The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Take Your Poop To Work Day

Posted by thedarwinexception on December 21, 2006

So, with Gary’s job at KenTacoHut comes expected bonus’s, like he brings home cole slaw and chicken and taco’s (which I don’t like), but also his job has brought some unexpected things, too.

A lady in Ontario swears that her recent bout with E-Coli contamination was caused by the Taco portion of the local KenTacoHut where Gary works. Now, why this woman would come all the way from Ontario to eat at our KenTacoHut is beyond me, I’m sure she was just passing through, since there is no real attraction in Malone to bring her here. Unless we are the first Wal-Mart between here and Ontario, which I kind of doubt.

But she swear that she ate here and got sick. Which brought the local district manager to the store for what Gary describes as a “4 Point Inspection”. The first part of the 4 Point Inspection was having the local health inspector in, to check the place over for obvious safety and/or health violations. They passed this portion of the 4 Point Inspection, which I kind of figured they would, the place really *is* very clean, I can give them that. They are a lot better than the McDonald’s right next door. That place is a dump.

But the health inspector visit made for some extra hours for Gary.

The other two steps were basic “check your food sources, check your supplies”, kind of things. But it was the FOURTH step that was *really* interesting. All the employees have to give a stool sample to check them for E-Coli.

Can you fucking imagine? Gary has to bring his poop to work. He’s thinking it might be kind of fun to bring Milo’s poop instead. The results could be interesting. “Ummm…we have bad news for you – you don’t have E-Coli, but you do have hookworms – but cheer up – you should have a nice healthy coat.”

And now I’m thinking that working at a fast food place might not be the thing for me, because I’m not sure I’d want to have to submit a poop sample. I mean, I balked at the eye test I had to take for one of my jobs.

In other news, I made his girlfriend cry again. That’s twice in less than a week. But, as I told her – “You live here, you are going to have to listen to me and my opinions, and believe me, I’ve got a ton of them that I am not afraid to share.

The latest crying bout was caused by her call to the Child Support office to complain that she hadn’t gotten her child support check for the week.

Well Boo Fucking Hoo, right? Since you don’t’ have the kids – why the fuck are you worried about the fucking check? I mean, is it just ME? Or do other people also hold this wacky fucking thought that child support is supposed to like, SUPPORT the CHILD? I mean, it kind of says that right in the fucking name of the check, right?

But she was quite distressed that her check was late, and she called them. Then she triumphantly came into the computer room to inform me that “THERE! I’ll get TWO checks this week!” Like I’m going to be all fucking impressed with her skills of cajoling a check out of these people.

So, that’s when I kind of went off on her and told her that I really wasn’t too impressed with that, and that I thought that if she *DID* get a check that, well, maybe the moral and right thing to do would be to like, send it to the kids.

She was quite flabbergasted that this would be an option – you know, like sending the check to the kids would be just a foreign fucking concept. “To the kids? Why would I do that?”

I tried to explain to her about how hubby is probably having half his paycheck garnished, and that now he has three extra mouths to feed, and Christmas is Monday, and he probably has to pay for daycare, since he WORKS, and I went on and on about how she just doesn’t engender a lot of good Karma for herself, you know? She steals from Joann’s, she steals from her KIDS – and how again am I supposed to believe that she wouldn’t steal from me?

So she started crying.

THE BEST PART????

She goes in the bedroom, since I obviously dredged up all this maternal instinct in her by reminding her that Christmas is Monday, and that she left her own kids without so much as a “Mommy isn’t coming back – you all have a Merry Christmas!” (which I had also told her in my rant), and she CALLS HER KIDS!

“Hi Baby, Mommy misses you! Where’s brother? Mommy loves you! Don’t you want to talk to mommy? Hello, hello, Honey? Honey?”

The fucking kid hung up on her!!!!!!!!!!

So, there’s a glimmer of hope that the kid is smarter than the mother.

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One Response to “Take Your Poop To Work Day”

  1. Gary Day said

    Wow nice, let me see.. I can a couple of kids, dump them off on the mother and then charge her child
    support and gloat in glee as the mother (or father in this case) ends up with no money and I can feel big about it.
    If I was amy’s Husband, after this incident, i’d file for sole custody and then take her ass to court for child support from here-on-in, I mean i know courts side with the mother normally, but i think they’d obviously see that this mother is well i think a waste of time/space/effort.

    You should check the call records and call her husband, have him come down for xmas, then you could all have
    a jolly reunion, he’d probably bring down a special present for Gary for taking his lunatic wife/ex-wife out
    of the picture.
    Maybe the kids could make her a special “up yours mom” xmas jumper or something, it would be a good swap
    for the “Skanky mom” pj’s 🙂

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