The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 01/25/07 – 1/31/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on February 6, 2007

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

The self-employment tax rate is 15.3%. The rate consists of two parts: 12.4% for social security (old-age, survivors, and disability insurance) and 2.9% for Medicare (hospital insurance).

Federal policy has encouraged enrollment of Medicare beneficiaries in health plans, the majority of which are for-profit plans. Eric Schneider, MD, MSc and Arnold Epstein, MD, MA, from the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH) and Alan Zaslavsky, PhD from Harvard Medical School, analyzing quality of care scores from the Medicare Health Plan Employer Data and Information Set (HEDIS) found that not-for-profit health plans provided significantly higher quality of care to enrollees than for-profit plans on four important clinical services; breast cancer screening, diabetic eye examination, beta-blocker medication after heart attack and follow-up after hospitalization for mental illness. The study appears in the December, 2005 issue of The American Journal of Medicine.”

“Capsaicin ( cap-SAY-sin) is used to help relieve a certain type of pain known as neuralgia (new-RAL-ja ) . Capsaicin is also used to temporarily help relieve the pain from osteoarthritis (OS-te-o-ar-THRI-tis ) or rheumatoid arthritis ( ROO-ma-toid ar-THRI-tis) . This medicine will not cure any of these conditions.

Neuralgia is a pain from the nerves near the surface of your skin. This pain may occur after an infection with herpes zoster (shingles). It may also occur if you have diabetic neuropathy ( di-a-BET-ick new-ROP-a-thee) . Diabetic neuropathy is a condition that occurs in some persons with diabetes. The condition causes tingling and pain in the feet and toes. Capsaicin will help relieve the pain of diabetic neuropathy, but it will not cure diabetic neuropathy or diabetes.

Leroy Fletcher Prouty died of organ failure following stomach surgery on 5th June, 2001.

Maine overwhelmingly rejected federal requirements for national identification cards on Thursday, marking the first formal state opposition to controversial legislation scheduled to go in effect for Americans next year.

“It could take 15 years for China’s gender imbalance to sort itself out, the country’s top family planner said yesterday, admitting that three decades of strict population policies had contributed to the problem. In 2005 118 boys were born for every 100 girls born in China, as wider use of ultrasound scans and the easy availability of abortions exacerbated the preference for boys. In some areas the ratio is 130 to 100.”

Scientists studying stroke patients are reporting that an injury to a specific part of the brain, near the ear, can instantly and permanently break a smoking habit, effectively erasing the most stubborn of addictions. People with the injury who stopped smoking found that their bodies, as one man put it, “forgot the urge to smoke.”

To obtain a passport for the first time, you need to go in person to one of  9,000 passport acceptance facilities located throughout the United States with two photographs of yourself, proof of U.S. citizenship, and a valid form of photo identification such as a drivers license.

“The perp argument that taxable “income” is limited to business (or corporate) profits is wrong, being based on some very early court decisions that dealt only with corporations and not with individuals. Tornichio v. US (ND Ohio unpub 3/12/98) 81 AFTR2d 1377, 98 USTC para 50299; similarly Ghalardi Income Tax Education Foundatiom [& Webber] v. CIR (12/30/98) TC Memo 1998-460; in one instance the judge himself gave the tax protester copies of some precedent decisions that exploded his arguments but the perp persisted in his futile arguments with the result that the court imposed a very substantial fine ($10G) for frivolous and dilatory litigation. Kinkade v. CIR (6/1/99) TC Memo 1999-180″

Kinsey got interested in sex research after he and his wife has a really unhappy wedding night owing to the fact that he was so big he caused her a great deal of pain.

In 2007, 10 F-117s will be retired with another 40 going in 2008, “which will retire the fleet here,” Mihaly said, and a few “test birds” at Edwards Air Force Base, Calif., will be retired in 2008, which will account for the entire Nighthawk fleet. As it stands, the F-117s are slated to be sent to the “boneyard” at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Ariz. But Holloman officials are working with Congress to find a more cost-effective way to decommission the fleet.

“Kite flying is very popular in the People’s Republic of China, Korea, Japan, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Thailand, and many other Asian countries. In all of these countries ‘kite fighting’, in which kite fighters try to snag each other’s kites or cut other kites down, is popular. In Afghanistan this is known as Gudiparan Bazi. Some kite fighters pass their strings through a mixture of ground glass powder and glue. The resulting strings are very abrasive and can sever the competitor’s strings. However, this practice is dangerous since the abrasive strings can also injure people. During the Taliban rule in Afghanistan, kite flying was banned, among various other recreations.”

