The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 01/04/07 – 1/10/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on January 13, 2007

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. Despite promising a prompt review of its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was
created by Noah’s flood rather than by geologic forces, more than three years later no review has ever been done and the book remains on sale at the park, according to documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).

Meteors are things that fall from the sky, there are hydro-meteors (water-based stuff such as rain, snow, hail, and frozen pee from passing airplanes) and litho-meteors (hard stuff like interplanetary rocks, dead satellites and frozen poo from passing airplanes), maybe even grilled-cheese meteors, I don’t know.

‘Miracles and references to the Trinity and the divinity of Jesus are notably absent from the Jefferson Bible. The Bible begins with an account of Jesus’s birth without references to angels, genealogy, or prophecy.   The work ends with the words: “Now, in the place where he was crucified, there was a garden; and in the garden a new sepulchre, wherein was never man yet laid. There laid they Jesus. And rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.” There is no mention of the resurrection.’

Cotton fibers are made of small molecules linked together to form large chain polymers. The weak linked hydrogen bonds connect the polymer chains. When cotton fibers are spun into threads they are pulled and twisted putting stress on the hydrogen bonds.  The stress breaks the bonds and new ones form to hold the polymers in the pulled out state. The polymers have memory to return to their natural relaxed state, and to do that they need bond-breaking energy. The heat in the dryer provides the energy needed to break the stress-producing hydrogen bonds. When the bonds break, the polymers crinkle up … they shrink.

“…The Revolution of 1688 is considered by some as being one of the most important events in the long evolution of powers possessed by Parliament and by the Crown in England. With the passage of the Bill of Rights, it stamped out any final possibility of a Catholic monarchy, and ended moves towards monarchical absolutism in the British Isles by circumscribing the monarch’s powers. The King’s powers were greatly restricted; he could no longer suspend laws, levy taxes, or maintain a standing army during peacetime without Parliament’s permission….”

To “pluto” is “to demote or devalue someone or something,” much like what happened to the former planet last year when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto didn’t meet its definition of a planet.

For the GSM world, 3G is in its infancy in North America, with only Cingular having launched a W-CDMA network so far, gaining about 300k customers by the end of September 2006 according to The Mobile World estimates.

The Niagara River flows to the north from Lake Erie to Lake Ontario. It serves as part of the border between the Province of Ontario in Canada and New York State in the United States. There are various theories as to the origin of the name. According to NASA, “Niagara” comes from a Native American word meaning “at the neck”.[1] According
to George R. Stewart, it comes from the name of an Iroquois town called “Ongniaahra”, meaning “point of land cut in two”.

The Ekpyrotic Model of the Universe proposes that our current universe arose from a collision of two three-dimensional worlds (branes) in a space with an extra (fourth) spatial dimension. The proposal is interesting in and of itself, but also because it is the precursor to a more powerful and explanatory theory, the Cyclic Model

If a disc gets dirty, you can clean them easily with any on-the-market cleaning kits or basic rubbing alcohol. But avoid using abrasives, solvents, or highly acidic cleansers. And use a soft, lint-free cloth, and wipe gently in a straight line from the center of the disc, out. This will avoid any potential scrapes from interrupting with the circular path of the signal.”

In a move that experts say contradicted the postal reform bill he had just signed into law, President Bush quietly issued a “signing statement” two weeks ago that claimed he has the right to open Americans’ first-class US mail without a judge’s warrant. The New York
Daily News reports that the signing statement was issued on Dec. 20 after the president signed the Postal Accountability and Enhancement Act, an act which dealt with mostly ‘mundane reform measures’ but which also strongly reinforced protections against opening mail without a warrant.

The motto “In God We Trust” was first used on the 1854 two cent piece.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

Just let Pat Robertson know. I’m sure he’ll pass it on.

He advertised as a “painless dentist”, but he screamed like all the others when I bit his thumb.

That’s absurd; you couldn’t possibly find the time to kill all those people.

I hope I’m never courted by a frog.  Sounds dangerous.

YOU GO NOW!  YOU BEEN HERE FOUR WEEK!

“I wanna be your dog”? How retro.

We didn’t want to say anything. You seemed so happy.

New Jersey farted.

To keep its tailpipe covered.

Wow! How much did they charge for that attraction?

My apologies.  Wrong John.

Don’t do it.  That’s the one that killed Kenny.

It was a lot like Lord of The Flies if William Golding decided to set it in the Piggly Wiggy.

No, but he was on satin right at the end.

Commie.

A wad.

your moralizing about midget sex can go somewhere else where the sun don’tshine.

CONFESSIONS

And this is why, every morning, I say a prayer to Becky, the Goddess of Liberal-Minded Nurses.

It’s nice when people agree with me. Even if they’re just agreeing that I ought to be more agreeable.

“What do you have in your mouth?” If I had a nickel for every time I’ve asked _that_ question in the last 4.5 years, man, I’d buy something nice.

