The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 01/18/07 – 01/24/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on February 1, 2007

Well, I should have learned it in AFCA 1/18 – 1/24, but I wasn’t there. But this is what I *would* have learned…

 YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

“Toplu konut idaresi” means something like “Communal Housing Authority” in Turkish.

In September 2002, Dr. Khan reviewed clinical trial data from the nine antidepressant drugs approved by the FDA between 1985 and 2000. This included 10,030 depressed patients in 52 clinical trials.  The Placebo (inert dummy pill) worked better than the new antidepressant pill in more than half the studies.

German psychologists studied the effects of TV withdrawal on people who watched a lot of television.  In a 1971 experiment, they paid people to shut off their TV sets and leave them off.  Most of the test subjects gave up the money and went back to watching TV after a few days.  No one in the study lasted more than five months without television.  And the scientists found a dangerous side effect of TV withdrawal, and increase in child abuse.

snake pus is solid

During the 15th century English experienced a widespread loss of certain consonant sounds within consonant clusters, as the (d) in handsome and handkerchief, the (p) in consumption and raspberry, and the (t) in chestnut and often. In this way the consonant clusters were simplified and made easier to articulate. With the rise of public education and literacy and, consequently, people’s awareness of spelling in the 19th century, sounds that had become silent sometimes were restored, as is the case with the t in often, which is now frequently pronounced. In other similar words, such as soften and listen, the t generally remains silent.

Sand, or silicon dioxide (also called silica) can be vaporized by a lightning strike in the presence of carbon, causing the short-lived, glowing, floating objects called ball lightning. The theory maintains that the silicon vapor glows from the heat produced when it recombines with oxygen in the air. That, according to the hypothesis, maintains the ball shape due to condensing silicon on its outside surface that is bound by the electric charge of the lightning.

 a redcap is “a type of malevolent murderous goblin, elf or fairy found in British folklore. They inhabit ruined castles found along the border between England and Scotland. Redcaps are said to murder travelers who stray into their homes, sometimes by pushing boulders off cliffs and on to them, staining their hats with their victims’ blood (from which they get their name). Indeed, redcaps must kill regularly, for if the blood staining their hats dries out, they die. Redcaps are very fast in spite of the heavy iron pikes they wield and the iron-shod boots they wear.”

The Mishna says, “If a non-kosher animal gives birth to an apparently kosher animal, the offspring is not kosher…because whatever comes from a non-kosher animal is also non-kosher.” So even if a camel were born with split hooves, it wouldn’t be kosher.

Loblaws is Canada’s largest food distributing company and it’s part of the Weston Group, one of North American’s largest food processors and distributors. Chairman of the board is Galen Weston.

as an employee you can deduct your medical expenses, including insurance premiums, but “only the amount by which your total medical care expenses for the year exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income” which pretty much means you have to be nearly too sick to work. You can’t deduct insurance premiums that your employer paid for you unless it appears as income in Box 1 of your Form W2.

In some cities, doctors frustrated with what they say are low Medicare payments and onerous rules are limiting the number of Medicare patients they take – or refusing to accept new Medicare patients at all. Some physicians are even telling longtime patients that they have to find new doctors when they hit 65 and qualify for Medicare.

In the United Kingdom under the Merchant Shipping Act 1995, jetsam, flotsam, ligan and all other cargo and wreckage remain the property of their original owners. Anyone, including beachcombers, removing those goods must inform the Receiver of Wreck to avoid the accusation of theft.

“Blue Monday” – Monday, 22 January – officially designated by a psychologist as the most depressing day of the year. It has been singled out by Dr Cliff Arnall, psychologist and former tutor at Cardiff University, who has used mathematical equations to reach his verdict.

The body of the 52-year old circus worker was found in the circus, in the room where the animals were kept. When police arrived at the scene they established that the woman was strangled to death and pieces of snakeskin got stuck to the body. At the same time, it was discovered that the 5-meter python had escaped from the cage. Police investigators said that the snake attacked the woman and killed her.

Dry air is a poor heat conductor.  Humid air is a better conductor.  Cold and humid allows us to lose metabolic heat more rapidly than cold and dry, making us subjectively colder. Hot and humid air slows heat loss through evaporation when compared to hot and dry, making us subjectively hotter.

Availing itself of PR firm Edelman’s deep political connections, Wal-Mart recruits civil rights leader and former U.N. ambassador Andrew Young to chair its company-funded Working Families for Wal-Mart.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

 Just leave them down this time.

I’ll say. Last I heard, you lived in Ireland.

It’s that thing you do with your neck.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. I said to him, “Got any shoes you’re not using?”

There is only one true cud.

That was how the story of the Princess and the Pee originated.

If this involves a crucifixtion, hey, let’s go for it.

CONFESSIONS

Forming my own sentences was never a priority.

It’s comments like that that prevent me from having my wife read posts here.

Hardly a day goes by that I don’t thank God I’m not you.

Last thing any of my friends would call me is some sort of hippie.

I wanted to marry Gomes Addams when I was a little girl.

I’ve never subbed for a lesbian before.