Allard, who has voted against a minimum wage increase more often than Fox News smears Barack Obama, went for broke this week and introduced a bill that would have eliminated the Federal Minimum Wage entirely and left the wage rate for the lowest-paid workers to each state.

Putting Q-tips (or any mechanical probe) into the external ear canal can push cerumen (ear wax) deeper into the canal and cause an impaction.  Got ear wax (and no underlying otic problems like “tubes”)? let some water run into your ear when you shower, let it drain out.  After a few times the wax will fluff up and fall out on its own.

An 80-year-old New York cemetery worker has been charged with using a rake as an offensive weapon after allegedly beating a man who caught him urinating on a relative’s grave, prosecutors said.

There are three varieties of blood vessels: arteries, veins, and capillaries. During blood circulation, the arteries carry blood away from the heart. The capillaries connect the arteries to veins. Finally, the veins carry the blood back to the heart. If you took all of the blood vessels out of an average child, and laid them out in one line, the line would be over 60,000 miles long! An adult’s vessels would be closer to 100,000 miles long!

Dolphins’ main prey (fish and squid), contains large amounts of water and so dolphins obtain water from their food. Fish, such as herring and mackerel can be made up of as much as 80% moisture, whilst moisture levels in squid are even higher. In addition, dolphins don’t actually need to take in very much fluid because, unlike us, their skin is impermeable and they don’t lose water by sweating.

One of the earliest uses of amphetamine occurred during World War II when the German military dispensed the stimulant under the trade name Pervitin to troops.  The drug was widely distributed across rank and division, from elite forces to tank crews and aircraft personnel. Chocolates dosed with methamphetamine were known as Fliegerschokolad (“flyer’s chocolate”) when given to pilots, or Panzerschokolade (“tanker’s chocolate”) when distributed to tank crews. From 1942 until his death in 1945, Adolf Hitler was given daily intravenous injections of methamphetamine by his personal physician, Theodor Morell, as a treatment for depression and fatigue. It is possible that the Parkinsons-like symptoms which Hitler increasingly developed from 1940 onwards were related to his use of this drug.

Horse sperm doesn’t freeze or ship very well

the Harlem Globetrotters were created in Chicago in 1927 and chose the Harlem name so that the public would know that the players are African-American, as a tribute to the Harlem Renaissance, and because Harlem sounded more exotic than Chicago. They did not play a basketball game in Harlem during the first four decades of their existence.  The current mailing address for the Harlem Globetrotters is in Phoenix, Arizona.

Residents of a London suburb will soon pay annual parking fees based on how much carbon dioxide their cars emit, penalizing owners of gas guzzlers. Officials in Richmond, west of the capital, agreed Monday to levy a sliding scale of charges based on emissions, meaning the biggest polluters will pay $590 a year for a permit to park on the street….

“The Dean of St Pauls, in the 16th century, is credited with the invention of bottled ale. Dr Alexander Norwell put ale in a bottle when he went fishing and left the bottle in the grass. Returning some years later he found the cork came away with an explosion but the taste and quality of the ale was still good.”

“Fantasy writer David Eddings, 75, said he was using water to flush out the gas tank of his broken-down Excalibur sports car, when some fluid leaked. In a lapse of judgment he readily admitted, Eddings lit a piece of paper and threw into the puddle to test if it was still flammable. The answer came in an orange torrent”

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

We have the smartest guy on Usenet posting here. Try to guess who it is.

That means it passed the AFCA Test

Could be – I sure have trouble telling them apart.

The more it decays, the more holey it gets.

Oh, no!  That means that many of us can’t rule out mild clinical depression.

Well, when the revolution comes my dog can bite their ass.

THEN FIX THE SINK, RETARD!

I heard in the Chinese version of “Deal or no Deal” you pick the girl, not the cases. You find out later if she opens up.

They make me sit atop one of the bollards while they raise and lower it every few seconds and make me sing “It’s Raining Men”.

Oh, I hate those paper clips.  You’re just about to get digging in, and suddenly the damned clip will jump out, wiggle, blink its eyes and say “It looks like you’re cleaning out your ear.  Do you want help?”

So it wasn’t a dead squirrel, but the ghostly revenge of the deer that you were dragging around.

You can have my apostrophe when you pry it from my cold dead finger’s.

I had a friend from Singapore once. She always said stuff like that.

He can wear Democratic platforms.

CONFESSIONS

I could play “Lady of Spain” on my banjo.

Yeah, well, people don’t tip me as much because they think I’m kind of an asshole

Family lore suggests the IRS killed my grandfather.

If I moved more often, it would be evident that I seldom dust.

Yes, I used hairpins.  I used to keep them around for putting my hair up.

