The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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I Learned it in AFCA 11/29/06-12/06/06

Posted by thedarwinexception on December 14, 2006

Since a couple of Fridays have gone  by with no Groo Sum Mary (also known as groo’s summary) in AFCA (alt.fan.cecil-adams), I think he really did stop compiling them, the bastard.

Here’s a short description, taken from the AFCA WIKI

“The Groosum Mary (or AFCA penguin/HAMSTER/shark/mole/finch Summary) was compiled and posted approximately weekly by groo. It first appeared on December 3, 2004, as a service to Opus, who was having trouble keeping up with the group due to some Real Life issues. The first installment was thunderously acclaimed and groo was stuck doing them until November 29, 2006 when, finally driven to madness, he stopped.

Each summary began with some factual items posted to the group in the preceding week, then proceeded to various buffooneries (intentional or otherwise) including Monitor Splatters (laugh-out-loud funny lines), Mottos, Band Names, Questions of the Week, Boasts, Advice, Confessions, Book Titles, Haikus, Weekly World News Headlines, Superhero Sidekicks, and Words of the Week. Shorn of their context, these one-liners yield a potent, concentrated version of the collective AFCA style; a group of punch lines without setups that still manage to be hilarious in a bewildering fashion.

“Groosum Mary” is obviously a misparsing of “groo summary.” Since groo typically did not include his own postings in the summary, Opus posted a selection of groo’s finest moments in late 2005. This was quickly named the “Opossum Mary.” He has posted another after a mere six months on July 7th, 2006. It is well worth the read.”

I loved the weekly groo Sum Mary, as did all the denizens of AFCA, and we are so sad to see it go. It really made the week in AFCA, and allowed you to skim the group rather than digest every post.

There is an archive of all the Groo Sum Mary’s HERE, if you would like to familiarize yourself with the Joy of Groo.

But now, since groo has abandoned the task, I have to start keeping track of all the stuff I learn in AFCA each week on my own, without his help.

So, here’s what I learned in AFCA from 11/29/2006 to 12/6/2006, keeping in mind that I don’t do the political threads. They make my head hurt.

YOU WILL LEARN STUFF HERE

In 1939, AMI introduced the Automatic Hostess telephone system and in 1941 Rock-Ola invented the Mystic Music System.  Both were jukeboxes in every way except that there was no phonograph mechanism.  After depositing a coin, the patron spoke into a microphone to an operator who would play the selection; the music returned over the phone lines to the speaker.  The systems proved unsuccessful for AMI and Rock-Ola, but the idea worked for the Shyver Multiphone Co., which operated in Seattle, Tacoma, and Olympia Washington, from 1939 to 1959

It wasn’t until about 1875 that Christmas became a holiday in most of New England

“When Christ was born of Mary free” may well be the leading candidate for oldest carol.  Manuscripts of it go back to the 16th century.  The carol itself goes back to the time of the English Henry VI (1421-1471).

Your gall bladder collects bile, a digestive fluid made by the liver that breaks dow fats.  When you eat fatty food, your gall bladder contracts and ejects bile into your digestive tract to help break it down.  You can live without it, but your digestion and absorption of food will be compromised, since the bile will simply drip into the digestive tract, instead of being stored and concentrated, ready to be used when high-fat food is eaten.  Among other things, without sufficient bile it’s possible for minerals to form soaps with the fats you eat, making them unavailable for absorption and leading to mineral deficiencies.

Sleet is what happens when it -is- cold enough to refreeze the rain.  So you get chunks of ice landing.  As opposed to hail, which formed in the cloud as a solid

Effective January 23, 2007, citizens of the United States, Canada, Mexico, and Bermuda must present a passport to enter or re-enter the United States when arriving by air from any part of the Western Hemisphere. Land and sea travel restrictions are coming in 2008.

“Krause’s team (spraykondom.de) is developing a type of spray can into which the man inserts his penis first. At the push of a button it is then coated in a rubber condom.

When Linda Bloodworth-Thomason wrote a full 22-episode year of Designing Women solo in 1987-88, it was considered extraordinary enough that CBS ran a congratulatory voice-over over the closing credits of the season’s last first-run show.

Over a thousand years ago, the far east of Europe was ruled by Jewish kings who presided over numerous tribes, including their own tribe: the Turkic Khazars. After their conversion, the Khazar people used Jewish personal names, spoke and wrote in Hebrew, were circumcised, had synagogues and rabbis, studied the Torah and Talmud, and observed Hanukkah, Pesach, and the Sabbath.

Before the advent of general anesthetics, the mark of a good surgeon was speed.  The average time for taking off a leg through the femur was thirty seconds — one quick slice above, one below, both with a very sharp, curved knife, followed by sawing through the bone.

[The C-leg is a] prosthetic leg that uses microprocessors, strain gauges, angle detectors, hydraulics and electronic valves to recreate the stability and step of a normal leg. The C-Leg, made by the German-based company Otto Bock, is widely seen as the most advanced of a variety of artificial legs and knees.

In November 1755 the most destructive earthquake ever to strike the northeastern US hit at Cape Ann, some 50km south of Boston.  The Reverend Thomas Prince, of South Church, Boston, knew at once who was to blame:  Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), for having invented the lightning conductor.  Before Franklin’s scheme of putting pointed metal rods on tall buildings had been universally adopted, God had been able to express His wrath by blasting something with lighting.  Now that the presumptuous Franklin had taken that option away from Him, He was having to use earthquakes instead.

