The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 12/07/06 – 12/13/06

Posted by thedarwinexception on December 19, 2006

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

Edward’s attacks on Wales and Scotland were said to be fuelled by his conviction that both nations harboured WMDs. He was vindicated when it was discovered that the Welsh had the longbow and the Scots had the bagpipes.

The baiji would be the first large aquatic mammal driven to extinction since hunting and overfishing killed off the Caribbean monk seal in the 1950s

In 1503, the explorer Christopher Columbus, stranded in the Caribbean, “predicted” a lunar eclipse he knew would take place to secure respect and fear from the natives – as well as a regular supply of food.

A Swindon bar owner is spraying WD40 on toilets seats to stop customers from using them to snort cocaine.

Mousehole was raided and sacked by the Spanish in 1595. Four galleys with 200 Spanish soldiers, burned the village to the ground, with only the 15th century Keigwin Arms (no longer a pub) surviving. Outside the Keigwin Arms is a plaque with the wording. “Squire Jenkyn Keigwin was killed here 23RD July 1595 defending this house against the Spaniards.”

It may sound obvious, but placing your hands in warm water before venturing into the cold weather helps keep blood flowing to your fingertips. While the cold environment normally makes your peripheral blood vessels constrict, the sensation of the warm water makes them open. When you repeatedly get the blood vessels to open despite the cold, you are effectively “training” your hands to counter the constriction reflex. After 50 treatments, Dr. Hamlet says, most people can go into the cold without losing circulation in their hands.

When sunspot 930 exploded on Dec. 6th, producing an X6-category flare, it also created a tsunami-like shock wave that rolled across the face of the sun, wiping out filaments and
other structures in its path.

About the time of the French Revolution, there was a parallel populist movement in the
Netherlands led by Cornelis (Kees) de Gyselaer, who apparently owned some of these little barge dogs. The dogs became associated with the (failed) anti-royalty movement. They were named after de Gyselaer (“Keeshond = Kees dog”) and for a century or so, fell out of favour with the House of Orange. They survived as barge dogs, and in the early 20th century some baroness dog lover re-popularized the breed as a family pet

A crazy new product out of Taiwan seems to be aimed at the feed dependent of us out there. The ‘rsstroom reader’ is a bathroom gadget that prints news feeds onto your T-P – that’s right, your TOILET PAPER! The best part is the “biometrics” toilet seat that’ll figure out who you are based on your weight and prints the news you want – not your roommates tabloid garbage.

 Class III gaming is defined as all other types of gambling, including banked card games (e.g., roulette, craps and blackjack), slot machines, pari-mutuel wagering and jai alai. Electronic games of chance such as video poker, are considered Class III. Under IGRA,
Class III gaming may only be conducted pursuant to the terms of a compact between a tribe and the state in which its lands are located.

“If an alien came from space and studied the bacterial counts, he probably would conclude he should wash his hands in your toilet and crap in your sink.”

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

The wingnut gene.

He was probably one of those maintaining-heroin-addict doctors

Oh – *person*, not prison

It’s all done with mirrors.

Kill the motherfucker. Oops sorry. Wrong Newsgroup.

The baboons don’t surrender and the English don’t have b.o.

Oh, you just don’t have any snow balls.

Aw, hell – I’ve had good friends like that.

It’s one of those scratch off thingys.3 marijuana leaves in a row and you get to be a Rastafarian.

Yeah, but it’s all moldy and chewed up by fish.

I can’t respect a deity who uses emoticons.

That’s why I carry mine in my pants.

No wonder your dog thinks you’re the greatest.

It’s to light fires since the lighters don’t work.

Who or what the fuck is a “Dakota Fanning?”  It sounds like a car part.

Perhaps you should consider the purchase of another towel and washcloth while you’re at it.

Tut got residuals just for being funky.

CONFESSIONS

I was born to be the straight woman

“Captain Tripps” is not a drug reference

I don’t want my toilet to know who I am.

I’ve taken the toilet paper tube to new highs in creativity and design

I’m not even allowed to bring guns to work, sadly.

he’s old, out of breath and I can pinch his airtube shut if he argues.

I must tell Mumsie that people are attacking me on USENET

Maybe I can find someone to spank me with an enema bag, just like Momma used
to do.

I got lapped by my teammate

Our tree looks like someone pulled a evergreen through a Starvation Army store, and just left on whatever got caught on the branches.

People pay good money to hear me not sing.

Having you holding my hand is unlikely to make me feel anything but nervous and perhaps a bit used.

I wished I could find the time to give every student one oral

MOTTO’s

That’s my final word on the issue! Until I decide to write something else.

Life isn’t color-coordinated, it’s mostly junk. Celebrate the junk.

Rarely right, never uncertain.

A fair number of folks don’t have access to a tennis court, or a partner.

COMPLIMENTS

When my memory fails, I can always count on you to explain it for me.

Your candidness is refreshing.

If you had a shred of financial comprehension, you’d realize that you’re not very good with money.

VACATION SPOTS

daycamp-for-the-senile

explain-it-away camp of researchers

cornfields of Kankakee

Charlton Heston’s America

Doha, Qatar, in the 112-degree heat

somewhere Oz-like via tornado

Our Lady of the Landfill

SIMPLE TRUTHS

ANYBODY can score in a van!

the best way to get accurate information on Usenet is to post something wrong and wait for corrections.

Flash is like a sexual organ: it’s fun to play with, but you shouldn’t show it to complete strangers.

Hold onto that uterus, cookie, you never know when you’ll need it.

BAND NAMES

blowing the toke

Photon glue. Duh

Same Day Trebuchet

Kiser Peas

Hallmarkian sect

extricate the rootball

sacrificial ornaments

dirty ducts

random pokey-outey bits

the sacrificial uterus

FORGOTTEN VERSES

GOOD KING WENCESLAS CAR BACKED OUT
 ON THE FEET OF STEPHEN
AND I DUNNO ANY MORE OF THE WORDS
 SO WHY DON’T WE ALL GO LA-LA-LA
LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA
 LA-LA LA-LA LA LA
LA-LA LA-LA LA-LA LA
 LA-LA LA-LA LA LA!

“Good King Sauerkraut, look out!
On his feets uneven.
While the snoo lay roun’ about,
All kerchoo achievin’.”

  Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
   Walla walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
   Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
   Swaller dollar cauliflower alley’garoo!

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One Response to “I Learned it in AFCA 12/07/06 – 12/13/06”

  1. 🙂

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