I like girly things. Especially girls.

I’m putting “Horse Fluffer” on my resume

I learned I probably really didn’t have a viable career as a porn star.

I like penguins, as they don’t make a lot of noise when you, uh, “boot them up.”

MOTTO’s

A 100% fact-free post, in keeping with the thread.

Hey! If you’d said it was work-safe, I wouldn’t have wasted my time looking.

I don’t even know if I’m right, I just know that you’re wrong.

I know it was an analogy. I was simply pointing out that it was a crappy one.

Hope those are the great big cans.

I have confidence that Canada could handle the problem and would welcome our new Canadian overlords if they would just get their booties down here.

There is only so far one should be willing to go to placate the intentionally dense.

All inconvenient facts should be suppressed. And yams. I don’t like them either. Blech.

If the price of peace and prosperity is a President who receives blowjobs,  I’m OK with that.

AFCAN ADVICE

The trick is that you don’t have to be smart to be safe, just less stupid than the next hunter…

INNOCENT QUERIES

Do you have any cravings for blood?

That would depend on who the bed warmer is, wouldn’t it?

So Shawn, in the spirit of biological imperative, what separates you from a flatworm?

So… you’re saying she’s likely to appear on the Verizon?

Are you sure your methodology has reasonably high precision?

Can you say “kwashiorkor?”

What is there about bobby pins that makes you think of them fondly?

Someone wanna tell me why horses can’t just fuck?

Why have cake when you could have cupcakes?

Perhaps we need more zombie films that emphasize traditional conservative family values?

COMPLIMENTS

You all are so, so very precious to me.

Apparently you are ignorant in so many ways you don’t know which one to misrepresent.

You’re just pandering now, hoping for more mentions of your sub-standard material.

You lead a difficult and trouble-ridden life.

Charles, I love you like my luggage

You’re outstanding; I’ll make you a hat!

Next time I want to know why the shower curtain sticks to my legs, I’m calling _you_.

SIMPLE TRUTHS

By the time you’ve done all that you might as well have used your hand.

You think you understand snobbishness, but you don’t.

Being a linguistic reactionary isn’t always pretty.

Three wives = Polygamy
Two wives = Monogamy
One wife = monotony

I think it’s always a good idea to be able to flee the country on a moment’s notice.

I suspect the Evil Twin Hypothesis, just like on House.

It makes for a dull movie if someone doesn’t go out and need to be rescued every few days.

“Gravity doesn’t pull…. The earth sucks”

All pizza delivery guys are hung like horses.

The “groo-effect” is the effect that any policy will have on groo.

BAND NAMES

the prison barbers

Hopalong Chastity

gourd project.

death by kite

Electric Shirley

Botox for Muffy

The Shits, Ltd

fodder for Snopes

Zen candy in the ether

FORGOTTEN  VERSES

Painting over black, painting over black,
Painting over black, painting over black,
I’ve got a black and white walled apartment
I’ve got an indigo gas oven
I’ve got holes in my brush
Holes in my brush
I’ve got filthy rotten drop cloths on the floor
I’ve got a couch spattered with paint
My cat’s heaving, paint flying, rollers dripping
from the paint tray
And that’s not all

(apologies to Jann Arden)

Got caught outdoors and I have to urinate
I’m an old man, I can’t wait!
Don’t interrupt or I’ll hit you with a rake!
Clang! Oops. . . too late.

TONY’S “BELIEVE IT OR DON’T!”

Personally, I admit that I have conflicted thoughts on the subject – but I don’t think you can know what you’d do until your in that situation. If you asked me 5 years ago if I’d be willing to eat a zombie (no one actually asked me that five years ago – I’m just speaking hypothetically here) I’d have said I never would, but last June I did. It turned out to just be one of those goth kids, not a real zombie, but the intent was there. If you do decide to eat zombies you’d probably want to ketchup them up pretty good

SECRET AGENT SUMMARY

ALT.FAN.CECIL-ADAMS

25-JAN-2007

We know who you are.

We know what you wrote.

COMING SOON TO A SUPERMARKET NEAR YOU

Ghee Whiz

Ex-Wax

AFCAN GLADIATORS

Biggus Dickus

Shalom Septimus

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One Response to “I Learned it in AFCA 01/25/07 – 1/31/07”

  1. Hello. I really wanted to say that I take pleasure in this blog. I wanted to include my personal Cleaning tip: The tops of kitchen cabinets are a catch for grease and dirt. To go on with them untainted, jacket them with plastic wrap. When it’s time to clean, immediately eliminate the plastic wrap and replace it with clean wrap.

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