The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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When it Rains – It Pours in the Kitchen

Posted by thedarwinexception on January 19, 2007

So yesterday was fun. Just as I thought, I jinxed myself by responding to a post in AFCA saying how lucky I was when it came to getting things replaced or repaired. Someone had said that they were upset with Sony, because Sony was no help in replacing a defective game console. Now, I like Sony, I have a Vaio, and although I generally get a new computer every couple of years, I didn’t this time, I just upgraded the Vaio. And I have been happy with Sony’s service, ever since they replaced my OEM speakers for free – without even charging me for shipping, when mine shit the bed. I had only called Sony hoping to find a source to buy the speakers, and although my computer was out of warranty, they sent me the speakers anyway. I thought that was wonderful customer service.

And HP replaced my scanner when all mine would do was scan blank images. So, I thought I had been pretty lucky when it came to such things. And I said in my response in AFCA – now watch, something is going to break, and I won’t be able to get it fixed. And it did. Of course.

Yesterday Paul went back to work after realizing he couldn’t milk the “my stomach hurts” virus thing forever. I’ve noticed that as my attention goes down, his recovery quickens. The longer I wait on him, the longer he is sick. I pretty much ignored his requests and demanded he do stuff for himself all day Wednesday, so Thursday he was back at work. No fun being home if Kim won’t wait on you.

I was upstairs about 11:00 when all of a sudden I heard a huge, loud, insistent “WHOOSH” sound. The dogs heard it to, they started barking and ran downstairs. So I followed them downstairs to find that I had a geyser in the kitchen. One of the pipes had broken and water was gushing from behind the sink all the way up to the ceiling. The water was in the shape of  a fan, as though someone had put one of those sprinkler hoses behind the sink.

And you know, wouldn’t you just  figure this would happen? I mean, I have no drain in the kitchen sink. You can’t use the fucking sink for anything, since if water goes down the drain, all it does it sit in a puddle in the cabinet under the sink. But at least I had water running to the faucet, you know, so I could at least *get* water from the sink, even if I couldn’t get rid of the water afterwards. It was a little comfort. Instead of having to run up and down the stairs when I needed water for cooking, or for giving to the dogs, at least I could *get* water from there – as long as I was careful not to let it go down the non existent drain. I should have known something like this would happen.

So, I’m standing in the middle of the kitchen watching this fan of water hit the ceiling and I’m thinking “Holy Fucking Shit! Now what do I do?” I look under the sink and there are two little shit off valves and I try those – nothing doing. Those don’t even slow the water, let alone stop it, and who knows where the real shut off valves are? I don’t fucking know. So I call Paul at work, and luckily someone answers the phone there. I tell whoever answered “Get Paul, tell him to come home NOW!” and I hang up. But knowing that place, I’m not quite sure if they will actually get Paul and tell him to come home now, so I call Ray and I tell him “Look, can you come over here and help me? I have a geyser in my kitchen!” He says he will, so I hang up, and stand there and watch the water make pretty patterns on the ceiling some more.

And that’s when it dawns on me that this *could* be a good thing. I mean, surely Paul will have to fix this, right? Surely we can’t have water just cascading out from behind the sink, right? This will involve some plumbing, and if he’s forced to work on the kitchen sink, well, maybe that will include putting a drain in, right? Maybe this was an answer to my prayers. Maybe this will result in a working kitchen sink when it’s all over.

So Ray gets here about 3 minutes after I call, and he searches around and finally finds the “main” and shuts that off. The cascade of water in the kitchen stops, and I start to mop up and clean up all the water. Two minutes after Ray leaves, Paul comes home. I tell him that Ray came over and shut off the main, and Paul searches for the source of the leak.

I have to admit, at this point I was a little giddy with excitement. And why not? I was finally going to have a working sink!! Woo Hoo!

Then Paul found the pipe that had the crack in it, he got his hacksaw, sawed off the pipe, got the pipe glue and cleaner, rubbed some of that on it, and put a cap on the pipe. All fixed!

And now there’s no water to the kitchen sink. Those luxury days of being able to at least *get* water from the kitchen sink are over. Because, you know, you can’t be so lucky as to have running water in the kitchen sink *forever*. That’s for them there “fancy folks”.

I asked Paul “ummm…So no water in the kitchen anymore?” and he said “Well, not until I get around to fixing that pipe. I’ll have to replace that one piece that runs behind the fridge.” And now, you know as well as I do, that if it involves pulling out the fridge and “getting around to”, this is another fucking project that I’ll never see completed. Because really, here it was not even 11:30 in the morning, on a day that Paul was supposed to be working, anyway, and he was home, with a project that needed doing, and how did he fix the problem? He capped it. He didn’t pull the fridge out and replace the piece of pipe that needed replacing – he capped it. And then went to Ray’s house to “thank him”. It was a good “thank you”, too, because Paul was there for at least 2 hours. Then he came home and took a nap. Them, when he woke up, he wanted something to eat and I said “Sorry, I’ll need water for that, and I’m not running up and down the stairs.” And I went back in the computer room.

I’m pissed. I knew I never should have mentioned I’m lucky at getting things replaced.


6 Responses to “When it Rains – It Pours in the Kitchen”

  1. Hank said

    You’re only 30 minutes from Montreal. Couldn’t you import one of those Canadian plumbers to come fix your kitchen plumbing?

    It’s just hard to believe that you can’t get someone other than Paul to fix it if you are willing to spend the money.

  2. groo said

    There’s got to be some sort of poison you can administer to a person and then tell them “you’ll die in 24 hours unless I give you the antidote, so fix my fucking kitchen sink”. I’m pretty sure I saw that in a movie once.

    Just sayin’.

  3. Lisa Ann said

    Hmm…you wouldn’t actually have to use poison, you’d just need Paul to *think* that you poisoned him and you’ll only give him the antidote if he fixes the kitchen sink.

    I don’t know what you could give him, but I think it’d be funny if the “antidote” turned out to be pop-tarts.

    Lisa Ann

  4. Veronique said

    Give Paul a hamburger. That’ll concuss him, at least.

  5. Dana said

    I liked your typo “shit off valves.” I’m thinking those usually go in the bathroom, though.

  6. Debi said

    I think you should go on strike. Don’t do one thing until you have water (and a drain) in the kitchen. That might work…

    ps – thanks for writing this blog – it never fails to make me laugh out loud.

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