The Darwin Exception

because it's not always survival of the fittest – sometimes the idiots get through

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Pregnant Thief & the Thieflet Update

Posted by thedarwinexception on November 13, 2006

The formerly pregnant thief came by with the Thieflet. She was probably on her way to Wal mart to load up for Thanksgiving. And, speaking of, I found out first hand from one of my favorite little Customer Service reps at Price Chopper that they are officially “watching” the formerly Pregnant thief. Not that I had anything to do with that, although I did print out a picture of the thief for them, and gave them her last name. Was that Bitchy? Oh fucking well. Why should I pay higher prices at Price Chopper to compensate for theft? That bitch gets food stamps, WIC, section 8, a check, Medicaid, heating assistance and God knows what else, and she still can’t afford a phone? Fuck her and her thieflet.

So, anyway, Pregnant thief came by (to use the phone – surprise), although since they’ve moved they haven’t been coming by to do so quite as often. I had to start lecturing her almost right away because the minute she got here she decided it was time to feed the thieflet and she whipped out a bottle. I asked her why she wasn’t breastfeeding, since, you know, breast milk is kind of like, free, and formula is like $50.00 a canister, but since WIC (which means you and I) pays for the formula, she probably isn’t even aware of that fact. But I asked her what keeps her so fucking busy during the day that she can’t be bothered to breastfeed, and she didn’t really have an answer. She just said “well, bottle feeding is easier”, which I bet it is, since she took the bottle, propped it up using a receiving blanket, and left the kid in the stroller that way to drink the bottle. Her idea of “hands on mothering” I suppose. What the fuck ever. But it seems to me that breast feeding would be cheaper, easier and might afford the kid some sort of health benefits, seeing’s how she already has half her lung capacity from all the prenatal smoke. Stupid fucking bitch.

But what I really wanted to know was what happened with the birth certificate. And the name – both first and last. John had been kissing her ass the last few weeks of her pregnancy, since he didn’t want his name on the birth certificate. He would rather his daughter go through life with her father listed as “Unknown” than run the risk of having the state hold him responsible for child support. He also pronounced that he was going to insist on a paternity test before he got emotionally invested in the kid. I didn’t ask who was going to pay for the paternity test, since I know they don’t just routinely do such things, and judging by the Maury show, and the number of men willing to go on there and make asses out of themselves in order to get a free one, well, they must cost some kind of money.

Formerly pregnant thief said she had gone to the courthouse to have the first name re-spelled, but it cost $50 to do so, and she didn’t have the money, so the kid is still Cabbage Abbagale. And presumably, will be until she is old enough to realize what a stupid fucking way of spelling her name that is, and has it changed herself. I can’t believe they would charge her to revise the spelling, I mean, all she would have to do is say “Look around, lady, you’re in Malone, how many people do you think actually know how to spell around here?” But maybe that’s a significant source of revenue for the Village. I’ll have to start paying attention to the way people’s names are spelled – I’ll bet there’s more than a few Daved’s. and Pawl’s, and Marey’s.

But, the last name was still a question for me, so I out and out asked her – “and what’s the kid’s last name?” She said “It’s John’s last name”. And I laughed. I guess his cocky attitude waned after she had the kid, or else he wasn’t kissing her ass as much as he thought he was. He didn’t get his way – which also explains why he hasn’t been around. He knew I would ask and I’m sure he didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t the bad ass he pretended to be with his “Fuck her! She ain’t putting *my* name on the kid’s birth certificate! No fucking way! Not without a paternity test!” So, I asked her that, too. “Did you guys get a paternity test? I know John was saying he wanted one.” She looked at me like I had a third eye and said “No, why would he want a paternity test? He knows it’s his kid.” So much for that. No paternity test and the kid has his last name. Looks like child support is right around the corner. I’m thinking John is going to have to get a jobby job. What a fucking concept.

But, you know, if she wasn’t such a thief and so fucking stupid, I’d actually feel sorry for her. How fucking low does your self esteem have to be that you would financially support someone who has no interest in you outside of your welfare check? She has caught John cheating more times than I have fingers to count, he doesn’t give two shits about her, and he is using her for her limited resources. What possesses a woman to want to hold onto a guy like that so badly that they have a kid by him, give him what little money you have available every month, steal for him, fight other women over him and put yourself and your children at risk for him? Why? What makes a woman do that? It fucking baffles my mind. And if she wasn’t such a thief and so fucking stupid I would sit her ass down and try to teach her the fucking facts of life. Not that it would do any good. But I’d try. If only so that she might be able to impart some of the same wisdom on to her own daughters so the cycle of stupidity wouldn’t continue. But I think that mindset of “It’s important to have a man, that’s your only reason for being” is so ingrained in these girls minds that there is no changing it. More the pity, I guess. If the fact of *education* and *Self Sufficiency* could only be as ingrained, maybe we’d have more bookstores and less pregnant thieves in our community.


4 Responses to “Pregnant Thief & the Thieflet Update”

  1. Hank said

    I know you’re being funny, but is really fair to tag the formerly Pregnant Thief’s child with the label “Thieflet”? The poor child can not help it that her parents are lying, cheating, stealing morons. She has very little chance of getting a break in life. Don’t add to it with a name that she doesn’t deserve.

  2. “Thieflet” is not meant as derogatory to the poor little one – just a reflection on the mother. And fear not – I plan on doing all I can for the little bugger. I already feel extremely bad for her, since she had to endure 9 months of a smoke filled womb. I’ve sort of taken to reaching out to her older sister – buying her clothes and spending time with her – reading, coloring, making macaroni crafts, things I know she wouldn’t do otherwise.

    I hope to at least instill some things that are worthwhile in the kids – Lord knows success is the best revenge, and I’d love for them to break the cycle of idiocy they were born into and actually graduate from high school, go to college and succeed where their parents didn’t.

  3. Lisa Ann said

    That’s cool that you’re reaching out to Formerly Pregnant Thief’s other daughter.

    As for another name for Thieflet…Cabbage Patch Baby?

    Lisa Ann

  4. That’s too funny, because I’ve been calling her “Cabbage” when I see her and when John comes over and I ask about her. He doesn’t get it, but it cracks me up.


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