just to see if the horse could catch me.


Is Britney’s kid 30 already?


Do a lot of parades call for homemade toilets? I’m going to the wrong parades – all we get are those guys in the funny hats in little cars.


If it was a White Russian, I would have kept it if I found it.


What the hell kind of “special balloon” goes to Heaven? What’s *really* going to happen is the balloon goes up 500 feet or so, and your loved ones ashes are then spread all over your neighbors lawn.


I would never have reported this. Some things are just best left forgotten. But how nice that they stole lubricant, too.


Nope. I don’t eat “thing”.



Don’t eat butt whole, either.


I’m surprised these are only 99 cents – they have to have a very limited customer base.


I’ve never seen one of these. Anyone have an example?


I wonder how many calls they get asking for hard lays?


…and my favorite. Just because it’s funny.



11 Responses to “Some More Random Stupidity in the News”

  1. groo said

    I’m surprised you didn’t comment on the “Eternal Ascent” ad about the special service they provide…”We also release pets.” I wish I’d known about these guys back when our neighbors had a yappy little dog they kept chained in the yard all day. I would have paid to have them release it from their heavenly balloon.

  2. njgill said

    LEAH GARCHIK wrote in the San Francisco Chronicle on Thursday, March 1, 2007:

    ‘Probably the biggest showstopper in “Legally Blonde” is the song “Gay or European?,” which asks the question about a suave gent with an accent. Before the show set out for New York, Emily Nozick attended a performance at the Golden Gate Theatre that included what she calls a “true San Francisco moment”: 6-year-old Sarah Graup asking her mother, “What’s European?” ‘

  3. Hatpin said

    This is the best ‘Random Stupidity’ yet, IMO. I’ve been laughing my head off here. Well, not in a literal sense, more in the way of a metaphor. Sometimes ideas are most powerfully expressed that way.

  4. Bob E. said

    Sometimes I worry that our fellow readers overseas may not get the full impact of some of our colloquialisms…for example, when I read the third-from-last clipping, I immediately wondered if Commodore Hatpin would be whooshed, not knowing that the ad-writer was trying to sell “Indian-head pennies”, a form of U.S. coinage that hasn’t been minted since 1909. But perhaps I worry too much.

  5. Randee said

    Another classic! Nothing makes me laugh out loud more than these do.

    I’m dying to know: Are all of these local, or do you assemble from around the Internets?

    And about the Rushing, Delaying lawyers, I’m curious to know what the guy’s last name who didn’t make it on the masthead is. From my perspective, he seems to be M. Jered Mediocre. But that would be too perfect.

  6. Jerry Randal Bauer said

    There’s little doubt that “Engine Head Pennies” was dictated over the telephone to some twenty-something minion working in the classified ads department. That person had never heard of an “Indian Head Peny”, and it never occurred to the caller that such might be the case. At least, I would charitably ascribe this to ignorance and misunderstanding, rather than stupidity. Still, it is funny.

  7. Hatpin said

    Re “Indian head pennies”, I’d never heard of them until I first saw that clipping here and Googled for possible “engine head penny” pages. When I found out the TRUTH!!1!! … I didn’t bother including it in my reply because I’d assumed they were well-known in the US of A and that Kim was well aware of the nature of the over-the-phone error.

  8. Ha! I didn’t think of you not knowing what they were until Bob brought it up. Didn’t even cross my mind.

    And I agree that it must have been a transcription error when someone called the ad in – but you know they had to have said “Injun head pennies”, in order for the clerk to come up with “engine”, which is what’s funny to me – I can imagine the guy saying “Yeah, I got me some of them there Injun Head pennies for sale”.


  9. Jerry Randal Bauer said

    Hah! I mispelled “penny”.

  10. Jerry Randal Bauer said

    I think I can guess what the “liquid lift” might be.

    I wonder what the explanation for the ravenized “Whooping Cough” is. Perhaps uncritical acceptance of a speelchucker’s first suggestion?

    And, Kim, do you really read all the classifieds?

  11. Charlie Pearce said

    Bizarre twunck G’terry G’terry. And you don’t think that I wouldn’t if I possibly could.

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