Long dismissed as quackery, the use of leeches has returned to the medical mainstream over the past 20 years. Plastic and reconstructive surgeons depend on leeches, predominantly Hirudo medicinalis, to drain excess blood and prevent clotting after operations to reattach severed fingers, lips, ears, or other body parts. Surgeons may also turn to leeches after they transplant a flap of skin from one part of the body to another, as in [William] Rambo’s case, or perform other kinds of plastic surgery. Without leeching, blood clots often kill the repaired or transplanted tissue.

A pantry is a room that you can walk into.  Often it’s just an undersized closet, but the idea is that a pantry is a room, while the cupboards are storage in the kitchen itself.

“John Grant” is the pseudonym of Paul Barnett, author of such scientific works as _Sex Secrets of Ancient Atlantis_,.

The Emirates are a bunch of Arab kingdoms or principalities, consisting of Abu Dhabi, Dubai, and five (IIRC) teensy ones, all on the southern edge of the Persian Gulf to the east of Saudi Arabia, that have banded together as one country – at least for economic and foreign affairs purposes.

Barbecued dinosaur is unlikely to be very fresh

“Beef Lungs are considered as “other edible offal of bovine animals” in Indonesia. They are eligible to be exported to Indonesia from countries that collect lungs as edible product. Lungs are considered inedible product in the United States and must be labeled “Not Intended for Human Food.”

Morphine addiction was a serious problem in America in the latter part of the 19th century because of the number of Civil War soldiers who became addicted when there just wasn’t much else that could be done for them than to give them morphine for their injuries.

English licorice contains 65 grams of sugar per 100-gram serving. The Dutch ones are not exactly bereft of sugar, but tend to have around 30-40 grams/per cent, so the English stuff is exactly twice as sweet.

Buprenorphine itself binds more strongly to receptors in the brain than do other opiates, so it is almost impossible to get high on other opiates if enough buprenorphine is in the system…”

The barrel attached to the collar of the Saint Bernard rescue dog  is only a legend; the brandy filled keg around the neck of the dog was an invention of storytellers.  The dogs led people back to the monastery, or stayed with them if the person was unable to move.

Raw foods of animal origin are the most likely to be contaminated; that is, raw meat and poultry, raw eggs, unpasteurized milk, and raw shellfish.

Einstein bequeathed his estate, as well as the use of his image (see personality rights), to the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.[65] Einstein actively supported the university during his life and this support continues with the royalties received from licensing activities.

Each of your speaker units contains two actual speakers. The larger, bottommost one handles the low and midrange sounds. It’s your woofer. The upper one handles the high end sounds. It’s your tweeter.

“On 22 August, nearly two months after the main uprisings had been defeated, about 1,000 French soldiers under General Humbert landed in the north-west of the country, at Kilcummin in County Mayo. Joined by up to 5,000 local rebels, they inflicted a humiliating defeat (known as the Castlebar races to commemorate the speed of the British retreat) on the British at Castlebar and set up a short-lived “Republic of Connaught”, before final defeat at the Battle of Ballinamuck, in County Longford, on 8 September 1798. The French troops who surrendered were repatriated to France in exchange for British prisoners of war; the Irish rebels were massacred at the site of the battle.”

Lauri Venøy wants to use the product created from liposuction to develop bio-diesel… This deal would give Venøy & Co. around 11,500 liters of human fat a week from liposuction operations, which is enough to produce about 10,000 liters of bio-diesel.

STUFF THAT MADE ME LAUGH

The cat’s a freeloader. Name it “Malone”.

If I could smell like a dog I’d consider that my superpower.

I think you mean Goo Goo Goo Joob

In my opinion, for this bunch, it could only be Comic Sans

Who doesn’t like pulling candy outta someone’s neck?

Prior was burned by Coke, Jackson by Pepsi

That certainly explains why my gravy can be lethal in food fights.

OVER SHARING
 

I never thought I’d have a blown tweeter

Regardless of gender, if I see green genitals I’m headed the other direction.

If fate ever sends me an animal with diarrhea I’m going to send it right back in a big hurry

Hot steamy milk appeals to me.


BAND NAMES:

robotic camel jockeys

the sinking Bush

First Forays With Females

Chewy Virgin Mary

“The Blown Tweeters”

PUB NAME

prancing weasel

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2 Responses to “I Learned it in AFCA 11/29/06-12/06/06”

  1. groo said

    “Each of your speaker units contains two actual speakers. The larger, bottommost one handles the low and midrange sounds. It’s your woofer. The upper one handles the high end sounds. It’s your tweeter.”

    The woofer doesn’t have to be on the bottom, although it usually is. When I wrote that I was referring to specific speakers that someone had posted a photo of. In general, the woofer is the bigger one and the tweeter the smaller one.

    It is also possible for a speaker to have more than one woofer and/or tweeter. Some speakers have three components, a woofer, a midrange, and a tweeter. There are a lot of different variants, and some truly weird speaker systems.

    So when ya going to post your summary to afca? It was well done.

  2. OK – I understand the speaker thing.

    And no, I would not dare try to out groosum you. My paltry attempts are nothing compared to the splendor and wonder of the groosum mary, God rest it’s soul.

    This is only for personal reference – I need to keep track of what I learned. So I know I learned it.

    Kim

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