The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Even More People I Never Knew

Posted by thedarwinexception on December 10, 2006

Another round of “People I never Knew” – this time including some “objects that I don’t know why the fuck they got their picture taken”. These are the most baffling of all the pictures – pictures someone took of a wall of dolls, a telephone pole, piles of junk. Why the hell would anyone take pictures of crap like that? It’s mind blowing. I’ve never taken a picture of a telephone pole. I just don’t find them that rare or fascinating, I guess. But, then again, I hate nature, too. I hate “driving with no purpose” or “sitting around looking at a sunset”, and when my husband gets all excited because he sees a couple of deer on the side of the road, I find it really hard to join in his enthusiasm. I mean, they have to be *somewhere*, right? And let’s face it, when you’ve seen one deer, well, you’ve pretty much seen them all. Which also applies to sunsets.

I guess I’m lucky I don’t have to make up one of those “Please date me I’m desperate” newspaper ads, because mine would have to say something like

“IN SEARCH OF A MAN TO DATE – I hate walking on the beach – it’s usually cold, I get sand in my shoes and in my hair, and the water sticks on you so you have to rinse off afterwards. I hate “watching sunsets” because that’s just fucking boring. You know, if they mixed up the action a little bit, so there was a chance it wouldn’t set, well, that might add some appeal to it. I hate “leaf peeping” or riding around to look at scenery or flowers or never ending expanses of mountains. That shit doesn’t change, and it’s useless to go and drive around with no fixed destination in mind. If you’re driving me to the mall or something, sure I’ll pretend to be interested when you point out the huge old oak tree that was probably there when dinosaurs walked the Earth, but unless an actual dinosaur is going to walk out from behind the tree, I’m *really* not looking at the tree, anyway. I’m just humoring you.”

Yeah, that will generate a lot of interest.

So I don’t know why people take pictures of “scenery”. Unless the “scenery” in question is in imminent danger of being destroyed by a fire or earthquake or something, that scenery is going to be there tomorrow. Why do you need a permanent reminder of it?

With that in mind, here are some more unidentified people, places and things.

A picture of Cabbage Patch dolls. Now this might have been a great picture if it
was at the height of the Cabbage Patch frenzy, you know, just to prove that you
had stood in line for some ungodly amount of time to get a bunch of creepy
little dolls, but why would you be so proud of owning this many dolls that you
would take a picture of them after the craze was over and you could buy them on
EBay for $5.00 a pop? And that’s some ugly wallpaper, too.

And here’s the picture of the telephone pole. Why? What’s special about *this*
particular telephone pole? There’s nothing on the back to say “This is the
telephone pole that I hit back in 1976.” Or “this is the telephone pole that
stood out in front of my house.” No, it’s just an anonymous picture of an
anonymous telephone pole.

Here’s another “dog I never knew”. I don’t remember anyone in my family ever
having a Husky. So this one is a real puzzler

.

Thenm in the same vein as taking pictures of Christmas trees, we have the
“taking pictures of Easter baskets”. This one looks okay, but since I don’t see
any Peeps, well, it wasn’t *that* great a fucking Easter. Oh, and more hideous
wallpaper.

More holiday table decorations. This is one reason I don’t decorate fro
Christmas. How the hell can you even eat dinner on this table without moving all
this shit back and forth? That’s dumb.

This a newer picture, but still of unidentified people. I think this is my
Aunt’s house, which narrows identification down to “someone my aunt knew”. What
I love about this picture is the mother teaching the kid how to stick her tongue
out at people. You know, that’s usually not a good idea. I’d love to fast
forward this picture three years – you know, to the point when the kid sticks
her tongue out at her mother and her mother smacks her in the head for doing it.

Another place I have no clue to. It could be anywhere in Vermont. Pretty typical
landscaping.

Two kids. No identity. Love the little sailor suit on the boy, though. I didn’t
think those would be fashionable back then. I thought that was a 60’s thing.

Another scary “Deliverance” family. The real mystery of this picture is which of
those two little boys plays the banjo. Oh, and whether that person second from
the right in the back row is a guy or a girl.

 

 

 

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7 Responses to “Even More People I Never Knew”

  1. Greg said

    Actually, I think the telephone pole picture is actually a picture of a person on a ladder at the top of a telephone pole.
    “And this was your uncle Phil just before he got electrocuted.”

  2. Ned Beatty said

    The “Deliverances”: That person second from the right is Gramma McKinney; she’s your cousin’s grandmother. To her left is her daughter Jenny — you remember Jenny, little Maggie’s mama? Maggie (in the middle, 11) took your Barbie and cut off all her hair. The boys in the front, with their arms crossed, are (l to r) Peter (18), John (10), and James (12), Maggie’s brothers. Their mama made them stand like that, otherwise, they’d keep putting their hands in their pants and “adjusting things”. The girl between James and John is Anna (6). She’s adopted, but didn’t ever know it. Her mama was fourteen, a neighbor down the way, who died in childbirth. Nobody ever said so, but Peter was probably her father. Mary and Elizabeth, in the left rear, are friends of Gramma McKinney, from church. Elizabeth’s husband, Clark, took the picture. The man in the middle is Robert McKinney, Jenny’s brother. The picture was taken on his thirty-seventh birthday.

  3. Oh for Christ’s sake. You had me looking in my “Family Tree Maker” to find out who the fuck Gramma McKinney was.

    It wasn’t until I sat here trying to figure out who Ned Beatty was and how he’d know my family that it all finally clicked.

    I think Malone is getting to me.

    Kim ~ I did laugh, though, finally.

  4. Lisa Ann said

    Kim, that’s it, you’ve finally lost it. Time for a vacation. I suggest you go see the new grandbaby. At the very least you need to assure the new baby that despite the fact that you live in Malone, you are in Malone, not of Malone. Otherwise the baby will be afraid to come visit you.

    You didn’t recognize the name Ned Beatty??? Goof!

    Lisa Ann

  5. Ned Beatty said

    Well, there you go! Bob’s your uncle!

  6. Bob E. said

    Am not.

  7. Harry said

    The boy (in sailor suit) and girl picture:
    Sailor suits really are pre WW2; ven in the US where perhaps ideas lasted longer than europe, I cannot see a mother dressing a boy in this very dated picture after the 1920’s (the girl is dressed similarly to a pic of my mother in 1928).

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