I was partial to Spillers Shapes dog biscuits myself.

Depending on the drugs, I might be interested.

 I followed down six pages on my own name and not one beaver shot.

I get cash by standing on the curb and having people hand it to me.

I can only understand simple stuff.

If there is anything I like more than a penis, it is two penises.

MOTTO’s

The moral of the story? Don’t write about the hoo-hah.

When the American Museum of Natural History arranges its displays cladistically, it’s all over but the shouting.

So far, the only thing I’ve corroborated is your lack of understanding, although on that matter, you and I are in perfect agreement: clearly, you don’t understand.

I don’t know what you are complaining about. What I said is correct.

Be careful of fault lines and unstable layers.

It’s much more rewarding to win against a more talented player by using treachery.

Do what I do.  Don’t read the political crap.

The nature of God in the universe is nothing compared to pie.

INNOCENT QUERIES

“Do dead  people I’ve never met like my new sneakers?”

What, pray tell, is so fucking delusional about understanding that the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists?

You’re new here, aren’t you?

Did he go to Canada for his supplies of Niagra?

She had a hyphenectomy?

Just between you and I, are you sure about that?

How would you say “Plonk you” in ebonics?

Is there an anti-Leroy?  You know, some compact way to say “Sorry, you’re wrong again, and you’re an idiot”, but without typing it all out?

So, when you wrote about what “the problem with Black English” was, you weren’t saying there was a problem with Black English?

You’ve got porn, beer, dope, acid, eggs, breakfast, hot tub, pizza, and ice cream?

There’s a ‘dick list’? Why wasn’t I informed?

SIMPLE TRUTHS

a $30 sofa is still worth $30 a year later, unless you piss on it or something.

If the picture on the box shows white stuff around the cherry, don’t buy those.

When you’ve got both “encredible” and “discapline” going for you, you probably don’t need to bother to apologize for mistaking loose for lose.

The Bible is the rear-view mirror of reality, and it’s labeled “Objects In Fossil Record Are Closer Than They Appear”.

I don’t know all that much about menstruation myself, but as far as I know, it doesn’t render a woman incapable of driving.

You know how it is…you get tired, you get yourself a bit of shut eye, then awake bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, all ready to kill some more until you get tired again.

I think it’s important to know the difference between games and real life.

“deader than a donut” has a nice ring to it. “Deader than a dwarf” isn’t nearly so cute.

if my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a bicycle

God tipped the country up on end and everything that was loose ended up in California

It’s a good thing Galileo didn’t have a beagle.

Jesus said, “There will be poor always, but there’s only one Popemobile.”

At some age, every parent needs to have “that talk” about the Keebler elves with their children.

BAND NAMES

ruffles & flourishes

excess hurtage

beta hydroxy delta lactone thingy

God the Quad

Thomas Jefferson’s Koran

big-eye lie

stainless steel bitch

Estonian Sausage

guns on the side

White County Pork Queens

ketchup cabal

Viscosity

Electric Mistress

skycap sneer

a better class of deadbeats

FORGOTTEN  VERSES

The rabbit shat in the shavings
And covered it up with straw.
Lisa thought it was raisins
And gave ’em a hell of a chaw.

DISCHARGES OF THE WEEK

Said Boron, “You boys can’t be wronger,
Than peeing to see who is stronger!”
     Then she laughed with a lilt,
     Gave her pelvis a tilt,
And pissed a yard higher and longer!

EXCUSES OF THE WEEK

“Too stupid to live”

Crippling lack of conscience

LES’S “BELIEVE IT OR DON”T”

For several years steel that is manufactured for construction use in the U.S. is treated with low levels of radioactive carbon.  The steel beams emit a very low level of radiation, low enough to cause no harm to building occupants, but enough radiation to kill any cockroaches that might be living behind the walls.  Some say that the low radiation levels can cause some memory loss among the building trades workers, but there is no proof of this.

THE DWARVES OF AFCA

Large
Cooky
Procrastinaty
Deafy
Selfish
Zippy
Blowjob
Snarky
Stinky
Smarty
Sporkle
Smoochy, or maybe Bitchy
Dopey
Icky
Crotchety
Lazy
Roland
Okie
“I Can’t Believe He’s a Dwarf”
Opus
Schizo
Farty
Wacky
Lanky
Shorty
Cynicky
Dozy
Sparky

HAIKU OF THE WEEK

Paris in the the
The the the the the the the
The the the the spring.

Winter returned to calgary
In time
For my pallbearer shift.
Fortunately I had my back
To the wind
For the graveside
Service.

“Shake and shake the ketchup bottle,
None comes out,
And then a lot’ll.”

WINTER READING LIST

The Barnhills of Fairhope, Alabama

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One Response to “I Learned it in AFCA 01/04/07 – 1/10/07”

  1. Boron said

    YOu know, this is truly a work of art. Love it.

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