The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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My Batter Don’t Stick – My Phone Book Ain’t Thick

Posted by thedarwinexception on February 8, 2007

As part of my whole “switching the phone to Verizon” deal, today I got a new phone book in the mail. And it’s a good thing, too. The Malone phone book is so small, just a leaflet, really, that I keep misplacing mine. It will help to have an extra one. And if you think I’m kidding about the size, well, consider the fact that Verizon felt it necessary to mail the phone book with a piece of Styrofoam backing. You know, so it wouldn’t get lost, I guess.

There are still no dog groomers in the phone book. And there aren’t any bookstores, either, so I guess I’m still shit out of luck, there. In fact, the whole “Yellow Page” section is 24 pages long. 24 pages. And that’s not “24 pages – front and back” that’s 24 pages total. And half of those pages are doctors who are affiliated with the hospital – and the hospital itself, which takes up 3 pages. And there’s also the 2 page spread of advertisement from Verizon themselves. With the message “You can stop Searching!” I looked really closely at that ad – because I thought there was going to be another line to that message in little letters down at the bottom that said “Yeah, you can stop searching – you live in Malone – it ain’t gonna be in here.”

Paul has been wondering what kind of business would actually do well in Malone. I mean, we have Dollar Stores and Rent to Own centers covered – but, surprisingly, there are no pawn shops. I think a pawn shop would do well in Malone. So maybe we’ll open a pawn shop. I looked in the phone book, there isn’t one of those around, either.

And I finally got some sleep! I went to bed last night at like 8:00 – mostly so I could wake up at 10:00 for the return of “Lost” – but that didn’t happen. So I had to watch it this morning – after I finally woke up around 9:00. I was a little disappointed with “Lost” – still no questions answered – as if there ever will be, right? I don’t know, I think “Heroes” is a more satisfying show. I mean, I still love “Lost”, but I must admit, I look forward to the next episode of “Heroes” much more. At least I know that storyline is going somewhere.

I did some sewing, today, too. I finally finished Paul’s pajamas. They have football helmets on them, because they were supposed to be for Christmas and he could wear them around the house on Sunday when he was watching football. That worked out really well, huh? About as well as the newborn sleepers I’m still making for the kid who is like 4 now. Luckily his parent’s are planning on having more kids.

I also went and did some grocery shopping today. I bought 2 pounds of smelt. I love smelt – it’s my favorite fish. The only thing I hate doing is breading it. How do you get breading to “stick”? Mine never does. I coat the smelt in an egg and milk mixture – then I roll them in some flour stuff, and when I fry them – I have bare fish. How do you make the flour stuff actually stay on the fish? Is there something I am doing wrong? And if you could let me know by tomorrow night when I make the smelt – that would be really good.

I would call like a cooking consultant or something – but I doubt there would be one of those in our phone book, either.

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12 Responses to “My Batter Don’t Stick – My Phone Book Ain’t Thick”

  1. Greg said

    I always used to use 3 layers, first flour, then egg, then flour again. But that’s not really breading, and nowadays I generally don’t bother anymore – I just panfry my fish without any coatings.

  2. njg said

    “Before breading your food, make sure that the item(s) that you would like to bread are totally dry.

    Next take a room temperature egg and mix well. Dip your item to be breaded into the egg mixture and then into your prepared dry breading mix.

    Let sit for as long as you can in the refrigerator, up to an hour, before cooking.”

  3. Que Barbara said

    I’ve always had luck with “dry-wet-dry.” Dust with flour, dip in egg, finish with the breading.

  4. Boron said

    Forget the pawn shop idea…you’ll wind up with stuff like bolts of cloth from Joanne’s.

  5. pokeypuppy said

    flour first!!! Then egg…. then bread crumbs. Enjoy. 😉

  6. Joolz said

    Here’s the absolute best fucking coating in the world. I use it to make schnitzel, and I make awesome damn schnitzel.
    First you dip the meat or fish type product in flour, shake off excess, then dip in egg. Let the excess egg drip, then dip it in Panko. Panko is Japanese breadcrumbs, and they make mouth-watering coatings on various meat type products.
    When I say mouth-watering, I mean almost painfully delicious. You know when it kinda hurts a little tiny bit back by your ears.
    Really, Kim, look for Panko.

  7. Joolz said

    Don’t tell me about phone books! I live in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia. The Greater Vancouver Regional District to be exact. That area includes Vancouver, Burnaby, New Westminster, Surrey, Delta, North Vancouver, West Vancouver, and so on. These are all individual cities that butt up against each other in a fairly small geographic location.
    The phone book used to include all the cities in the Lower Mainland.
    In the last few years, though, the phone book publishers have decided to publish individual directories for each city. That means I can’t look up the phone number for a store that might be in Burnaby when I live in Vancouver. What a fucking nightmare. The online directories are sinfully inaccurate. It is possible to *purchase* the directories for the other cities. A real moneymaking scheme, eh?

  8. I gotta tell you, Joolz, that’s exactly what they do here. Each little town of 4,000 people has their own phone book – how crazy is that? Especially considering that some parts of Chateaugay are closer to me than some parts of Malone.

    And you are right – you can *buy* the other phone books! I think it’s a rip off, too.

    Kim

  9. Is Panko something I can buy at a grocery store? Do I have to get it online?

    Although, judging by the responses, I think I have been doing it all ass backwards, and that’s what my problem has been.

    I’ve been dipping everything in egg & milk – THEN flouring and coating. I thought that the flour needed something to “stick to” – and that the egg & milk provided that.

    I think the consensus is that you dip the dry product in flour FIRST, then dip in egg, then dip in crumbs.

    I’m going to try that and see if it makes a difference.

    Kim

  10. Lisa Ann said

    And then there’s my variation…I just did this last week with Hoosier-style pork tenderloin. I soaked the tenderloins in milk and egg for a couple hours (this was after I pounded them flat, pretending I was pounding my Project Manager). Then I dredged them through flour, back in the milk/egg mixture, then through breadcrumbs. Since I had 8 tenderloins to dredge, they sat on a plate for a little bit. But for the first time, that coating didn’t go *anywhere*. I had a nice thick bread coating that stood up to deep frying. The only thing I did differently this time was to let them soak in the milk/egg mixture for a couple hours. Hope this helps! Lisa Ann

  11. Joolz said

    Yes, Panko is available at the grocery store. Check the Asian foods aisle if there is one in your lo-cal food emporium.
    I don’t know what the magic ingredient is, or if it’s just how it’s prepared, but it’s magically addictive. And I mean that in a non-Gary way.

  12. Matthew said

    This is so funny…I love Google. I bought a bag of Canadian smelt (they didn’t have USA Lake Erie smelt (I’m from the Cleveland area) pre-cleaned, a couple of weeks back. I just did the buttermilk/egg mix and some regular Robin Hood Flour. It came out okay, but I’m going to try the Panko method, I just bought some a month ago at the asian grocery, and didn’t have use for it yet. Thanks for blogging. Oh.. so I don’t have a real website, so myspace will have to do for now.

    Best,

    Matthew

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