The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 02/15/07 – 02/21/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on February 23, 2007

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

Olden House, an 18th Century farmhouse on the grounds of New Jersey’s governor’s mansion, was used by a previous owner as a monkey house.

The olallieberry (pronounced oh-la-leh, sometimes spelled ollalieberry, olallaberry, olalliberry, ollalaberry or ollaliberry) is a cross between the loganberry and the youngberry, each of which is itself a cross between blackberry and another berry(raspberry and dewberry, respectively).

At the beginning of the 18th century, per capita consumption of sugar in England was still only about 4lbs – less than two of today’s packets of sugar; by the beginning of the 19th century consumption had soared to 18lbs per person per year.

The concluding episodes of this season’s ’24’ will contain less torture. Nothing to do with recent protests from the military (who are getting more and more worried about the attitudes shown by new recruits), says Fox Executive Producer Howard Gordon; it’s just that “the idea of physical coercion or torture is no longer a novelty or surprise.”

(U.S.) Marijuana arrests set a new record in 2004, totaling 771,605. Eighty-nine percent of these arrests were for marijuana possession, not sale or manufacture. In contrast, arrests for all violent crimes combined totalled 590,258

“The first roots planted in England were brought from Vienna in 1600. Until the year 1634 the tulip annually increased in reputation…In the year 1636, tulips were publicly sold in the Exchange of London…. Their value appears to have diminished from that time till the year 1769.”

The basic idea of classical chiropractic is that “subluxations” are the cause of most medical problems. According to chiropractic, a “subluxation” is a misalignment of the spine that allegedly interferes with nerve signals from the brain. However, there is no
scientific evidence for spinal subluxations and none have ever been observed by medical practitioners such as orthopedic surgeons, neurosurgeons, or radiologists.

“Adelie Penguins employ yawning as part of their courtship ritual. Penguin couples face off and the males engage in what is described as an “ecstatic display,” their beaks open wide and their faces pointed skyward. This trait has also been seen among Emperor Penguins. Researchers have been attempting to discover why these two different species share this trait, despite not sharing a habitat.”

“In about 5% of patients, Clomipramine can cause inadvertent orgasms when yawning.”

An economic bubble (sometimes referred to as a “market bubble”, a “financial bubble”, or a “speculative mania”) refers to a market condition in which the prices of commodities or asset classes increase to absurd or unsustainable levels (that no longer reflect utility of usage and purchasing power).

Rabbit starvation is the form of acute malnutrition caused by excess consumption of rabbit meat (and possibly other lean meats) coupled with a lack of other sources of nutrients. Symptoms include diarrhea, headache, lassitude, a vague discomfort and hunger that can only be satisfied by consumption of fat or carbohydrate.”
 

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

But if that seems like a story to you here are some more insider tips for 2007 –  I understand the third basemen is hoping that he doesn’t get stabbed in the eye with a chopstick, and the pitching coach would like to avoid getting a dose of the clap this season. The catcher hopes he won’t catch fire this season and the second baseman would
like to not be attacked by fire ants.

Was your mom frightened by a Chiropractor while she was pregnant with you?

Yabbut, if he doesn’t die he’s going to be a mighty hard witness against you.

Well, does she still have rats?

CONFESSIONS

I’ve not touched a Twinkie since that wild night long ago when I lost all my credit cards.

I may have nightmares about this tonight.

I have a pair of socks that plays the Dreidel Song and another pair that has little jingle bells by the ankle part.

I think I have elvels in my basement.

I came here straight from the fellatio thread.

WE SAY IT BECAUSE WE CAN

Angelica Bridges (baywatch/soft-core-porn) once stayed the night at my hose

Apparently my standards for honking are higher

I can monitor two separate pieces of meat simultaneously.

the longer, thinner ones are what I’ve found on the east coast.

I’ve played four-limbed on organs.

I enjoy the sensation of swirling big, salty nuts around in my mouth

My unit’s just fine, but the thought of yours doesn’t do much for me.

MOTTO’s

there are days when rural, conservative America can pretty much kiss my urban ass.

That may be the logical conclusion to what I said, but I hadn’t given it that much thought.

they need much better dyking

I have a problem with your characterization of it, but I have no faith that your characterization is a realistic one.

I can’t live by your rules, man.

I would just like to say, with all due respect, Fuck You.

You could start by not drawing illogical conclusions. Who knows what might happen from there?

AFCAN ADVICE

“You don’t want to date her; she’s only interested in dating Satan.”

And in the meantime, please put on some pants.

INNOCENT QUERIES

All right, who summoned the Antichrist?

Were your friend’s parents part of the screwers or the screwees?

Just for the record, exactly how dumb is owl shit?

Have you tried pissing on them?

And what did your bitch have to say on the matter?

What part of “stupid and incompetent” don’t you understand?

what is the significance of the line over which one must not toke?

Does it get rid of the 6 foot butterflies of doom?

What’s the deal with the insistence on swallowing, guys?

COMPLIMENTS

I generally ignore the whackjobs on this group, but as I am responding to you apparently this is not universally true.

SIMPLE TRUTHS

If God had meant us to multitask then he would never have given us computers.

It’s not legal to cook your kid whether you’re sober or not.

Short people kick ass. Mostly because we can’t kick any higher.

Anarchists live in a sparkly roller-disco universe where everyone is perfectible.

It always comes back to that rilly great caveman sex.

BAND NAMES

really tall tamale vendor

Guinea Pig Way

crank fire

Helmet loss.

Budding Prospects

Mischievous Erudition

inadvertent orgasms

The Eisegetical Cowboys

Ferocious First Graders

MIKE CHANNELS GEORGE BUSH

A while back I wondered what the Gettysburg Address would sound like if George Bush had delivered it. Here’s what I came up with:

Eighty-seven years ago our daddies made a new country, a Christian country, with God and the bible and school prayer, which the terrorists are trying to destroy, because they hate our freedoms. Now we’re in this civil war, except it’s more like the birth pangs of this great Christian nation under God. Really, it’s just a bunch of evil-doers with guns, and they’re testing our resolve, but they’re going to find out we have resolve, because that’s what we are, is resolved. And we’re here on this battlefield, except that now it’s a gigantic cemetery, because some of them died, and we’re going to dedicate it to them, to our brave men in uniform. We’re going to consecrate it to them. The world will remember what they did here, which is that they died. They died resolving against terrorism. So, we have to keep resolving against them, or the terrorists will win.

The democrats want to cut and run, and let the terrorists win, and let those that died in vain here still be dead, but what they fail to understand is that we are at war. And we’re having some birth pangs, because giving birth to a war isn’t easy. But we can’t stop now or the terrorists will win, and those that died here will be dead for no reason. Our enemy hates our freedoms, so I have introduced legislation to eliminate those freedoms, and I call upon the House and Senate to pass this legislation, so we can torture the evil-doers and find out what they know and defeat the terrorists. That’s the only way we can resolve to be free.

God bless the United States of America.

TRIBUTE OF THE WEEK

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