The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 12/28/06 – 01/03/07

Posted by thedarwinexception on January 4, 2007

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

Before the ratification of the 25th Amendment to the Constitution in 1967, there was no provision for filling a vacancy in the office of the Vice President (except, of course, the eventual election of a new one).Before 1973, a vacancy in the VP remained vacant until the next election.  For example, Truman had no VP from April, 1945, until his 2nd term in January, 1949.

When Mike Royko died, his reputation was ‘wisecracking old guy’, but years earlier, he’d done some really stunning investigative reporting, to the point that the John Belushi movie “Continental Divide” was patterned on him. Royko’s column was taken over by a guy named John Kass, who, in the space of the first few years following Royko’s death,
showed that he was going to go after crooked Chicago machine politicians with the same kind of zeal that Royko did.

Well, for the first 15.8 billion years there was even less of a use for vice presidents than there is today. And if you wanted a primate for the job, you’d have had to wait till about 60 million years ago before you could even have started the interviewing.  This was probably just as well since it would be 59,998, 211 years after that before the actual job would become open. Even the lowest primates wouldn’t want to commit themselves to a job that far in advance unless you promise them a nice company car.  Even so, they would have to wait at least  59,998,115  years before the car could be delivered. So far a long time the VP job was a H.R nightmare.

Research published in this month’s edition of the journal Psychological Science found that women facing a stressful event experienced less anxiety when they held their husbands’ hands.

“These toads were supposedly being used successfully in the Carribbean islands and in Hawaii to combat the cane beetle, a pest of sugar cane crops. After rave reviews from overseas, Hawaii shipped a box of toads to Gordonvale, just south of Cairns. These were held in captivity for awhile, their numbers were increased by breeding, and then they were released into the sugar cane fields of the tropic north. It was later discovered that the toads (scientific name Bufo marinus) can’t jump very high so they did not eat the cane beetles which stayed up on the upper stalks of the cane plants. At the time of year when the beetle’s larvae were emerging from the ground, no toads were about. So the cane toad, as it came to be known, had no impact on the cane beetles at all and farmers had to go back to the use of chemicals to kill the beetle.”

Vonda Shepard (born July 7, 1963) is a pop singer who gained popularity in the 1990s. She is probably best known for her regular appearances in the television show Ally McBeal, in which she played a resident performer at the bar where the show’s characters usually drank after work. She plays piano, guitar and bass.

warm (v.)
    O.E. wyrman “make warm” and wearmian “become warm;” from the root of warm (adj.). Phrase warm the bench is sports jargon first recorded 1907. Warm up (v.) “exercise before an activity” is attested from 1868. In ref. to appliances, motors, etc., attested from 1947. Noun phrase warm-up “act or practice of warming up” is recorded from 1915.

In North Carolina law, consensual castration is also illegal, but it’s a different offence. Castration or other maiming without malice aforethought is a class E felony, but malicious castration is a class C felony.

Have you heard about the guy who injured himself while using his lawn mower as a hedge clipper, and then won $500,000 in a lawsuit against the lawn mower company? How about the woman who threw a soft drink at her boyfriend, slipped on the wet floor, and then won $100,000 in a lawsuit against the restaurant? These are only two of the common examples of lawsuit abuses that are fueling the call for “litigation reform.” They are also completely untrue – part of a growing collection of legal mythologies that are appearing widely in the national media.

All passports issued by the US State Department after January 1 will have always-on radio frequency identification chips, making it easy for officials – and hackers – to grab your personal stats.

Four people were severely injured yesterday when they were crushed under the weight of large animals that fell on top of them. At least 1,413 “amateur butchers” spent the first day of the Muslim feast of Eid al-Adha holiday in emergency wards as a result of trying to sacrifice startled and agitated sheep and other animals.

“Dogs have been known to die from biting these toads, and Dodds (1923:6) reported that the natives of eastern Sinaloa used the skin secretions to poison their arrow tips. W. T. Allen and Neill (19561 recorded instances in which handling B. marinus, or even being near them, brought on headaches, nausea, and even vomiting in humans; and Dioscoro (1952:282) reported that a man died after eating three toads that he mistook for
edible frogs.”

Freebase is the base form of cocaine, formed by dissolving cocaine hydrochloride (the typical white powder) in water and then ammonia is added, where some chemical stuff happens.  The net result is that freebase cocaine, which is insoluble in water precipitates. Ether is added to recover the freebase, and then is allowed to evaporate out, leaving the freebase.

Crack was initially developed in an attempt to avoid some of the dangers of using ether to produce a smokable cocaine.  Cocaine hydrochloride is dissolved in water as usual, and either ammonia (or more commonly now, baking powder) is added.  This mix is then allowed to evaporate and what’s left over, the cocaine base, the ammonia/bicarb, and any fillers produce chunks of crack cocaine. There is some water left in the chunks as well, which produces a cracking noise when heated.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

As long as you hang around here, you should have all you can stand…

At least they won’t have Balls to kick around anymore.

Ah, but what if they had been?

