Potatoes, DaVinci, The Titanic & Other Christmas Musings
Posted by thedarwinexception on December 26, 2006
Well, did everyone get what they wanted for Christmas? I got 2 gift certificates for $250 each from my two sons. One for Amazon and one for Joann’s. And Paul is so computer illiterate! When I opened the card the gift certificates were in, he said “Amazon? I told them – Joann’s and a BOOK STORE!” Now I just have to make sure the new improved thief doesn’t go back to Joann’s and fuck that all up for me. But, all in all – we had a nice day, despite the fact that it definitely wasn’t a “White Christmas”. It was quite warm here, although snow showers are predicted for today and tonight.
I made a big Christmas dinner. Gary helped – he was the one who ran up and down the stairs washing pots and bowls and silverware for me as I used them up and needed them again. His girlfriend pretty much sat and watched us cooking and washing and cleaning all morning. I swear to God, she really is a lazy twit. At one point she came downstairs and saw us madly running around getting things done and she said “You know, I would help, but I really can’t cook.” In my exasperation I looked over ant her and said “Yeah, I know, it took me quite a few years at the Cordon Bleu in Paris before I learned how to peel fucking potatoes”.
And another favorite “stupid twit story” from this week:
She was trying to “explain” to Gary what the “DaVinci code” is all about. And one thing I hate more than any other thing in the world is explanations from people not qualified to pontificate. That’s what bothers me so much about the people in Malone. None of them are “experts” enough in anything besides “maximizing their government benefits” to really have an opinion on anything, yet they will sit around trying to “explain” to you how they *know* this or that. Drives me insane – because what I really want to hear one of the useless twins explain to me are the steps necessary for me to get my teaching certificate renewed in order to be a substitute teacher. (One of the things they were trying to convince me they knew all about.)
But, anyway, the girl is “explaining” to Gary that the DaVinci Code is “all about the code they found in the Bible”, and she knows this because she read the book *and* saw the movie. Gary, somehow, missed the whole “DaVinci Phenomenon” and didn’t know anything about it. He did question, though, her interpretation, and yelled to me “Kim, what does the DaVinci Code have to do with the bible?” I went into their room and said “Ummm…. Nothing. It has to do with Leonardo DaVinci, and his paintings, and the code in the paintings, and the secret society and the secret they were keeping…” So the girl looks at me and says “Who?” and I repeat, again, “DaVinci, Leonardo – Leonardo DAVINCI, as in DAVINCI code.” She looks at me all confused and says “The guy from Titanic?? He wasn’t in that movie – Tom Hanks was.”
Ummm…yeah, Allrighty then.
But, Christmas day she had another bout of the “boo hoos” when she called her kids to “wish them a Merry Christmas” and her daughter hung up on her again. Then she had to spend a few hours sobbing because, as Gary put it “she’s sad.” Yeah, well, she kind of knew that Christmas was coming and that she probably wasn’t going to see the kids. I mean, Christmas day isn’t exactly like a fucking surprise date in December. You know when that shit is coming.
And Gary’s car broke down – the brakes went out, just like that. The best part was the girl was driving, having just dropped Gary off at work. She ran the car up onto some patch of grass by K-Mart to get the car to stopped, then walked back to KenTacoHut to tell Gary the car was broken. There was really nothing they could do about it, so they left the car there and came home in a cab.
About 2 o’clock in the morning, Paul and Gary took Paul’s car to go and get Gary’s. I guess it was quite a wild “Dukes of Hazzard” style ride home, since Gary had to go down the steepest hill in Malone with no brakes. He ran a couple of lights before Paul found an “uphill” street Gary could turn onto, then they wound their way back here. Of course our street is also at the bottom of a hill, and Gary ran into the trees at the end of our street before the car would stop.
Paul is going to fix the brake line for them, he looked under the car, and suspects that’s what’s wrong, they broke a line. The part is like $2.00, it’s just that it’s something Paul thinks will take a couple of hours to do. And we know how it is to get Paul to do anything.
Now I’m looking forward to New Year’s Eve, and a bottle of rum and a carton of eggnog. I only drink 2 times a year, on Thanksgiving, when the eggnog first hits the stores, and New Year’s Eve. And I only drink rum & eggnog. It’s a tradition. And one I’m really looking forward to this year. I’m thinking between the rum, the stupid thief twit and my own lack of inhibitions once the rum goes to work, it could be an interesting New Year.