I can float on my back

I’ve been going commando for years, but only after some rigorous training involving tree bark, an iron, and some Cheez Whiz.

I’ve spent my life being “the accident.”

My cat eats plastic bags.

I have yet to glue myself to anything really big

I have an anemone and a one-handed Lone Ranger figurine.

MOTTO’s

This is one of those weird errors where you actually have to be educated to make it.

Ideas aren’t necessarily easy, unless you allow utterly unpractical ones to count.

I think much of the answer to the question depends on the question itself.

somewhere in the collective intellect of AFC-A, lies all knowledge.

leftover groo would be entertaining in its own right as well.

There’s no knowing the depths and breadth of his wrongness.

Your use of moderation is excessive

AFCAN ADVICE FOR PICKING UP HOOKERS

If they have good teeth, they’re cops.

INNOCENT QUERIES

Does his bologna have a name?

Do lions even LIKE peanut butter?

is Jesus hopping relative to the pogo stick, or is it the pogo stick alone that is hopping, with Jesus just along for the ride?

So you’re saying that martians invaded Ottawa and bugged the prime ministers ass?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

That might not get you burned at the stake, but it probably should.

The owner says the more you jam it full, the better it works.

There are no demons, there are no vampires, and there are no teenage saviors of the world.

Once you’re married, the passenger seat becomes twenty feet closer to the car in front and goes twenty miles per hour faster.

BAND NAMES

57 flavors of gawdawful

big vortex of suck

clitmouse

aggravated mookery

Shawnanigans

catastrofuck

Bacon for passover

flecks of spittle

High tech Shriners

Last week’s band name

clone of a dog named Scruffy

reconditioned squirrels

electronic speedos   

non-skanky rocket surgeon

Farts in the tub

My first big ass

FORGOTTEN  VERSES

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Riding on an Elephant.
Then Jill got down and helped Jack off the elephant.

How’s it hanging?
  Long, loose and full of juice,
  Or shrivled, small…not big at all?

I will not drink it in a pot,
I will not drink it cold or hot,
I will not drink it in a cup,
I’ll not, regardless, drink it up!
The stuff just ain’t my cup of char,
I will not drink it, Sam-o-var!

I’d like to buy the world a Coke,
And tell it jokes and stuff.
And pull its pants down to its knees,
And chase it through the rough.

A girl shock of wheat went to sleep,
Where a boy shock of wheat had been heaped.
    She dreamed she was bread,
    Then woke up and said,
“What the hell, Oh my God, I’ve been reaped.”

In young years my favorite fixation,
Was hours of great fornication.
    At age eighty-four,
    What excites me much more,
Is an easy and full defecation.

Summertime, and the teen chicks are easy
Checks are comin’, and we’re all gettin’ high
Your dad’s disabled, and your momma’s on welfare
So hush little baby, or you’ll get a black eye

I bought this place and now I’m painting over black
No tenants will move in if I just leave it black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their winter clothes
Walls of ebony won’t help me rent to one of those

I need more cans of Kilz for painting over black
Who likes such dark decor? They must be smoking crack
Hope I can just paint these walls before the day is done
Turn them to a shade of gray lit by the setting sun

What’s wrong with nice mint green or maybe baby blue?
Eggshell or cream or taupe to frame the window’s view
Those are shades that won’t give anyone a heart attack
Nobody will know that they’re all painted over black
Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mmmmmmm….

OPUS’ “BELIEVE IT OR DON’T!”

People become idiots when they go to the airport. They can’t read signs that are right in front of them or follow simple directions. This is the source of the phrase “terminal stupidity.”

AFCA CABINET

Secretary of the Interior: Charles of the East. Cause he knows about rocks and stuff.

Secretary of the Navy: Hatpin. It’s about time we had a Navy with the motto “All submarines, all the time.” Plus we’d need to have some minorities, and Brits are historically underrepresented in the Cabinet.

Secretary of State: Kim. Mostly because it would be a hoot, and eventually she’s going to run out of idiots in Malone to write about.

Ambassador to the UN: Raven. A fitting successor to John Bolton, who has already proven that putting a loon in that post doesn’t really hurt anything.

Secretary of Education: Dover. She seems to be pretty well educated, and she’s actually heard of those things called “books”.

Secretary of Agriculture: Veronique. Because I don’t think we actually have a cabinet position called “Secretary of Sheep”. Although we probably should.

Poet Laureate: Jeff Wisnia. It’s time that we dump this ee cummings crap and get back to REAL poetry: limericks.

Tony is in charge of vowel movements.

Carlhes for Prescient.  Vote Early, Vote Often.

NOW HIRING

Stu’s Bible College and Transmission Repair

SPORTS FRANCHISE AFCA IS ROOTING FOR

Phoenix Snow

  ROGUE GALLERY OF AFCANS  

  MC Hamster

 

  Les

  Opus

   

 

  Lesmond

   

 

  Charlie Pearce

 

  Dana

   

 

  Bill

   

 

  Maurice

   

 

  Bob Ward

   

 

  Arty

   

 

  Groo AKA “some guy”

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