It was probably a mistake to add in the watermelon genes.

Drive down to Jiffy Lube.

Perhaps he was taunting her with it; waving it around while chanting “Naaaa, Naaaa, Na-Na-Na!”

And to the rear.

Those would be the bipolar bears.

They’d almost have to.

You post is offensive to Unibrows.

And here I assumed it was the mark of the beast on their foreheads.

Then the Chinese guy jumps out and yells, “Supplies!”

… and then, when the hole is deep enough…

Eh shaddap, ya hick!

CONFESSIONS

 I thought I’d seen every way harelip could be used in a sentence, but it was the first time I’d seen it conjugated.

I find that my posts shine with an almost unearthly light, luminated from within by brilliant content.

If this isn’t what the discussion is about, that may explain my confusion.

The human mind is a very fallible and strange thing.  Well, mine is, anyway.

I’m always open to suggestions as to what the fuck to do about it

I’m a fuckin’ genius; just ask me, I’ll tell ya.

I once desired a Presbyterian desperately. Fat lot of good it did me.

MOTTO’s

Let the strange fruit swing.

cherished national treasures don’t need to attribute

I deny that your sentence can be twisted to make any sense at all.

a glare more full of bale would be hard to come by.

INNOCENT QUERIES

WW11???  How long have I been asleep?!?

I am the oldest sibling in my family. I have never smashed my younger brothers’ (or sister’s) hands into their noses. Does that make me a lesbian?

What do you use to replace a testicle?  A Happy Fun Ball?

Do gay men really want to be attracted to ewes?

So everyone’s clock was wrong except yours?

I wonder how that poor bastard managed to sustain an erection until it petrified?

Do they have to be dead first?

Did the mean usenet group hurt your widdle feelings?

I’m a redneck because I have a PS2?

COMPLIMENTS

At least you didn’t have to live in just any old slum

SIMPLE TRUTHS

I’m trying to think of any time in my life when I have poured custard over anything.

You want a bath, that’s one thing, you want a bath in the blood of virgins, well, that’s gonna cost a bit extra….

Retarded is the new gay.

All dogs are dog-sniffing dogs.

You need to be of sound mind and have full bladder and bowl control

If it comes in a boat, it’s gravy.
 

Somehow it’s more socially acceptable to say you received a message from God rather than one from your invisible friend Elmer.

The problem is that the people who decide to run with their own ideas are the least competent to do so.

The secret to running with scissors is keep the pointy part AWAY from you.
BAND NAMES

pinwheel of insults

normal old people

Runny Custard

the wrionkles

Frankenstein-food

The Gentics

anorexic in toy clothes

intuitive mess

The something

Frosty Beaver

wobble your skeleton

pleuratic inflammation

startled and agitated

bloviating jerks

untampered lard

cancer period

Resentful Crunching

FORGOTTEN  VERSES

Sheepies behave
That’s what they say when we’re together
And watch the FDA
They don’t understand
And so we’re

Cloning just as fast as we can
Holdin’ onto one another’s hand
Tryin’ to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I think I’m a clone now
There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.
I think I’m a clone now
The beating of my hearts is the only sound.

The sun’ll come up
TAMALE!
Bet ‘cher bottom dollar that
TAMALE!
They’ll be sun…

Balls of wonder, balls of light
Balls so beauteous, golden-bright
Bathroom-leading, light preceeding,
Guide us to the bowl so white!

IMPORTANT PEOPLE OF THE WEEK

Doctor Dover

Ask  Dr. Stupid

FOOD FETISHES OF THE WEEK

lardatarianism

fishetarian

toastatarian

vegebacontarians

Vegemarshmallowtarian

freegans

moochetarians

Toastafarians

Toad gravy, frog sauce.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FOLLOWING NUMBER FACTOIDS:

30 is the largest number with the property that all smaller numbers relatively prime to it are prime.

31 is a Mersenne prime.

32 is the smallest 5th power (besides 1).

33 is the largest number that is not a sum of distinct triangular numbers.

34 is the smallest number with the property that it and its neighbors have the same number of divisors.

35 is the number of hexominoes.

36 is the smallest number (besides 1) which is both square and triangular.

37 is the maximum number of 5th powers needed to sum to any number.

38 is the last Roman numeral when written lexicographically.

39 is the smallest number which has 3 different partitions into 3 parts with the same product.

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4 Responses to “I Learned it in AFCA 12/28/06 – 01/03/07”

  1. groo said

    You have a typo under “MOTTO’s” (which probably should just be “MOTTOs”):

    “a glasre more full of bale would be hard to come by.”

    I think you mean “glare”.

  2. Charlie Pearce said

    Well, while we’re on the topic, it should be “partygoers”, not “party goer’s”, although I forgive Kim her greengrocers’ apostrophes as her blog makes me laugh out loud while at work, a feat not easily achieved…

  3. Charlie Pearce said

    I also want to know what bowl control is, but I don’t think that’s Kimmery’s typo.

  4. Everyone wants to know what bowl control is. NO, that wasn’t my typo.

    Kim

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